Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 15 Kislev, 5875

Today’s portion of the Torah navigates Joseph being sent to his brothers who he just snitched on – to “see to their welfare.” In response? His brothers threw him into a pit and sold him into slavery.

Let’s stop there for a minute.  How many of us can relate to this?  We just want to help, and we are treated like dirt.

In Judaism, we often say “Hashem works all things out for our good.”  And yet? Joseph was doing a mitzvah and ended up becoming a slave.  How is this GOOD?

We so often look at our circumstances – the “consequences” of our decisions, and feel like the Universe is out to get us. To punish us.

And yet? In the torah portion today? We have the benefit of knowing where the story goes – even though in the moment, Joseph does not.

Joseph becomes a slave. Works his way to become head of potiphar’s house. Potiphar’s wife is spurned by Joseph and claims Joseph assaults her. Joseph ends up in prison.

Things do NOT look good.

And yet? Joseph becomes in charge of pretty much all of Egypt. And? Ends up taking care of the welfare of his brothers when they are starving and need food.

Good. In the end it all works for good.

We just have to get out of the way of our minds, feelings, and experiences and trust the current reality unfolding in front of us.

Can we do this? Will we do this?

What are your thoughts?

Here are my thoughts from last year:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 21 Kislev, 5784
Parsha Va-Yeshev (Genesis 37:1 – 40:23)
Second Portion: Genesis 37:12 – 37:22

Good morning! We are heading in one direction with two separate themes.  If you feel a little restless right now, and aren’t sure where things are going – you aren’t alone.

You see – today is the 21^st day of this moon cycle, Kislev.  This means we are heading into our final week towards the new moon.  Darkness is coming – and another opportunity to see in the dark; set our intents for the next cycle, and then get ready for the next new moon.

AND. We are heading into Hanukkah! Thursday night at sundown is the 25^th day of the cycle of Kislev. When we begin to light the Hanukkah lights for 8 days. Adding additional light each night to shine brightest heading into the moon cycle/month of Tevet.  The first three nights of Tevet are the last three nights of Hanukkah.  So although there is darkness because of the new moon – there is EXTERNAL light to guide us!  Because if the moon represents the light we reflect to the world – the Hanukkah lights reflect the external light that reflects back.  Because we cannot CONTROL the moon cycle – it happens within us. It’s a monthly reminder of the choice we have to flow into the space of life.

As we light the Hanukkah lights, we can take ACTION externally to demonstrate our light to others. This is the beauty of this season – even though it might feel a little chaotic – because we have both darkness coming AND the light of the Hanukkah candles!

Ok – let’s dig in to today’s Torah portion!  We left off with Joseph snitching on his brothers – or worst case; lying about them to his dad. Israel gave Joseph a coat, and the brothers envied him.  Israel “awaited the matter.” Let’s see what happens next:

12And his brothers went to pasture their father’s flocks in Shechem.

13And Israel said to Joseph, “Are your brothers not pasturing in Shechem? Come, and I will send you to them.” And he said to him, “Here I am.”

14So he said to him, “Go now and see to your brothers’ welfare and the welfare of the flocks, and bring me back word.” So he sent him from the valley of Hebron, and he came to Shechem.

Now – something that hit me this time reading it.  The brothers were Shepherding flocks in Shechem.  The city/place where their sister was sexually assaulted. The place where they asked the people to convert by circumcising. And while the men were recovering; they killed all the men. 

It is curious to me; WHY were the flocks in Shechem?

Also curious – verse 13.

13And Israel said to Joseph, “Are your brothers not pasturing in Shechem? Come, and I will send you to them.” And he said to him, “Here I am.”

Ok. My brain has questions:

• If Israel was able to tell Joseph something, why would he say “come and I will send you to them?”
• Why was Joseph’s response “Here I am?”

In reflecting on the first question – why does the Torah not say “Israel asked for Joseph, and Joseph said “here I am” and Israel said “come and I will tell you what I need you to do and then send you to your brothers.”  That would make more sense.  But why is it written like this:

13And Israel said to Joseph, “Are your brothers not pasturing in Shechem? Come, and I will send you to them.” And he said to him, “Here I am.”

The Torah doesn’t use Jacob’s name here – the Torah uses “Israel.”  I almost hear this verse as follows:

• Hey – Tyler (insert your own name here) – your family and friends are all out in the world – it’s an ugly place at times. Ugly things happen. Draw closer to me; get to know me; and I will send you out to them. To your family. Your friends. Who may be struggling. And my response is (sometimes – not all the time for sure)
  • “I am here! I will come closer to you. And I will go out into the world. Just tell me what you want me to do!”

And that makes a little bit more sense; doesn’t it? And – Israel tells us what he needs us to do:

14So he said to him, “Go now and see to your brothers’ welfare and the welfare of the flocks, and bring me back word.” So he sent him from the valley of Hebron, and he came to Shechem.

Again – our approach to this verse may be different based on our hearts.  We can read this as Israel sending Joseph out to spy and snitch on his brothers.  But we can ALSO read this literally.

