Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 8/9 Tammuz, 5784
Parsha Balak: (Numbers 22:2 – 25:9)
First Portion: Numbers 22:2 – 22:12
Second Portion: Numbers 22:13 – 22:20

Good morning! Yesterday I was not able to get to my Torah Thoughts. That was a tough decision I had to make as I have not missed many days since starting.  I needed the space to navigate some new shifting healing energy – which has been both tough and beautiful at the same time.

Any of us who have gone through healing work – whether in therapy, with a spiritual coach, or on our own? We understand the intensity of the toxicity that needs to be addressed. And we can often be surprised by the reactions of those around us as we navigate this newer version of who we are developing within us.

It is hard to recognize the multiple different realities our consciousnesses live in. My reality is different than the person I meet walking down the street, and that is one level of difference. The realization that our realities are ALSO different than those closest to us? That can really blow our minds. Our friends navigate our shared reality differently than we do.

This is a great segway into our parsha. This week we have Parsha Balak. Balak is a difficult Parsha – because Balak was wicked. Why name a Torah portion after a wicked man? Because all of us can be transformed to good.

This is the healing work.

Let’s dig in:

2Balak the son of Zippor saw all that Israel had done to the Amorites.

3Moab became terrified of the people, for they were numerous, and Moab became disgusted because of the children of Israel.

So off the bat, we are dealing with fear. The Torah is clear. Fear leads to disgust. I have been reflecting on my own disgust and that of those who are close to me. The connection to fear seems really credible to be honest.

If someone says something that creates a visceral reaction? There is likely fear within me I am not able to navigate.

Balak represents this within us. When we get terrified, or overwhelmed (because there is “too much”) we can become disgusted with others – or even ourselves.  Let’s keep going:

4Moab said to the elders of Midian, “Now this assembly will eat up everything around us, as the ox eats up the greens of the field. Balak the son of Zippor was king of Moab at that time.

SO basically Balak takes his overwhelm, his fear, and his disgust – and he stirs the people up. He doesn’t navigate his fear – he brings others into his internal chaos.

How often do we do this? We get scared and want to bring others into our fear? To whip up fear so that others will see our reality? So what does Balak do?

5He sent messengers to Balaam the son of Beor, to Pethor, which is by the river of the land of his people, to call for him, saying, “A people has come out of Egypt, and behold, they have covered the “eye” of the land, and they are stationed opposite me.

6So now, please come and curse this people for me, for they are too powerful for me. Perhaps I will be able to wage war against them and drive them out of the land, for I know that whomever you bless is blessed and whomever you curse is cursed.”

7So the elders of Moab and the elders of Midian went, with magic charms in their hands, and they came to Balaam and conveyed Balak’s message to him.

Balak stirred the people, and they decided to go to Balaam – and ask him to curse the people – because Balak knew that whoever Balaam cursed would be cursed.

Let’s see how Balaam responds:

8He said to them, “Lodge here for the night, and I will give you an answer when the Lord speaks to me.” So the Moabite nobles stayed with Balaam.

So right off the bat; Balaam lives in a different reality than Balak. He isn’t going to get sucked into Balak’s reality just because he is getting whipped up. Balaam is connected to the Lord. That should give us all comfort, right?  Let’s see what unfolds.

9God came to Balaam and said, “Who are these men with you?”

10Balaam said to God, “Balak the son of Zippor the king of Moab has sent [them] to me, [saying]:

11″Behold the people coming out of Egypt, a nation, has covered the ‘eye’ of the earth. Come and curse them for me, perhaps I will be able to fight against them and drive them out.”

Balaam relays the message to God.  And God responds:

12God said to Balaam, “You shall not go with them! You shall not curse the people because they are blessed.”

So now Balaam has a different reality. Balaam sees the world differently than Balak. How does Balaam navigate this?

13When Balaam arose in the morning, he said to Balak’s nobles, “Return to your country, for the Lord has refused to let me go with you.”

14Moab’s nobles arose and came to Balak and said, “Balaam refuses to come with us.”

And then he sends the nobles away – saying he cannot go and do what Balak asks.

So does Balak accept this reality? Is the story over? No. Balak is determined:

15So Balak continued to send dignitaries, more and higher in rank than these.

16They came to Balaam and said to him, “So said Balak the son of Zippor, ‘Please do not hesitate to come to me.

17For I will honor you greatly and do whatever you tell me to do. So please come and curse this people for me.'”

Balak offers everything JUST so Balaam confirms his reality. Balak NEEDS Balaam to validate his reality for him.

18Balaam answered and said to Balak’s servants, “Even if Balak gives me a house full of silver and gold, I cannot do anything small or great that would transgress the word of the Lord, my God.

19Now, you too, please remain here overnight, and I will know what the Lord will continue to speak with me.”

Balam stands firm – and – offers to listen for Hashem – and will do as he is told to by Hashem.

