Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 3 Elul, 5784
Parsha Shofetim – “Judges”: (Deuteronomy 16:18 – 21:9)
Sixth Portion: Deuteronomy 19:14 – 20:9

Good morning! As we are preparing for the sabbath rest, the first Sabbath of this last moon cycle of 5784, may we be reflecting on those areas of our lives we want to dig deeper into!  You will see the themes of today’s portion center around conflicts and boundaries.

Let’s dig in:

14You shall not pull back your neighbor’s landmark, which the earlier ones have set as borders in your inheritance, which you will inherit in the land that the Lord, your God gives you, to possess.

If your neighbor has established a boundary? Don’t move it. If we set a boundary? Someone else trying to move it? That’s an issue.

Notice – we are NOT talking about a parent/child relationship here. We are talking peer relationships. I think this is an important distinction the Torah makes. Our society has shifted, and respecting the boundaries of children (as a parent) is a tough road to navigate – especially as we are called to raise our children the best way we know how. But I digress.

I was recently discussing the idea of boundaries, rules, and control with a friend.  We use these words today interchangeably.

If I set a boundary? It describes an action I will take if something happens.  For example – “if you speak to me disrespectfully? I will no longer be communicating with you.” Or “I won’t be watching an R rated movie with you.”

Trying to control someone? It is trying to get someone to do something in order to make me feel more comfortable. “You may not speak to me that way.  If you speak to me that way, there are going to be consequences for you.” Or “If you want to be my romantic partner, you may not watch R rated movies.”

A rule? It’s a mutually agreed upon expectation we both support. “We agreed before we would not talk to each other disrespectfully. It seems as if this rule is getting broken, what are the consequences of navigating that?” or “We agreed we would not watch R rated movies together – I am feeling pressure to watch one with you.”

This is important. Because our BOUNDARIES are what we have control over. Communicating these boundaries and what we will do as a response to someone crossing over them? That is crucial. And if we do not have boundaries? That may also be a concern.

And?  Learning to respect the boundaries of others.

Let’s keep going:

15One witness shall not rise up against any person for any iniquity or for any sin, regarding any sin that he will sin. By the mouth of two witnesses, or by the mouth of three witnesses, shall the matter be confirmed.

So basically if we are one person, and we are the only one who witnessed it? It doesn’t matter. We should wait for other witnesses.

16If a false witness rises up against a man, to bear perverted testimony against him,

17Then the two men between whom the controversy exists shall stand before the Lord, before the kohanim and the judges who will be in those days.

18And the judges shall inquire thoroughly, and behold, the witness is a false witness; he has testified falsely against his brother;

19then you shall do to him as he plotted to do to his brother, and you shall [thus] abolish evil from among you.

And if someone bears false witness? This is significant.

And the key word here for me? “Perverted” testimony.

We have all mistakenly believed we saw or hear something but lacked context for what happened. That is not what we are talking about here. We are talking about INTENTIONALLY bearing false witness.

20And those who remain shall listen and fear, and they shall no longer continue to commit any such evil thing among you.

21You shall not have pity: life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot.

This is interesting. We take this way beyond the intent of it. The context here is PERVERTED false testimony. If someone poked an eye out, this does not mean an eye should be removed. It means – if I bore PERVERTED false witness against you, and the consequence was to lose your life? Mine should be taken instead. THAT makes a ton more sense, doesn’t it?

Now. Let’s shift gears a bit.

20:1When you go out to war against your enemies, and you see horse and chariot, a people more numerous than you, you shall not be afraid of them, for the Lord, your God is with you Who brought you up out of the land of Egypt.

2And it will be, when you approach the battle, that the kohen shall come near, and speak to the people.

We go to war? We don’t need to be afraid.  And? We will go to war. We will have conflicts. They will come.

Spiritually we are to ground ourselves. The priest will speak to us

3And he shall say to them, “Hear, O Israel, today you are approaching the battle against your enemies. Let your hearts not be faint; you shall not be afraid, and you shall not be alarmed, and you shall not be terrified because of them.

4For the Lord, your God, is the One Who goes with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you.

We are not alone in the conflicts we encounter. We have Hashem with us.  And?

5And the officers shall speak to the people, saying, What man is there who has built a new house and has not [yet] inaugurated it? Let him go and return to his house, lest he die in the war, and another man inaugurate it.

