Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 8 Kislev, 5784
Parsha Vayeitzei (Genesis 28:10 – 32:3)
Third Portion: Genesis 29:18 – 30:13
We have now entered the second quarter of the moon cycle of Kislev – as the light of the moon moves towards fullness, AND we approach the American holiday of Thanksgiving – may our gratitude light the way this week as we reach the fullness of Kislev! Let’s dig into today’s portion!
We left yesterday with Laban asking Jacob what his wages would be for working for Laban. The Torah tells us about Laban’s daughters – one was Tender, one had beautiful features and a beautiful complexion.
It is interesting the Torah is THAT specific. It doesn’t say “Rachel was beautiful” it said her features and complexion were beautiful. It really does cause us to pause and consider “what is beauty?” Doesn’t it? Because I will be honest, at this point in my life – I find tenderness much more beautiful than anything else. So what does Jacob choose?
18And Jacob loved Rachel, and he said, “I will work for you seven years for Rachel, your younger daughter.”
19And Laban said, “It is better that I give her to you than I should give her to another man. Stay with me.”
From past commentary – you can see – Laban’s plan was to have Rachel distract Jacob from his spiritual growth and development. We KNOW Laban knew the tradition of marrying off your older daughter FIRST. So the request to marry Rachel was unique.
And again – keep in mind – Jacob has had a one track mind since seeing Rachel – he ignored tradition. He didn’t follow any of the customs.
This all sounds super romantic on one level, doesn’t it? Jacob throws tradition out for a woman! It’s like straight out of a hallmark movie!
So let’s keep going:
20So Jacob worked for Rachel seven years, but they appeared to him like a few days because of his love for her.
21And Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife, for my days are completed, that I may come to her.”
22So Laban gathered all the people of the place, and he made a feast.
Yay! It’s beautiful! Rachel was so loved by Jacob the time went quickly. It came time for the wedding.
And….
23And it came to pass in the evening that Laban took his daughter Leah, and he brought her to him, and he came to her.
24And Laban gave Zilpah his maidservant to his daughter Leah as a maidservant.
25And it came to pass in the morning, and behold she was Leah! So he said to Laban, “What is this that you have done to me? Did I not work with you for Rachel? Why have you deceived me?”
Jacob. Um. Maybe you aren’t living a life of clarity here? Where is the personal responsibility? Should you have KNOWN Leah wasn’t Rachel?
Because let me be clear. “He brought her to him, and he came to her” is a euphemism. They had sex.
Ok. I’ll confess I am judging Jacob a smidge here. MAYBE more than a smidge. But I am super curious about a lot:
- Why did Jacob rush at the well? Why didn’t he just let things unfold?
- Why did Jacob ignore tradition when he would have knows Leah needed to marry before Rachel?
- Why did Jacob choose 7 years to work for Rachel?
- Why did Jacob choose physical beauty and ignore Leah’s tenderness?
- How is it possible Jacob slept with Leah and didn’t know it was Rachel?
I am stuck on that last one. It is certainly possible in Jewish tradition – there are certain marriage rituals that could cause part of this. But I want to go back to something we read yesterday:
(29:17) Leah’s eyes were tender, but Rachel had beautiful features and a beautiful complexion.
I am wondering if our brains read this and we infer something that may not be true. I wonder if reading this, we read “Rachel had beautiful features and a beautiful complexion but Leah did not.”
That is not what the Torah says. The contrast here could have been more about Leah. Leah seems to be the subject of the verse – Leah had tender eyes. We know the eyes are the window to the soul. Maybe the Torah is telling us (in this verse) Leah was the fullness of beauty, but Rachel’s beauty was only surface?
Again – I am not desiring to judge Rachel here. I am curious though about this verse. It seems to be a crucial piece of the puzzle here. How we see Leah and Rachel – changes how we read today’s portion, doesn’t it? Maybe even the rest of the Torah? It almost seems like a fulcrum.
