Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 26 Cheshvan, 5784
Parsha Hayyei Sarah: (Genesis 23:1 -25:18)
Sixth Portion: Genesis 25:1 – 25:11

So it is interesting, as we turn to close out the Parsha “The Life of Sarah” we are moving towards Abraham’s end of life. He found a wife for Isaac; his purpose was mostly complete. We see – at the end – he had many more kids. And then “sent them away.”

1And Abraham took another wife and her name was Keturah.

2And she bore him Zimran and Jokshan and Medan and Midian and Jishbak and Shuah.

3And Jokshan begot Sheba and Dedan, and the sons of Dedan were Ashurim, Letushim, and Leumim.

4And the sons of Midian [were] Ephah and Epher and Enoch and Abida and Elda’ah; all these were the sons of Keturah.

5And Abraham gave all that he possessed to Isaac.

6And to the sons of Abraham’s concubines, Abraham gave gifts, and he sent them away from his son Isaac while he [Abraham] was still alive, eastward to the land of the East.

I’m reflecting on this idea of “sending them away.”  Why? Why did Abraham do this? And I reflect back on the theme over the past two years of leadership. Leading in the calm and the storm.

Abraham sent them away because they needed to lead. They needed to not rely on Abraham.  If they had stayed, they likely would have gotten stuck.  It was time to move. He gave them everything he had, and then sent them out into the world.

Let’s keep reading:

7And these are the days of the years of Abraham’s life that he lived: one hundred years and seventy years and five years.

8And Abraham expired and died in a good old age, old and satisfied, and he was gathered to his people.

9And Isaac and Ishmael his sons buried him in the Cave of Machpelah in the field of Ephron the son of Zohar the Hittite, which faces Mamre,

10The field that Abraham had bought from the sons of Heth there Abraham and his wife Sarah were buried.

My big takeaway here. Abraham died satisfied.

And I reflect on the question “how does one die satisfied?

I see a few options – and I am open to more:

• Abraham died in a moment of reflection where he was satisfied with his life.
• Abraham was always satisfied
• Abraham recognized in every moment of his life – he had what he needed REGARDLESS of how he felt. Every step of his life – “good” times and “bad” times (which are judgments BTW – and we’ve talked about that being what leads to slavery) he was CURIOUS instead – and that led him to satisfaction.

I feel like that last option is the salient one.

I might be wrong on this. But I wonder if we were asked the question – “are you satisfied?” We might struggle to find an answer other than “no.” Maybe we could say “I am satisfied with my relationships, but not with my financial health.” Or “I am satisfied with my physical health but not my relational and emotional health.” But to answer – “I am satisfied with life?”  That seems like a reach, doesn’t it?  But these are all EXTERNAL metrics we look at to determine our satisfaction it would seem.  We seek satisfaction – but do we ever find it?

This morning in the “Book of Awakening” by Mark Nepo, he writes:

Life on the Edge

You are that which you are seeking.

—SAINT FRANCIS

When I feel lonely, my first thought is that YOU hold the key to my loneliness. When I feel confused, my first thought is that you (or someone neither of us knows) is more clear, if I can only find them and get them to speak. When wanting respect, my first thought is that it is waiting on the other side of some mammoth achievement I must devote myself to. I try so hard to find what I need or want outside of myself, certain it is waiting for me somewhere just over there.

In the end, seeking only brings us to the edge of knowing ourselves. If we never look inward, we tend to become experts at life on the edge, while seldom unlocking what all our seeking means. We can become masters at climbing the mountains of the world instead of breaking trail to the center of our woundedness. We can become masters at driving fast cars through the night instead of moving through the dark corners of our mind. We can become masters at seducing strangers in the name of love instead of embracing the softer, less perfect aspects of who we are.

Seeking in the world has always been a way to mirror to us where we need to work inwardly, but seeking danger outside has always been a way to divert the soul’s cry for us to take a genuine risk inside. (end passage)

The idea of being satisfied with life is not an external search or journey it would seem.  I think Mark Nepo is on the money here.  It is the inspiration of the external to dive DEEP within is what likely produces satisfaction.  This is what the Life of Sarah teaches us.

Sarah’s life was one where she navigated the world around her and brought it within.  She co-created with Abraham and Hashem and saw what was going on around her – and she took it within her. And she used that to support and sometimes lead with Abraham.  Abraham was because Sarah was.  And that is a beautiful sentiment for the pair.

We cannot disconnect the life of Sarah with the life of Abraham. And, once again, we see evidence that Judaism is not as patriarchal as we think.  This parsha could have EASILY been named “the life of Abraham.”  And yet; it wasn’t.  It was his “better half” (I say this tongue in cheek) that gets the credit.  She has the value.

