12 Kislev, 5785 - Tikkun Olam 47

on December 13, 2024

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 12 Kislev, 5875

Good morning! We are headed to the fullness of the moon, where the lights of the month of Kislev shine bright. This moon cycle is unique, because as the moon reaches it’s fullness, we are being asked to keep the light shining through the new moon in two weeks. The new moon of Tevet is New Years eve! And we are asked to light our OWN fire and burn our OWN light to get us through, because the joyous holy days of Hanukkah arrive on the 25th of Kislev (which happens the evening of December 25th).

What are we “bringing to light?” In this space? If we aren’t sure, observe you surroundings right now. See what the full moon is showing you, what do you see? This is your light. Feel it.Receive it.

A year ago I wrote this. I believe – if we are struggling it may be because of THIS:

Fear is potentially the avoidance of grief. It’s holding onto something in the past and not moving forward. As long as the yoke of fear is on our neck and we do not allow ourselves to grieve? We cannot be free or liberated. Grieving takes power away from fear.

Grief. Allowing ourselves to grieve IS the key to freedom.

In today’s portion, Jacob was very afraid. He was afraid of his brother. He lived in fear.

Here are my thoughts from last year:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 18 Kislev, 5784
Parsha Va-Yishlah (Genesis 32:4 – 36:43)
Sixth Portion: Genesis 35:12 – 36:19

As we wind to a close on Va-Yishlah (and he sent) we approach today’s passage after leaving yesterday’s crossroads. Jacob was afraid his household would be destroyed after ghosting Esau. Fear. And Hashem, the loving entity, meets Jacob in his fear. And takes care of him. Hashem reaffirms Jacob’s name. And He Sent (notice “And He Sent” works for both Jacob sending things out to Esau and Hashem Sending Abraham, Isaac, and now Jacob) Jacob, as we see in the conclusion of Hashem’s conversation with Jacob in his fear (Genesis 35:12-13):

12And the land that I gave to Abraham and to Isaac, I will give to you and to your seed after you will I give the land.”

13And God went up from him in the place where He had spoken with him.

So Jacob was afraid. He thought and believed everything was going to be destroyed. But Hashem reminded him. Nope. I got you.

Where are we struggling with fear this morning? Where do we need a nod from Hashem to remind us “I’ve got you?” I’ll confess; something inside me is afraid to admit to Hashem I am struggling with fear. Because deep in my heart it connects to a doubt in Hashem. That Hashem will REALLY take care of me. And yet Hashem continues to have my back. And yet I doubt.

I connect this with my kids. I would do ANYTHING for them. And they struggle to trust that. Some of that is because of things they’ve been told about me that has framed their reality. Some of that is their lack of understanding of my actions. Some of that is because I am human and imperfect and make mistakes and they want parents who were perfect (didn’t we all as kids?).

For whatever reason, they struggle to trust I love them and will take care of them. Just like we struggle with Hashem.

Let’s get back to the passage:

14Now Jacob had erected a monument in the place where He had spoken with him, a stone monument, and he poured a libation upon it, and [then] he poured oil upon it.

15Jacob named the place where God had spoken with him Beth el.

Jacob met with Hashem – and wanted to commemorate the place it happened. Read my comments from the past two years on my crystal journey. I have collected stones to commemorate times I have seen Hashem work – or where I have met with Hashem and have felt his love. There is something innate in us to want to remember. Because we forget. So Jacob erects a monument, and now leaves:

16And they journeyed from Beth el, and there was still some distance to come to Ephrath, and Rachel gave birth, and her labor was difficult.

17It came to pass when she had such difficulty giving birth, that the midwife said to her, “Do not be afraid, for this one, too, is a son for you.”

18And it came to pass, when her soul departed for she died that she named him Ben oni, but his father called him Benjamin.

19So Rachel died, and she was buried on the road to Ephrath, which is Bethlehem.

20And Jacob erected a monument on her grave; that is the tombstone of Rachel until this day.