As I reflect back on my commentary from the past two years. As I reflect back on my thoughts prior to digging into the Torah; I can see how my views on Leah and Rachel shift all the time. I soften on Rachel – I judge Rachel – I feel sorry for Leah – I judge Jacob. Those thoughts seem to shift every cycle. And THAT is a curious thing for me. This verse may be more important than we realize:
(29:17) Leah’s eyes were tender, but Rachel had beautiful features and a beautiful complexion.
There are a few ways to read this:
- Leah had personality, but Rachel was beautiful
- Leah was ugly and got by on her personality, Rachel got by on her looks but had an ugly personality
- Leah had the fullness of beauty but Rachel only had beauty that was skin deep
- Leah and Rachel BOTH had the fullness of beauty – but the Torah wants us to focus on Leah’s tenderness and Rachel’s physical features
And what I realize comes back to my communication background. Inference vs Insinuation.
This verse begs us to infer. What we infer is connected to where WE are.
We are on a journey to spiritual freedom and liberation. That has been what we have been focused on. Anything that pulls us away from that? Leads us to slavery. And maybe this is the point.
As we reach the light of Kislev. Where are we on our spiritual journey? How do we view Rachel and Leah? How are those interconnected? What does our inferences about Rachel and Leah say about our spirituality? How will this impact our spiritual journey the rest of this Torah cycle?
This seems to be a good place to reflect (in my opinion). Jacob couldn’t tell Leah and Rachel apart. That seems crucial to me. There is freedom in choosing Leah and Rachel.
And. I realize – in this portion – we have another choice. We can read this verse:
(29:17) Leah’s eyes were tender, but Rachel had beautiful features and a beautiful complexion.
From three vantage points:
- Are we Jacob choosing between Leah and Rachel?
- Are we Leah wanting Jacob to choose us?
- Are we Rachel knowing Jacob WILL choose us?
And maybe we are all three at the same time? Because this is the context for that verse:
(29:15) And Laban said to Jacob, “Because you are my kinsman, should you work for me gratis? Tell me what your wages shall be.”
The context for all of this? What will our wages be? In this moment. What is our purpose? What do we want Hashem to compensate us with?
- Are we Jacob choosing between tenderness or physical beauty?
- Are we Leah asking to be compensated with recognition of our tenderness?
- Are we Rachel asking to be compensated for our physical beauty (or Material things)?
If you have to choose how the rest of the year will go- until the next Rosh Hashanah, the next Yom Kippur – what would you want? Because THIS may be the gift of Hanukkah. The miracle is – we get to choose our gift! What would you choose?
Let’s keep going:
26And Laban said, “It is not done so in our place to give the younger one before the firstborn.
27Complete the [wedding] week of this one, and we will give you this one too, for the work that you will render me for another seven years.”
28And Jacob did so, and he completed the week of this one, and he gave his daughter Rachel to him as a wife.
29And Laban gave his daughter Rachel his maidservant Bilhah, for a maidservant.
30And he came also to Rachel, and he also loved Rachel more than Leah; and he worked with him yet another seven years.
Jacob made his choice. And then doubled down on it. He worked 14 years a slave just for Rachel’s physical beauty. And Hashem saw it:
31And the Lord saw that Leah was hated, so He opened her womb; but Rachel was barren.
We know – Jacob hated Leah. And THAT was a problem. Jacob HATED tenderness. That was a problem. And Hashem loved Leah – and opened her womb – which meant she was barren before. He EXPANDED Leah. Leah was seen. Hashem was watching. Children are crucial in Jewish tradition. They pass on the ancestry. And Hashem was about to bless Leah in a big way. AND. The naming of children is also crucial in Jewish tradition, and we are going to get an insight into Leah and Rachel in how they named their kids:
32And Leah conceived and bore a son, and she named him Reuben, for she said, “Because the Lord has seen my affliction, for now my husband will love me.”
33And she conceived again and bore a son, and she said, “Since the Lord has heard that I am hated, He gave me this one too.” So she named him Simeon.
34And she conceived again and bore a son, and she said, “Now this time my husband will be attached to me, for I have borne him three sons; therefore, He named him Levi.
35And she conceived again and bore a son, and she said, “This time, I will thank the Lord!” Therefore, she named him Judah, and [then] she stopped bearing.
