Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 8 Tevet, 5784
Parsha Va-Yiggash (Genesis 44:18 – 47:27)
Fourth Portion: Genesis 45:28 – 46:7

Good morning!  Today we are approaching the Winter Solstice. The shortest day of the year. The most darkness. The least amount of light.  And. As we arrive today, the moon is growing in it’s fullness to reflect the light of the sun to us in this moment as well.  This is the month of Tevet – chaos and repair.

I encourage you to read my commentaries the past two years. A year ago is when I began to work on my shadow. It’s odd to reflect on this work over the past year and where it has brought me.  I have shared recently about how in the book “Growing Yourself up” by Dr. Jenny Brown, she talks about family systems dynamics and how we begin to see the world through a lens of victims and villains.

A friend recently unlocked for me – that the next phase of my shadow work is to love both the victim and villain within ME.  That is where my healing energies will go.  Learning to love those parts within me I feel have been victimized, and learning to love those parts within me I believe are villainized. All within me. By me.

And Joseph is a great example here, isn’t he? He could play the victim card so much – he was thrown into a pit. He was sold into slavery. He was wrongly accused and thrown into prison.  He could also play the villain card – look at how he manipulated his brothers?

And yet Joseph seems to continue to live a life of freedom and trust. A great example for us.

Before we dig in – as the Torah turns us now towards our journey to slavery. The worst slavery. The deepest slavery. So much so – it took supernatural means of bringing us out of it. See if these questions help us as we walk down this path:

• Where within us are those spaces – intellectually, emotionally, financially, physically, spiritually – that we believe we are victims? Where do we see ourselves in our lives as having no choice or control, and circumstances and external forces have caused us to be where we are?  Where are we the victim?
• Where within us are those spaces – intellectually, emotionally, financially, physically, spiritually – that we believe we are villains? Where do we see ourselves as a pariah? Where do we see ourselves where we HAD choice and control, and we engaged external forces and circumstances in a way we reflect on that is “bad” or “wrong?”

Right now – I think we are just called into an awareness of these areas. We don’t need to “do” anything.  Just be. Be curious.

Speaking of curiosity, this morning – I read in Mark Nepo’s “Book of Awakening” the following quote:

“Somehow, as we journey into the world, more and more gets in the way, and we STOP questioning things in order to move deeper into them and START questioning as a way to challenge things that we fear are false.”

When we ask ourselves these questions – are we asking them out of fear or a desire to dig deeper? This is the difference between asking questions of judgment – vs questions of curiosity.

It is with THIS all in mind – it’s time for us to start our descent in the Torah into slavery.  Let’s dig into today’s portion of “Va-Yiggash” which means – “And he approached.”

Which, by the way – I wonder if THAT is what this portion is about. Our approach into slavery. To explore and be curious as to what led us down this road?

And we approach the portion:

 28And Israel said, “Enough! My son Joseph is still alive. I will go and see him before I die.”

Ok. That’s a fascinating start for a few reasons. Let’s provide context from yesterday’s portion.

27And they told him all of Joseph’s words that he had said to them, and he saw the wagons that Joseph had sent to carry him, and the spirit of their father Jacob was revived.

That was the LAST line of yesterday’s portion. Some curious observations:

1. The last line of Chapter 45 is split off from yesterday’s portion for some reason. Why not END with verse 28?  Would that have made more sense?  We would have started with Chapter 46:1 today. But we didn’t.  Why?
2. From verse 27 to 28, Jacob’s name IMMEDIATELY shifts from Jacob to Israel. It literally reads: “Jacob was revived. And Israel said, “Enough!”

My thoughts:

We are meant to notice the shift.  From Jacob to Israel. Israel’s spirit was revived. Israel was living and speaking from a place of power. Spiritual liberation and freedom. We need to pay attention here. We are meant to really listen (in my opinion) to what is about to happen. We have enough.

This may be a stretch – but I ALSO think today’s first line is crucial. “My son Joseph is still alive. I will go and see him before I die.”

What if we are called to look for the Joseph within? The spirit within us we’ve imprisoned falsely? The villain/victim within us? What if the path to spiritual liberation and freedom is to recognize these parts within us we’ve repressed and tried to kill – and now realize – life has given us enough – Hashem has revealed in us enough – for us to boldly go deep within ourselves to go and see our victims/villains within – before we die?   What if this is our TRUE purpose as souls?

Ok. Let’s keep going – we turn the chapter to 46:

1And Israel and all that was his set out and came to Beer sheba, and he slaughtered sacrifices to the God of his father Isaac.

2And God said to Israel in visions of the night, and He said, “Jacob, Jacob!” And he said, “Here I am.”

3And He said, “I am God, the God of your father. Do not be afraid of going down to Egypt, for there I will make you into a great nation.

4I will go down with you to Egypt, and I will also bring you up, and Joseph will place his hand on your eyes.

