Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 30 Kislev, 5785

Wow! Good morning! I have been away from Torah thoughts for three days.  It has been wrestling in the depths of who I am and choices and patterns being uncovered.  It has been quite a bit of self reflection.  And I am learning to let go of parts of who I thought I was and leaning into who I am.

Sunday we started a new Parsha – “And he approached.”  Today, I am sharing the portion from yesterday because it is super critical (in my opinion).  We will catch up tomorrow with the third and fourth portion.

We are coming to the end. Many endings. There are chapters turning.  What once was can be left behind us, should we choose.

We have two more parsha left in Genesis. From the garden where we first learned the curiosity is the path to liberation and freedom, not judgment.  To today where this portion has three lessons for us.

We have come to the end of 2024. Today is the final day of this past year, as we measure it by the sun.

Let’s be honest. It’s arbitrary. And it’s not. It’s an opportunity for us to set our intents. In judaism, we do this monthly with each moon cycle.

Which is ending. Today is also the end of the month of Kislev. And in the darkness of the night? We light 7 candles to shine our light brightly in the darkness. 7 is the number of human perfection. It is as perfect as we can be.

We enter the month of Tevet tonight.

As this website calls it – “Tevet is a month of contradictions”

Tevet is connected to both harshness, as we leave the three months of winter and Jacob’s domain, and enter into the Spring months with Esau – and we start off with Harshness.

It’s also connected with the number 8 – from the website: “Eight is the step beyond the seven directions of space and the seven days of time. So it represents the upper, transcending levels” – we reflect that tomorrow night is the 8th night of Hanukkah. Perfection personified – and it’s a perfection we cannot create on our own. It requires Hashem’s intervention.

So this upcoming month? It is going to be full of shadows for us to work through. To bring our light to. All for the purpose of ascension.  Moving beyond the physical into the truly physical will be our journey.

“And he approached.”  Hashem approaches us the way Joseph approached his brothers. And? When Joseph approached his brothers? Their fortunes changed.  And? They did the work. They grieved the loss of their brother.  They felt guilt and shame over what they did to Joseph. The led by bringing Benjamin, and they were willing to sacrifice all for his safe return.

They did the work. And Joseph approached them.

There are three lessons for us in all of this:

When we feel stuck and enslaved, AND we face setbacks, receive the opportunity to have courage in the midst of an emotional, financial, physical, spiritual battle. And trust that freedom comes in choosing to be in a place of learning valor – or fighting that we did not get what we wanted.  “Not getting what we want” is a way to remain stuck – “trusting I am being developed for my freedom and liberation?” That’s a way to be free.

Lesson 1:  Valor. Having Valor is the lesson we receive to move us from being stuck in not getting what we want, to trusting in being developed for a greater purpose.  This is how abundance arrives in our lives.

A setback is an opportunity to make a choice between courage and control.

Lesson 2: We can either choose to meet the obstacles that arrive in our lives with courage? Or we can fight resistance from the Universe from a place of control.  Meeting obstacles is the path of abundance and joy.  Fighting resistance is the path to remain stuck.

Experiencing our grief provides more space to make the choice between courage and control.

Lesson 3: Allowing ourselves the radical acceptance of a situation (handling our denial), allowing ourselves anger and seeing anger as safe, being tender when we try to negotiate between two realities, trusting in our sadness and lack of desire…these are the skills and formula to create the space we need when we meet obstacles – choosing courage over control.  Having valor.

These are my thoughts.

What are yours?

Here are my thoughts from last year:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 6 Tevet, 5784
Parsha Va-Yiggash (Genesis 44:18 – 47:27)
Second Portion: Genesis 44:31 – 45:7

Good morning!  Today we reach the culmination of the story of Joseph and his brothers.  We left off mid sentence yesterday, with the idea that souls are connected. Today, Judah finishes his thoughts to Joseph after explaining why they could not return without Benjamin with him.

31it will come to pass, when he sees that the boy is gone, he will die, and your servants will have brought down the hoary head of your servant, our father, in grief to the grave.

32For your servant assumed responsibility for the boy from my father, saying, ‘If I do not bring him to you, I will have sinned against my father forever.’

33So now, please let your servant stay instead of the boy as a slave to my lord, and may the boy go up with his brothers.

34For how will I go up to my father if the boy is not with me? Let me not see the misery that will befall my father!”

Something I reflect on here.  Benjamin. How must Benjamin have felt in this moment? Judah, the oldest brother standing up for him with the person who represents Pharaoh.  Was Benjamin aware of what happened to Joseph? He must have known, right?  And here was Judah the leader sticking up for him.  In his most desperate time.

How much do we long for someone to do this for US? To speak up on our behalf. To keep us from being imprisoned? Benjamin must have been feeling a certain way. 

And I reflect on how I remain silent in the face of injustice – or – understand the gravity and impact of a situation and don’t speak up.

Something I have been learning this weekend. It is the idea of valor.  It’s not a word we discuss a lot.  But Judah is teaching us about valor here.  I’ve heard this word – but never really dug into it.

What is Valor?

The dictionary defines it as “great courage in the face of danger, especially in battle.”