• Hey, Tyler (insert your own name here) – I care about your family and friends out in the ugly world. I want you to come close to me so I can send you out and see to their welfare. And their flocks’ welfare – because I care about the animals as well. As you care and tend to their welfare – don’t forget to return and bring me word!”

This feels like a loving relationship with a parental figure – doesn’t it? A loving relationship with Hashem.  Again – it really is all how we approach the story. Do we see Israel asking Joseph to spy on his brothers? Or do we see Israel asking Joseph to love his brothers.

That word welfare. “see to your brothers’ welfare.” Here is the definition from Miriam Webster:

1: the state of doing well especially in respect to good fortune, happiness, well-being, or prosperity

2a: aid in the form of money or necessities for those in need

If Israel was asking Joseph to spy? Why tell Joseph to see to their welfare?

Full stop.

Remember. We just learned yesterday from verse 37:2

2These are the generations of Jacob: when Joseph was seventeen years old, being a shepherd, he was with his brothers with the flocks, and he was a lad, [and was] with the sons of Bilhah and with the sons of Zilpah, his father’s wives; and Joseph brought evil tales about them to their father.

Joseph brought evil tales about his brother to Israel. Israel turned this around and asked Joseph to see to their welfare. To see that the brothers had good fortune, happiness, well-being and prosperity.

This is divine love. This is the Love of Hashem

Let’s take this within.

How many of us; in the deepest, darkest parts of our heart bring evil tales to others and Hashem about ourselves? How often do we speak evilly against ourselves to others? To ourselves?

The lesson here is this: Hashem hears those evil tales – and asks us to love and see to the welfare of those we speak evil about. How do we do this? By drawing closer to love. Closer to Israel. And we instead should turn around and see to our OWN welfare. And the welfare of others.

Let’s add to our learning:

• The Path of Ascension begins with curiosity and not judgement
• If someone’s curiosity causes doubt and defensiveness, be curious about our own doubt and defensiveness and NOT their motives for curiosity.
• The tree of life is within us. Choose life within with curiosity and not judgment
• Learn to balance the comfort of stumbling, with the challenge of pushing ourselves towards spiritual growth.
• Let go of a stable life. Freedom is accepting “what is” as a blessing. We can’t control what happens. We can only navigate it with bitterness or flow.
• Freedom requires balance – emotions vs intellect, humility vs confidence, thinking as an individual while staying meaningfully connected to others.
• Freedom comes from expansion and not contraction – but contraction is important to the process of expansion
• To live free, we must circumcise the foreskin of past trauma and feel the pain of healing so that our higher selves can appear to us, and we can co-create miraculous NEW life for us and others.
• To be free, we must understand what love requires vs the world around us. 10%.  Just start there. Freedom is seeing the 10% and moving to 11%. Not being trapped by the daunting 90% we feel guilt and shame about.  The 90% is slavery. The 10% is freedom.
• Receive the Universe. Don’t Resist it. This is the path to freedom and liberation.
• We must be vulnerable and ask for the Universe to provide. And. We don’t need to ask because the Universe knows. This is freedom.
• We must accept and receive our role in co-creating moments with Hashem.
• As we experience wells of living water in our life – the path to slavery is arguing and harassment. Make space. For ourselves and others. This is spiritual liberation and freedom.  Allowing and making space.  Spreading out.  Not contraction.
• When we take in stories and data – we need to be careful not to bring our own bias and trauma into how the data gets stored into our hearts and minds. Those who are “not us” are part of the human experience and have their own experiences. Be curious about what we are INFERRING versus what we believe the other person is INSINUATING. This is the path to freedom – especially in communication!
• The path to freedom involves free choice as to what we desire and will focus on. What are we working towards? Be mindful of our wages. This is the path to freedom and will impact how we communicate – both as a sender of communication and receiver of communication. We will infer and insinuate based on our wages.
• The path to freedom involves grief. Allowing ourselves to feel sadness – maybe other feelings we’ve judged as negative? Avoiding and repressing our feelings leads to war and conflict. Being aware of our feelings leads to freedom and joy. This is the path to spiritual liberation. We can receive Isaac’s blessing and grieve to take the yoke off our back.
• The path to freedom is not rejecting sincerity for accuracy. Accuracy can be a safe harbor – but it can also be a prison. Remain curious and work towards sincere feeling and honest seeing. THIS is the harmony of Kislev (in my opinion).
• Fear is potentially the avoidance of grief. It’s holding onto something in the past and not moving forward. As long as the yoke of fear is on our neck and we do not allow ourselves to grieve? We cannot be free or liberated. Grieving takes power away from fear.

We now add: The path to ascension, spiritual liberation, and freedom is to tend to our own welfare. We do this by being curious and drawing our “evil perspective” (how we talk against ourselves and others) closer to the universe (God, Hashem, Nature, whatever your “source” of universe is) and then turning around and seeking out opportunities to provide for our happiness, welfare, and the welfare of others.