Wow. That must have been tough for Jacob. I imagine something going on in his head like this; “Come ON! Hashem – I am trusting you. I am following you. And we leave to go where you are sending us, and my wife DIES IN CHILDBIRTH????”

And he looks at his son – Ben Oni (son of my sorrow) – and maybe he has an epiphany because something has changed in Jacob. He recognized he ghosted Esau. He made the decision that needed to be made – but it has led them all to this.

And instead of holding onto Rachel? Carrying her body with them? He buries her on the road. He lets her go. And builds a monument to let her go, and still remember. In addition, he keeps Ben Oni’s name, but calls him Benjamin instead. “Son of the South” – a marker as to where Benjamin came from. He is the only one (we know of) born outside Laban’s homeland. Benjamin was special to Jacob – and we can understand what unfolds. Jacob grieves and keeps going:

21Israel journeyed, and he pitched his tent at some distance past the Tower of Eder.

22And it came to pass when Israel sojourned in that land, that Reuben went and lay with Bilhah, his father’s concubine, and Israel heard [of it], and so, the sons of Jacob were twelve.

23The sons of Leah [were] Reuben, Jacob’s firstborn, and Simeon, Levi, Judah, Issachar, and Zebulun.

24The sons of Rachel: Joseph and Benjamin.

25The sons of Bilhah, Rachel’s maidservant: Dan and Naphtali.

26The sons of Zilpah, Leah’s maidservant: Gad and Asher. These are Jacob’s sons who were born to him in Padan aram.

Ok. Something curious here. Jacob buries Rachel. He gives Ben Oni a nickname. And the Torah immediately switches to referring to him as Israel.

But then? Reuben lay with his father’s concubine? And immediately the Torah switches back to referring to Israel as Jacob. And. We get an account of Jacob’s sons.

Some thoughts:

When Reuben lay with Rachel’s maidservant (who was married to his dad Jacob) – the Torah seems to say “alright now. We are done with Jacob’s sons. We are finished here.” (Verse 22)
The account of the sons is to make a monument to the “sons of Jacob.” I notice the Torah does not call them the “sons of Israel.” I wonder if that is because Jacob’s legacy is different than Israel’s legacy. Jacob is spiritual slavery. Israel is spiritual freedom and liberation.

The question for me (us?) – we likely have Jacob and Israel within us. Who do we live? Do we leave behind things that aren’t serving us, and recognize ourselves as Israel? Or do we hold on to the past (repeating it and not learning from it) and move forward towards Spiritual slavery?

And let’s be clear. This isn’t a judgment. It’s a free choice. It’s almost chocolate and vanilla ice cream. My parents WANT me to choose chocolate because they think it’s better for me – but even if I choose Vanilla? It will still work out. That is an observation – and I am open to being challenged on that if you disagree.

So. To recap.

Jacob is afraid. He’s at a crossroads.

Hashem connects with Jacob

Jacob erects a monument

Jacob and his family leave

Rachel dies in childbirth

Jacob buries her and moves forward.

The Torah refers to Jacob as Israel

Reuben sleeps with Jacob’s wife Bilhah

The Torah says “we’re done here” with the sons of Jacob and recounts them.

Where do we go next?

27And Jacob came to his father Isaac, to Mamre, Kiriath arba, which is Hebron, where Abraham and Isaac dwelt.

28The days of Isaac were a hundred and eighty years.

29And Isaac expired and died and was gathered in to his peoples, old and sated with days, and his sons, Esau and Jacob, buried him.

Interesting. We finish out this chapter with Jacob going to his pops. And we see. Jacob and Esau buried him.

THAT must have been interesting! I wonder what THAT reunion was like?

We also need to consider the timing of this. Isaac didn’t pass immediately. Verse 27 likely occurred 12 years AFTER Joseph was sold into slavery. Why go out of order?

I think it’s because the Torah is closing out the chapter here. It’s a literally “pinching off” of the tree in the story line.