Now – we see – all Leah wanted was Jacob to love her. She KNEW Hashem loved her. She probably believed Hashem wanted JACOB to love her too.
And again – it is interesting how Levi got named. Hashem named Levi. He heard Leah – and he attached Jacob and Leah together.
Leah named her kids with gratitude. A desire to be loved by her husband. She was tender. Now the Torah switches (Genesis 30:1-2)
1And Rachel saw that she had not borne [any children] to Jacob, and Rachel envied her sister, and she said to Jacob, “Give me children, and if not, I am dead.”
2And Jacob became angry with Rachel, and he said, “Am I instead of God, Who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb?”
Rachel was kind of a drama queen, wasn’t she? Sorry – that’s judgment. But we do see – Rachel envied. We never see those words written about Leah – she wasn’t envious of Rachel. She just wanted her husband to love her.
We see Jacob become angry with Rachel. Why? Shouldn’t “Love conquer all?” How can one be angry AND love someone? I mean this was a framework I probably have held onto for a long time. And yet – Jacob was angry with Rachel because she was somehow blaming Jacob for not giving her a son. She saw herself as a victim – and Jacob was the villain.
Jacob directed Rachel back to Hashem – if Hashem wanted Rachel to have children, she would. He basically told Rachel to work it out with God. So what did Rachel do?
3So she said, “Here is my maidservant Bilhah; come to her, and she will bear [children] on my knees, so that I, too, will be built up from her.”
4So she gave him her maidservant Bilhah for a wife, and Jacob came to her.
5And Bilhah conceived, and she bore Jacob a son.
Um. Okaaaay? So. Did Jacob not question this tactic? Rachel wasn’t enough – so she gave Jacob another woman to bear him a son. Like dude – you are ALREADY navigating two women? You want to bring in a third?
I do see- Jacob may have trusted this was the solution worked out between Hashem and Rachel. And maybe it was? The Torah isn’t clear on this. But Rachel kind of does what Sarah did with Abraham. And. We see the frame of mind she was in:
6And Rachel said, “God has judged me, and He has also hearkened to my voice and has given me a son”; so she named him Dan.
7And Bilhah, Rachel’s maidservant, conceived again and bore Jacob a second son.
8And Rachel said, “[With] divine bonds I have been joined to my sister; I have also prevailed”; so she named him Naftali.
Rachel is basically saying “God judged me harshly AND has also heard my voice and provided a way for me to have a son.” Then the second kid Rachel names “I have prevailed.” Um. Not pretty. Sorry – I know I am judging here. And that is the path to slavery. It is difficult to remain curious about this. And I think I am reflecting on how there are parts within me that relate to Rachel.
I have jumped ahead of Hashem and taken matters into my own hands instead of trusting.
I have declared victory prematurely.
If I judge Rachel – I judge myself. I need to continue to hold that space. AND reflect on what the Torah is trying to teach and tell us. Let’s keep going:
9When Leah saw that she had stopped bearing [children], she took her maidservant Zilpah, and gave her to Jacob for a wife.
10And Zilpah, Leah’s maidservant, bore Jacob a son.
11And Leah said, “Luck has come”; so she named him Gad.
12And Zilpah, Leah’s maidservant, bore Jacob a second son.
13And Leah said, “Because of my good fortune, for women have declared me fortunate”; so she named him Asher.
Leah reacts to what is happening. She gives Jacob Zilpah. And. There is something I think I have missed.
(30:4) So she (Rachel) gave him her maidservant Bilhah for a wife, and Jacob came to her.
(30:9) When Leah saw that she had stopped bearing [children], she took her maidservant Zilpah, and gave her to Jacob for a wife.
Rachel and Leah BOTH gave Jacob more wives. He had four wives. I didn’t realize this. And this isn’t something JACOB was initiating, was it? He initiated with Rachel. He was hyper focused on Rachel. That was what he chose. Laban and Rachel gave Leah to Jacob as a wife. Rachel gave Bilhah to Jacob as a wife. Leah gave Zilpah to Jacob as a wife. That’s how this all unfolded.
And. At each point – Jacob could have stopped. “No thank you. I don’t want another wife.”
