Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 7 Tammuz, 5784
Parsha Bukkat – “Suprarational command”: (Numbers 19:1 – 22:1)
Seventh Portion: Numbers 21:21 – 22:1

Shabbat Shalom! Shalom. Peace.  I reflect on this portion today as we close out Parsha Bukkat.  Peace.

As I was reading my thoughts from the past two years. I continue to reflect on conflict.

This is a key passage from, the haftorah portion connected with our parsha – which you can see all the way at the bottom of this blog:

Jephthah tried to live in peace. He didn’t want to fight. He went to them asking for peace and the Amorites gaslit him. He stood for the truth, and presented what really happened. they rejected it. There was an opportunity for peace.

In most situations – most conflicts we have with one another – there are opportunities for peace. Hashem gives us moments and opportunity to settle things without a battle. But sometimes, when one party refuses to listen, the battle is all there is.

We have to trust Hashem in this process of conflict. Sometimes we need to offer peace- but if people can’t see things similarly (or are committed to misunderstanding us) and won’t work to get on the same page, battle is the only option.

I wrote in my journal.  I want to live in peace.  And. My brain FREAKED OUT by that idea. Because IMMEDIATELY my brain said “if we live in peace, no one will notice us. No one will see us. No one will care about us.”

You see, I learned as a child. Jay Shetty said this: “The closest thing to unconditional love is a mothers’ love for her child.”  And what I learned about unconditional love? I had to create chaos and conflict to be seen or noticed.

And I have been unlearning that ever since.

I’ve been living a life where I believe others’ don’t notice me or care about me or care about my feelings unless I create conflict. I love creating cognitive dissonance. Because that means I mattered to someone.

And. I understand why that would get EXHAUSTING for others.

I am reflecting on this deeply this morning. I want to live in peace. I want to live in safety. And. My brain connects being safe and peaceful with getting lost. Not being seen. Being NEGLECTED.

Peace = Neglect. That’s the deep wound and connection I am unlearning.

So there ya go. A smidge of vulnerability for y’all today.

Let’s dig in. Remember we left off with a song. Because they were provided with water from a well. This was their second journey with four stops. They had peace again. And once again, they wanted to live in peace. So they sent messengers to the local king:

21Israel sent messengers to Sihon the king of the Amorites, saying:

22″Let me pass through your land. We will not turn into fields or vineyards, nor drink well water. We shall walk along the king’s road, until we have passed through your territory.”

Here we go again?

23But Sihon did not permit Israel to pass through his territory, and Sihon gathered all his people and went out to the desert toward Israel. He arrived at Jahaz and fought against Israel.

Whoa. Last time, it was just a “no.” This time, even the ask? It was a cause for conflict. They attacked Israel just for asking.

24Israel smote him with the sword, and took possession of his land from Arnon to Jabbok, as far as the children of Ammon, for the border of the children of Ammon was strong.

25Israel took all these cities, and the Israelites dwelt in all the cities of the Amorites, in Heshbon and all its villages.

26For Heshbon was the city of Sihon, king of the Amorites, and he had fought against the first king of Moab, taking all his land from his possession, as far as Arnon.

So – I want to go back to the camps.

• Camp 1: Navigating our cravings
• Camp 2: Navigating our Ego
• Camp 3: Navigating our Fear (through courage and sacrifice)
• Camp 4: Navigating our Grief (through mourning) for the purpose of healing.

So here we are at the fourth camp. Grief has been healed. And? Israel asks for peaceful journey through. And they get attacked.

Notice there was no fear, ego, or grief in Israel’s response. They just responded to the attack and took care of business.  Then? We get a parable.

27Concerning this, those who speak in parables say, “Come to Heshbon, may it be built and established as the city of Sihon.

28For fire went forth from Heshbon, a flame from the city of Sihon; it consumed Ar of Moab, the masters of the high places of Arnon.

29Woe is to you, Moab; you are lost, people of Chemosh. His sons he has given over as refugees and his daughters into captivity, to Sihon, king of the Amorites.

30Their kingdom is destroyed from Heshbon; it has been removed from Dibon; we laid them waste as far as Nophah which is near Medeba.”

In a sense. Israel wanted peace. Sihon didn’t. And this parable is meant to be a reminder. If someone wants to battle. If someone wants to war? And we can stay in our peace? That is an issue between them and Hashem – or their therapist.

