Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 2 Nisan, 5785

Good morning! As we start a new week, a new month, and a new book of the Torah – the book of Leviticus, we will begin to see the picture of real relationship starting to form.

Our first Parsha in Leviticus is called “He affectionately called.”  This is a beautiful way to start this book off. Leviticus gets a very bad reputation was being just a bunch of “laws” for us to follow. And we jump right in with the sacrifices.

And? If we apply these concepts to our relationships? I think we can find some beautiful wisdom. Until now – in the book of Genesis and Exodus? We have been focused within us. It’s been our journey from freedom to slavery and back to freedom.  All within us.

Leviticus begins to show us how to engage with OTHERS. And sacrifice seems to be the first topic.  I wrote this two years ago:

I reflect on our sacrifices in our relationships.  At the core? A sacrifice is best when it is a pleasing fragrance to BOTH parties. When I sacrifice and the person I am sacrificing for is unaware? How can they be pleased? And if I approach the sacrifice from a place of “hey, look at me! I am sacrificing for you!” How can that be pleasing?

This is key.  Because sacrifice? Really about giving. And there are some rules we read in Torah about the sacrifice:

• • Sacrifices need to be unblemished – I used this example last year:
    • If you like Pizza, and I do not? Making you apple pie is NOT an unblemished sacrifice
  • Sacrifices need to be for the motives of truly giving
    • If you like Pizza, and I do not? And I learn to make a pizza for a pizza contest to win $1000? That’s not giving.  Or if I learn to make you a pizza, and you enjoy it but never give me any credit for making a pizza and I get upset by that? That’s not giving.
  • Sacrifices need to be brought to the altar
    • If you like Pizza, and I do not? And I learn to make a pizza and never make you a pizza? That’s not giving.
  • Sacrifices need to match our resources
    • We don’t need to be a martyr. And – it’s not a sacrifice if its an afterthought. There is a butter zone. If I know you like pizza, and I only have $3? And I stop and get you gas station pizza because I know you like pizza? That’s beautiful. If I have $1000 and get you gas station pizza? Not so much. Likewise? If I got into $1000 debt to hire a famous chef to make you a pizza? That’s problematic.

I think there is one more lesson here.

In order to make a meaningful sacrifice in a relationship? We need to actually know and understand the other. Because in the examples I gave involving pizza? If the person I think loves pizza – because I saw them order it one time and just assumed they liked pizza? Instead of asking them and finding out “well actually, I like pizza – but I love SUSHI even more!” We just assume our sacrifice is meaningful because WE have convinced OURSELVES that THEY like pizza.

We need to allow others to be the authors of their story in our minds and hearts. That is the beginning of wisdom when it comes to relationships.

What are your thoughts?

Here are my thoughts from Last year:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 8 Adar II, 5784
Parsha Va-Yikra’ – “And He affectionately called”: (Leviticus 1:1 – 5:26)
Second Portion: Leviticus 1:14 – 2:6

Good morning.  As we jump into the second portion of Leviticus, I wrote this a year ago, and it feels crucial:

“Something I’m chewing on is how sacrifice in a healthy (human) relationship is reciprocal. If one person is always sacrificing for the other, that isn’t healthy.

It is also unhealthy if someone Is always sacrificing in silence. Communication is crucial. The sacrificial offerings in the Torah were not private – you went to the priest. There was communication about what was being sacrificed. And Hashem’s acknowledgment reveals to us He recognizes the sacrifice.

The saying is “love others as you love yourself.” But WHAT IF it’s more challenging to love ourselves more than we love others? Wouldn’t it be also true to say “love yourself the way you love others?”

Reciprocating love is the cornerstone to healing, isn’t it?

This feels like the foundation for Leviticus.  We are reading about the sacrifices. Love involves sacrifice. What does healthy sacrifice in a relationship look like? Yesterday read about the unblemished sacrifice.  Today? We are reading about the public nature of sacrifice. 

This morning I read in “The Book of Awakening” by Mark Nepo:

                “Accept this gift, so I can see myself as giving.”

How often are we sacrificing from a place of self? It’s more about our own perception of wanting to be a giver instead of truly asking ourselves what does someone need? Let’s take this spirit into today’s portion of the Torah:

14And if his sacrifice to the Lord, is a burnt offering from birds, he shall bring [it] from turtle doves or from young doves.

