Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 5 Nisan, 5785

Goooood  morning! Today’s Torah portion is significant.

We have been discussing sacrifices when it comes to relationships – and when it comes to conflict.

One of the biggest sacrifices? The sacrifice of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not about absolving someone else for what they did.  Forgiveness is a sacrifice designed for our own healing.

And we need to start with our own healing and forgiveness.

We often times discuss the intent of our behavior – “I didn’t intend to hurt you.” And that feels like it should absolve us of blame or responsibility.

And whether we intended to hurt someone – the Torah discusses “unintentionally” missing the mark – and that isn’t a “get out of responsibility” free card.

We are not absolved because we didn’t intend.

We navigate the IMPACT of our behaviors – regardless of our intention.

However. There is something ELSE to consider here.

When it comes to Intent or Impact? POWER matters most.

Power matters.  Intent does not.

I wrote this a year ago:

It’s the difference between a 7 year old INTENTIONALLY throwing a Nintendo remote across the room breaking it, to get the attention of their parents who have been on their phone, AND a parent who has rejected that child time and time again.

Power matters. Intent does not.  How much GUILT and SHAME do we hold onto as adults because of things we did as a child we feel guilty about? I know for me? I lied. I manipulated my parents. I did things INTENTIONALLY to make them angry. And I feel ashamed.

I need atonement for that. But worse? The impact of what I’ve done unintentionally AS A PARENT to my children. I need to START with acknowledging how I’ve impacted my children – REGARDLESS of my intent. That’s where healing starts. TODAY. I can go back and deal with the shame and guilt of my past? And, I need to start with the impact of what I’ve done – TODAY.

When understanding power – read below to learn more where power comes from. I discuss five types of power: Expert, Referential, Legitimate, Coercive and Reward power.

This power matters.

The Torah tells us to seek forgiveness within – and with others – for the IMPACT of our behaviors – not the intent.

What are your thoughts?

Here are my thoughts from last year:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 11 Adar II, 5784
Parsha Va-Yikra’ – “And He affectionately called”: (Leviticus 1:1 – 5:26)
Fifth Portion: Leviticus 4:1 – 4:26

Good morning! Today we are approaching the fullness of the moon in Adar II.  Purim is arriving this weekend.  What is Purim? It is a very interesting holiday, and we can read more here.

What is fascinating to me? Is the connection to Yom Kippur.  Yom Kippur is one of the most solemn days on the calendar. It is a day of fasting and atonement.  And Purim is a joyous holiday. It is celebrated by having fun!  And what connects them? The Hebrew root – Pur.  Yom KiPUR. And PURim. PUR.  The Hebrew word PUR means “Lot” like “chance.” Purim is “lots” because the lot was cast.  In the Purim story, the fate of an entire people was cast on chance – the roll of the dice.  On Yom Kippur, the priest would cast lots to determine which of the goats was going to be offered up for the people, and which goat was going to be the scape goat and sent into the desert.

Both of these holidays remind us how chance plays a role in ALL of our lives. We want to believe we are in full control.  Work hard, we will be successful. Be lazy, and we won’t.  So if we are NOT successful? We mistakenly believe it is because we are not working hard enough.

So if life is about navigating chance, how do we navigate it?

I wrote this two years ago, and I think it is more apropos given this question:

That’s what sacrifice is; it’s healing. That’s what forgiveness is; it’s healing. Not for the other person; forgiveness doesn’t heal Hashem; he gives us sacrifice and forgiveness for us to heal.

That’s powerful as we go into this study!

This is from Kabbalah;

Wisdom was asked: “What is the punishment of a sinner?”

It answered: “Sinners will be prosecuted by their own vice” (Proverbs 13:21).

Prophecy was asked: “What is the punishment for the sinner?” It answered:

“The soul that sins, it shall die” (Ezekiel 18:4).

The Torah was asked: “What is the punishment for the sinner?”

It answered: “Let him bring a sacrifice, and he will be atoned”

– Yalkut Shimoni

Here we see the Torah’s compassion. Other routes to transcendence, such as “prophecy” and “wisdom,” can be associated with Gevurah, harsh consequences, when things go wrong.

But the Torah is a covenant of Hesed, kindness.

The answer? Sacrifice.  If life didn’t involve chance, there would be no need for sacrifice. There would be no OPPORTUNITY for sacrifice. We make a mistake, we get punished. We do a good deed we get rewarded. No opportunity or need for atonement. 

The Kindness of the Torah is that chance IS involved. And it is something to CELEBRATE and it is something to fast and deny ourselves for. THIS is the time to CELEBRATE chance.

