Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 2 Tevet, 5784
Parsha Mikketz (Genesis 41:1 -44:17)
Fifth Portion: Genesis 42:19 – 43:15

It is the Seventh Day of Hanukkah! Today we light the world around us in a (limited) perfect way!  Let’s make intentional choices on how we want to live each moment of this day!  Tonight we light the final candle. It is beyond our perfection – it is Hashem’s supernatural perfection.  And. Hashem chooses to need us to TAKE the action.  Hashem needs us. We must light the candle. And. Hashem will take care of the rest. In total perfection.

Let’s dig into today’s portion.  It’s a smidge longer – but let’s see what we can learn!

We left off yesterday with the brothers in prison. Joseph returned after three days and said “Do this and live; I fear God.” He was dropping more hints – Jacob wrestled with God. The brothers SURELY would have known the difference between Pharaoh and the Egyptians talking about “gods” versus Joseph saying “I fear God” in the singular.

However, the brothers were likely afraid – so they weren’t listening.  And I think this is another lesson to learn.

When we are afraid, we struggle to listen; to others, to the Universe, to Hashem, to ourselves.

So let’s see what Joseph tells them to do in order to live:

19If you are honest, your one brother will be confined in your prison, and you, go bring the grain for the hunger of your households.

20And bring your youngest brother to me, so that your words may be verified, and you will not die.” And they did so.

They agreed immediately.  But they had the “meeting after the meeting” in Hebrew, thinking Joseph could not hear them:

21And they said to one another, “Indeed, we are guilty for our brother, that we witnessed the distress of his soul when he begged us, and we did not listen. That is why this trouble has come upon us.”

22And Reuben answered them, saying, “Didn’t I tell you, saying, ‘Do not sin against the lad,’ but you did not listen? Behold, his blood, too, is being demanded!”

23They did not know that Joseph understood, for the interpreter was between them.

My next takeaway here is that when we think Hashem isn’t listening – Hashem is.  He sees. He hears. He loves. Hashem does not require an interpreter to hear what we are saying – even if we are speaking a different language. We can trust this.  Let’s keep going:

24And he turned away from them and wept, then returned to them and spoke to them; and he took Simeon from among them and imprisoned him before their eyes.

Simeon was chosen to stay behind. Simeon was the one who through Joseph into the pit.  Joseph grieved in his heart. I go back to Jacob’s father Isaac; and his blessing to Esau – until we grieve, the foot of those who hurt us will be on our neck (I paraphrased). Joseph was now grieving the hurt of being thrown into the pit.  Maybe he WAS angry at first (back in verse  41:7)

7And Joseph saw his brothers, and he recognized them, but he made himself a stranger to them, and he spoke to them harshly, and he said to them, “Where do you come from?” And they said, “From the land of Canaan to purchase food.”

If you are familiar with Kubler-Ross’ model of grief, we can begin to see here the Torah came up with this model LONG before Kubler-Ross did.  AND. The Torah is cyclical – so every year we read this, and go through this cycle more and more. The Torah seems to lay this grief model out for us:

• • Denial – Joseph was in denial about the grief he felt with his brothers most likely for a LONG time.
  • Anger – we see in verse seven Joseph being angry.
  • Bargaining – Joseph left off the portion yesterday getting ready to cut a bargain with the brothers

19If you are honest, your one brother will be confined in your prison, and you, go bring the grain for the hunger of your households.

20And bring your youngest brother to me, so that your words may be verified, and you will not die.” And they did so.

• • Sadness/Depression – we see Joseph weeping here in verse 24.

Interesting huh? Grief. The Torah seems to be focused on Grief here.  And how Grief seems to be connected to slavery and being stuck.

Let’s keep going:

25And Joseph commanded, and they filled their vessels with grain, and [he commanded] to return their money into each one’s sack, and to give them provisions for the journey, and he did so for them.

26And they loaded their grain upon their donkeys, and they went away from there.