15And the kohen shall bring it near to the altar, and nip off its head, and cause it to [go up in] smoke on the altar, and its [the bird’s] blood shall be pressed out upon the wall of the altar.

16And he shall remove its crop along with its entrails, and cast it next to the altar on the east side, to the place of the ashes.

17And he shall split it open with its wing feathers [intact], but he shall not tear it completely apart. The kohen shall then cause it to [go up in] smoke on the altar, on top of the wood which is on the fire. It is a burnt offering, a fire offering [with] a pleasing fragrance to the Lord.

This was a sacrifice – and it was a “pleasing fragrance to the Lord.”

I reflect on our sacrifices in our relationships.  At the core? A sacrifice is best when it is a pleasing fragrance to BOTH parties. When I sacrifice and the person I am sacrificing for is unaware? How can they be pleased? And if I approach the sacrifice from a place of “hey, look at me! I am sacrificing for you!” How can that be pleasing?

And I go back to – the only way someone is going to know we are sacrificing? Is if we sacrifice from a place of being unblemished.

In the example I gave yesterday – Batman and Pickle pizza – if the person who cares about me – who I KNOW isn’t a fan of Batman – came to me one day and said “hey, I read a batman comic book – I really enjoyed the character of Two face because I can see how it connects to the Archetype of those around us who say one thing but do another. I am curious to know who your favorite batman villain is!”

THAT would be a sacrifice AND it would be communicated in a way that was clear.

If they read the batman comic book but never engaged with me about it? I wouldn’t know. Let’s say over the year they read 20 batman comic books without me knowing? And one day I just got so frustrated because I felt unseen and uncared for. And I communicated that.  And they respond; “But I have been sacrificing all year reading batman comic books!”

That would be concerning. We would have a moment where I could recognize the sacrifice, but they aren’t making that sacrifice and communicating it in a way that lands.

This is the key. So. We are learning:

• Sacrifices need to be unblemished – if you like Pizza and I don’t, making you apple pie isn’t an unblemished sacrifice
• Sacrifices need to be for the motives of truly giving – if you like Pizza and I don’t know how to make pizza? And I learn to make pizza for you, but never make you a pizza? That’s a problem

Sacrifices need to be brought to the altar – if they are left in our tent? They do no good.

Let’s keep going

1And if a person brings a meal offering to the Lord, his offering shall be of fine flour. He shall pour oil over it and place frankincense upon it.

2And he shall bring it to Aaron’s descendants, the kohanim, and from there, he [the kohen] shall scoop out his fistful of its fine flour and its oil, in addition to all its frankincense. Then, the kohen shall cause its reminder to [go up in] smoke on the altar; [it is] a fire offering [with] a pleasing fragrance to the Lord.

3And what remains of the meal offering shall belong to Aaron and to his descendants; [it is] holy of holies from the fire offerings of the Lord.

4And if one brings a meal offering baked in an oven, it shall consist of [either] unleavened loaves [made] of fine flour mixed with oil, or unleavened wafers anointed with oil.

5And if a meal offering on a pan is your sacrifice, it shall be [made] of fine flour, mixed with oil; it shall be unleavened.

6Break it into pieces, and you shall [then] pour oil over it. It is a meal offering.

So this offering was a poor person’s offering. The Torah didn’t require poor people to sacrifice more than they had.

The takeaway here is that – we don’t need to sacrifice OURSELVES for someone else. A small sacrifice is what matters.

So let’s say I know my romantic partner loves flowers and getting flowers. And I’ve had an incredibly busy day at work. I am in a rush to get home, because I am tired. I stop for gas, and the gas station has flowers. I buy flowers. That’s romantic. That will land.  That’s what I had to give.

But let’s say I spent the entire day out and about, I drove past their favorite flower store that was an hour away, but right before going home, stopped at that same gas station, and bought those same flowers? Not so much, right?

Let’s say I had an entirely free day – and I drove outside my way to get flowers from that place that was their favorite flower store? That’s big!

The sacrifice is all about the heart. Where it comes from. That is the third takeaway.

Let’s add to our learning:

• Sacrifices need to be unblemished
• Sacrifices need to be for the motives of truly giving
• Sacrifices need to be brought to the altar
• Sacrifices need to match our resources – we don’t need to be a martyr. And – it’s not a sacrifice if its an afterthought. There is a butter zone.

These are some amazing takeaways! What are your thoughts?