And I reflect on this.

How can we gain valor? We must face danger and/or battle, right?  And we aren’t just talking war. I see our lives through different lenses: physical, spiritual, emotional, intellectual (I am sure there are more).

We can have physical valor but not emotional, spiritual, or intellectual valor – right?

Or we can have emotional valor (having navigated emotional trauma and having courage) – and not the others, right?

How do we gain emotional valor? By navigating emotional traumas.  How do we gain spiritual valor? By navigating spiritual traumas.

Judah had valor here. He had great courage to stand up to Joseph (not knowing it was Joseph).

So let’s add to our learning here.  When we are stuck or enslaved, accepting that valor is what is likely being developed can lead us back to freedom and liberation. And the spiritual vitamin from the past two years becomes relevant, right?

“Sometimes, a temporary setback is just what you need in order to advance with greater vigor. When an athlete has to negotiate a hurdle. His stepping back is the means to a higher leap.”

Sometimes setbacks are designed to increase our valor. Emotionally, physically (financially), spiritually. 

So to recap our past learning on when we are stuck/enslaved:

1. When feeling stuck or enslaved we must remember we have freedom and choice
   1. We can choose to dwell in the past and let those (we believe) who brought us to this place of being stuck live rent free within our heads (or consciousness). Or.
   2. We can accept the moment we are in; receive the next 30-60 seconds and decide what our purpose is. Are we safe? Are we secure? What is our mission? What are our values?
2. We must remain grounded in the moment. In our current reality. We can fight the current reality all we like – but all that will do is remind us we are slaves. We can make different choices to focus on our freedom.
3. When we are stuck or feeling enslaved – set boundaries for ourselves and COMMUNICATE THEM. Not to protect us from external sources. But to protect us from within.
4. When we are feeling stuck or enslaved? We can find ways to empower ourselves. Setting boundaries, yes. But also educating ourselves. Learning. Growth. Development.
5. When we hurt someone – from a place of stuckness and enslavement – we need to honor the person who hurt – and allow ourselves to fully feel the guilt and shame and embarrassment – instead of wanting to run from it. Feeling those feelings will help us grow and develop in the perfection we are in every moment.
6. When we feel stuck; enslaved – look within for grief. What are we holding onto that we are struggling to let go of? Can we be open and honest with our grief – with ourselves? With others? Or are we AFRAID of our grief and it coming out and how others will react to it? Be true to ourselves. Be Israel. Be raw. This is the path back to freedom.
7. When we encounter OTHERS in their grief – who feel stuck; enslaved – but we have the privilege of their raw and honest grief? We can VALIDATE that grief, reject that grief, or try to fix it.

Let’s add this:

When we feel stuck and enslaved, AND we face setbacks, receive the opportunity to have courage in the midst of an emotional, financial, physical, spiritual battle. And trust that freedom comes in choosing to be in a place of learning valor – or fighting that we did not get what we wanted.  “Not getting what we want” is a way to remain stuck – “trusting I am being developed for my freedom and liberation?” That’s a way to be free.

Ok – let’s keep going. Because this all had an impact on Joseph, and the great reveal:

1Now Joseph could not bear all those standing beside him, and he called out, “Take everyone away from me!” So no one stood with him when Joseph made himself known to his brothers.

2And he wept out loud, so the Egyptians heard, and the house of Pharaoh heard.

3And Joseph said to his brothers, “I am Joseph. Is my father still alive?” but his brothers could not answer him because they were startled by his presence.

4Then Joseph said to his brothers, “Please come closer to me,” and they drew closer. And he said, “I am your brother Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt.

5But now do not be sad, and let it not trouble you that you sold me here, for it was to preserve life that God sent me before you.

6For already two years of famine [have passed] in the midst of the land, and [for] another five years, there will be neither plowing nor harvest.

7And God sent me before you to make for you a remnant in the land, and to preserve [it] for you for a great deliverance.

The Torah here is incredible. Judah has been speaking in his valor. And it is enough to break Joseph’s heart. He tells everyone to leave. And Joseph reveals himself while his brothers just stay silent. “They were startled by his presence.” They were in shock.

The brothers faced a setback, not knowing what was to come. The good was now being revealed to them – and they likely could not believe how Hashem worked this out.  It was like out of an M. Night Shyamalan movie, right?

And we leave today’s portion stunned. Everyone’s fortunes had just changed. And they went from the depths of poverty and famine – to a life of abundance.

All because of valor.  “And he approached.”  We cannot approach a battle, a conflict, a trauma; without valor. 

And – the shadow side of valor?  Control.  Instead of facing the battle – we try to control it. And we can’t.  Judah could not control what was going to happen. He had to just stand up and be. Be courageous. 

And here is one more lesson for us to add:

A setback is an opportunity to make a choice between courage and control.

React and try to control – have courage and wait to respond. That is the moment.

And also? Likely because of grief. Grief seems to come before valor – but I am still chewing on that.  Experiencing our grief provides more space to make the choice between courage and control.

And that is one more lesson.

Experiencing our grief provides more space to make the choice between courage and control.