Why did Joseph give them their money back? We go back to realities. Joseph’s motives vs how the brothers perceive this. Given we watched Joseph grieve – it is POSSIBLE Joseph returned the money out of love for his family.  It is ALSO possible it was a test. He was back to bargaining. It is ALSO possible – consciously, Joseph did it out of love – but subconsciously he still didn’t trust his brothers -so it was both/and.  Let’s keep going.

27The one opened his sack to give fodder to his donkey at the lodging place, and he saw his money there it was, in the mouth of his sack.

28And he said to his brothers, “My money has been returned, and indeed, here it is in my sack! ” Their hearts sank, and trembling, they turned to one another, saying, “What is this that God has done to us?”

Regardless of Joseph’s intent; the brothers inferred this was a BAD sign. They assumed the WORST about the situation. And – they blamed God. Let’s keep going:

29And they came to Jacob their father, to the land of Canaan, and they told him all that had befallen them, saying,

30″The man, the lord of the land, spoke to us harshly, and he accused us of spying on the land.

31And we said to him, ‘We are honest; we were never spies.

32We are twelve brothers, the sons of our father; one is gone, and today the youngest is with our father in the land of Canaan.’

33And the man, the lord of the land, said to us, ‘With this I will know that you are honest; leave one of your brothers with me, and [what is needed for] the hunger of your households, take and go.

34And bring your youngest brother to me, so that I will know that you are not spies, that you are honest; [then] I will give you your brother, and you may travel around in the land.’ “

35And it came to pass that they were emptying their sacks and behold! Each one’s bundle of money was in his sack; they saw the bundles of their money, they and their father, and they became frightened.

So we see this playing out, don’t we? The Torah concludes the brothers are honest.  They are not connivers.  Their reality is different than Joseph’s.  And. They are scared. Grief can do that. Let’s keep going:

36And their father Jacob said to them, “You have bereaved me-Joseph is gone, and Simeon is gone, and you want to take Benjamin! All these troubles have come upon me.”

Jacob seems to confirm this – and; I am recognizing he is NAMED Jacob in the Torah here.  The Torah does not refer to him as Israel. That’s curious isn’t it?

But Jacob literally tells us – the brothers have put him in touch with his grief.  “You have bereaved me.”  Let’s keep going:

37And Reuben spoke to his father, saying, “You may put my two sons to death if I don’t bring him (Benjamin) to you. Put him into my hand[s] and I will return him to you.”

38But he (Jacob) said, “My son shall not go down with you, because his brother is dead, and he alone is left, and if misfortune befalls him on the way you are going, you will bring down my gray head in sorrow to the grave.”

Jacob refuses to let the plan unfold. No – Joseph in Egypt does not know what is going on.  Simeon in prison does not know what is going on.  Jacob is responding out of fear. He’s protective of Benjamin.  He connects the loss of his children with his own death.  And. At the same time, Jacob is unaware – all of his sons are safe.

What must Joseph be thinking in Egypt? Did the brothers just take the money and run? Did they not talk to Jacob about Benjamin? Were they scared? Joseph would have been questioning – “why did they leave Simeon in prison?” Maybe they haven’t learned their lesson.

BOTH of these realities are real. From Joseph’s perspective, we couldn’t be critical if he came to us as friends and described the situation and he gets angry about it. AND. If Jacob and his other sons came to us with their version of reality, we wouldn’t be critical about their fear, would we?  How do we reconcile both of these realities?

Trust Hashem to work it out.

Because that is what seems to be what happened:

1But the hunger was severe in the land.

2And it came to pass, when they finished eating the grain that they had brought from Egypt, that their father said to them, “Go back [and] buy us a little food.”

Things did not get better. Jacob needed to listen to Hashem – to trust Hashem.  Jacob (in his grief) likely forgot the cost for sending his sons back to Egypt. But his sons did not:

3But Judah spoke to him, saying, “The man warned us repeatedly, saying, ‘You shall not see my face if your brother is not with you.’

4If you send our brother with us, we will go down and buy food for you.

5But if you do not send [him], we will not go down, because the man said to us, ‘You shall not see my face if your brother is not with you.’ “

The brothers put their foot down.  They would rather die of starvation then go to Egypt without Benjamin.  Then the Torah does something curious:

6And Israel said, “Why have you harmed me, by telling the man that you have another brother?”

