Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 24 Nisan, 5785
Day 9 of the Omer

Good morning! Today we focus on the second of the Sefirah of Gevurah – Discipline – and the second day of this week of focus – which means we cross discipline and discipline.

One of the words I keep hearing when it comes to discipline within my own soul is the word “focus.”  What are we focusing on?  Where we place our focus and conscience will likely have an impact on how a story or situation lands for us.

To this end – I was having a conversation with a friend about expectations. I have lived a long time in my life releasing expectations – to avoid the idea of disappointment. I tended not to get excited about things in the future – because when I did? I was often getting ahead of myself and living in a place that wasn’t real. When that moment arrived? I found myself it did not live up to the moments I had been living in my mind up until that point.

It seemed easier to just let go of all expectations. To not worry about how things will turn out.  I then found myself arriving to moments EXACTLY as I imagined them – no expectations.  And that seemed “better.” Because I wasn’t disappointed.  And? At the same time? I also was internally struggling, because I also had needs and desires that seemed to remain unfulfilled.

I have since shifted to having expectations. Though not future ones. I have placed focus within me.

I expect that I am grounded. I am flow. I am passion. I am adaptable. I am safe. I am abundant. I am devoted.

This has shifted things significantly. Because I have these expectations of myself. And who I am, that will not disappointment me when a moment arrives. And? At the same time AFTER the moment passes? I find myself sometimes disappointed in how I showed up in that previous moment.

And? When I find myself disappointed in how I showed up in a previous moment? I can sit in that feeling, and be in that moment, and expect myself to be grounded, to flow, to have passion, to adapt, to be safe, to be abundant, and be devoted – to myself; my kids; my friends. And I can return to that space in any moment in any time.

Because I am starting to see expectations connected externally are different than expectations within. I am not attached to the outcomes – merely attached to the discovery each day – to answer the question, “who am I?”

This is the focus of focus. Can we be disciplined enough to just be in this 30 second window. Then this one. Then this one. And so on?

Those are my thoughts for today!  What are yours?

Here are my thoughts from last year:

Good morning! Today, on the ninth day of the Omer, we focus on “Gevurah of Gevurah” – Discipline of Discipline.

From Chabad:

Examine the discipline factor of discipline. Is my discipline disciplined or is it excessive. Do I have enough discipline in my life and in my interactions? Am I organized? Is my time used efficiently? Why do I have problems with discipline and what can I do to enhance it? Do I take time each day for personal accounting of my schedule and accomplishments? Does my discipline include the other six aspects, without which discipline cannot be effective and healthy?

Exercise for the day: Make a detailed plan for spending your day and at the end of the day see if you’ve lived up to it.

For me, Gevurah also means strength.  My heart hates the idea of discipline and strength. My heart is soft. It is loving and kind. But as we focus on this journey, can we find spaces in our hearts to see discipline as strengthening our hearts to love more fully? Can I create more space in my soft heart with doubling down on discipline? This is the reflection for me this morning.

And. Can I make sure to see the full picture of discipline. Discipline has value. Setting a schedule is important. But if we ignore loving-kindness, harmony, endurance, humility, bonding, and sovereignty? The discipline becomes the center and it isn’t.  This is what doubling down on discipline can do for us.

What are your thoughts?