Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 27 Cheshvan, 5784
Parsha Hayyei Sarah: (Genesis 23:1 -25:18)
Seventh Portion: Genesis 25:12 – 25:18

Shabbat Shalom!  Today is the shabbat before the new moon cycle – the Hebrew month of Kislev.  It is a special shabbat as we rest before the cycle begins.  Kislev is a special month.  It is a month with Harmony energy.  It is the third of the winter months – and the number three is associated with Tiferet – beauty.  Chabad has this article on Kislev, and I love this quote:

Beauty – Tiferet – is harmony within diversity. Beauty always consists of the joining of two opposites. Anything beautiful is always multifaceted, but the diverse forces are symmetrically aligned.

As pretty as one color – say, blue – may be, it still would not be defined as beautiful. As sweet as one musical note may sound, it cannot be called beautiful. Beauty is always a combination of many colors – as in a painting – whose balance and coordination creates a beautiful mosaic. Many different musical notes, when played just the right way, generate a beautiful symphony.

This past week for me has been all about discord. There has been a lot of discord around me. And something I am learning about (from a book called “Growing Yourself Up” by Dr. Jenny Brown) is this idea that our “symphony” is couched in dynamics from when we were children.  She provides a family system model called the Bowen Theory – and one of the major components is this idea of victim/villain mentality.

From our childhood, we learn our place in a family system – most of us are either victims to a villain, or the villain in a house of victims. Some of that is determined by birth order. Some of that is determined by parents and their birth order.  It is a multifaceted theory (which I love BTW).

When we engage in our relationships, any time there is discord or disharmony, we tend to put ourselves in one of two boxes – we are the victim of the discord, or we are the villain. Some of this comes down to how we see the OTHER in the discord.  Are they the victim? Or are they the villain? That is telling for the role we see ourselves in.

We judge a lot. Ourselves mostly. But others too. We judge our communication. We judge our experiences. We resist curiosity. From the beginning of the Torah – we’ve been studying how being curious is the path to freedom. Judging is the path to slavery.

As we enter into the month of Kislev, if we are a part of music that doesn’t sound “good” to our ears – we need to be curious. Are we playing our note? Or are we trying to play a DIFFERENT note because we don’t like the music and think WE need to adjust.  Maybe if we hold our note longer, it will allow time to pass so the other person can adjust THEIR note. Or – we decide we are no longer aligned – and want to find a different band to play with.

And. If we jump from band to band and don’t find harmony?  Maybe we aren’t really playing our note? Maybe we are the one who needs to adjust our frequency. Maybe a tone higher or a tone lower? The key is not pre-judging. Just be curious.

This leads to our portion today. Something seems “misaligned.”  We are completing the life of Sarah.  Yesterday? We focused on Abraham.  That was odd, wasn’t it? The life of Sarah played into the death of Abraham.

Today? We see the Life of Sarah give birth to the nation of Ishmael. (Genesis 25:12-15)

12Now these are the generations of Ishmael the son of Abraham, whom Hagar the Egyptian, the maidservant of Sarah, bore to Abraham.

13And these are the names of the sons of Ishmael by their names, according to their births: the firstborn of Ishmael was Nebaioth, and Kedar and Adbe’el and Mibsam,

14And Mishma and Dumah and Massa,

15Hadad and Tema, Jetur, Naphish, and Kedmah.

The “end” of the life of Sarah walks through the sons of Ishmael.

16These are the sons of Ishmael, and these are their names in their open cities and in their walled cities, twelve princes to their nations.

Princes. Royalty. How often in Judaism do we see or discuss the sons of Ishmael from a place of Royalty? Sovereignty? How often do in Christianity do we (I am using a royal we) see or discuss the sons of Ishmael from a place of Royalty?

All around us in our world today.  Discord. Fighting. Victim/Villain mentality.

We struggle with the conflict in the middle east because both sides see themselves as the victim, and the other side as the villain. We want to solve the problem in the middle east – but we can’t because we are FORCED to CHOOSE one side as the victim, and the other as the villain.

We emotionally react when someone chooses to make the villain a victim. Or make the victim a villain. It’s unjust. Whether we see Israel as the victim and Hamas as the Villain – or Hamas as the victim and Israel as the Villain.  It’s an either/or argument.

But are we every just curious? Release the story of victim/villain? And look at it from a human perspective? Its discord. Notes trying to remain constant creating a symphony that looks AWFUL.

Many different musical notes, when played just the right way, generate a beautiful symphony.

Let’s bring it back home a little more though. When we are at work and we emotionally react when we see someone making a person we care about (and see as a victim) to be a villain; we respond. Or when someone we see as a villain is victimized? We respond.

Our in our relationships. Or with our children.  I have to confess.  I see with my six kids – victims and villains. And this is a PROBLEM.  Because I see MYSELF as the main VILLAIN – and feel guilt and shame because of the impact this has had on the family dynamics.  And I can remain here – or I can seek to find ways to change my note so that a beautiful symphony can rise with me to create beautiful family music together. And I can hold my note without judgement – with mere curiosity – and allow others to retune their notes around me.

This is the path to peace. This is the path to harmony. This is the path to Kislev. This is the path to Tiferet.

Those are my thoughts. What are yours?

Here is my commentary from the past two years:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 25 Heshvan, 5783

Shabbat Shalom! Today is the last Shabbat before the new moon! As the light of the moon fades to newness, now is a time for us to start turning our attention towards the new moon to set our intentions for the month of Kislev! That means HANUKKAH! Hanukkah is all about light- so may the intentions we set connect us to our light!

