Adapted from an article written by Sylvia Smith on Marriage.com

Upon reflecting on what I’ve learned this past year (5782) in reading the Torah- and reading my life, the lesson has been around “Unrequited Love.” Thank you to many in my life for helping me codify this lesson. I have been surrounded most of my life by unrequited love. But in reality, that’s because when I look within, I have not requited the love of myself.

People have made comments about how happy I look in the pictures I’ve been posting lately. And there is a reason. It’s because I am. This past year I’ve learned a ton about myself, and I’ve been falling in love with myself. This is the first of a few parts on what I’ve learned along the way. And wanted to share them with you. This is my Tikkun Olam. There will be 25 ways to love ourselves – but this is the first 10:

1. Listen to your loved one – ourselves

When we learn how to listen to our body, our mind, our soul, we are opening another dimension of intimacy. After all, everyone wants to be heard with undivided attention. Our bodies, minds and souls are communicating with us; we just get so distracted from external sources we don’t spend a lot of time listening.

2. Don’t judge – ourselves.

Be sure to offer understanding and compassion to our own body, mind and soul. Open our minds and release the judgments while talking to ourselves.

3. Be selfless – when it comes to ourself

When we learn how to love ourselves with out any sense of selfish motives (like what we think we might get out of it) but because of just who we are, we draw closer to ourselves.  It is then that we can begin to understand what true love is.

4. Forgive easily

If we are holding grudges with ourselves – through guilt, shame and regret for things we’ve done for a long time, we will never learn how to love ourselves.

If we are holding on to anger or resentment towards ourselves, we are obstructing ourselves from true unrequited love for ourselves.

Loving ourself deeply means that we can easily move on and forgive from mistakes we’ve made.

The Hawaiian Honopono Prayer https://graceandlightness.com/hooponopono-for-forgiveness/ (thank you Sarah Hudgings for introducing me to this) is a great way to forgive ourselves for the way we’ve treated ourselves over our life time.

5. Believe in yourself

At 50, so many people I have spoken with seem to have one thing in common when talking about past broken relationships. One thing.

We didn’t trust our instincts. We didn’t believe in ourselves. We gave our power and sovereignty away. To a person (myself included) – we wish we could go back and say – “this. This moment? This is the moment to fully trust yourself.

This is the gift that we give ourselves. To love ourselves. We are there to show our selves. Our minds. Our bodies. Our souls. To show ourselves our value when those parts of us cannot see it within us.

If we encourage and show trust for ourself – for our inner loved one- remember that the goodness of our actions will resonate inside of us and charge us like a battery with an unending source.

6. Be loyal

We choose others because we believe that they are the one. However, if we do not believe WE are the one and we aren’t loyal to our authentic selves, if we aren’t supportive of our inner selves – it will likely result in sacrificing ourselves for others.

The article this was sourced from points out that “One act of cheating or infidelity can ruin your relationship for never to heal again.”

One act of not being in line with our values will make it that much more difficult to heal again.

We may not heal that OTHER external relationship when infidelity is involved. But when we aren’t loyal to ourself? That can be healed. See #4 (Forgive yourself) above.

7. Tell ourselves why we love ourselves every day

We often think that we don’t need to be emotionally expressive, but “I love you” is a powerful statement. Use it to nurture our love for ourselves. Journal each day – even if we just say “I love you.” Look in the mirror each day and tell ourself “I love you.”

Still wondering how to love yourself?

Tell yourself all the possible reasons you love yourself – personally in a conversation with yourself, write yourself a letter, journal; whatever works – and see the magical results in your relationship with yourself

8. Accept our mistakes

We are all humans, and we make mistakes.

Make sure to hold ourselves accountable for your improper behavior towards ourselves and admit when we are wrong. When we don’t trust ourselves. When we aren’t loyal to ourselves.

This pairs with forgiveness. Accept those times we didn’t love ourselves. Acknowledge it; forgive ourselves – and then “begin again.” Repeat.

Doing so will encourage us to continue to do this more, which in turn will make our relationship with ourselves grow in health with time.

9. Apologize

Many people think that “I am sorry” is the hardest word to say. It shouldn’t be.

It’s hard to say it to someone else for sure. But no one considers how hard it is to say to ourselves.

To ask ourself for forgiveness.

In the process of learning how to love ourselves, we will make mistakes and learn not to repeat them on the way. Sometimes that will take longer. Sometimes it will only take once.

Apologize. Accept the mistake. Forgive ourselves. Repeat.

10. Love ourselves for who we are

How to love ourselves deeply?

There is no better way than to love ourself the way we are and accept ourself totally—this way; we give room to our inner selves to grow and become a better person.