But let me close with this. We see more about Leah and her personality – she names the two kids born by Zilpah: Luck and Fortune. Her attitude seems to be more in line with Hashem.
This is where we stop today. Which again is interesting.
I think I am ready to add to our learning. Here’s what we have so far:
- The Path of Ascension begins with curiosity and not judgement
- If someone’s curiosity causes doubt and defensiveness, be curious about our own doubt and defensiveness and NOT their motives for curiosity.
- The tree of life is within us. Choose life within with curiosity and not judgment
- Learn to balance the comfort of stumbling, with the challenge of pushing ourselves towards spiritual growth.
- Let go of a stable life. Freedom is accepting “what is” as a blessing. We can’t control what happens. We can only navigate it with bitterness or flow.
- Freedom requires balance – emotions vs intellect, humility vs confidence, thinking as an individual while staying meaningfully connected to others.
- Freedom comes from expansion and not contraction – but contraction is important to the process of expansion
- To live free, we must circumcise the foreskin of past trauma and feel the pain of healing so that our higher selves can appear to us, and we can co-create miraculous NEW life for us and others.
- To be free, we must understand what love requires vs the world around us. 10%. Just start there. Freedom is seeing the 10% and moving to 11%. Not being trapped by the daunting 90% we feel guilt and shame about. The 90% is slavery. The 10% is freedom.
- Receive the Universe. Don’t Resist it. This is the path to freedom and liberation.
- We must be vulnerable and ask for the Universe to provide. And. We don’t need to ask because the Universe knows. This is freedom.
- We must accept and receive our role in co-creating moments with Hashem.
- As we experience wells of living water in our life – the path to slavery is arguing and harassment. Make space. For ourselves and others. This is spiritual liberation and freedom. Allowing and making space. Spreading out. Not contraction.
- When we take in stories and data – we need to be careful not to bring our own bias and trauma into how the data gets stored into our hearts and minds. Those who are “not us” are part of the human experience and have their own experiences. Be curious about what we are INFERRING versus what we believe the other person is INSINUATING. This is the path to freedom – especially in communication!
It would seem – this is what we are learning:
The path to freedom involves free choice as to what we desire and will focus on. What are we working towards? Be mindful of our wages. This is the path to freedom and will impact how we communicate – both as a sender of communication and receiver of communication. We will infer and insinuate based on our wages.
Here are my commentary from the past two years:
Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for Kislev 5, 5783
Once again, I’m just blown away by where I was a year ago. I had no idea what was going on or what was about to happen in my life. But as I read these thoughts, the signs were all there.
One of the key pieces of these thoughts was Rabbi Schneerson: “the importance of overlooking our spiritual luxury to help someone else acquire spiritual necessity.”
How often do we ground ourselves in this spiritual concept? We often look for our own growth and development without consideration of the impact on others.
As we study Jacob’s sons, we are seeing the roots of a might nation form. We also see the beginnings of slavery start to develop.
Jacob gives up his freedom to marry Rachel. He gives this all up for a woman. But did he see this as a prison? I don’t think he did. The power of love kept him feeling free.
These are my thoughts for today! How about you?
Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for Kislev 5, 5782
Today was supposed to be the first day of my new job, but Hashem has other plans. As I dig into today’s Torah portion with a radical departure in how my brain expected today to go, I’m curious as to how that will connect with the Torah. I fully expect it to.
The portion today (Genesis 29:18-30:12) is a longer one. We ended yesterdays portion with Laban asking Jacob what he could pay for Jacob’s services.
We start with learning that Jacob loved Rachel; so he proposed to Laban that he would work for Laban for seven years, and in return Rachel would be his wife. Laban curiously responds “it is better for me to give her to you than for me to give her to another man.” I mean, a simple “yeah, sure” would have sufficed, wouldn’t it? so why?
Rabbi Simchah Bunem of Pzrysucha wrote, “Laban’s intentions here were not altruistic. He knew his daughter was an attractive girl. If he gave her to Jacob then perhaps Jacob would become enraptured by her beauty and lose focus in achieving his own spiritual growth.”
