Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 25 Cheshvan, 5784
Parsha Hayyei Sarah: (Genesis 23:1 -25:18)
Fifth Portion: Genesis 24:53 – 24:67

Picture of a Christmas cactus

So in reflecting back over this portion the past two years, I am struck by new learning about divine providence. A year ago, I created a math problem to convince me I had commissioned the correct artist for my painting. In a sense, I created my own divine providence. Reflecting on the process, the commission was NOT really what I wanted.

And. Reflecting on this? Maybe it actually was.  It wasn’t what I had envisioned.  But the rendering may have been important for me to consider.  As I look back on it today (I am not going to share because although the artist did a BEAUTIFUL job, it just wasn’t what I had envisioned) what I noticed is my vision had life to it.  The rendering seemed hollow. I convinced myself I was making the right decision (using math) to commission an art project seeking life – and found only a hallow shell.

Before I go further, let’s dig into to the portion:

53And the servant took out silver articles and golden articles and garments, and he gave [them] to Rebecca, and he gave delicacies to her brother and to her mother.

54And they ate and drank, he and the men who were with him, and they lodged, and they arose in the morning, and he said, “Send me away to my master.”

55And her brother and her mother said, “Let the maiden stay with us a year or ten [months]; afterwards she will go.”

56But he said to them, “Do not delay me, since the Lord has made my way prosper. Send me away, and I will go to my master.”

57And they said, “Let us call the maiden and ask her.”

Looking back at the reflection two years ago, I see it now.  The servant and Rebecca were co-creating a reality with Abraham and Hashem – and it APPEARED Laban and Bethuel were too.  But we see – they may not have been. We don’t KNOW for sure. But it’s clear.  They weren’t as on board as Abraham and his servant were in this moment.

Contextually, we know where Laban ends up – and I wonder if this moment stuck with him.  And that is where Rachel and Leah and their engagement with Jacob is rooted in.  But that’s for a different day.

Let’s keep going:

58And they summoned Rebecca, and they said to her, “Will you go with this man?” And she said, “I will go.”

59So they sent away Rebecca their sister and her nurse and Abraham’s servant and his men.

60And they blessed Rebecca and said to her, “Our sister, may you become thousands of myriads, and may your seed inherit the cities of their enemies.”

61And Rebecca and her maidens arose and rode on the camels, and they followed the man; and the servant took Rebecca and left.

We see clearly Rebecca was on board.  Laban and Bethuel? We don’t REALLY know their motives – they may have blessed her for their own reasons.  But I find myself asking – does it matter?

And now we are at the point I am going to make some connections.

First. Back to the beginning.  The commission.  Doing math to convince myself of divine providence.

Divine providence? Doesn’t require math. Doesn’t require calculation. Doesn’t require anxiety about “missing it.”  Divine providence IS clarity. It can’t be explained any other way.  You know.

Another story.  In the latest chapter of my life, which I believe is soon coming to a close – I have written about and shared my journey with plants.  I was NEVER able to grow plants.  I killed cactus.  I’m not kidding.

But in this chapter, I have taken an Avocado pit and from that, I have grown a tree.  I took mustard seed and have grown mustard greens. I have kept a cactus alive.

But for the past month, I have a TON of gnats. They are ALL over the house. I have been focused on the gnats. Flypaper. Plug solutions. But I haven’t considered the SOURCE of the gnats.

I read something that these particular flies MAY be happening because the soil for my plants is too moist. I water almost every day (don’t worry – not the cactus).

A good friend gave me a “Christmas Cactus” on Monday.  I asked her about caring for it.  She mentioned watering it once a week.  A Christmas cactus looks more like a plant than a cactus.

In this moment, I am realizing. I am doing math to try and make the gnats divine providence, instead of focusing on letting the soil dry out because this moment, this chapter of my life is all about fertilizer.

I’m tired of smelling the fertilizer, and I have mistakenly believed by watering the soil more, it will take the smell away (I am now speaking metaphorically for those not following my brain).  And although it takes the smell away, I now have pests in my life. I’m resisting the idea that I don’t need to do anything in order to grow.  I just need to dry out. By drying out, the pests will go away.  At least, I think this is what I am learning.  We will see next year whether there is a new lesson to come from this.

Because looking back to my commentary a year ago.  I was wrong. And I was right. At the same time. We can call it “Schrödinger’s Commentary.” It wasn’t divine providence. At it was.

So what’s the takeaway here?

Today’s Torah portion is about divine providence. When it hits us – we can recognize it like Rebecca and fully submit to it. Or we can get distracted by the gnats (because there isn’t a sign like Abraham’s servant saw) and try to figure out what they mean to FEEL like it’s divine providence.

We need to wait. Allow Divine Providence to come to us. And if we see fertilizer in our life (because it smells like crap) to just let it “dry out” and play out.

To close – the friend who gave me a Christmas Cactus – also talked about their fertilizer moments.  And also had the experience of flies. And cicadas.  As a child at JCC summer camp, I remember how COOL I thought the Cicada shells on the trees were.  And immediately realized. I’m not allowing my shell to dry out so I can move on – I’m trying to keep my shell moist because I don’t want to become a shell. And yet – that’s what can happen.  I get too focused on the shell, and I become the shell.  I need to let go – let the shell dry out, allow it to be left behind.

And. There is something beautiful about my desire to keep my shell moist, right?  That despite the smell of crap – I LOVE this chapter of my life so much I want to hold onto it. I am not willing to allow the page to turn and move forward. I am focused on a lot of things to keep me in this chapter. I need to move forward. Stop focusing on the gnats, allow the smell of crap to enter my being – feel it, sense it, be it. And then when Hashem and I are ready? He will intervene so I can leave my shell behind. Until then? My job is just to remain focused on me – and not the gnats. Let the soil dry out. Let the shell dry out. Leave it behind.

