Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 5 Shevat 5784
Parsha Bo’: (Exodus 10:1 – 13:16)
Second Portion: Exodus 10:12 – 10:23

Good morning! We are back on track. I reread my thoughts from a year ago, and feel they are incredibly salient today.  Here they are:

The biggest takeaway for me is the idea of straddling. We have one foot in each portion (physical/spiritual) when it comes to the plagues. Do we have one foot straddling the physical and the spiritual? And is Hashem telling us this is ok?

Yesterday I did Yoga for the first time (that wasn’t on Wii Fit, lol). And I realized how Yoga straddles the physical and spiritual. And I struggled to keep up. As someone who meditated daily – and focuses on the breath; to be able to focus on my breath WHILE moving my body? A new challenge.

And. I learned. I need more balance in my life.

And. I learned. One side of my body is more balanced than the other.

And. I learned. I don’t remember which side is more balanced.

This weekend, I also took myself out on a date. When I was younger, and in college I used to write a lot of poetry. On my date with myself, I wrote poetry. I am sharing it with you.

The Path to Love begins with being open to being loved.

Internally first

Without the willingness to be loved, there is only shadow

Because we are blocking the light

The source

Because we are called to love. To be love.

And when we block love by learning to resist being loved, it creates shadow and disjointedness internally

Because love is light

Love is divine

And we seek the filling of the hole in our hearts (that yearns to be loved within) in others.

Hoping their light and love can do what we are unwilling to do for ourselves in our own power, love, and sovereignty.

And it drains. It’s shadow.

We are love.

This is the energy I’ve received from this portion in the past. It is relevant during this time of harshness. Turbulence.

And someone special to me shared yesterday how turbulence has a purpose. It provides the gift of humanity. Without turbulence, we would not be human. How we navigate turbulence is our humanity. And. The purpose of this gift? Compassion. We cannot just “be” compassionate. It is not a light switch to turn on or off.  Without turbulence, there is no compassion.

And now I am compelled to re-create the poem I wrote a year ago:

The Path to Love begins with being open to being loved.

Internally first

Without the willingness to be loved, there is only turbulence

Because we are blocking the light

The source

Because we are called to love. To be love.

And when we block love by learning to resist being loved, it creates turbulence within us

Because love is light

Love is divine

And we seek the filling of the hole in our hearts (that yearns to be loved within) in others.

Hoping their compassion can do what we are unwilling to do for ourselves in our own power, love, and sovereignty.

And it drains. It just creates more turbulence.

Because.

We are love.

We are designed to receive turbulence as a gift of our humanity.

We are to receive that gift of humanity and strive for compassion.

First within.

Someone else’s compassion for the turbulence will never fill the hole created by our own unwillingness to be compassionate towards ourself.

This is the beginning.

This is love.

Receive turbulence.

Receive love.

Resist turbulence.

Resist love.

We are sovereign.

We are love.

Whew. That felt powerful.

Ok. With this energy, let’s dig in.

Pharaoh got angry because instead of negotiating (Bargaining) Moses wanted the fullness of freedom. He was unwilling to sacrifice a smidge of it. And Pharaoh was getting ready to answer Moses. Let’s see what he says:

11Not so; let the men go now and worship the Lord, for that is what you request.” And he chased them out from before Pharaoh.

Pharaoh says – I offered you the young children and you wanted them all. I will bargain with you and tell you the men can go instead. Which still isn’t the fullness.

The take away for us? We cannot bargain with grief. We must grieve in fullness. To go to the dry and painful place with the fullness of who we are. And cry. Grieve. Get angry. Sacrifice to Hashem – our hearts.

And this was Hashem’s response:

12The Lord said to Moses, “Stretch forth your hand over the land of Egypt for the locusts, and they will ascend over the land of Egypt, and they will eat all the vegetation of the earth, all that the hail has left over.”

13So Moses stretched forth his staff over the land of Egypt, and the Lord led an east wind in the land all that day and all the night. [By the time] it was morning, the east wind had borne the locusts.

14The locusts ascended over the entire land of Egypt, and they alighted within all the border[s] of Egypt, very severe; before them, there was never such a locust [plague], and after it, there will never be one like it.

15They obscured the view of all the earth, and the earth became darkened, and they ate all the vegetation of the earth and all the fruits of the trees, which the hail had left over, and no greenery was left in the trees or in the vegetation of the field[s] throughout the entire land of Egypt.

The message? The sign we discussed yesterday? We lose sight of our grief. We look elsewhere.

I have been talking to many about their grief. Many are struggling because they cannot understand WHY they feel unworthy to receive goodness from others. When people do kind things for them, their instinct is to reject. I have conversations and they share “I know why I reject it – I don’t feel worthy of it.”

But then when I ask “Why do you feel unworthy?”  Almost EVERYONE I know has responded with something along the lines of “I don’t know. I have never thought about it.”

We’ve lost sight. Feeling unworthy is valid. But we’ve lost the desire or ability to be CURIOUS about why we feel unworthy.

And this is a significant part of the grief process.  Why? BECAUSE WE BELIEVE INSIDE US WE ARE DESERVING OF THE LOSS. 