The Torah uses the name Israel here instead of Jacob.  Given the comment “why have you harmed me?” and blaming the brothers for being honest, I would NOT have expected the Torah to refer to Jacob as Israel in this passage.

I’m reflecting on this.  Why is he referred to Israel here?

The first thing that came to my mind was for us to pay attention here.  And I dig into this. Israel is reacting and communicating HONESTLY in his grief and pain. For the first time since Joseph disappeared. Israel seems to be sharing his feelings with his sons. It’s raw. It’s emotional. But it’s real.

How often in our grief do we try to hold back our feelings to protect others? Our honest feelings? We sacrifice ourselves. We abandon ourselves. We reject ourselves. To protect others.  On one hand that SEEMS admirable. On another? It seems to do this, we must honor our grief.  This is the only way through it. So let’s add this to our learning:

When we feel stuck; enslaved – look within for grief. What are we holding onto that we are struggling to let go of? Can we be open and honest with our grief – with ourselves? With others? Or are we AFRAID of our grief and it coming out and how others will react to it? Be true to ourselves. Be Israel. Be raw. This is the path back to freedom.

How do the brothers respond?

7They said, “The man asked about us and about our family, saying, ‘Is your father still alive? Do you have a brother?’ And we told him according to these words. Could we have known that he would say, ‘Bring your brother down’?”

8And Judah said to Israel, his father, “Send the lad with me, and we will get up and go, and we will live and not die, both we and you and also our young children.

9I will guarantee him; from my hand you can demand him. If I do not bring him to you and stand him up before you, I will have sinned against you forever.

They receive the grief from Jacob. And it inspires the oldest to step into leadership. To take responsibility. To replay the situation and ask for criticism on how it was handled. Judah made a promise to Israel. Again – that Jacob was named Israel here in the Torah seems super significant. Jacob made the most solemn vow he could make to Israel. He communicated clearly his intentions. His mission. His desires. And acknowledged if he failed – he would not only fail against Hashem – he would fail against Israel.

So. Something I am reflecting.  The Torah here (and I am unsure if it is the first time) has Judah speaking to Israel.  If it had been written “Judah spoke to Jacob” I think I would reflect a little differently.

It seemed in THIS moment – Judah was speaking to the higher part of who Jacob was. The honest and raw part. The vulnerable part.  Judah had a choice – to speak to Jacob or speak to Israel.

My takeaway? When we encounter OTHERS in their grief – do we speak to them and VALIDATE this grief – or do we reject it because it makes us uncomfortable.  This is the reciprocal lesson and takeaway here.

When we feel stuck; enslaved – look within for grief. What are we holding onto that we are struggling to let go of? Can we be open and honest with our grief – with ourselves? With others? Or are we AFRAID of our grief and it coming out and how others will react to it? Be true to ourselves. Be Israel. Be raw. This is the path back to freedom.

When we encounter OTHERS in their grief – who feel stuck; enslaved – but we have the privilege of their raw and honest grief? We can VALIDATE that grief, reject that grief, or try to fix it.

I’ll be honest – that second lesson? Seems daunting. Because I’ll confess – others’ grief? Is tough to navigate. For multiple reasons:

• If their grief is connected to me? I feel embarrassed, guilty, and ashamed – it’s hard to get out of myself and be present for them.
• If their grief is NOT connected to me? I feel helpless and ashamed and guilty – because I DESIRE to fix it for them – and I can’t.
• If there are things I am avoiding grief for? This puts me in touch with those parts of me.

Others’ grief puts us in touch with our own grief AND our grief puts us in touch with others’ grief.  It’s a cyclone.

And. Judah seems to see this. And remains strong, steadfast, and mission driven.  He tells Israel what he will do. And then, he pushes back a bit:

10For had we not tarried, by now we would have already returned twice.”