6And what man is there who has planted a vineyard, and has not [yet] redeemed it? Let him go and return to his house, lest he die in the war, and another man redeem it.

7And what man is there who has betrothed a woman and has not [yet] taken her? Let him go and return to his house, lest he die in the war, and another man take her.”

There are parts of us – people – who have a lot to live for. Sometimes it is not about winning a conflict – or the war. It’s choosing home, growth (vineyard), and relationship. Sometimes, conflict isn’t worth fighting for.

8And the officers shall continue to speak to the people and say, “What man is there who is fearful and fainthearted? Let him go and return to his house, that he should not cause the heart of his brothers to melt, as his heart.”

9And it shall be, that when the officials finish speaking to the people, they shall appoint officers of the legions at the edges of the people.

And we close with fear. If we are afraid, we need to own that fear. And not fight when we are afraid.

I see this in leadership, supervision, and management. Making decisions from a fight/flight response as opposed to a rest/digest response? Creates more conflicts.

More to come on this as I am looking deep into “Trauma informed supervision and leadership.”

These are my thoughts. What are yours?

Here are my thoughts from the past two years:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 1 Elul, 5783

It’s Rosh Chodesh! our final one of 5783!  What an amazing year it has been! We are now entering the time to “reset” in preparation for Rosh Hashanah!  What do you want to take with you into 5784? What do we want to leave behind?

And today’s portion is here to help us get started on the right foot.

First up? Moses addresses boundaries.

This past year, I’ve been learning all about boundaries.  Having boundaries. Respecting the boundaries of others. Sometimes boundaries conflict and how do we navigate them?  Spoiler alert – that’s probably when we need to take a break, because staying together would likely require someone sacrificing their boundary.

Freedom and liberation does not mean we get to do what we want.  Freedom and liberation means we can do what we want WHILE AT THE SAME TIME respecting the boundaries of those around us.  If we feel limited or enslaved by someone else’s boundaries? That is something to be curious about.

After boundaries, we look at justice. Judgment.  We are compelled NOT to judge on the testimony of one witness.  To the point that we should be questioning “why” is this person bearing witness that might require our judgment. What I mean is – if one witness comes forward (like gossiping)- What is this person’s need?  Are they sharing testimony about someone ELSE because they are needing fulfillment?  This draws me back to the list I shared a few days ago about feelings being driven by met or unmet needs:

• Connection
• Play
• Friendship
• Creativity
• Joy
• Agency
• Autonomy
• Safety

Are they bearing witness because they aren’t getting the connection they need and this is their strategy to connect?  Maybe because it’s worked for them in the past?  And if I am honest – I use they and them here because I don’t want to own how I do this as well.  We/us is more apropos here.

Next, Moses gives us the consequences for bearing false witness.  Public shaming, giving them the consequence of what they were trying to do (oh, you were trying to take agency away from someone? Congrats, your agency is being taken away from you!).  And. Once again. You/your.  Not me/us.  I like to dissociate here, I am noticing.  Curious.

Finally Moses discusses war. Conflict. Fear. If we are afraid, we aren’t going to be effective in conflict. We are to avoid war to protect our homes, our gardens (our means of provision), our family. If we feel like the war is worth fighting for to protect our family, then we fight.

Internally, I reflect as we enter this month of Elul? Home = peace. Gardens = the soil in which our feelings and emotions grow from. Marriage/family = our relationships with others.

So conflicts? We need to reflect before engaging on the impact to our peace, our emotions, and our harmony and relationships with others.  We can’t fight just to fight.  Sometimes we choose to fight knowing it will disrupt harmony. And honestly? Moses has already laid out the things worth fighting for:

• Boundaries
• False Testimony

If we are keeping peace and harmony while someone moves a boundary marker? That’s a problem.  If we are keeping peace and harmony while someone bears false witness? That’s a problem.

How are we doing here?  Over the past year, where has our learning been over these topics – boundaries and fidelity?

What are your thoughts?

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 6 Elul, 5782

Good morning! Today we continue on our journey as Moses recaps everything to get us ready for liberation. Again, this month is a time of Introspection. Digging deep.

Moses teaches us today about how to live in the land with ethical values:

1. Don’t move a neighbors boundary.

I am pulling out of this; we are to respect the boundaries of others. If we want liberation, we are free to do what we want; however, if a neighbor or friend places a boundary – we need to respect that.

