Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 4 Cheshvan, 5785
Third Portion of Lekh Lekha – “Go For Yourself.”

Good morning! The energy right now is a little chaotic, isn’t it? In America, today is election day, and almost everyone I know is feeling a little on edge because of the weight of the election. Some are numbing themselves to it, others are ramped up.

It’s a lot.

And? It is fully in line with the energy around us and the Torah portion today.

Today’s portion is about Lot and Abram. They were close. They were important to each other.

And? The land couldn’t sustain them both. They both had such abundance, if they remained together, the entropy of the situation was going to explode. A fight broke out among the herdsmen.

And what did Abram do? He didn’t want the drama. He told Lot to choose the land he wanted, and Abram would go the other way. They would separate.

I shared this a year ago:

This morning I’ve been reading about family systems.  And the idea and concept at the fulcrum is the idea of “differentiation” – “the ability to think as an individual while staying meaningfully connected to others.” (From the Book “growing Yourself Up: How to Bring Your Best to All of Life’s Relationships” by Jenny Brown, Phd.)

How do we think for ourselves while at the same time staying connected meaningfully to others? How do we balance our emotions and intellect? How do we balance our need to be attached with our need to be a separate self?

The energy around us today? Designed to disrupt our systems to put us in touch with this balance.

Because (in my opinion) – we struggle to think as individuals. And this election is a perfect example of where we may have gotten off track.

How much is our thinking shaped by OTHERS? How much is our balance of emotions and intellect DISRUPTED by others?

And, how can we find the BEAUTY within?

Can we see this energy around us as the SOURCE of creativity? Creating NEW ways of thinking and feeling? New neural pathways to connect head, heart, and soul?

Abram could have battled Lot – but he RELEASED Lot. Gave Lot control. And? That worked out REALLY well for Abram. Because Lot took what appeared to be the choicest of land. Abram took the leftovers. And trusted.

Let’s close this out with some questions I asked last year:

• How often do we allow the thoughts, beliefs, values, energy, and/or words of others, control us and our emotions?
• How often do we REACT emotionally to external forces instead of observing them and RESPONDING to them?
• How often do we care MORE about the feelings of others than doing what is best for US? Not from a place of ego, but from a place of care and compassion for our own heart?

May this contemplation and reflection be close to us as we navigate the chaos and entropy of the system today and in the future!

Here are my thoughts from last year:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 9 Cheshvan, 5784
Parsha Lekh Lekha: (Genesis 12:1 -17:27) 
Third Portion: Genesis 13:5 – 18

Today’s portion is SUPER fascinating as we’ve been discussing the idea of differentiation.

To bring us back – here’s what I wrote on the Sixth of Cheshvan, 5784:

This morning I’ve been reading about family systems.  And the idea and concept at the fulcrum is the idea of “differentiation” – “the ability to think as an individual while staying meaningfully connected to others.” (From the Book “growing Yourself Up: How to Bring Your Best to All of Life’s Relationships” by Jenny Brown, Phd.)

 This idea of “differentiation” describes the varying capacity each person has to balance their emotions and their intellect, and to balance their need to be attached with their need to be a separate self.

I think this is an important framework to be thinking about as we read today’s portion:

• Thinking as an individual while staying meaningfully connected to others
• The capacity we have to balance our emotions and intellect.
• The capacity we have to balance our need to be attached with our need to be a separate self

Because I think this is the story of Abram and Lot in today’s portion.  AND – if you dig into what I wrote the past two years, you will see me swirling around this idea without really hitting on it.  Let’s dig in:

Genesis 13:5-10:

5And also Lot, who went with Abram, had flocks and cattle and tents.

6And the land did not bear them to dwell together, for their possessions were many, and they could not dwell together.

7And there was a quarrel between the herdsmen of Abram’s cattle and between the herdsmen of Lot’s cattle, and the Canaanites and the Perizzites were then dwelling in the land.

8And Abram said to Lot, “Please let there be no quarrel between me and between you and between my herdsmen and between your herdsmen, for we are kinsmen.

9Is not all the land before you? Please part from me; if [you go] left, I will go right, and if [you go] right, I will go left.”

10And Lot raised his eyes, and he saw the entire plain of the Jordan, that it was entirely watered; before the Lord destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, like the garden of the Lord, like the land of Egypt, as you come to Zoar.

