Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 16 Kislev, 5785

Every year we come to this portion – of Joseph being sold into slavery. And I wonder if in our own personal journeys, with the light of the fullness of the moon, whether we have the opportunity to avoid being sold into slavery.

Are we repeating cycles in our lives? What patterns are coming up for us?

The change of name seems apropos.  Are we living in our “Jacob” Identity – the one who circumvents reality, the one who schemes (to take Esau’s birthright) or are we living our “Israel” identity – the one who “let’s the universe prevail?”  These are two different aspects of our being – one that takes reality into our own hands and tries to make it ours, or the one who surrenders to how reality is unfolding and trusting the current moment.

Where are we in this full moon?

Thoughts?

Here are my thoughts from last year:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 22 Kislev, 5784
Parsha Va-Yeshev (Genesis 37:1 – 40:23)
Third Portion: Genesis 37:23 – 37:36

Good morning! What a week so far of learning in this portion, “And He Settled.”  Things may be starting to settle down for us from the chaos of the last few weeks.  Maybe not.  If our external life isn’t settling down, maybe our internal life is getting ready to?

Let’s dig into the portion.  When we left off, the brothers plotted to kill Jospeh.  Reuben pushed back.  Joseph was coming out of love for his brothers – to “see to their welfare” according to his dad.  He stopped on his journey and encountered an angel/man because Joseph got lost. And was put on the path again to love his brothers.  Their reality was different.  AND.  This will all work out.

Let’s go!

23Now it came to pass when Joseph came to his brothers, that they stripped Joseph of his shirt, of the fine woolen coat which was upon him.

24And they took him and cast him into the pit; now the pit was empty there was no water in it.

25And they sat down to eat a meal, and they lifted their eyes and saw, and behold, a caravan of Ishmaelites was coming from Gilead, and their camels were carrying spices, balm, and lotus, going to take [it] down to Egypt.

So. I have shared this previously.  The brothers sat down to eat a meal after throwing Joseph into the pit. They were chill. Rested.

I’m reflecting on this.  Their fight/flight response was satisfied by Joseph being in the pit. They were no longer afraid. They were no longer anxious. Why? This is what I am curious about. Why did Joseph (who was coming to see to their welfare) create such fear in the brothers (or envy) that they threw him into a pit and they could then eat a meal? That’s a major shift in energy.

And I reflect now on Joseph.  How often do we have REALLY good intentions. And. That scares people? People react and want to fight us.  Or run away from us. And we take it personally.  Like we did something wrong. 

I imagine Joseph in the pit thinking – “WTH! Guys. Bros. Dad sent me to take care of you and your welfare. Why did you just strip me and throw me in a pit?”

Joseph was living in a moment. He wasn’t dwelling on the past. He had either snitched on or lied about his brothers. But he had been changed. He was loved.  Jacob loved him.  He felt seen. 

And. His brothers were not living in the moment. They were stuck in the past. On past things Joseph had done to them.

Now. If we are Joseph’s friend? We understand why he’d be shocked to be thrown into the pit.  And if we are friends with the brothers? We can understand why they were scared of Joseph’s arrival.  It’s two different realities.

Any of us with kids can understand this. Especially with multiple kids. I have six.  All of them at various times struggle with living in the present moment while siblings are stuck in their past hurts.  I can see the kids grow and develop.  My 16 year old is not the same as they were when they were 13. They’ve grown.  That’s what matters to me (as a father).  Are they perfect as a 16 year old? No. They still make mistakes. But I still see growth. I see effort.

However. The second oldest child reflects on events that transpired when the oldest was 13. They were 10 at the time.  Those images of what happened to them when they were 10? Those impact the second oldest and cause reactions because they don’t feel safe.  When the oldest makes a mistake and does something to hurt the second oldest – the second oldest is triggered (and would probably like to throw the 16 year old in a pit, if I am being honest).

As a parent, I can have empathy for the oldest and their growth and development AND AT THE SAME TIME have empathy for the second oldest because they don’t feel safe.

And sometimes? I feel helpless to fix the problem.

