Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 15 Nisan, 5783
Chag Sameach! It is the first day of Passover! If you enjoyed a Seder last night, I hope it was as meaningful for you as the one I attended was for me!
We veer a bit today from our Torah portions. Because it is a holy day, we have different passages to read and study. Today we read Exodus 12:21-51 and Numbers 28:16-25
Exodus 12:21-50 is about Moses summoning the elders. He teaches them. And we remember the death of the firstborn.
And we remember; love evokes love.
There is a lot to this statement. I am learning that my inner most soul desires the following:
1. To love
2. To be love
3. To be loved
And as I progress internally;
1. To love myself
2. To be love to myself
3. To be loved by myself
It reciprocates internally:
3. When I truly allow myself to feel loved by myself it evokes the desire…
2. To be the source of love to myself. To be love. Which in turn evokes the desire…
1. To love myself.
And the cycle repeats itself.
Love evokes love. Within first. Because if we can’t get to the place internally to be loved, we will never be able to allow Hashem or others to love us either.
Guilt, shame, worthlessness; these all block the process between step 2 and step 3. We want to be love for OTHERS. But we don’t want to be loved.
Of course we SAY we want to be loved. That is the ideal. But in reality we choose not to be loved. Either in the humans we choose to love us who are incapable of loving us, or because of our behaviors that drive those who would be capable of loving us away because we block the opportunity for them to love us.
But it starts within. Love evokes love.
And. One more thing….
Internally? There is the yin and the yang (light and shadow) and the divine masculine and feminine; and they work within us to love us.
Love evokes love. See below for a diagram I drew when I took myself out on a date last week; wanting to get to know myself better. It explores the concept of love evoking love internally. Between my divine masculine self and my divine feminine self.
This is a good reminder. Do we want to be loved? Like, in our hearts? Cognitively we all think we want to be loved. But emotionally, do we feel safe being loved? Or does being live evoke fear? That is the choice before us as we enter into Passover.
Tonight ALSO begins the counting of the Omer. It starts our 49 day spiritual journey towards Shavuot – when we remember Hashem giving us the Torah that we’ve been studying.
We are living in love? Do we love ourselves enough to allow OTHERS to join us in the love we have for ourselves? Or do we ask others to love us in a space we can’t love? That is a lot for someone to fill. And creates a lot of emotional turmoil if someone loves us when we don’t love ourselves.
This is the spiritual work for the liberation from Egypt. As my Rabbi pointed out last night; Passover celebrates the freedom of leaving EGYPT; not slavery. And the Hebrew word Mitzrayim, which means “narrow straights” – it’s a narrow path.
The freedom we are walking towards is a wide field. We are leaving the rigidity of the narrow straights and into a field of glory where we are free. This is the journey!
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