5And Jacob arose from Beer sheba, and the sons of Israel carried their father Jacob and their young children and their wives, in the wagons Pharaoh had sent to carry him.

Whoa. Did you catch what just happened? Israel set out on his journey (maybe within) and he slaughtered sacrifices to Hashem – remember we have Hashem in us – our Neshama.

And when Israel did this? When he sacrificed the world around him in order to connect with Hahsem? Hashem met him there. And how Hashem approached him? “Jacob! Jacob!”

Hashem flipped Israel BACK to Jacob. This may be a sign of the descent into slavery. AND this also may be a sign that we have our shadow work to do. This isn’t a change of name from a place of judgment. This is a focus for us. And Jacob responds “here I am!”  He is paying attention!  And what does Hahsem tell him?

3And He said, “I am God, the God of your father. Do not be afraid of going down to Egypt, for there I will make you into a great nation.

4I will go down with you to Egypt, and I will also bring you up, and Joseph will place his hand on your eyes.

Hashem literally tells Jacob – don’t be afraid of going down to Egypt.  Hashem knows what is going to happen.  If we are afraid of our shadow – we can remember – as we explore the victim and villain within us? Hashem is ALSO there. Our Neshama is ALSO there. And that provides us SAFETY in the shadow. In the darkness. In the chaos.

Hashem will go down with us – and will bring us up.  And. “Joseph will place his hand on your eyes.”  When we see the Joseph within us? Our eyes will be opened. We will awaken. We will see freedom. We will see liberation. Within us.

This seems super encouraging to me.  What about you?  Ok. Let’s finish the portion – what does Jacob do next?

6And they took their livestock and their possessions that they had acquired in the land of Canaan, and they came to Egypt, Jacob and all his descendants with him.

7His sons and his sons’ sons with him, his daughters and his sons’ daughters and all his descendants he brought with him to Egypt.

Jacob listened to Hashem. He descended with everything he had. And that is where we leave the Torah today.

This seems like a fulcrum point for all of us in the Torah.  This seems like the Genesis of slavery.

And one more takeaway?

No matter our work on ourselves. No matter how hard we strategize. No matter how much we try to make our lives “better” or “easier”? At some point we WILL go down. Because that is the only way to go up. And. We have a choice. Jacob was free – he could have EASILY convinced himself his sons were lying. That was HIS reality. He allowed a new reality to form within him, and he followed a path based on the choices he made. He chose to descend into Egypt. Will we choose to descend into our own shadows? To learn to love our shadows? To learn to love the villain and victim within?

Thoughts?

Here are my thoughts from two years ago:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 4 Tevet, 5783

I read todays portion and then read my thoughts from a year ago. I’m really fascinated by the journey I’ve been on. I didn’t realize a year ago the “descent into Egypt” and how difficult and challenging the past year would be.

And – as I ascend out of this past year, I bring with me incredible light and love that I never understood before. I see within me how I’ve grown and changed and transformed – and will continue to do so.

My therapist a week ago encouraged me to explore my shadow/darkness. I was really concerned about this. You see, all my life, I have avoided this. I’ve repressed the darkness and shadow side – and it has hurt me and others around me without me even realizing it.

Another good friend share this article with me that has been a game changer:

https://lonerwolf.com/shadow-self/

It has helped me to begin exploring parts of who I am that have been impacting me – that I have never realized before.

Like Jacob, sacrificing to the God of his father Isaac, engaging the fear and exploring the fear is part of the healing journey.

And upon engaging this, we discover we already have what we need to ascend out of the darkness and truly live in our light and love.

And by doing this work, we come closer to our hearts where we can love ourselves enough to truly share that light with others; and grow beyond ourselves.

I am incredibly excited for 2023. This Friday, I end a tough 2022 and begin a new 2023 with going “home.”

My life this past year has brought me to a place to confront many of my deep wounds. I’ve had to reconcile with my 17 year old self and his friends. With my 12 year old self. My 8 year old self. My 5 year old self. I’m still doing that work.

And. After doing this work? I’ve had to confront my 21 year old self. My 25 year old self. My 30 year old self. My 40 year old self. And my 47 year old self.

It has been a painful journey is so many ways. And it has brought lots of light to my life.

There is still more to come. I’m excited to spend New Year’s Day living 8 year old Bart’s dream of being in the Mummer’s Parade in Philadelphia. I didn’t even remember that I had this dream. But it’s vivid now.

It is clear. I can feel the cold. I am standing on the side of the parade route. Watching these mummers strut down broad street. And I am in my wonder. I am in my spirit. And I tell myself “some day i want to be in this parade.” That was repressed deep inside of me. But this healing journey has brought that and so many more memories to light.

I even remember afterwards. Going to someone’s house our family knew in downtown Philly. I remember watching football. I remember watching Dan Foutz and the San Diego chargers. And now I realize, I may not have even been 8. Because I don’t know when the Chargers played on New Year’s Day between 1978 and 1988. I’m sure I could figure that out. I remember the football game. It’s vivid. I think it went into a few overtimes; so it must have been a playoff game.