I want peace. That has to start within. Believing I will be taken care of. Seen. Matter. Within my peace. I don’t need to create conflict or stress to be seen.

This is the healing of the fourth camp of grief.

Because as I reflect on grief? The fear of healing it? The person or thing we are grieving over? Maybe THAT won’t matter to us any more.  Consider a loved one. If we allow ourselves to fully go through our grief? Does that mean that person no longer matters? Again, if we are grieving from our Ego (like Pharaoh tried to do before letting the slaves go) – it isn’t about them. It’s about us.  If we are grieving from our cravings? It’s about us. If we truly care about someone – and we know they cared about us? What would THEY want for us? Would they want us to move on? Or would they want us stuck in our grief.

And now I go back to ego. Because I think this connects with being forgotten. We want to believe we matter. And how many of us as kids felt like we were forgotten. Especially as Gen X? We were latch key kids. We were left alone a LOT. We did not learn unconditional love per se. We learned survival. And. Survival is a part of love. And. It can become a prison for us. It’s time to step out of our prison. Live in peace.

31Israel settled in the land of the Amorites.

32Moses sent [men] to spy out Jaazer and they captured its villages, driving out the Amorites who lived there.

So again, it is a smidge confusing. Why send spies? Because Moses wanted peace and knew if the enemy was hanging out among them? They would sow conflict in the community. So they drove out those who would work against the peace.

And wouldn’t you know it? They run right back into conflict.

33Then they turned and headed north toward the Bashan. Og, the king of Bashan, came out toward them with all his people, to wage war at Edrei.

How exhausting it would be to have peace and then have others come at you! And, Hashem steps in quickly here:

34The Lord said to Moses, “Do not fear him, for I have delivered him, his people, and his land into your hand. You shall do to him as you did to Sihon the king of the Amorites who dwells in Heshbon.

Hashem has said – I got you.

Moses did not create these conflicts. He tried for peace. He asked for permission. Like Edom, the Israelites were likely willing to go around. But these two kings? Attacked. And Hashem protected their peace.

35They smote him, his sons and all his people, until there was no survivor, and they took possession of his land.

22:1The children of Israel journeyed and encamped in the plains of Moab, across the Jordan from Jericho.

Hashem delivered. And. In their healed grief? Hashem brought them to the edge of the promised land.

My takeaway? As we heal our grief? Hashem will take care of the conflicts and battles as long as we continue to choose peace when we can, and fight when someone is committed to the conflict.

This is the grieving process.

Peace.

This is what I want. How about you?

Here are my thoughts from the past two years:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 9 Tamuz, 5783

So. Today’s double portion straddles two Parshas; we transition from Hukhat (Suprarational command) to Balak (which is a name that means “Destroy.”)

And I am deep in reflection on this.  We are called today – to TRUST Hashem’s suprarational commands AND THEN be ready for the Destruction that will come upon us.  Even if we DON’T understand WHY Hashem wants us to do something, we need to trust – and in the storm? The battle? The war? Hashem WILL deliver us.

On one hand that seems really harsh.  Wow, we just trusted you Hashem and now you are bringing the war? What in the world?

And on the other? How comforting must it have been to go THROUGH that and on the other side of it see Hashem’s hand in being PROTECTED from the destruction.

So. In our lives? Where is the transition?  I can share I am going through a lot.  Without going into too many details, the next three months of my life are straddling my old life and a new one I’ve been preparing for.  The opportunities for “Balak” to be in my life are significant.

As I wrote a year ago – how others rewrite history causes us to feel like maybe we shouldn’t be so confident.  Maybe the way we understood our past is wrong.  In the Haftorah portion that goes along with the last portion of Hukkat?  The King of the Ammonites tells Jephthah (the appointed king of Israel) he is attacking them because “you took our land.”  Jephthah basically tells the story of how it went down.  He “stuck to the facts.”  The king of Ammon tried to gaslight Jephthah. He didn’t budge.  He called on the King of Ammonites to put it to the test and have their “gods” battle Hashem.

I love this quote from Jephthah: He adds; “I’ve done nothing wrong to you; I’ve not sinned against you. You are wronging me by fighting me. May God judge and decide this day between the children of Ammon.”