I’m sitting with that. How often do things distract us from our spiritual growth? Even my own ex-wife and her beauty has previously distracted me from my own spiritual growth. Full stop here. I am not blaming or placing responsibility on her for this. The issue is PURELY my own.
Hashem (in my opinion) gives us these challenges (like being married to a beautiful woman) in order to strengthen us and bless us spiritually. It is easy for our spouses to BECOME the object of our worship instead of Hashem. I know I have been (am) guilty of that for sure. The immense pressure that puts on our spouses is incredible. They can’t live up to this ideal. It’s something I continually wrestle with. Again, this is not the wife’s fault or responsibility. I am responsible for my own spiritual growth and connection with Hashem.
That helps me understand why Laban didn’t just say “yeah sure.”
Ok; so Jacob works for seven years. But it went by quickly because he loved her.
He went to Laban to ask for Rachel’s hand in marriage. Laban throws a feast and in the evening when it was dark, Laban brings Rachel to Jacob to marry. Wait. No. That’s not what happened.
Laban brings Leah to Jacob and Jacob consummated the marriage with Leah. In the morning Jacob realized it was Leah!
Hold up. How could Jacob not have recognized it was Leah the night before?
The Talmud talks about this. Knowing Laban wasn’t completely trustworthy, Jacob gave Rachel a code word so he’d know he was marrying the right person. The idea is Rachel knew what her father was going to do, and didn’t want her older sister to be embarrassed in front of everyone (when Jacob would have discovered it was not Rachel and revealed to the wedding party- completely embarrassing Leah). So Rachel told Leah the code word to prevent her from embarrassment. This is why Jacob didn’t know until the next morning.
So let’s stop here for a moment because there is a lot to unpack.
First; Rachel. So my first question; we don’t read in the Torah anywhere that “Rachel loved Jacob.” Did Rachel actually love Jacob? Am I assuming she did based on context? Or did she feel obligated to marry him? I think those are important questions; because they would have impacted her decision with Leah.
Assuming she DID love Jacob, telling Leah the signs to avoid her embarrassment is pretty incredible. Because she loved her sister so much- she was willing to sacrifice her marriage to the man she loved to avoid Leah being embarrassed.
If she more felt obligated to Marry Jacob, and this was an out for her, she is still showing her love for her sister and her father by doing what they wanted her to do. Either way, Rachel here seems to be someone who is an amazing woman in the line of amazing matriarchs!
Jacob then confronts Laban. Why did Laban deceive him? Laban explains that they don’t give the younger in marriage before the older. Laban makes Jacob a deal; accept the marriage to Leah, finish the week of feasting and immediately, Laban will give Rachel to Jacob in marriage as well, and in return Jacob would work an additional seven years (AFTER marrying Rachel) for Laban.
So Jacob is the first of our patriarchs to engage in polygamy. There is some question as to how that could be, since (as Rashi explains) the Patriarchs kept the entire Torah before it was given. The belief is they did this not because they had to; it was out of their own personal obligation.
Rabbi Schneerson provides us a pretty good explanation;
“Since Jacob had promised to marry Rachel, and she had been waiting seven years to get married, Jacob was unable to renege on his promise, otherwise he would be guilty of deception. Jacob was therefore forced to overlook the personal stringency of keeping the entire Torah, which does not allow a person to marry two sisters, so as not to be guilty of deception towards Rachel which was prohibited by Noahide law.
The lesson here from Rabbi Schneerson’s perspective is the “importance of overlooking our spiritual luxury to help someone else acquire a spiritual necessity.”
That’s a really crucial lesson, to be honest. How often are we willing to sacrifice our spiritual luxuries to provide spiritual necessities for someone else?
In the idea of a delay to my start of work, what spiritual necessities do I need to be providing for my family while this delay is happening. It is interesting that Jacob had to wait a week to marry Rachel; I will likely have to wait a week to start my new job. COVID is like Laban; always looking for ways to distract me from my purpose. That’s one of the things I’m taking away here. The importance of dignity – and preserving the dignity of my daughters and wife. Those are important lessons for me to take away.
What about you? What do you take away?