Whoa. Judah launches a criticism of Israel in his grief. And it is ALSO raw. Judah is revealing in that moment the IMPACT of Israel’s grief. That Israel’s grief is what is keeping him from being stuck, AND not receiving what he desires – not just in material goods like grain – but ALSO in his sons returning – Simeon AND Joseph (although Judah was unaware of this piece – Hashem was aware).

11So Israel, their father, said to them, “If so, then do this: take some of the choice products of the land in your vessels, and take down to the man as a gift, a little balm and a little honey, wax and lotus, pistachios and almonds.

12And take double the money in your hand[s], and the money that was returned in the mouth of your sacks you shall return in your hand[s], perhaps it was an error.

13And take your brother, and get up, go back to the man.

And this splash of cold water onto Israel’s reality? Seems to wake him up from the slumber of grief. And he gives Judah everything he asks for – and a bit more. Because he is STILL afraid.  He doesn’t “fake it until he makes it” he lives in his fear and responds.  As Israel. That’s something for us to pay attention to.

Wow. What a portion. Let’s finish it out:

14And may the Almighty God grant you compassion before the man, and he will release to you your other brother and Benjamin, and as for me as I am bereaved, I am bereaved.”

Israel is fully in touch with his grief. So much so he says it twice. And he puts it in Hashem’s hands.

15So the men took this gift, and they took double the money in their hand[s] and Benjamin, and they got up and went down to Egypt and stood before Joseph.

I am just in awe of this passage.  How the brothers and Israel put everything into Joseph’s hands. Despite the reality they were living – afraid because of the money. They did not know what to expect. They stood before Joseph awaiting judgment.  Their reality being put on the line. They believed they were good men. They did something EXTREMELY traumatic to their brother Joseph. They felt immense guilt and shame. And yet – Hashem worked all things out to bring them all to this moment.

What a cliffhanger!  And. Because we have read this multiple times? We know what happens next.

One more thing.  I am reflecting on how this connects to Hanukkah.  Maybe the lights we light represent the darkness within us that is hiding our grief. Maybe the candles are meant to shine light on where we need to grieve. To get angry. To bargain. To be sad. What have we been holding back? Repressing anger, negotiation, sadness within us may represent the destruction of the temple that we remember during Hanukkah.  AND the miracle of the oil within that grief that lights our lives in healing and the reconciliation of  Isaac’s blessing to Esau.  Grief will free us from the foot of the one who hurt us. 

That’s it for today.  I am curious to know your thoughts!

Here is my commentary from the past two years:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 28 Kislev, 5783

Wow. Some interesting thoughts from a year ago. Especially with the confidence I was feeling with my job. I am reminded that I should still be seeking Hashem as I go to work today; even though I still love the job and enjoy the work I’m doing.

Todays passage is really interesting when it comes to considering the darkness within us. The brothers were forced by Joseph to confront the internal darkness of their guilt and shame.

How often are we chewing and reflecting on this? It’s there. But it is not easy to navigate or engage with.

What are your thoughts

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for Kislev 28, 5782

We left yesterdays portion with the sons of Jacob in prison – Joseph comes to them on the third day and tells them to do as he says and they will live.

He then lays out what they must do; one brother will stay in prison while everyone else goes back and brings the grain to relieve the hunger of the household. Then, they are to bring the youngest brother back to verify their words. The brothers agree.

The brothers begin speaking in their language (Hebrew) thinking Joseph wouldn’t understand as an Egyptian.

They said to one another “it’s true we are guilty for our brother; because we saw his distress when he begged us and we didn’t listen. This is why this trouble has come upon us.”

Joseph was listening to the conversation and saw their remorse; he needed to turn away because he was touched to learn their feelings. He wept because of their regret. They weren’t just doing this because they wanted to get out of a bad situation; they recognized the error of their ways and accepted the situation as it was.

Rabbi David Kimhi writes; “The reaction of Joseph’s brothers teaches us that when bad things happen to a person, he should search his deeds to ascertain the bad that he has done, and then repent, confessing to God and asking forgiveness from Him.”

There is an interesting Juxtaposition here. We believe that everything that happens, even the “bad” is for our good. Joseph’s brothers were reaping the consequences of their actions here. While at the same time, their action works out for their good because it puts Joseph in the position he needs to be in to save their family; and all of Egypt.

