Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 28 Adar, 5785

Good morning! We are coming to the end. Of so many things.  The energy is shifting significantly. Hopefully we are grounding.

Here’s a quick recap.

Tomorrow – we will finish the book of Exodus.   When we finish a book of the Torah, we say “Hazakh. Hazakh, V’Nitchazeck!” Which means. “Be STRONG! Be STRONG! And may we be STREGNTHENED!”

Tomorrow night? A lot is happening:

• We begin the new month of Nisan. The end of the final month of Adar
• It’s a new moon
• We are shifting energies from the shadow of opinion to the shadow of control.  Moving from the gift of far-sightedness to the gift of authority.

Saturday morning? There is an eclipse

So if you are feeling a certain way? That’s to be expected.

We are getting ready for a major reset. Someone mentioned “it’s like the multiverses are coming back together.” It almost feels that way on a quantum level.

And I wrote this a year ago.  And when we are struggling – this is some good advice we pull from the Torah:

When we are struggling. When we are upset. When we are anxious?

• • Step 1: Focus on structure. Is the structure solid? Is it set up properly?
  • Step 2: Is the structure safe? Is it covered? Is it protected?
  • Step 3: What matters? What is stored in our Ark? What is the testimony of our life that goes into the ark? Are we protecting this?
  • Step 4: Is our heart? Our Identity? Our Core? Is that WITHIN us? Or are we looking for someone else externally to identify with? A job? A career? A significant other?
  • Step 5: Solidify our senses:
    • What can I touch? Can we be mindful of our skin? Touching the socks/shoes into the ground? Our butt in a chair? What can we touch?
    • What can I taste? What sensations are on my tongue? Is there anything abnormal? Right now? I taste coffee. Mmmm. That is yummy.
    • What can I see in the light? What vision do I have? What is CLEAR? What is murky?
    • What can I FEEL? Like touch, do I feel warm? Do I feel cold?
    • What can I see in the darkness? What flames need to be kindled to create light in dark/murky spaces?
    • What can I hear? What faint flickering do I hear?
  • Step 6: Boundaries.
    • Take what is clear. Protect that.
    • Kindle fires in the darkness. Gather data you need to clarify the murkiness.

Also – you may have noticed, I have stopped posting on Shabbat.  One of the things from a year ago I posted on Shabbat – the one we read this parasha? I wrote about my journey:

I’ve been on a journey to discover the fears within:

• • The fear of rejection
  • The fear of abandonment
  • The fear of betrayal
  • The fear of regret
  • The fear of guilt
  • The fear of shame.
  • Shame
  • Guilt
  • Regret
  • Betrayal
  • Abandonment
  • Rejection

This year? It’s been healing:

• Healing how I rejected myself
• Healing how I abandoned myself
• Healing how I betrayed myself
• Healing how I made decisions I thought were “wrong” and regretted
• Healing how I made decisions I thought were “wrong” and felt deep guilt over
• Healing how I made a series of decisions I thought were “wrong” and felt deep shame with

Where are you at on your healing journey with confronting Shame, Guilt, Regret, Betrayal, Abandonment, Rejection?

Are we afraid of this?

Are we digging into it?

Are we healing it?

Yes. Always.

Sending love and strength to all of you in this time.

What are your thoughts?

Here are my thoughts from a year ago:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 5 Adar II, 5784
Parsha Pekudei: (Exodus 38:21 – 40:38)
Sixth Portion: Exodus 40:16 – 40:27

Good morning! We are shifting closer to Purim! We have two more portions to finish out Exodus. It is interesting to me how this book shifted from freedom and power, to slavery, to grief, to freedom, to wilderness, to despair (the golden calf) to forgiveness to direction, to structure.  We are closing the book out with structure. 

For a book about freedom and liberation, we are seeing structure built. Responsibility. What is the purpose of freedom? What do we DO with our freedom? How are we to BE free? This seems to be where we are ending up.

Let’s dig in:

16Thus Moses did; according to all that the Lord had commanded him, so he did.

17It came to pass in the first month, in the second year, on the first day of the month, that the Mishkan was set up.

So we know. Moses did everything according to plan. And a year AFTER leaving Egypt. On the first day – the DAY AFTER the anniversary of their freedom – they set up the Mishkan. The tabernacle.

18Moses set up the Mishkan, placed its sockets, put up its planks, put in its bars, and set up its pillars.

He started with the pillars. To me this represents solidity in the temporary.  It started with the framework. What is the framework we’ve built?

19He spread the tent over the Mishkan, and he placed the cover of the tent over it from above, as the Lord had commanded Moses.

Once the structure was built? He covered it. It was protected.