Our values today struggle to see this. What we place value on today guides how we see women in Judaism. We project onto Judaism a lot.  When the Torah seems to counter this each step of the way.

Today’s portion closes with this:

11Now it came to pass after Abraham’s death, that God blessed his son Isaac, and Isaac dwelt near Be’er Lachai Ro’i.

As the page turns, and we move from the life of Sarah (and Abraham), Hashem blesses Isaac (remember; he is a miracle child that Hashem provided the egg for) and he dwelt near Be’er Lachai Roi.

Be’er Lachai Roi literally means: the well of him that lives and sees me.

And that, my friends, is powerful.  Are we dwelling near the SOURCE (a well is a source of water) of Hashem who lives and sees US?

That is seems like our life mission and purpose – to continually dwell with the source of Hashem who lives and sees us.

That well isn’t stagnant either. It’s not an external well. Because. Spoiler alert? Hashem is within us.  We have the Neshama. Hashem has given us the well inside. And that? Seems like satisfaction to me.  How about you?

These are my thoughts.  What are yours?

Here are my commentaries from the past two years:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for Heshvan 24, 5783

Wow. I’m reflecting on this portion; and the words I wrote a year ago.

After spending last night with the kids, I’ve realized how much I’ve healed and grown over the past year. With the kids, I handle storms much differently. I have done a lot of inner healing work this past year to not take things personally.

To realize that instead of arguing with the kids, sometimes asking “do you need a hug?” Is all that is required. I have tools now that I didn’t have before.

In this way, there has been healing- like Hagar. And that feels pretty darned good.

Where have you grown this past year as a leader?

Torah Thoughts for Heshvan 23, 5782

Today is a shorter passage. Now that Isaac finds a wife (by the way; later in the day I discovered there is a set of Rabbis who believe Rebekah was 3 years old when Eliezer met her. I’m not sure I accept that, because you know…reasons) Abraham himself gets married again.

To a woman named Keturah. Who, BTW, Rashi says is ACTUALLY a renamed Hagar; because her deeds were as pleasant as incense (ketoret).

Rabbi Hesekiah Ben Manoah in the 13th century wrote this; “How could Hagar be described as a person whose ’deeds were as pleasant as incense’ when, after Abraham sent her away, she returned to idol worship (according to Rashi’s commentary on 21:14)? She must have repented before Abraham took her for the second time, and the Torah therefore calls her Keturah due to the sweet ’aroma’ of her repentance.”

That’s interesting to consider. We have a sequence of events; the binding of Isaac, the death of Sarah, finding a wife for Isaac and then Abraham’s marriage to Hagar. I’m reflecting on this. I feel there is something here; but not sure what it is. There seems to be a pattern. What can we learn from this? I don’t have answers yet; but if I do, I will share later! I’d love your thoughts!

We then learn of Abraham’s new kids from Keturah – 6 sons. 10 grandsons. He then gave everything he had to Isaac, and gave gifts to Hagar’s sons. Then he sent them away.

Then Abraham dies at 175. Isaac and Ishmael bury their dad next to Sarah. There must have been some reconciliation between Isaac and Ishmael for this to happen.

My biggest takeaway from this passage is Abraham’s death.

The Babylonian Talmud says that on the day Abraham died, all the leaders of the world stood and said “Woe to the world that has lost its leader; and woe to the ship that has lost its captain.”

Rabbi Judah Leib Ginsburg wrote something to add to this In the 20th century;

“Some people are natural leaders during a time of peace. They excel in a calm environment, but when war strikes, they fail to stand out as leaders. For others, the opposite is the case: their leadership qualities and greatness only emerge during a crisis, like a captain guiding a storm tossed ship. When things calm down, however, they no longer shine. Abraham possessed both qualities. Therefore when he died, he was eulogized by “all the leaders of the world.”

As someone with a background in leadership, I’m reflecting on the kind of leader I’ve been; do I shine in moments of calm? Or in moments of crisis? I’m honestly not sure of the answer. Professionally, I want to say I do better in crisis; I think I feel more comfortable in working to survive the storm and come out in a positive way. I look for ways the storm can transform the team and help us grow.

But then I think of my role as a dad. I seem to struggle as a dad in the storm. I do much better when things are calm.

I think for me the difference is how I personalize the storm. Professionally, I know I can’t control what is happening. As a dad, I feel like the storm is caused because of my failure as a leader. It’s a self caused storm. And I struggle.

I’m really chewing on how I am naturally as a leader. And, as someone who believes leaders can be taught, I’m reflecting on ways to become a more balanced and integrated leader like Abraham.

Would love to know what you think!