Abram and Lot were family.  They were connected.  That connection was important. So special, that when Hashem told Abram to “go” only Sarai and Lot were mentioned going WITH Abram.  This wasn’t just “some dude” so when the land couldn’t sustain both Abram and Lot – what did Abram do?

Abram differentiated. He kept the peace.  He did not want to quarrel with Lot.  He let go of control. Abram balanced his emotions with his intellect.  Abram could have easily taken the tactic “I brought you with me, I am in charge. I will go this way, and you will go that way.”  But no.  Abram gave LOT the power to decide.  He let LOT choose. Abram trusted the process.  He knew control was not the tactic here.  His connection with Lot was more important than having control. Talk about maturity!!! 

And Hashem rewarded him (Genesis 13:11-18):

11And Lot chose for himself the entire plain of the Jordan, and Lot traveled from the east, and they parted from one another.

12Abram dwelt in the land of Canaan, and Lot dwelt in the cities of the plain, and he pitched his tents until Sodom.

13And the people of Sodom were very evil and sinful against the Lord.

14And the Lord said to Abram after Lot had parted from him, “Please raise your eyes and see, from the place where you are, northward and southward and eastward and westward.

15For all the land that you see I will give to you and to your seed to eternity.

16And I will make your seed like the dust of the earth, so that if a man will be able to count the dust of the earth, so will your seed be counted.

17Rise, walk in the land, to its length and to its breadth, for I will give it to you.”

18And Abram pitched his tents, and he came, and he dwelt in the plain of Mamre, which is in Hebron, and there he built an altar to the Lord.

Verse 14 is the fulcrum.  Hashem tells Abram – it’s going to go well for you. You will have abundance. Abram separated himself from Lot.  Let go. Abram was able to let go of Sarai. Abram seemed to be able to navigate meaningful connections AND staying independent. 

Let’s bring this home. Here are my questions:

• How often do we allow the thoughts, beliefs, values, energy, and/or words of others, control us and our emotions?
• How often do we REACT emotionally to external forces instead of observing them and RESPONDING to them?
• How often do we care MORE about the feelings of others than doing what is best for US? Not from a place of ego, but from a place of care and compassion for our own heart?

You see; we cannot differentiate. When someone defines us as lazy as a kid? We take that identity on the rest of our lives. It controls us. We believe it. We forgo our own beliefs about ourselves. Their reality becomes ours.  And when we encounter ten people who tell us “you are a hard worker” we IGNORE that data for the one person who says “that’s lazy” to us. We are triggered.  Because we CHOOSE to believe what others tell us instead of trusting ourselves. Trusting the universe. Trusting Hashem.

We now have TWO stories of Abram trusting Hashem to work things out for him.  Abram was not connected to the outcome of the RELATIONSHIP between he and Sarai.  Or he and Lot.  Abram just trusted.

What if we weren’t called “lazy” as a kid? What if we were called “smart?” How much pressure would we feel to be smart in everything we do? Would it drive us? What about worse things like “slut” or “stupid?”

Past trauma creates learning that allows us to filter data from external forces in a way that ignores COUNTER data and only receives REINFORCING data.  Because we feel SAFETY in the identity – whether its “lazy” or “stupid” or “smart,” rather than being open to the possibility it’s both/and; there are times we work hard, there are times we need comfort and want to veg. There are times we are wise, and sometimes we are foolish.  This isn’t our identity. This is just us.  Can we separate out our intellectual processing and our emotional processing?  This is the past to freedom and liberation.  Let me remind us again of how we started:

To bring us back – here’s what I wrote on the Sixth of Cheshvan, 5784:

This morning I’ve been reading about family systems.  And the idea and concept at the fulcrum is the idea of “differentiation” – “the ability to think as an individual while staying meaningfully connected to others.” (From the Book “growing Yourself Up: How to Bring Your Best to All of Life’s Relationships” by Jenny Brown, Phd.)

 This idea of “differentiation” describes the varying capacity each person has to balance their emotions and their intellect, and to balance their need to be attached with their need to be a separate self.

I think this is an important framework to be thinking about as we read today’s portion:

• Thinking as an individual while staying meaningfully connected to others
• The capacity we have to balance our emotions and intellect.
• The capacity we have to balance our need to be attached with our need to be a separate self

These are my thoughts.  What are yours?