Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 19 Nisan, 5784 – Fifth Day of Passover – Day 4 of Omer
Parsha ‘Aharei Mot – “After the death”: (Leviticus 16:1 – 18:30)
Seventh Portion: Leviticus 18:22 – 18:30
Passover readings: Exodus 33:12 – 34:26, Numbers 28:19 – 25

Shabbat Shalom! It is the fifth day of Passover, the 4^th day of the Omer. Today’s theme is  the “Netzach of Chesed” which means “Determination of Love.”

From Chabad’s website for today:

“Is my love enduring? Does it withstand challenges and setbacks? Ups and downs of life. How much am I ready to fight for the love I have? Does my love have spirit and valor?

Exercise for the day: Do something that takes fight for a loved one.”

What does it mean to “fight for a loved one?”

This is where I’m reflecting this morning. My first thought is around sovereignty – and allowing my loved one(s) fight for themselves. Why should I fight for them? Doesn’t that infantilize them? I mean for my kids, that’s easy. Advocating for them. Going to bat for them.

And. I turn my thoughts within. Fighting for my loved one(s) involves an internal fight. It’s fighting my instincts which may not be healthy or loving. It’s fighting my impulses to react from my emotional triggers instead of responding to the external stimulus from my loved one(s).

And. Then. I go even deeper.

If I love myself. How do I fight for myself? How do I determine to love myself in the context of all of these internal thoughts about how I don’t feel worthy? These thoughts of struggle with my identity? With who I am? How do I fight for me?

Because if I am not willing to be determined to love who I am, how can I truly have anything left to fight for those I love?

This is the determination of love. It starts within us. It starts with fighting for the love within us. And then; from that battle comes the strength to fight to be determined to love others.

So yes; let’s do something as Chabad has challenged us to do; let’s “do something that takes fight for a loved one.”

But let’s figure out whether the battle is easier for someone else than it is for us. If it is easier to figure out and put into action how we might fight for someone else rather than for us? Maybe the fight then becomes how will we fight for ourselves today? Maybe it’s just sticking to a boundary we’ve set for ourselves? Maybe it’s respecting someone else’s boundary?

Shabbat Shalom!