The Torah acknowledges Jacob and Esau DO reconnect after the ghosting. Benjamin had already been born so we know there is quite some time.

So it would seem Reuben sleeping with Bilhah closed the chapter. “We are done here.” It’s almost like the season finale.

And it is such a small part of verse 29. We’d almost miss it if we weren’t paying attention. Esau and Jacob buried their dad. The circle was completed. I feel confident that Isaac’s blessing of Esau:

40And you shall live by your sword, and you shall serve your brother, and it will be, when you grieve, that you will break his yoke off your neck.”

Had come to a conclusion. Maybe? We will have to see. Esau was grieving his dad at this point. So if nothing else, Isaac’s blessing could be taken literally – Jacob’s yoke is now off Esau’s neck. And we close today’s portion with what seemingly is a confirmation:

1And these are the generations of Esau, that is, Edom.

2Esau took his wives from the daughters of Canaan: Adah, daughter of Elon the Hittite; and Oholibamah, daughter of Anah, daughter of Zibeon the Hivvite;

3also Basemath, daughter of Ishmael, sister of Nebaioth.

4Adah bore Eliphaz to Esau and Basemath bore Reuel.

5Oholibamah bore Jeush and Jalam and Korah; these are the sons of Esau who were born to him in the land of Canaan.

6And Esau took his wives, his sons, and his daughters and all the people of his household, and his cattle and all his animals and all his property that he had acquired in the land of Canaan, and he went to a[nother] land, because of his brother Jacob.

7For their possessions were too numerous for them to dwell together, and the land of their sojournings could not support them because of their livestock.

8So Esau dwelt on Mount Seir Esau, that is Edom.

Ok. So hold up. THIS is fascinating to me. When we discussed before different realities? The Torah seems to open the door to this idea. While Jacob was afraid of Esau, Esau seems to have a different reality. Esau’s takeaway from the passage and departure from Jacob?

7For their possessions were too numerous for them to dwell together, and the land of their sojournings could not support them because of their livestock

Esau didn’t seem angry over Jacob’s ghosting. He figured in his head it was just too much to sojourn together because they BOTH were blessed. It feels a lot like the Torah is making it clear – there is NOT just ONE reality. We live in a multidimensional reality.

Jacob ghosted Esau out of fear.

Esau seemed to live at peace trusting Jacob felt like it was too much for both families to co-exist.

This is really fascinating (at least to me)! Today’s portion concludes with the generations of Edom:

9And these are the generations of Esau the progenitor of Edom, on Mount Seir.

10These are the names of Esau’s sons: Eliphaz, son of Adah, the wife of Esau, Reuel, son of Basemath, the wife of Esau.

11The sons of Eliphaz were Teman, Omar, Zepho, Gaatam, and Kenaz.

12And Timna was a concubine to Eliphaz, son of Esau, and she bore to Eliphaz, Amalek. These are the sons of Adah, the wife of Esau.

13And these are the sons of Reuel: Nahath, Zerah, Shammah, and Mizzah. These are the sons of Basemath, the wife of Esau.

14And these are the sons of Oholibamah, daughter of Anah, daughter of Zibeon, the wife of Esau; she bore to Esau: Jeush, Jaalam, and Korah.

15These became the chieftains of the sons of Esau: the sons of Eliphaz, Esau’s firstborn: Chief Teman, Chief Omar, Chief Zepho, Chief Kenaz,

16Chief Korah, Chief Gaatam, Chief Amalek. These are the chieftains of Eliphaz in the land of Edom; these are the sons of Adah.

17And these are the sons of Reuel the son of Esau: Chief Nahath, Chief Zerah, Chief Shammah, and Chief Mizzah. These are the chieftains of Reuel in the land of Edom; these are the sons of Basemath, the wife of Esau.

18And these are the sons of Oholibamah, the wife of Esau: Chief Jeush, Chief Jaalam, Chief Korah. These are the chieftains of Oholibamah, daughter of Anah, the wife of Esau.