How many times in our lives do people seem to have animosity towards us – and we’ve done nothing wrong? They haven’t allowed space for our reality and their reality to merge.  They are stuck in one space – be it the past or the future – but they aren’t in the moment to be able to say “hey. Right now? In this moment? There really isn’t a reason for us to be fighting.”  It’s not possible.

There is a lot here – as we transition out of old space in life into new spaces in life – a new job, a new relationship, a new living space – it can feel a lot of times like the change is stormy. It’s war like. But we can trust. Stick to the facts. A rely on this. And if there cannot be agreement on what the facts are? That is when we need others to come in and hopefully provide an objective view. That is when we need Hashem!

This was my takeaway from the Haftorah last year, and I share it again because I think it remains relevant:

Jephthah tried to live in peace. He didn’t want to fight. He went to them asking for peace and the Amorites gaslit him. He stood for the truth, and presented what really happened. they rejected it. There was an opportunity for peace.

In most situations – most conflicts we have with one another – there are opportunities for peace. Hashem gives us moments and opportunity to settle things without a battle. But sometimes, when one party refuses to listen, the battle is all there is.

We have to trust Hashem in this process of conflict. Sometimes we need to offer peace- but if people can’t see things similarly (or are committed to misunderstanding us) and won’t work to get on the same page, battle is the only option.

As we begin the Parsha Balak, we see an outside observer, Balak – watching what goes down with Israel and the Ammorites. And his sympathetic nerve goes into overdrive.  He is afraid. He goes into fight or flight.  And because he cares about power, he starts to scheme to work to take Israel’s power away.  He goes to Balaam and asks him to curse the Israelites.

So – Israel just wins some MAJOR battles.  And in response, that POWER is met with fear. Again – they’ve done NOTHING to Balak.  He is just afraid.  It feels REALLY personal if I am Israel.  But in reality, Balak is just a “man baby” who can’t emotionally regulate himself to feel safe enough with Israel’s power.  My takeaway here is to remember – as we become spiritually liberated? There will be people in our lives who are FREAKED OUT by this – because there is a power that is suprarational. Others don’t understand why. Because our spiritual liberation is grounded in basic trust.

Trust that Hashem is powerful.

Trust that Hashem is good and is working all things out on our behalf.

Trust that ALL THINGS happen FOR us and not TO us.

This doesn’t mean our lives will be pollyanna.  It just means when the storms come? When war is waged? We know how it’s going to go. We can rest.

And this scares people.  Because we make the RATIONAL decision NOT to absorb others’ anxiety but instead trust our own experience, and OBSERVE their anxiety and RESPOND with compassion, empathy, kindness as best we can.  And leave the fighting to Hashem.

Those are my thoughts!  What are yours?

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 10 Tamuz, 5782

Shabbat Shalom! I am in West Chester, PA with some good friends, connecting for the weekend. they are so incredibly helpful in my journey this month to see in darkness!

Let’s dig into our portion to close out the parsha this week!

Once again, Israel asked to pass through the land. This time it was the land of Sihon.

But unlike Edom, Sihon gathered men to attack Israel, and Israel destroyed them. It was a decisive victory – so much so that the Torah records a victory song! The Israelites took possession of the Amorite land. Once they had taken possession of the Amorites (led by king Sihon), they turned and headed towards Bashan. Og, King of the Bashan came out to wage war.

God speaks to Moses and tells him not to worry. He tells Moses that the same fate will befall Og, that befell Sihon. They utterly destroyed Og, which brought them to the plains of Moab; across the Jordan near Jericho.

As I reflect on this passage today, I am struck that how – when we are gripped with darkness on our journey from slavery to freedom, there are moments that seem bleak: Korah leading a rebellion against Moses being one such moment. And in this week’s Parsha we went from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs. God’s presence in destroying two strong kingdoms to get us right to the border of the promised land!

It’s hard in the moments we don’t see Hashem working. I’m sure before Sihon was destroyed, the Israelites must have been a little scared when he came out to attack them. But they persisted. And they began to win battle after battle; and they saw Hashem’s faithfulness in this journey!

What are your thoughts on this?

As always on Shabbat, I’ll put Haftorah thoughts in the comments!

Todays Haftorah is from Judges 11:1-33

The context here is that the Israelites are coming out of years of idol worship. This idol worship brought about oppression from the Philistines and Ammonites.