2. A single witness cannot incriminate another person for any sin of any type of fraud. An allegation must be confirmed by the verbal testimony of 2 or 3 witnesses

This is interesting because I think it depersonalizes the fraud or sin. If someone does it to one person; then it would feel personal. And I see two ways – one there are multiple witnesses because the sin and fraud is so devious the person committing it doesn’t care or isn’t careful about who is watching. That is a mark of depravity. Or; they are careful, but fraud and sin against multiple people. Either way, the fraud and sin is about the person committing it, and not the survivor of the fraud. We tend to take these things personally. But in reality it’s about the other persons depravity and/or needs.

Now, Moses talks about what happens when someone comes up as a false witness who attempts to incriminate a witness – by saying that witness wasn’t really there.

1. The two should stand before God, priests, and judges with the litigants of the original dispute
2. The judges will cross examine thoroughly
3. If the judges determine the witness is false, they should do to him as he planned to do to his brother.
4. The court would announce the verdict publicly so that people will hear what happened and be discouraged from doing the behaviors. Hello peer pressure
5. Do not have pity on the false witness. He must pay according what they were trying to do. If it was a murder case, then the false witness should be put to death: if it was a case where and eye was on the line, then an eye. The idea here isn’t a literal one. It’s the idea that if you bear false witness; the result for you is almost “karma” like. If your intention was to have someone lose their property in the court case – then you lose your property.

I’ve been learning about the Law of Attraction. And I think this really scratches at the idea of what our intentions and purposes are with our actions end up returning to us. The inner drives the outer. If you intend to hurt someone, you will receive that hurt; especially if you create injustice to do it.

I also reflect on how turning this around would mean; if our intentions – our true intentions are to do good and facilitate healing for others, then we will receive healing too! If we desire to bless others, we will receive a blessing.

Ok. Let’s keep going.

Moses shifts gears and talks of war. Now wait. We are entering the promised land. I would have thought there would be no more wars! And yet here we are, talking about war!

But war will come. Liberation doesn’t mean there is conflict. It’s just about how we navigate this conflict.

If we see an enemy who seems more powerful, we are to trust Hashem to take care of it.

And when we go to war, before the battle, the priest should speak to the people. Now pay attention; because when we engage with conflict, these are words that should resonate and vibrate in our hearts:

“Hear, O Israel! Today you are coming close to the battle against your enemies. Do not let your hearts become faint (from the noise of their horses)! Do not be afraid (when they bang their shields together)! Do not panic (when they sound their trumpets), and do not be terrified of them (when you hear them shout)! ‘ For (the Holy Ark of) God, your God, is going with you, to fight your enemies for you, (and) to save you!”

Just sit with that. If you are battling with someone. Do not let your heart be faint. Do not be afraid. Do not panic. Do not be terrified. God is going with you, to fight your enemies for you and to save you.

Then, the officers will speak to the people and give some legitimate reasons to fear:

1. A man who has built a new house and did not begin to live in it. They should go home and not fight because they will be afraid another man will live in it if he dies in war.
2. A man who planted a vineyard who hasn’t rendered it for ordinary use. They should go home because they will be afraid another man will render it if they die in war.
3. A man betrothed to a woman and not consummated the marriage, he should go home because he may fear dying and another man will consummate the marriage

Those are legit reasons to not fight (in my opinion). Moses wants the people fighting wars to not be afraid – even in death. But these things are forth NOT fighting an outside battle for:

• A home
• A garden
• A marriage

These are things we are supposed to fight FOR – these are the priorities.

But he takes it one more step further to close the portion:

If anyone is afraid, or faint hearted? They should go home because of the impact it will have on their brothers’ hearts. The inner drives the outer. Moses knew if someone was resonating fear, that was going to hurt the army.

Once everyone was released who was afraid, they were to appoint leaders on all sides to make sure no one flees during the battle.

The message I take from this is two fold.

One; when we are in conflict with someone else, we need to take stock before engaging in the conflict whether we have confidence of our battle. Are we afraid of losing and the impact that will have on us? We probably shouldn’t fight.

Two; when we are in conflict with ourselves – internally – that’s where the work needs to be done before fighting wars externally. How is the battle inside us doing? Let’s talk about that!

What are your thoughts?