Let’s see how Pharaoh reacts:

16Pharaoh hastened to summon Moses and Aaron, and he said, “I have sinned against the Lord your God and against you.

17But now, forgive now my sin only this time and entreat the Lord your God, and let Him remove from me just this death.”

It seems as if Pharaoh is moving into acceptance, doesn’t it? And yet? It isn’t.  Because Pharaoh says “the Lord YOUR God.” Pharaoh has not accepted that Hashem is also Pharaoh’s God. And let’s see how Hashem and Moses react:

18So he [Moses] left Pharaoh and entreated the Lord,

19and the Lord reversed a very strong west wind, and it picked up the locusts and thrust them into the Red Sea. Not one locust remained within all the border[s] of Egypt.

20But the Lord strengthened Pharaoh’s heart, and he did not let the children of Israel go out.

Hashem is giving us signs. He had compassion for Pharoah. He listened. He stopped the suffering. And. Pharoah wasn’t done grieving. There was more. Hashem wanted Pharoah’s ENTIRE heart. He didn’t want to be just Moses and Aaron’s God. He wanted to be Pharaoh’s.

So what happens next:

21The Lord said to Moses, “Stretch forth your hand toward the heavens, and there will be darkness over the land of Egypt, and the darkness will become darker.”

22So Moses stretched forth his hand toward the heavens, and there was thick darkness over the entire land of Egypt for three days.

23They did not see each other, and no one rose from his place for three days, but for all the children of Israel there was light in their dwellings.

Darkness. This time supernatural. Because the loss of sight with the locusts? That was one thing.

The sign from Hashem for us.

We’ve lost sight of our grief.  We’ve distracted ourselves from it. We have convinced ourselves it’s one thing (I am unworthy) and ignored how deep our grief goes. The fullness of it.

Where are we at with our grief? Have we dug deep? Would we rather live in the slavery and prison of being unworthy? Or would we trust we ARE worthy, and thus understand fully our feelings of unworthiness are NOT the reason for our suffering? We must get to the heart of WHY we are unworthy to unlock our freedom and liberation.

Where are we today? The old tree is being uprooted and torn up as we head to the full moon. We can see each night light shining brighter. And when it shines brightest? We will plant a NEW tree. A NEW work. And we will have joy and blessing for two weeks (and longer) after.

This is our time to dig. To get dirty. To get into the soil and ask ourselves the tough questions. To spend time with ourselves. To see the turbulence around us and go inward. To see our own HUMANITY. To find the spring of our own COMPASSION.  Not so we can be MORE compassionate for others – but so we can have an unending source of compassion to GIVE to others without being greedy for their compassion in return.

Those are my thoughts.  What about you?

Here are my thoughts from the past two years:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 1 Shevat, 5783

I reread my thoughts from a year ago, and I’m not sure there is much to add.

The biggest takeaway for me is the idea of straddling. We have one foot in each portion when it comes to the plagues. Do we have one foot straddling the physical and the spiritual? And is Hashem telling us this is ok?

Yesterday I did Yoga for the first time (that wasn’t on Wii Fit, lol). And I realized how Yoga straddles the physical and spiritual. And I struggled to keep up. As someone who meditated daily – and focuses on the breath; to be able to focus on my breath WHILE moving my body? A new challenge.

And. I learned. I need more balance in my life.

And. I learned. One side of my body is more balanced than the other.

And. I learned. I don’t remember which side is more balanced.

This weekend, I also took myself out on a date. When I was younger, and in college I used to write a lot of poetry. On my date with myself, I wrote poetry. I am sharing it with you.

The Path to Love begins with being open to being loved.

Internally first

Without the willingness to be loved, there is only shadow

Because we are blocking the light

The source

Because we are called to love. To be love.

And when we block love by learning to resist being loved, it creates shadow and disjointedness internally

Because love is light

Love is divine

And we seek the filling of the hole in our hearts (that yearns to be loved within) in others.

Hoping their light and love can do what we are unwilling to do for ourselves in our own power, love, and sovereignty.

And it drains. It’s shadow.

We are love.

What are your thoughts?

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for Shevat 1, 5782

Happy Rosh Chodesh! We have a new Hebrew month today!

Shevat is an interesting month. We have a Jewish Holiday at the center of it; Tu B’Shevat.

From Kabbalah online:

There are two parts of the month of Shevat. The first part, from the First of Shevat until the eve of the Fifteenth (Tu b’Shevat), is considered ‘harsh’ (din). This is because the natural flow of the first part of the Divine Name is reversed in this month’s letter-combination: Hei then Yud. The second part of Shevat is much less harsh, and contains more kindness (chesed). This is because the second part of the letter-combination is in the natural flow of the Divine Name: Vav then Hei.

So interesting. If the beginning of the month is challenging, may the end of the month be kind to all of us!

Anyway; on to our Torah study:

Yesterday was the set up of the 8th plague of locusts. Moses and Aaron were brought to the Pharaoh because the people were starting to grumble. But Pharaoh didn’t like what Moses had to say and sent them away.

Today we begin with Hashem telling Moses to stretch out his hand to bring the locusts. Moses does this and “it caused an east wind to blow upon the land all of that day and all night. By the time it was morning, The east wind was carrying the swarm of locusts.”