As we watch this unfold in the Torah – I feel helpless here to fix the problem between Joseph and his brothers.  But let’s keep going:

26And Judah said to his brothers, “What is the gain if we slay our brother and cover up his blood?

27Come, let us sell him to the Ishmaelites, but our hand shall not be upon him, for he is our brother, our flesh.” And his brothers hearkened.

28Then Midianite men, merchants, passed by, and they pulled and lifted Joseph from the pit, and they sold Joseph to the Ishmaelites for twenty silver [pieces], and they brought Joseph to Egypt.

Good old Judah! He heard Reuben’s plea from the previous portion.  And he came up with a better option than killing Joseph.

Let’s keep going:

29And Reuben returned to the pit, and behold, Joseph was not in the pit; so he rent his garments.

30And he returned to his brothers and said, “The boy is gone! And where will I go?”

31And they took Joseph’s coat, and they slaughtered a kid, and they dipped the coat in the blood.

So Reuben wasn’t a part of this plan to sell Joseph. And he came back to his brothers concerned. At this point it wasn’t about their safety. It was likely because they knew the impact this would have on their dad, Jacob.  So they came up with ANOTHER plan – to protect Jacob from the truth. 

This is almost like a sitcom isn’t it? One bad mistake and then another on top of the mistake and things get out of hand?

The difference here? Hashem is watching this all unfold. And it is all working out like an anti-M. Night Shyalaman movie. All the pieces are disconnected and in the end? They will all connect. Except it’s not horror.  It’s good.

Let’s keep going:

32And they sent the fine woolen coat, and they brought [it] to their father, and they said, “We have found this; now recognize whether it is your son’s coat or not.”

33He recognized it, and he said, “[It is] my son’s coat; a wild beast has devoured him; Joseph has surely been torn up.”

34And Jacob rent his garments, and he put sackcloth on his loins, and he mourned for his son many days.

35And all his sons and all his daughters arose to console him, but he refused to be consoled, for he said, “Because I will descend on account of my son as a mourner to the grave”; and his father wept for him.

So they return to their dad. I am curious.  Why did they ask Jacob whether he recognized the coat? Wouldn’t they all recognize it?

I think I realize how much influence pop-culture has impacted my view of this story.  Most of us know about Joseph and the amazing technicolor dream coat.  It’s this coat that STOOD OUT.  The Torah seems to indicate the coat may not have stood out as much as we think.  Jacob didn’t reply “OF COURSE YOU KNOW ITS JOSEPH’S COAT!” 

Verse 35 is interesting here.  Remember we discussed check marks a few days ago.  Jacob saw himself descending. He didn’t realize (maybe?) this was part of HIS process too? He needed to learn about fatherhood by trusting the process to work itself out.  I don’t know.  These are just thoughts I have.  The word “descend” is really triggering my brain given our discussion already.

And I think. Verse 35 literally ends one chapter of our descent to Egypt. Because in verse 36?

36And the Midianites sold him to Egypt, to Potiphar, Pharaoh’s chamberlain, chief of the slaughterers.

Jacob told us – “this is it.” This is how we end up slaves. And it is interesting. The cause? Miscommunication (it would seem).  The brothers did not hold space for a different reality in which Joseph found himself. They reacted to their own reality. And they ended up sending an innocent man into Egypt.

I want to reread these last two verses again:

35And all his sons and all his daughters arose to console him, but he refused to be consoled, for he said, “Because I will descend on account of my son as a mourner to the grave”; and his father wept for him.

36And the Midianites sold him to Egypt, to Potiphar, Pharaoh’s chamberlain, chief of the slaughterers.

This is how the portion ends today.  Jacob telegraphs – “we’re done.”

And. From verse 13 to verse 36? We go from Israel to Jacob. In verse 13, the son of Isaac is referred to as Israel. In verse 36, the next time his name is mentioned? It’s Jacob.

And I wonder. Pure speculation here. There was an opportunity between verses 13 and 36 for us to NOT end up in slavery in Egypt.  Whether the Torah is telegraphing for us these opportunities?   When the son of Isaac is referred to as Israel – maybe there is something deeper. But something happened between these verses that changed the son of Isaac’s name back to Jacob.

Fascinating.  I am curious to your thoughts!