As I read today’s portion and my thoughts from a year ago, I am struck by this theme of Harmony and Warmth.

I’m chewing on the idea of harmony – and I’ll share more as we go over the week towards the new moon. With thanksgiving approaching as well, I’m really struck by how gratitude is connected to Harmony.

And. How resistance and Radical Acceptance play out when it comes to Harmony.

The portion today (and Haftorah) require some radical acceptance. That is not always easy to do. But requires neuroplasticity (the idea of allowing the brain to adapt and change – again, thanks NOOM!). If you are unfamiliar with the idea of neuroplasticity – here’s a good Wikipedia article on it:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuroplasticity

So. How are we engaging in our own Neuroplasticity on this sabbath?

What are your thoughts? How have you grown since reading this a year ago?

Shabbat Torah thoughts for 24 Heshvan, 5782:

Today we wrap up Parsha Hayyei Sarah. we close this chapter, interestingly, with a list of the descendants of Ishmael.

I’m reflecting on how this Parsha, which is about the life of Sarah, ends with the Children of Hagar. There is definitely a connection between Sarah and Hagar beyond what we see.

It is interesting that Ishmael also had 12 princes (tribes).

As Jews, we don’t spend a lot of time thinking about the descendants of Ishmael. But they are given special honor in the Torah – and (in my opinion) are worthy of honor and thought

The children of Isaac aren’t “better” than the children of Ishmael; though I confess growing up, I feel like I was taught somehow we were. There is a brotherly rivalry here between the Children of Isaac and the Children of Ishmael. I wonder if we are truly meant to be at war with one another; or weather compassion and mercy to live in peace is the strategy?

I’m curious as to your thoughts!

Today’s Haftorah portion comes from 1 Kings 1:1-31 and like the end of Abraham and Sarah’s life, we read about the end of King David’s life.

The passage opens up interestingly; as David’s servants suggest finding a virgin girl to provide warmth for the king in his old age.

Um. That seems a little…problematic. They looked for a beautiful girl from the entire territory of Israel. They found Abishag the Shunammite and brought her to David. According to the Haftorah- she was “extremely beautiful.”

It says she acted as a “warmer” for King David; but does clarify; the king did not know her in an intimate way.

This is fascinating to me – it really highlights the critical nature of Human touch. Even non-sexual touching is such an important factor. There is a sense of safety and comfort; a warmth. Something that I had pictured going a certain direction was merely to highlight the need for human touch.

Next we then see another conflict between two brothers:

Adonijah begins to celebrate his succession into the monarchy a little prematurely. He started to act in a way like he was king, and David never stopped him. Because of this, Adonijah believed he had his father’s approval; and would be king. I have long been a fan of the saying that I learned while I worked at Sonoma State; “silence is giving tacit approval to behaviors.”

The idea of staying silent when injustice is occurring is really problematic for me, I’ve discovered, in my older age. Those of you who know me understand I struggle to keep my mouth closed when I see injustice happening.

Adonijah makes plans to become king; he consults (only) with those elders who he knew were disliked by King David. They supported Adonijah.

If this isn’t real for today, I’m not sure what is? How often do we only consult with sources that we know will reinforce our beliefs and ignore sources who might challenge us? Adonijah is like most of us; refusing to engage in cognitive dissonance.

Nathan the prophet (the same Nathan who confronted King David when he was in the wrong about taking Bathsheba) did not stay silent. He goes to Bathsheba because he understands that if Adonijah becomes king, he will likely want to remove his competition; Solomon and Bathsheba.

Nathan and Bathsheba hatch a plan to push David to confront the situation. Bathsheba is to enter before king David and ask about the successor to the throne, who she knew was supposed to be Solomon; and ask why Adonijah has become king. Then Nathan will enter and confirm what is happening.

Now; interesting; when Bathsheba goes into David, the Haftorah mentions that Abishag is serving the king (let us hope she was merely just snuggling him to keep him warm and not doing things that wouldn’t be considered “knowing” the king in an intimate way but get pretty close). I’m just reflecting on that scene and how Bathsheba may have felt seeing the king having an extremely beautiful woman in his arms in bed. I know cultures are different – but still.

Bathsheba and Nathan’s plan goes off without much of a hitch.

David confirms that Solomon will reign as king as the successor to David; however, David says it will be done immediately; while David was still alive.

Happy ending? Not really. Because it’s not In this Haftorah portion; but what happens between Solomon and Adonijah? It’s not pretty.

The next chapter of 1 Kings tells us that Adonijah goes to Bathsheba to make a request to have her ask King Solomon to give King David’s “warmer” (Abishag) to Adonijah as a wife.

It seems to us this is a reasonable request because Bathsheba doesn’t push back at all; she goes to King Solomon.

But we quickly find out it’s not. Solomon takes great offense to this; “he may have well asked me for the entire kingdom!” And he orders his brother to be killed.

Whoa.

this leaves me with a lot of questions;

1. Did Bathsheba know this request would result in Adonijah’s death and remained silent? Or was she surprised at David’s reaction?
2. Why did David react this way? Why was the request so bad?
3. Why kill Adonijah? Why not banish him? He was blood.
4. When we look at the value of women, why was Abishag so valuable that she was worth killing for? Was it merely her beauty? Was it her power?

As I did a little googling (which isn’t Research by the way) there are different thoughts on this; but it seems to congeal around the idea that Solomon perceived this as a power play by his brother. He saw this as a rebellious move and needed to act strongly as king to leave no doubts.

It’s interesting nevertheless.

A lot to chew on today. Mostly, I’m chewing on the relationship between brothers.

What about you? What are your takeaways?