This is interesting. The other plagues seem to have come on really quickly. This one took a while- all day, all night, and then the morning; it seems like 24 hours.

The locusts came and they were a massive swarm – so much so you couldn’t see. The land became dark. It ate everything spared by the hail storm. No greenery in the trees or vegetation in the fields remained in Egypt!

Something interesting to note is that the Egyptians forced the Jews to plant wheat, barley, and beans so that the men would be away from home and have fewer children. (According to Tanna de-Vei Eliyahu). The locusts swallowed up all that had been planted.

Pharaoh quickly summons Moses and Aaron and tells them “I have sinned against God, your God, and against you. Now, please forgive my sin just this time and entreat God, your God! Let him take away just this death from me!”

Moses left and pleased with God. God turned the wind into a very strong west wind and it took the swarm of locusts and plunge them into the sea of reeds. Not one locust remained in Egypt.

Interesting to note. The plague of locusts came upon slowly; but Hashem took the locusts away quickly. Again, there is much to be observed about God mercy here.

And then; God strengthens Pharaohs heart, and he did not send the children of Israel away.

Whomp whomp.

Now on to the ninth plague. Something I’m also observing here. You’d THINK the portions each day would focus on just one plague; but that isn’t what we are getting. It’s like the plagues straddle the days; part of a plague is read one day and the other part the next. It’s split up.

I connect that to the month we are entering – Shevat; and the split of this month. It might just be a coincidence; or it might be something Devine. Something to chew on.

Today’s Torah portion also closes with what seems to be the full ninth plague; but not necessarily because we will have to wait until tomorrow to see Pharaoh’s reaction.

Here’s how the ninth plague comes; God tells Moses to stretch out his hand towards heaven and there will be darkness over the land of Egypt. He also tells Moses “the darkness will be more intense than normal darkness.”

Rabbi Obadiah Sforno wrote that this darkness was different than ordinary darkness because this darkness could be felt. Ordinary darkness is merely the absence of light; but this darkness was a tangible substance that could not be driven away by shining a light.

So then Moses stretches out his hand and thick darkness Came over the land of Egypt for three days. It was so dark no person could see their brother or rise from their place for three days.

Rabbi Schneerson has some interesting insights here;

“Why did God bring darkness upon the Egyptians? Because there were wicked people among the children of Israel in that generation, who did not want to leave Egypt. They died during the three days of darkness, so that the Egyptians would not see their downfall and say, “The Jews are being struck by the plagues just like us!” (Rashi, 11′ century).

There were many other wicked people among the children of Israel-informants and even idol worshipers–who did leave Egypt. Only “those who did not want to leave Egypt” died in the plague of darkness, and not the other wicked people.

This phenomenon could be understood in light of the principle that the Day of Atonement atones for all sins, except for the desecration of the actual Day of Atonement (Babylonian

Talmud, Shevuot 13a). On this holy day, a Jew’s intrinsic connection to God is illuminated, which wipes away sin. Sinning on the Day of Atonement itself inhibits this revelation, preventing the day from having its effect.

Similarly, those who did not wish to leave Egypt forfeited the merit which was the key to

their redemption.

With the true and final redemption, however, every single Jew will be redeemed. This is be-

cause, at the giving of the Torah, God chose the Jewish people, forging an intrinsic connection which can never become totally “blocked.” Therefore, the final redemption, which occurs after the giving of the Torah, will be for all Jews.”

Interesting thoughts for sure!

We close with a reminder that the children of Israel had light in all of their homes during this period.

Wait. How is it that some of the Children of Israel died (as was discussed in Rashi) and at the same time they had light in all their homes?

Rabbi Menachem Azariah de Fano writes;

“In the land of Goshen, where the Jewish people lived, there was light. Supernatural light also entered any place that a Jew would come, revealing the contents of barrels and storage boxes, as well as buried treasures (Genesis Rabbah).

While many Jews died during these days of

darkness, because they did not deserve to be

redeemed (see commentary to v. 22), never-

theless, even these errant souls expired amid

thoughts of penitence and spiritual yearning.

Due to this they merited the afterlife in Gan

Eden (heaven).

Consequently, those who survived had physical light in their earthly abodes, whereas those who died had spiritual illumination in heaven. Do it was correct to say that the “children of Israel had light in all their homes.”

Interesting!

Let me leave you with this thought from Kabbalah;

God is a single infinite Light, but He projects Himself through different vessels to achieve different effects. It’s rather like looking at

white light through different-colored

glasses: we see a variety of colors, but

really it’s all one light.

Bringing the plague of darkness for the Egyptians while the Israelites enjoyed light was aimed to prove that God is both master of light

and darkness. The Egyptians only understood the idea of vessels, so they imagined that “the god of light did not create darkness.” They did not focus on the light that was behind the

vessels.

You, too, can train yourself to see everything in this world as being translucent to the single Light which is behind it.

That’s a good thought going into the first week of the new year AND the first day of the new month of Shevat. Can we look for the Light which is behind all that we see; but positive and negative?

What are your thoughts?