20He took and placed the testimony into the ark, put the poles upon the ark, and placed the ark cover on the ark from above.

Then – OUTSIDE of the Mishkan – Moses set up the ark. In a sense the heart of the entire process. He put everything that mattered into the ark. He covered it. And got ready to carry it.

21He brought the ark into the Mishkan and placed the screening dividing curtain so that it formed a protective covering before the Ark of the Testimony as the Lord had commanded Moses.     

Then, we brought the ark WITHIN. Into the heart. And within the Mishkan, the Ark was divided and covered.

22He placed the table in the Tent of Meeting on the northern side of the Mishkan, outside the dividing curtain.

Then outside the heart, there was a table. Solid. I think these are the senses.

23He set upon it an arrangement of bread before the Lord as the Lord had commanded Moses.

An arrangement of bread is something you could taste and touch. Two of our senses.

24He placed the menorah in the Tent of Meeting, opposite the table, on the southern side of the Mishkan.

The Menorah was something you could see.

25He kindled the lamps before the Lord as the Lord had commanded Moses.

Then lit a fire. You could FEEL the warmth of the fire and see the FLAMES in the darkness. You could see a menorah in the light, but if it was dark, you would not see it. When kindled? You could SEE the menorah once again. And you could HEAR the flames of the lamps.

26He placed the golden altar in the Tent of Meeting in front of the dividing curtain.

Then, finally, he placed a place for sacrifice in the Tent.

27He made the incense go up in smoke upon it as the Lord had commanded Moses.

And then burned incense. A smell. An aroma.

What is our takeaway here?

When we are struggling. When we are upset. When we are anxious?

• Step 1: Focus on structure. Is the structure solid? Is it set up properly?
• Step 2: Is the structure safe? Is it covered? Is it protected?
• Step 3: What matters? What is stored in our Ark? What is the testimony of our life that goes into the ark? Are we protecting this?
• Step 4: Is our heart? Our Identity? Our Core? Is that WITHIN us? Or are we looking for someone else externally to identify with? A job? A career? A significant other?
• Step 5: Solidify our senses:
  • What can I touch? Can we be mindful of our skin? Touching the socks/shoes into the ground? Our butt in a chair? What can we touch?
  • What can I taste? What sensations are on my tongue? Is there anything abnormal? Right now? I taste coffee. Mmmm. That is yummy.
  • What can I see in the light? What vision do I have? What is CLEAR? What is murky?
  • What can I FEEL? Like touch, do I feel warm? Do I feel cold?
  • What can I see in the darkness? What flames need to be kindled to create light in dark/murky spaces?
  • What can I hear? What faint flickering do I hear?
• Step 6: Boundaries.
  • Take what is clear. Protect that.
  • Kindle fires in the darkness. Gather data you need to clarify the murkiness.

And this just might be the lesson of the book of Exodus.  We may be free, but freedom may feel REALLY unstable. Unsolid. Yay for freedom! But when we were slaves? We had everything laid out for us.  We didn’t get to think and feel for ourselves.

When I was teaching a class this past week, we discussed freedom. The freedom that comes from unlocking the love within us. And. Learning. That with freedom? Comes responsibility. Because I can NO LONGER blame anyone else – because if I accept my true freedom, everything I am? Has impact. Has consequences.

It is far more comfortable to do something because a friend tells us what to do. A loved one gives an opinion and we listen to it. We lose our own sovereignty and intuition. And when things don’t work the way we WANT them to? We can BLAME them – because we listened to THEM. They are the ones who betrayed us. We can convince ourselves that we did not betray ourselves.

Instead, it’s a risk to LISTEN to the feedback. To get a sense – what do I hear, what do I see, what do I taste, touch, smell? To take the data within us – but then WE DECIDE the direction. WE DECIDE the structure. WE DECIDE to move or stay. WE DECIDE to remain or depart.

If WE DECIDE? And things don’t work out the way we want them to? We have to accept, they didn’t work the way we wanted them to.

And we can CHOOSE to decide – we failed. We made a mistake. We are the problem.

And recognize?  All of that? It’s bullshit.

We did NOT fail. We do NOT make a mistake. We are NOT the problem.

We just got clarity. We got more data. To live our moments.

We have opportunity.

To learn.

What met my expectations? What disappointed me? Why did it disappoint me? What parts can I be proud of? How can I be curious?

This is freedom.

We are not given a series of life tests to pass or fail. We are given a hypothesis in a moment – and ways to test that hypothesis – or the null hypothesis – and discover in the results new data that will help us when we arrive in the next moment. To run new tests. To change old paradigms. To form new hypothesis. To form new experiments and curiosities.

This is the message of the Torah. This is the meaning of our lives.

What do you think?