For us? Here are some questions for us to take away:

• What are the “pests” in our lives we are focused on that are distracting us from the moment? From our current reality?
• What are we “watering too much” in our lives that these pests are showing up?
• As we enter a new moon next week – what intents can we set for the month of Kislev (Chanukkah coming y’all – the Festival of LIGHTS!) that relate to what we need to STOP watering and start allowing?

There is more to this portion – but for now, this feels like the right takeway.  I think I am being called to stop watering this fifth portion, and allow the rest to dry out.

Here is my commentary from the past two years:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for Heshvan 23, 5783

I’m really reflecting on how Today’s passage speaks to our response about divine providence.

When things happen that are just too coincidental to be believed, do we receive this? Or do we dismiss it? What actions do we take when we encounter these divine synchronicities? Have you ever experienced one?

Lately, my life has been intertwined with these divine connections.

There has been an art project I was wanting to have commissioned. It’s been since the summer. I never felt like the right person came along to do the project. I had reached out to someone on my feed who had been posting art in a style I thought could really work.

When it came time for a deposit, their Venmo included the number 12. This is my “big number” those of you who’ve known me know how important 12 was. Well, I asked the artist, and they said it was random, but that their big number was 13. I replied how my big numbers were 8 and 12, and they said theirs was 9 and 13. One number higher. I asked why 13, and they said they were born on the 13th. I explained I was born on the 12. Then I asked what month, and my jaw dropped when they said “May” – because I was born in April. We were off by 1 in every way. And the artist was 1 higher, which confirmed for me, they are the one to do this piece for me.

I couldn’t have predicted this. I could not have made this up. But I receive this as divine confirmation that I’m on the right track.

Have you ever experienced something like this? Share your divine providence stories!

Torah thoughts for Heshvan 22, 5782

Today we continue the story and journey of Rebekah and Isaac; Eliezer has just recounted the story to Rebekah’s family, and they’ve agreed to let her go. Eliezer ended the last portion prostrated on the ground to God.

Todays portion starts out with Eliezer bestowing gifts upon Rebekah and her family. Everyone ate and drank that evening and stayed the night.

The next morning, Eliezer asked to leave for Abraham. He intended to have Rebekah join him; and then the family threw a curveball; they asked Eliezer to let Rebekah stay with the family for a year or ten months.

The family says “let’s ask Rebekah” which seems like a very kind and right thing to do.

But Why? Why the sudden change?

Rabbi Moses Alshekh in the 16th century writes;

“when Eliezer first arrived at their house, laden with gold and silver vessels, Rebekah’s family assumed they would receive a portion of the gold and silver; their greed accelerated their consent and overrode any concern for their sister’s welfare. Now that Eliezer had given all the gold and silver to Rebekah, while they received mere gifts of fruits, they quickly changed their minds. It was in their interest to keep their now wealthy sister under their roof for as long as possible, and they raised the issue of Rebekah’s consent as an excuse for their hesitance.”

Two things here;

1. I had to pause and reflect on this situation. I know I can’t fully understand the cultural context, but as a dad of six daughters, if a strange man came to our house with a story and wanted to have his boss marry one of my daughters after just meeting her? That would have been nuts. Unsafe even. Questioning the motive of Rebekah’s family and whether they really trusted Hashem or they were doing it out of greed was something I had not considered previously.
2. The family (I think) believed Rebekah would have chosen to stay and must have been shocked when she said she would go. If you think about it; Rebekah’s story is similar to Abraham’s in this way; that out of idolatry and other issues, trusting Hashem grew from such a place. That’s pretty incredible.

Rebekah responds by saying she will go with Eliezer. What faith she must have had! To trust this situation – when it screams “danger!” Some might say Rebekah was foolish; but it makes sense that Hashem would bring Rebekah to Isaac.

Fast forward to the group arriving to Isaac. The Talmud says Rebekah was stunned by Isaac’s appearance. She didn’t know it was Isaac at first; she asked Eliezer who the attractive guy was, and when she discovered he was Isaac, she put on her veil.

Eliezer tells Isaac the story of everything that happened. Then Isaac brought Rebekah to the tent of Sarah.

Now. This portion closes in verse 67; “Isaac brought her to the tent of his Mother Sarah. He took Rebekah, she became his wife, and he loved her. Isaac was comforted for (the loss of) his mother.

This passage is interesting to me; because I’m not really sure if it’s meant to be literal or a summary. Like, did Isaac bring Rebekah into the tent of his mother, and when the Torah says “he took Rebekah, she became his wife” does it mean he basically brought her into the tent, they knew each other (in the biblical sense) right then and there, and they were married? Cause that would be rushing things to say the least.

Why? Why would Isaac do this? Why would Rebekah agree to this? Or does the Torah leave a lot out of the story?

My only thought (and would love you to share yours) is that both Isaac and Rebekah saw the Devine Providence and didn’t question it; but instead leaned into it; trusting that Hashem worked this all out. That is some big time faith.

The Babylonian Talmud, Niddah 30b says this; “Devine Providence is continuously active, every day and in every detail of your life. Supernatural (miraculous) Divine Providence is not limited to revealed miracles, but also in ordinary daily life there is miraculous intervention, except that ‘the one to whom a miracle occurs does not recognize his miracle.’”

That’s something this portion has me chewing on today. What miracles am I not recognizing? What miracles are we not recognizing? They are there. I want to see them. How about you?

As always; post your thoughts below!