I think it is hard for our minds to accept and/or comprehend how something can be both negative and positive at the same time. We want to put each moment in a box; this is good, this is bad. The reality is every moment is both (maybe?). The practice of searching our hearts for mistakes we’ve made that we have not dealt with between us and Hashem is a good practice, while at the same time we can’t beat ourselves up about our past and need to live in the moment where we are; I can navigate the next 60 seconds; that’s the only power I have.

It’s an interesting dynamic at play for sure!

Joseph takes Simeon (the one who threw Joseph into the pit) and puts him in prison. Joseph gave the brothers provisions. He also instructed his servants to give the money they used to purchase the grain.

While on their journey they discover the money in their sacks – and “their hearts sank.”

It’s interesting that they didn’t see this as a positive. I also think it foreshadows what is going to happen with the cup in Benjamin’s sack.

They get home and tell Jacob everything that happened.

Jacob did NOT want to send Benjamin. He had lost Joseph, now he’s lost Simeon. Losing Benjamin was too much.

Reuben knew the situation was dire; he offered up his own two sons if he didn’t bring Benjamin back.

Jacob refused.

But the famine was severe; they ate through all the grain they brought back from Egypt. Jacob tells the brothers to go back and buy more.

Judah spoke up; if they go back without Benjamin, there will be trouble.

Jacob (Israel) blames the brothers for telling the man about Benjamin.

The brother tell Jacob “what could we have done?” And walk Jacob through – the only other option would have been to lie.

Judah steps up now and tells Jacob to send Benjamin with him. Judah also rebukes his dad a little bit that this delay was caused by Jacob, and they could have been to Egypt and back two times already, and Simeon could have already been home.

Israel (Jacob) finally acquiesces – and gives them instructions; take exclusive products from the land and bring them as a gift; balsam, honey, wax, birthwort, pistachios, and almonds. Bring double the money back because the prices may have increased AND return the money that was given back because it may have been an error. That’s three times the money they were bringing back to Egypt.

It is interesting here that Judah’s promise to return combined with the situation of having no grain left was more of a motivator for Jacob than Reuben’s willingness to sacrifice his two sons. But that discussion is for another time- unless you want to discuss it in the comments below!

Jacob calls the almighty for mercy; “May God Almighty grant you mercy before the man, so that he will release your other older brother and Benjamin back to you.”

Jacob doesn’t instill much confidence in his sons (or Hashem, TBH) because he basically tells them “I’m gonna start grieving now for the loss of Benjamin.”

There is a lot written about these passages, but something from Rabbi Schneerson really stands out for me;

“Judah had suggested returning Simeon was an entirely straightforward matter that could possibly not go wrong: ‘For if we had not delayed due to your hesitation we would have already returned by now twice in this time and you would not have been troubled all these days in Simeon’s absence.’ Therefore, Jacob warned his sons. ‘Even if it is true, as you say, that there is no danger here, you still need to pray to God. Don’t just pray to God when you feel it is an emergency. You need His help for a natural plan to succeed too.’”

Rabbi Schneerson continues; “From this you can learn not only to turn to God when you feel you are lacking something. You should also ask God for things which you perceive will inevitably come your way. For, in truth, God is the only provider, where the blessing comes naturally or supernaturally.”

I’m chewing on this a lot. How often do we ask God for help when we KNOW things are going to work out? There is a spiritual practice here that I think we can lean into; not asking for help when we feel we need it; but when we don’t as well.

With this context, the portion today ends with the brothers going and standing in front of Joseph.

Whew. There is a lot here.

Where in our lives today, are we feeling confidence? Maybe that is where we need to spend some time asking Hashem for assistance and help?

I’ll share:

I’m feeling good and confident with my new job. I like it a lot, I enjoy the training and engage with people on learning and development. I’ll be spending time today asking for Hashem for help there. What about you? Where are you confident? Where will you be asking for help?

As always, I would love your thoughts; and if you’ve read this far, even just a reaction so I know you are reading it!