Let’s dig in:

1And the Lord spoke to Moses, saying,

2Speak to the children of Israel, saying: If a person sins unintentionally [by committing one] of all the commandments of the Lord, which may not be committed, and he commits [part] of one of them

Full stop. So.  We have learned so far:

• The need to sacrifice to love ourselves first, instead of others. How do we sacrifice for ourselves?
  • Are we bringing ourselves unblemished sacrifices?
  • Are we giving to ourselves?
  • Are we making sure we are mindful and aware of the sacrifices we are making for ourselves?
  • Are we giving to ourselves of the resources we have?
  • Are we releasing our sacrifices for ourselves after we give them?
  • Are we giving to ourselves what we need, or are we distracting ourselves from what we need by giving ourselves what we desire?
  • Are we giving ourselves from our whole hearts?
  • Are we giving ourselves from this present moment, or are we relying on past sacrifices?
• Yesterday was all about how to love within conflict:
  • We must first find within ourselves unblemished peace.
  • Then, from a place of unblemished peace? Bring the fire. For ourselves. For the relationship. For our partner.
  • Receive fire from your partner in the conflict
  • Bring your fires together and allow and embrace the smoke to come to a place of peace
  • Allow your fat to be trimmed and sacrificed – don’t sacrifice the muscle
  • Bring in a third party when needed
  • Never ask our partner to sacrifice their lifeblood

Today? It seems as if we are looking at intent vs. impact.  “If a person sins unintentionally.”

How often do we say “I didn’t mean to hurt you!” When in conflict, if we hurt someone, we focus on OUR intent. What was our intention?  When someone hurts US? We focus on the impact it had on us.

This is a double standard, and the Torah cuts through it.

Intent doesn’t matter.

Impact does.

When we hurt someone, instead of focusing on our intent? Love would dictate we focus on the impact on what our behaviors had on another. And the Torah prescribes how to navigate it.

3If the anointed kohen sins, bringing guilt to the people, then he shall bring for his sin which he has committed, an unblemished young bull as a sin offering to the Lord.

Leadership. Unintentional sin? Is connected to power.  It’s one thing for a child to unintentionally sin against a parent. It’s another for a parent to unintentionally sin against a child. Unintentional sin; IMPACT of behavior over intent? Matters MORE when someone has power.

Do we consider our power when we unintentionally sin? What is power? Who decides who has power? If I believe you have power over me, does that mean you do? Let’s quickly look at some sources of power:

• Expert Power: This is the power someone has because they are an expert. A doctor (theoretically) should have more power than a patient, because a doctor has gone to school and TRAINED to be a doctor. Today? This power is challenged because anyone can FEEL like an expert.
  • What this means? If you are an expert, you have more accountability than someone who isn’t. Expertise is not something to be taken lightly. If you consider yourself an expert, and your expertise hurts someone? Even unintentionally? You bear that responsibility, even if your intent was good.  Be careful when you take on the mantle of expert.
• Referential Power: This is a relational power. This is like a high school freshman giving power to a high school senior. It may not be because they are a subject matter expert, but they may have life experience that gives them power.
  • What this means? If you have relational power – if someone has GIVEN you relational power – even if you didn’t want it? You have a responsibility even if you unintentionally negatively impact others. You can’t say “I am not a role model” according to Torah. We are ALL role models.
• Legitimate Power: This is what MOST of us associate with power. In our work, our bosses have power because they are the boss. The high priest mentioned in verse 3? Legitimate power. AND? This is the most FRAGILE form of power. Why? It can be taken away EASILY. The one who wields this power has no control over holding onto it. People get fired. The High Priest could die. This is the most fragile form of power, and those with it? Try to keep their power by using the other sources to their advantage.
  • What this means? If you are in a position of power? You bear extra responsibility that those who are working for you. We are not “above the law” meaning we can do what we want. We (in power) have MORE responsibility – not less.
• Coercive power: This is power someone has because they can negatively impact you. This is a parent who has the power to withhold a driver’s license. Or power to take money away from you. Or power to influence you to do something because they are in a position to hurt you.
• Reward power: This is the opposite of coercive. If I have the power to reward you – I can give you a raise (some with legitimate power don’t have the power to give raises because they are beholding to collective bargaining and Human Resources) or I can pay for your college. I have the ability to reward you.
  • What this means? If, by chance, the universe has provided us with abundance and resources, we have more responsibility in how we use them. Abundance is given NOT for the benefit of the person with abundance – it is given for the purposes of discernment to hold power in a way that loves.

So the Torah is saying here…

Use our power wisely. And. Understand, if we have power – even if we convince ourselves we don’t? We need to atone for unintentionally hurting someone else. Or. Hashem.  Let’s keep going:

4And he shall bring the bull to the entrance of the Tent of Meeting before the Lord, and he shall lean his hand [forcefully] upon the bull’s head and slaughter the bull before the Lord.