This is Hanukkah.  The darkness of the new moon coming upon us. We can take action. We can light the Hanukkah candles and bring light to the world. To see to their welfare. We can only do this by drawing closer to Hashem and allowing ourselves to have our welfare tended to.

Wow.

And.

We need to be prepared. Because our motives and intents? To see to the welfare of those we care about? Or even those we don’t? May not always be received.  Let’s dig into the rest of today’s portion:

15Then a man found him, and behold, he was straying in the field, and the man asked him, saying, “What are you looking for?”

16And he said, “I am looking for my brothers. Tell me now, where are they pasturing?”

17And the man said, “They have traveled away from here, for I overheard them say, ‘Let us go to Dothan.’ ” So Joseph went after his brothers, and he found them in Dothan.

Interesting. “A man found him” as Joseph was lost. Joseph was “straying in the field.”

How many of us feel lost as we enter this season? Just sit with that. In silence.

We are called to allow our welfare to be taken care of.  And we feel restless.

Until we are found and given direction.

That’s what Joseph needed.  Joseph drew close to Israel. And then was sent out.  And as excited as Joseph was leaving Israel – he got lost. He was straying. Wandering.

Until someone found him. And gave him direction.  Joseph didn’t have to LOOK FOR direction. He was found. Given. And. Joseph received it. And as the man found Joseph; Joseph then found his brothers. Ready (I have to assume) to see to their welfare!  Full with the spirit of Israel, the getting lost and being found. He was READY!  Let’s see what happens next:

18And they saw him from afar, and when he had not yet drawn near to them, they plotted against him to put him to death.

19So they said one to the other, “Behold, that dreamer is coming.

20So now, let us kill him, and we will cast him into one of the pits, and we will say, ‘A wild beast devoured him,’ and we will see what will become of his dreams.”

Ugh.

Who can relate?

I want to do something nice. I want to care for someone’s welfare.

And they just want to destroy me.

Two different realities. At the same time. Coming together.

We don’t know WHY the brothers were angry with Joseph. It could be because he lied about them to their dad. It could be because they were doing the wrong thing and Joseph snitched. It could have been just pure envy. And I stop here.

• Who in my life do I feel lied about me?
• Who in my life told on me when I was doing something wrong?
• Who in my life am I envious of?

Now.  In this one moment. In the Torah story and in my life. Where is my consciousness? Is it in the past when the incident occurred when they lied about me? Is it in the past when someone snitched on me?  Is it in the past when someone received something or did something I was envious of?

In this moment?  None of that is real – beyond the carried pain of those past incidents.

Is there ANY space for me to consider – in THIS moment. That person I feel angry at. I am ready to kill (metaphorically speaking). Could have drawn closer to Israel and turned around to be motivated for my welfare?

I am NOT saying we should be foolish. Just welcome those who have hurt us back into our lives with open arms. But in a moment. 30 seconds. 60 seconds. Could I stop and entertain the possibility their motives may change? Or am I stuck in a past with them I cannot let go of?

On this linear space/time line we find ourselves on – where time only moves in one direction; am I holding onto the past moments with judgment (feeling good or bad about those moments) instead of living in THIS moment?

This is the prison. This is slavery. This is where we end up in Egypt. This is the moment. Had the brothers considered for a second Joseph was there for the PURPOSE of their welfare? This story plays out MUCH differently, doesn’t it?

The path to slavery is holding onto the past trauma as a shield and weapon. Not allowing ourselves a moment to consider a different reality than our own. This is how we end up enslaved in Egypt.

This is another part to our learning.

And.

There is hope.

21But Reuben heard, and he saved him from their hand[s], and he said, “Let us not deal him a deadly blow.”

22And Reuben said to them, “Do not shed blood! Cast him into this pit, which is in the desert, but do not lay a hand upon him,” in order to save him from their hand[s], to return him to his father.

Reuben. First born of Leah. Oldest of all the brothers. Responded to the reactions – and saved Joseph.

And I reflect – because we could have avoided Egypt had the brothers just killed Joseph, right?  Reuben is the reason here we end up in slavery in Egypt.  Had Joseph died, the family wouldn’t likely have ended up in Egypt.

Wrong. Remember (spoiler alert) the brothers end up in Egypt ANYWAY once they thought they killed Joseph.  The famine is coming.

The amazing part of this portion? ALL OF THIS? ALL OF THIS! It is literally happening as Israel intended:

14So he said to him, “Go now and see to your brothers’ welfare and the welfare of the flocks, and bring me back word.” So he sent him from the valley of Hebron, and he came to Shechem.

Joseph – unknowingly was about to see to the family’s welfare. 

This portion is a roller coaster of emotion. There are multiple realities happening in different spaces and times.

And I am left to reflect on space.  Is there space within me? Or is that space taken up with anger and refusal to consider?

Do I have space and capacity to live in a moment with someone – or am I stuck in a past with that person?

These are my thoughts. There is a lot. And it’s shifted from the last two years to be honest. Reading my commentary from the last two years (below)? That is something I am recognizing is different about me.

What about you? What are your thoughts?