19These are the sons of Esau and these are their chieftains, he is Edom.

Jacob gets a new name – Israel. Esau (sort of) gets a new name from his children: Edom.

And stop. Israel’s name went back to Jacob (seemingly) because of Reuben his son.

Esau’s name becomes Edom – seemingly because of his progeny. Esau means “hairy” and Edom means “red.” I read on this Chabad site:

“Red is the color of passion. Crimson red represents the soul’s passionate yearning to cleave to Hashem. Like the flame surging upward, our soul is in a constant dance of passionately yearning to reconnect to its source and reunite with Hashem.”

So Esau’s descendants connect us to passionately reconnecting with Hashem. Given what we’ve learned about Esau – that is what grief does. That was Isaac’s blessing to Esau. Until we grieve, we will be bound to Jacob as our king. When we grieve, we change to red, and we can be passionate for Hashem.

Jacob grieved Rachel. Left her behind. And for a moment became Israel to reaffirm this for us. Grief is the way back to passionately connecting to Hashem.

What are we grieving today? As the lights of Hanukah bring up feelings of grief, may we allow ourselves the freedom to grieve to avoid heading into the pit of slavery. This is indeed a crossroads. Jacob is headed to Egypt. Esau created a new land for himself. Esau is a child of Isaac. Uncle Esau is someone we can learn from.

We started this morning with fear. Where is fear blocking us from feeling grief? That is the major takeaway. And something to add to our learning:

The Path of Ascension begins with curiosity and not judgement
If someone’s curiosity causes doubt and defensiveness, be curious about our own doubt and defensiveness and NOT their motives for curiosity.
The tree of life is within us. Choose life within with curiosity and not judgment
Learn to balance the comfort of stumbling, with the challenge of pushing ourselves towards spiritual growth.
Let go of a stable life. Freedom is accepting “what is” as a blessing. We can’t control what happens. We can only navigate it with bitterness or flow.
Freedom requires balance – emotions vs intellect, humility vs confidence, thinking as an individual while staying meaningfully connected to others.
Freedom comes from expansion and not contraction – but contraction is important to the process of expansion
To live free, we must circumcise the foreskin of past trauma and feel the pain of healing so that our higher selves can appear to us, and we can co-create miraculous NEW life for us and others.
To be free, we must understand what love requires vs the world around us. 10%. Just start there. Freedom is seeing the 10% and moving to 11%. Not being trapped by the daunting 90% we feel guilt and shame about. The 90% is slavery. The 10% is freedom.
Receive the Universe. Don’t Resist it. This is the path to freedom and liberation.
We must be vulnerable and ask for the Universe to provide. And. We don’t need to ask because the Universe knows. This is freedom.
We must accept and receive our role in co-creating moments with Hashem.
As we experience wells of living water in our life – the path to slavery is arguing and harassment. Make space. For ourselves and others. This is spiritual liberation and freedom. Allowing and making space. Spreading out. Not contraction.
When we take in stories and data – we need to be careful not to bring our own bias and trauma into how the data gets stored into our hearts and minds. Those who are “not us” are part of the human experience and have their own experiences. Be curious about what we are INFERRING versus what we believe the other person is INSINUATING. This is the path to freedom – especially in communication!
The path to freedom involves free choice as to what we desire and will focus on. What are we working towards? Be mindful of our wages. This is the path to freedom and will impact how we communicate – both as a sender of communication and receiver of communication. We will infer and insinuate based on our wages.
The path to freedom involves grief. Allowing ourselves to feel sadness – maybe other feelings we’ve judged as negative? Avoiding and repressing our feelings leads to war and conflict. Being aware of our feelings leads to freedom and joy. This is the path to spiritual liberation. We can receive Isaac’s blessing and grieve to take the yoke off our back.
The path to freedom is not rejecting sincerity for accuracy. Accuracy can be a safe harbor – but it can also be a prison. Remain curious and work towards sincere feeling and honest seeing. THIS is the harmony of Kislev (in my opinion).