The story continues that Jacob finished out his week, and then Marries Rachel and works for Laban for seven years! Hopefully that’s NOT a prophecy that COVID is going to last an additional seven years in our life! Maybe that is connected to how many years I will be working at my new job? We shall see!
Ok; Rachel and Leah and Jacob are married. And they live happily ever after!!! Wait. No. That’s not what happened.
We pivot over to childbirth.
Verse 29:31 was really a struggle for me for a while; “God saw that Leah was hated, so He opened her womb. Rachel was barren.”
That seems REALLY cruel on one hand. Why would Hashem make Rachel barren? Given all she did and sacrificed, why was THAT the outcome?
Well, after reading and rereading that passage, I can recognize that Hashem didn’t MAKE Rachel barren. The way it’s written, out of mercy, he OPENED Leah’s womb. The assumption here has to be they were BOTH barren to begin with; as Laban’s daughters that they would not produce children may seem to connect with who Laban was. It was out of extreme mercy that because Leah suffered with her father, suffered being given in marriage to someone who didn’t want her, suffered being in a marriage where the Torah says she was “hated.” The womb of blessing was opened! It’s easy to lose sight of this. It seems really unfair if we are comparing Rachel and Leah. But if we assume both were barren, and Rachel received the love of Jacob as a blessing, Leah received the blessing of children for her suffering. Just my thoughts here. Curious as to yours!
Ok; time for the babies!
First up we have Reuben! Leah names her firstborn Reuben (behold a son!) because (as Leah said) “God has seen my affliction, since now my husband will love me!”
Next up we have Simeon (to be heard). Leah names him this because “God has heard that I am hated. He gave me this one too.”
Next we have Levi (joined in Harmony). Leah names him this because “This time my husband will be attached to me for I have borne him three sons”
In the case of the other children, it read “and she named him…” but with Levi, God names him.
One more interesting piece about this. Rabbi Obadiah Sforno writes “when something occurs three times, it constitutes a legal precedent (hazakah). Levi’s birth thus appeared to be evidence that Leah would have many more children. Levi’s name was appropriate because it seems to indicate that Leah was legally married to Jacob by way of three sons.
Finally we have Judah (thanksgiving). Leah names him this because “This time I will thank God.”
So four sons. Behold a son, To be heard, Joined in Harmony, Thanksgiving.
See a pattern? Leah’s struggle brought her to gratitude towards Hashem. She lived in the struggle and continued to be positive!
In our current family struggle with COVID, how do I remain in a place where Leah is? Feeling heard by Hashem, connected in Harmony? Grateful? Aware of Hashem’s presence?
How do we do this as Jews? As humans?
Then, we read Leah stopped having children.
Then we turn our attention to Rachel.
Rachel was jealous of Leah and all the sons borne to her. She goes to Jacob and asks him to petition Hashem on her behalf. Jacob got angry with Rachel in response and basically says “this is between you and God!”
Rachel (like Sarah) decides to give Jacob her maid Bilhah.
Bilhah started having children, but Rachel got to name them.
Fifth son came and Rachel named him Dan (judgement) because Rachel said “God has judged me (and acquitted me). He has listened to my voice and given me a son.”
Next up we have Naphtali (my struggle, my strife) because Rachel said “I have stubbornly offered my tortuous prayers to God and my prayers were accepted, as with my sister. I too have been successful.
Now; the sister battle continues. Leah saw she stopped having children and copies her sister’s plan; she gave Zilpah to Jacob as a wife. She bears two sons;
Now we have the next son’s born;
Gad (good fortune) was the seventh son because Leah said “God fortune has come.”
Next up is Asher (praised) because Leah says “I am praised because women now praise me.”
So; if we are keeping score (which the Torah seems to do);
Leah is 4 and 2 (natural and through her maid)
Rachel is 0 and 2.
So far, 1/3 of the 12 are descendants of Leah. 1/3 are split evenly between the maids of Leah and Rachel.
It’s interesting we stop here for today. I’m curious where we go tomorrow.
Wow. That’s a lot here to unpack. If you have read this far, please leave a comment so I know! It’s always good to know who is reading through this each day!
Hope you have an amazing Tuesday!
No responses yet