20God came to Balaam at night and said to him, “If these men have come to call for you, arise and go with them, but the word I speak to you-that you shall do.”

This is interesting isn’t it? Why does Hashem tell Balaam to finally go? Why validate Balak’s reality?

Because Hashem has other plans in mind. The key here – “go with them” BUT (and it’s a bigggg but) – “the word I speak to you – that you shall do.”

So Hashem is telling him he can go with the nobles, but he is not going to curse the people. He is going to do exactly as Hashem tells him to do.

And that is where we are leaving off.

So what is our takeaway?

For me? I see myself as Balak, the nobles, and Balaam.

There are times I get scared by life. I get overwhelmed. And I react viscerally. I get disgusted.

There are times I am at peace. And someone in their visceral reaction comes to me.  And I get “whipped up” into their reaction and visceral response.  I am willing to fight for their reality!  I’ll travel great distance to get someone who will “fix” their problem for them.

There are times I am Balaam. And I try to stay in my peace. I will go to Hashem and not react. And sometimes, it creates more visceral reactions in those who are whipped up, and I refuse.

Then I feel called to go in peace – and understand my reality is completely different.

Because think about it.  The nobles must have been THRILLED Balaam was joining them. They may have inferred that Balaam was coming to do what Balak wanted. And, at the same time? Balaam knew he was going to do what Hashem wanted. Different realities.

So what do we do with this? I think self assessment is key. Where are we at? What do we do when we are afraid? Who do we go to in order to get people whipped up with us? Who do we know WON’T get whipped up in our chaos and we tend to avoid?

We always have a choice. We can be like Balak. Or the Nobles. Or Balaam.  It is up to us.

And one more thing.

We are Israel too. Their perspective? They don’t even KNOW what is going on here.  We have to understand – our power and energy is going to stir people up behind our backs. We don’t even know.

Here are my thoughts from the past 2 years:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 9 Tamuz, 5783

So. Today’s double portion straddles two Parsha’s we transition from Hukhat (Suprarational command) to Balak (which is a name that means “Destroy.”)

As we begin the Parsha Balak, we see an outside observer, Balak – watching what goes down with Israel and the Ammorites. And his sympathetic nerve (from Poly Vagal theroy) goes into overdrive.  He is afraid. He goes into fight or flight.  And because he cares about power, he starts to scheme to work to take Israel’s power away.  He goes to Balaam and asks him to curse the Israelites.

So – Israel just wins some MAJOR battles.  And in response, that POWER is met with fear. Again – they’ve done NOTHING to Balak.  He is just afraid.  It feels REALLY personal if I am Israel.  But in reality, Balak is just a “man baby” who can’t emotionally regulate himself to feel safe enough with Israel’s power.  My takeaway here is to remember – as we become spiritually liberated? There will be people in our lives who are FREAKED OUT by this – because there is a power that is suprarational. Others don’t understand why. Because our spiritual liberation is grounded in basic trust.

Trust that Hashem is powerful.

Trust that Hashem is good and is working all things out on our behalf.

Trust that ALL THINGS happen FOR us and not TO us.

This doesn’t mean our lives will be pollyanna.  It just means when the storms come? When war is waged? We know how it’s going to go. We can rest.

And this scares people.  Because we make the RATIONAL decision NOT to absorb others’ anxiety but instead trust our own experience, and OBSERVE their anxiety and RESPOND with compassion, empathy, kindness as best we can.  And leave the fighting to Hashem.

Those are my thoughts!  What are yours?

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 11 Tamuz, 5782

Today we start a new portion of the Torah! It seems like a doozy based on the name of it.

The name of the portion is Balak. It’s a person in the Torah, and the name means “destroy.” He did lots of bad stuff.

The Chumash I’m reading says this:

“naming a Torah portion after a wicked man suggests that every part of creation, even the most negative aspects, can be transformed to good. That is why the promise of redemption appears in this portion – because then we will witness the complete transformation of the world to good.”

That is some helpful thinking as we go into this! Let’s dig in!

Balak witnessed everything Israel had just done to the Amorites. Moab became terrified because the Jews were numerous. Moab said to the elders that the Jews were going to take away everything the way an ox devours vegetation in a field.

The Torah says Balak was not fit for sovereignty but was appointed king of Moab. They were in an emergency situation because of Sihon’s death.

Balak sent messengers to Balaam. He asked Balaam to curse the Jewish people.

Balaam tells the messengers to stay the night and he will consult God.

God came to Balaam and asked who the men were. This is interesting. Why wouldn’t God know who they were? Maybe God was testing Balaam to see who they were to Balaam?

Balaam tells God exactly what they were there for; to convince Balaam to curse the Jews.

God tells Balaam not to go with them, and not to curse the nation. God tells Balaam they don’t need Balaam’s blessing because they are already blessed!

So interesting! What are your thoughts?