Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 2 Kislev, 5784
Parsha Toledot: (Genesis 25:19- 28:9)
Fourth Portion: Genesis 26:23 – 26:29
Good morning! Reading today’s portion, and my past commentary, this passage I wrote a year ago REALLY stands out:
When our brains are used to trauma, safety feels uncomfortable. We have gotten so used to the trauma that the absence of that trauma feels like something is wrong.
Today’s passage is the aftermath of Isaac digging a well in safety. In the last portion, we ended with this:
22And he moved away from there, and he dug another well, and they did not quarrel over it; so he named it Rehoboth, and he said, “For now the Lord has made room for us, and we will be fruitful in the land.”
Hashem is making room for us. We are safe. And that sometimes? Feels SUPER uncomfortable. When we are used to surviving – we aren’t sure what peace looks like – and how to navigate it.
Let’s dig in:
23And he went up from there to Beer sheba.
24And the Lord appeared to him on that night and said, “I am the God of Abraham, your father. Fear not, for I am with you, and I will bless you and multiply your seed for the sake of Abraham, My servant.”
25And he built an altar there, and he called in the name of the Lord, and he pitched his tent there, and Isaac’s servants dug a well there.
Isaac was safe. There wasn’t quarreling. And; Hashem knew. Isaac likely needed some reassurance. Don’t be afraid of the peace that comes from digging a well in Rehoboth. For the sake of your dad, I will bless you.
I’ll confess – it’s been a few years of just trying to survive in many ways. I am making good decisions in the wilderness. And I am coming to the edge of peace. There have been moments. I have discovered family. I have discovered healthy independence while maintaining meaningful relationships. I have recognized my trauma and the impact it has in each moment. I am learning. And at times – I have safety.
What I do with that safety? Sometimes I look for a fight. Because that feels natural. Peace feels strange. Like I’ve done something wrong.
Yet Hashem reassures us when peace comes. And. We don’t have to LOOK for a fight. It will come to us as we discover:
26And Abimelech went to him from Gerar, and a group of his companions and Pichol, his general.
27And Isaac said to them, “Why have you come to me, since you hate me, and you sent me away from you?”
And. Spoiler alert – this is NOT what it seems. Isaac was curious. The first thing he asks Abimelech? Why? Isaac could have fought right away with Abimelech. He just wanted peace. Hashem has blessed him. And. Here comes the fight.
Why?
Isaac was curious. What is happening here? And instead of fighting with Abimelech – he gave him a chance to respond:
28And they said, “We have seen that the Lord was with you; so we said: Let there now be an oath between us, between ourselves and you, and let us form a covenant with you.
29If you do [not] harm us, as we have not touched you, and as we have done with you only good, and we sent you away in peace, [so do] you now, blessed of the Lord.”
We’ve discussed multiple times. “The Path of Ascension begins with curiosity and not judgement.” Isaac was curious. And Abimelech answered. Abimelech was scared of Isaac’s power. Isaac likely wasn’t even AWARE of the power he had. Isaac was curious. Abimelech asked for a covenant of peace with Isaac.
What happens next? We will have to wait until tomorrow! But as the light of Kislev continues to bloom each day towards the Festival of Lights on Hanukah? We need to remain curious. Breathe.
Our takeaway? Are we looking to fight? Or are we desiring peace? Does peace feel comfortable? Or have we been fighting for so long for survival that peace seems daunting and scary.
And? I’d argue; this is how we end up in Egypt. We become a slave to the conflict. The survival. The battle.
Be curious. Don’t judge.
Those are my thoughts. What about yours?
Here are my Torah thoughts from the past two years:
Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for Heshvan 29, 5783
Wow. Reading these thoughts from over a year ago is mind blowing. The news I got that was going to change our lives was being offered the job at The Arc Otsego.
Starting at the Arc Otsego has been a catalyst for so much positive change for me. And rereading the passage today, I think a year ago I got the wrong message. As soon as Isaac dug the well, he was called to move. To change.
It isn’t about growing roots in a place. It’s about digging into who we are; so that we can grow, be adaptable, be flexible and handle change. And to remember always, In these changes,
Hashem is with us. He will take care of us. We just need to trust Him.
And. Hashem is within us. He is (they are) not some external power we need to receive from beyond our bodies. The soul of Hashem is within. This is an internal power source we can tap into.
A lot of things started changing for me starting in August of 2020. I started journaling.
The first thing I wrote was my desires for my family. That was these four things;
- Healthy relationships
- Safe and Secure
- Resilience
- Courage
I can see over the past two years, as difficult of a road it has been, we are so much further along on this journey than we were back then. I am further along on this journey than I have ever been.
I am aware more now; what does a healthy relationship look like? What are the red flags? What are the things that aren’t in vibration with my own energies? How do I create a sense of safety and security within and not be on guard all the time; waiting for the next trauma to hit me? When are those moments my brain and body don’t feel safe when really I need a hug and to hear “it’s going to be ok. You are safe.” I’ve learned to do this for myself. And I’m learning to do this with the kids- especially the three youngest.
When our brains are used to trauma, safety feels uncomfortable. We have gotten so used to the trauma that the absence of that trauma feels like something is wrong.
I’m incredibly grateful to my therapist, my rabbi, my coaches, my friends, and my support system to remind me that I am safe. This has made the difference for me on my journey to freedom and liberation.
Ok. Those are my thoughts. What about you? Since you read this passage a year ago, what have you learned about your sense of rooting, safety, and security?
Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for Heshvan 28, 5782;
Todays portion is relatively short. It tells the story of Isaac (having finally been able to dig a well without creating conflict) moving to Beer-Sheba.
The night Isaac moved, Hashem appeared to him. Hashem tells Isaac not to be afraid; he connects Isaac to his father Abraham. The message Hashem sends to Isaac is basically his:
- Do not be afraid because I am with you
- I will bless you
- I will multiply your descendants because of your dad.
I want to stop right here. I can’t share all the details yet, but yesterday I got some news that will be a major change for me. It’s good news for sure. But yesterday I was really scared about change. This passage was very comforting to me.
What changes are ahead for you, that you need to hear Hashem tell you not to be afraid because he is with you?
Getting back to the passage, the question I have was why did Hashem do this to Isaac? There really wasn’t any danger that Isaac was experiencing. The answer was in what was to come…
Isaac’s response to Hashem was to build an altar, pitch a tent, and dig a well. This is a sign that although Isaac has been traveling a lot, this is where he needed to camp. This is where Hashem wanted him to be.
Again; for our family, the idea of pitching a tent and digging a well in Oneonta is important as we have really been wanderers. My wife and I have lived in Chico, Rohnert Park, Turlock, Fresno, Santa Barbara and now Oneonta. It seems to me, that Hashem is telling our family to pitch our tent here. That is both scary and exciting for us. There is a lot for us to do moving forward.
Laying down roots always seemed like a scary proposition for me. There Is comfort in the Torah that Isaac shared maybe some similar concerns.
Once Isaac laid down roots, it didn’t go all smoothly; he made people nervous. Abimelech for one was really concerned about Isaac settling in Beer-Sheba. He wanted to check in with Isaac to see if the agreements they had in place with Abraham still existed with Isaac. He traveled to Isaac to meet with him.
Putting myself in Isaac’s shoes; Abimelech’s approach may have been a little concerning. He didn’t know Abimelech’s motives. He just settled in Beer-Sheeba- maybe Isaac thought Abimelech was coming to challenge him to battle? The voice of God probably really helped Isaac navigate this.
How will Isaac respond to Abimelech? We will find out tomorrow!!! Feel free to read ahead.
As always, let me know your thoughts below!
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