As the people were removing their alien gods, the Ammonites launched an attack of Israel.

The military officers offered the role of army chief to whoever was willing to fight the Amorites and defeat them.

The Haftarah describes the hero that will rise up (much like Alexander Hamilton from the musical bearing his last name).

We learn that Jephthah was the son of a harlot. And even though that was the case, the belief was Gilead was the father.

His life only got sadder. Gilead’s wife bore him sons and they grew up and drove out Jephthah – telling him he’d never receive an inheritance because “you are the son of another woman.”

Jephthah left the house and family., and he settled in a place where the book of Judges said “Low class men gathered around Jephthah, and they went around with him.”

So Jephthah didn’t have great beginnings here.

Fast forward to the time of Ammon fighting with Israel (which is the portion we read above).

The elders of Gilead found Jephthah in a different land and asked him to go back with them to fight against the Ammonites: and they would follow him into battle.

Jephthah confronted them; why are they coming to him now when they were in trouble when they helped his brothers drive him from the land? Why not come to him in peace?

The elders of Gilead sound like they had been busted: “not at all Jephthah! We hold you in high esteem! We’ve come in person and did not send messengers! Come and be our leader!”

Jephthah again calls them out “that’s not what I call an expression of esteem! If I go with you and God delivers them before me, of COURSE you’ll follow me and I’ll be your leader. But you want to show me esteem? Appoint me leader NOW!”

The elders agreed; “as God is our witness. We will do what you say.”

So Jephthah went with them! They appointed him leader and immediately Jephthah prayed to God.

Jephthah was trying to figure things out so he sent messengers to the king of Ammon asking why they were fighting.

The king responded “because Israel took our land when they came out of Egypt – please return the land to me peacefully.”

Jephthah knew his history and sent messengers to basically say “um. Stop trying to rewrite history. That’s not what happened. Here’s what happened:

1. When Israel came out of Egypt they came to the Reed Sea
2. They came to Kadesh.
3. Israel sent messengers to the king of Edom asking for safe passage.
4. The king of Edom didn’t listen
5. Israel also sent messengers to the king of Moab.
6. Moab didn’t listen.
7. Israel stayed in Kadesh.
8. Then they traveled through the desert around Moab and Edom.
9. They camped on the other side of Moab but never once entered Moab.
10. Then Israel sent messengers to King Sihon of the Amorites asking for passage again.
11. But instead of just saying no? The king sent an army to destroy the Israelites
12. God delivered Israel from the Amorites
13. Israel took the land at that point.

So basically, Jephthah called out the king saying – if you truly wanted peace, it would have been yours.

Now; one of the things I’ve been studying lately is narcissism and the idea of gaslighting. Here is one of the first examples I see of Israel being gaslit. Certainly, Pharaoh was gaslighting. But even after leaving a land of slavery, in the journey to freedom, Israel was encountering gaslighters.

And then Jephthah engages in a “battle” of the “gods.” He basically tells the king – look, put your god against God (the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob) and let’s see what happens!

He adds; “I’ve done nothing wrong to you; I’ve not sinned against you. You are wronging me by fighting me. May God judge and decide this day between the children of Ammon.”

And. In good old fashion anti-semitism – the king rejected and didn’t listen to Jephthah.

Jephthah went to fight Ammon with a “spirit of Bravery”

He made a vow to God. “If you deliver the battle to me, when I get home in peace from the people of Ammon, whatever comes out of the doors of my house will be yours! I will burn it as a sacrifice if it is fit for a burnt offering!”

Of course, Jephthah wins, and the children of Ammon were then subordinated to the children of Israel.

So my takeaway here is this.

Jephthah tried to live in peace. He didn’t want to fight. He went to them asking for peace and the Amorites gaslit him. He stood for the truth, and presented what really happened. they rejected it. There was an opportunity for peace.

In most situations – most conflicts we have with one another – there are opportunities for peace. Hashem gives us moments and opportunity to settle things without a battle. But sometimes, when one party refuses to listen, the battle is all there is.

We have to trust Hashem in this process of conflict. Sometimes we need to offer peace- but if people can’t see things similarly and get on the same page, battle is the only option.

What are your thoughts?

Mine? I identify with Jephthah a lot here. And; I also identify with the king of the Ammorites.

What about you?