So odd to think of these memories in our brains. Why? Why is this so vivid?

Because my younger self knew I had a desire to be in the parade. And it made a commitment to lay out a path to experience this.

And I am super excited to see it come to fruition.

And. I also know; a lot can happen between now and Sunday. And I won’t be upset if it doesn’t happen. Because I know it will. Whether this year or a year in the future. I am going to live my childhood dream.

And that is SUPER cool. And that only comes from allowing ourselves to experience the descention- to come out of it into the ascended light.

Peace to all of us on our journeys. Nurturing and healing. May we finish out these last days of 2022 recognizing the transformation of our own lives. And May we live in light and abundance in 2023.

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for Tevet 4, 5782

We left off yesterday with Jacob discovering Joseph was alive. It says “his spirit was revived.”

Israel leaves Canaan and goes to see Joseph.

Even though Pharaoh encouraged the brothers to have Jacob leave his possessions, Jacob brings everything with him. Jacob came to Beer-Sheba and slaughtered sacrifices to “the God of his father Isaac.”

It is interesting that he didn’t just sacrifice “to God.” It’s specifically connected to his dad, Isaac.

Rabbi Judah Loew b. bezazel of Prague writes “In Hebrew, the word for sacrifice is korban, which implies ‘coming close’ (kiruv). This term also hints at Isaac’s distinctive spiritual path. Isaac embodied fear, and Abraham, love. Only fear can bring you to the total surrender of the ego that is necessary to come close to God- for all love harbors a kernel of narcissism – which is why Isaac, in particular, is associated with Korban, coming close.

I really think that’s an interesting perspective here!

Right after Israel sacrifices. God spoke Israel in a nighttime vision.

Rabbi Meir Simchah of Dvibsk writes that “Jacob was the only one of the three forefathers to whom God appeared in “a nighttime vision.” This occurred to Jacob twice, in this verse, and when he spent the night on Mount Moriah. Both times when God appeared to Jacob at night, he was traveling and leaving the land of Israel. God appeared to him when it was dark, hinting that even during the darkness of exile, when the Jewish people would be away from the land of Israel, He would always remain together with them: ‘When the Jewish people weee exiled to Babylon, the Divine Presence was exiled with them: when they were exiled to Egypt, the Divine presence was exiled with them.’ (Talmud). The nighttime visions were a comfort to Jacob, a message that his children would never be alone, even in exile.”

I have been reflecting on a commenter’s thoughts from yesterday – the struggle to navigate these passages is real and valid. One of the things I’m learning is the cyclical nature of our Jewish spiritual lives. Our Rabbi, Rabbi Meir has been teaching me that going “down” and going “up” are all a part of the same process. In fact, we cannot go up without going down first. The lowest of lows in our Jewish journey push us toward higher highs; as that seems to be how the Torah is laid out.

In my own personal life, I can see this process. I had never been to the Ohel until I had hit a very low point in my life. The process of “going down” brought me to a place of developing spiritually. I do reflect on whether that is necessary, but I feel like high points lead more to complacency.

There’s a great development model developed by Neville Sanford which talks about “challenge and support.” The idea is that for humans, growth occurs when there is a balance of feeling challenged and supported. To much support leads to complacency, to much challenge leads to giving up. The key concept (as a friend liked to remind me) is that for growth to happen, one needs to be “ready” for that growth. Until they are ready we are only able to create environments that will challenge and support people when they ARE ready.

I can see this playing out in the Torah. We project our current situation on the Torah, when in reality, we know the bitter slavery for 400 years in Egypt was for a purpose – the return and joy of the promise land.

If we believe our Neshama’s are a part of Hashem inside of us, we (you and I) likely have a neshama that went through the Egyptian slavery inside of us. I think the question I’m asking myself is “what does my Neshama bring to my life today?”

As I read (and was reminded) in “The Book of Awakening” this morning;

As Teilhard de Chardin said, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” Entering our days with this perspective can make a difference.

This is a good reminder that I am not merely the sum of my current life here on earth; but there is a part of me that defines my core identity as a spiritual being that existed before my time here, and will exist after my soul departs from this earth.

I think that perspective helps me navigate this cycle of “going down” in order to “go up.”

To continue the portion, Jacob responds to God’s vision by saying “here I am!”

God then reassured Jacob – he tells Jacob he will become a great nation there. Forged in the irons of slavery, the Jewish people have the capacity to empathize and be compassion for injustice in a way we would never be able to without having gone through that.

Unfortunately many of our family have lost that compassion; but I believe it still exists as a spark in each one of us!

The portion ends with Jacob and his family in Egypt. Not yet meeting Joseph.

Those are my thoughts – I am curious as to others thoughts on this; even if you don’t agree! Let me know what you think!