5And the anointed kohen shall take from the bull’s blood and bring it into the Tent of Meeting.

6And the kohen shall dip his finger into the blood and sprinkle some of the blood seven times before the Lord, before the dividing curtain of the Sanctuary.

7And the kohen shall place some of the blood on the horns of the incense altar which is in the Tent of Meeting, before the Lord, and he shall pour all the blood of the bull onto the base of the altar [used] for burnt offerings, which is at the entrance of the Tent of Meeting.

8And all the fat of the sin offering bull he shall separate from it: the fat covering the innards, and all the fat that is on the innards,

9and the two kidneys [along] with the fat that is on them, which is on the flanks; and the diaphragm with the liver, along with the kidneys, he shall remove it,

10just as was separated from the bull [sacrificed as] a peace offering, the kohen shall then cause them to [go up in] smoke on the altar [used] for burnt offerings.

11[He shall then take] the bull’s skin and all of its flesh, along with its head and along with its legs, its innards and its waste matter.

12He shall take out the entire bull to a clean place outside the camp, [namely,] to the ash depository, and he shall burn it in fire on wood. Thus, it shall be burnt in the ash depository.

The process here is similar to the process on atoning for intentional sin or navigating conflict.

13And if the entire community of Israel errs because a matter was hidden from the eyes of the congregation, and they commit one of all the commandments of the Lord, which may not be committed, incurring guilt;

Interesting. Ignorance is NOT an excuse if we make a mistake. If the people, being LED by the leader, do something that hurts Hashem, EVEN IF they were listening to the leader – there is culpability.

That is fascinating. Our intent. It. Does. Not. Matter. The IMPACT of what we do is what matters.

14When the sin which they had committed becomes known, the congregation shall bring a young bull as a sin offering. They shall bring it before the Tent of Meeting.

When. It. Becomes. Known.

This is crucial. If the people didn’t know, they can’t be responsible. When it comes to light? They have a responsibility. The are to pick out a young bull for the offering. The sacrifice comes from the congregation. However;

15The elders of the community shall lean their hands [forcefully] upon the bull’s head, before the Lord, and one shall slaughter the bull before the Lord.

16The anointed kohen shall bring some of the bull’s blood into the Tent of Meeting,

The elders and the priest? They do the work of the sacrifice. THEY are responsible MORE than the congregation is.

Power matters. Intent does not.

Let me say that again. Power matters. Intent does not.

It’s the difference between a 7 year old INTENTIONALLY throwing a Nintendo remote across the room breaking it, to get the attention of their parents who have been on their phone, AND a parent who has rejected that child time and time again.

Power matters. Intent does not.  How much GUILT and SHAME do we hold onto as adults because of things we did as a child we feel guilty about? I know for me? I lied. I manipulated my parents. I did things INTENTIONALLY to make them angry. And I feel ashamed.

I need atonement for that. But worse? The impact of what I’ve done AS A PARENT to my children. I need to START with acknowledging how I’ve impacted my children – REGARDLESS of my intent. That’s where healing starts. TODAY. I can go back and deal with the shame and guilt of my past? And, I need to start with the impact of what I’ve done – TODAY.

17and the kohen shall dip his finger from the blood, and sprinkle [it] seven times before the Lord, before the dividing curtain.

18And he shall then place some of the blood on the horns of the altar that is before the Lord in the Tent of Meeting. And then he shall pour all the blood onto the base of the altar [used] for burnt offerings, which is at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting.

19And he shall separate all its fat from it and cause it to [go up in] smoke on the altar.

20He shall do to the bull just as he did to the bull of the sin offering thus he shall do to it. Thus the kohen shall make atonement for them [the community], and they will be forgiven.

21And he shall take the bull outside the camp and burn it, just as he burned the first bull. It is a sin offering for the congregation.

And if we need MORE evidence:

22If a leader [of Israel] sins and unintentionally commits one of all the commandments of the Lord, which may not be committed, incurring guilt;

23if his sin that he has committed is made known to him, then he shall bring his offering: an unblemished male goat.

24And he shall lean his hand [forcefully] upon the goat’s head and slaughter it in the place where he slaughters burnt offerings, before the Lord. It is a sin offering.

25And the kohen shall take some of the blood of the sin offering with his finger, and place [it] on the horns of the altar [used] for burnt offerings. And then he shall pour its blood onto the base of the altar [used] for burnt offerings.

26And he shall cause all its fat to [go up in] smoke on the altar, just like the fat of the peace offering. Thus the kohen shall make atonement for his sin, and he will be forgiven.

Power matters. Intent does not.

These are my thoughts. What are yours?