Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 16 Av, 5784
Parsha ‘Ekev – “As a result” or “heel”: (Deuteronomy 7:12 – 11:25)
Third Portion: Deuteronomy 9:4 – 9:29

Good morning! I hope you got a glimpse of the super blue moon last night! It was gorgeous.

Over the next few days, the energy is beautiful to get the “result” of our requests the past few weeks. May you attract and bring into your life all you desire!

We are in Moses “last lecture” where he is going back and reviewing our journey. As we are about to enter the promised land, he has been sharing all we have been through.

Let’s go!

4Do not say to yourself, when the Lord, your God, has repelled them from before you, saying, “Because of my righteousness, the Lord has brought me to possess this land,” and [that] because of the wickedness of these nations, the Lord drives them out from before you.

5Not because of your righteousness or because of the honesty of your heart, do you come to possess their land, but because of the wickedness of these nations, the Lord your God drives them out from before you, and in order to establish the matter that the Lord swore to your forefathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

6You shall know that, not because of your righteousness, the Lord, your God, gives you this good land to possess it; for you are a stiffnecked people.

So here we get a lesson in being a “good sport.”  When we enter the land, and we receive it. Here’s what NOT to do:

• Don’t say we won because of our righteousness
• Don’t say we won because of the honesty of our heart.

In fact, the Moses tells us – we are a “stiffnecked people.”

The reason we “win?” Because Hashem made a promise with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. And he fulfills His promise.

And in case we don’t get it? Moses reminds us of our “stiffneckedness.” (I made that word up by the way).

7Remember do not forget, how you angered the Lord, your God, in the desert; from the day that you went out of the land of Egypt, until you came to this place, you have been rebelling against the Lord.

8At Horeb, you angered the Lord, and the Lord was incensed with you to destroy you.

9When I ascended the mountain to receive the stone tablets, the tablets of the covenant which the Lord made with you, I remained on the mountain forty days and forty nights; I neither ate bread nor drank water;

10and the Lord gave me two stone tablets, inscribed by the finger of God, and on them was [inscribed] according to all the words that the Lord spoke with you on the mountain from the midst of the fire on the day of the assembly.

11And it came to pass at the end of forty days and forty nights, that the Lord gave me two stone tablets, the tablets of the covenant.

12And the Lord said to me, “Arise, descend quickly from here, for your people whom you have brought out of Egypt have become corrupt; they have quickly deviated from the way which I commanded them; they have made for themselves a molten image.”

13And the Lord spoke to me [further], saying, “I have seen this people, and, behold, it is a stiffnecked people.

Moses reminds us of the Golden Calf incident. And. He doesn’t do this to shame us. Or make us feel guilt. He reminds us of the process:

14Leave Me alone, and I will destroy them and obliterate their name from beneath the heavens, and I will make you into a nation mightier and more numerous than they.”

15So I turned and came down from the mountain, and the mountain was burning with fire, and the two tablets of the covenant were on my two hands.

16And I saw, and behold, you had sinned against the Lord, your God; you had made yourselves a molten calf; you had deviated quickly from the way which the Lord had commanded you.

17So I grasped the two tablets, cast them out of my two hands, and shattered them before your eyes.

18And I fell down before the Lord as before, forty days and forty nights; I neither ate bread nor drank water, because of all your sins you had committed, by doing evil in the eyes of the Lord to anger Him.

19For I was frightened of the wrath and the fury that the Lord was angry with you to destroy you, and the Lord hearkened to me also at that time.

20And with Aaron, the Lord was very furious, to destroy him; so I prayed also for Aaron at that time.

21And I took your sin the calf, which you had made, and I burned it with fire, and I crushed it, grinding it well, until it was fine dust, and I cast its dust into the brook that descends from the mountain.

Moses has been interceding for the children of Israel with Hashem. If anyone “deserves” the victory it is Moses. And? He doesn’t get to go into the land.  And Moses keeps going:

22And at Tav’erah, and at Massah, and at Kivroth Hata’avah, you provoked the Lord to anger.

23And when the Lord sent you from Kadesh Barnea, saying, “Go up and possess the land I have given you,” you defied the word of the Lord your God, and you did not believe Him, nor did you obey Him.

24You have been rebelling against the Lord since the day I became acquainted with you.

We have been rebelling against the Lord. That’s been within us. And?

25So I fell down before the Lord the forty days and the forty nights that I had fallen down; because the Lord had said to destroy you.

26And I prayed to the Lord and said, “O Lord God, do not destroy Your people and Your inheritance, which You have redeemed in Your greatness, and which You have brought out of Egypt with mighty hand.

27Remember your servants, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob; do not turn to the stubbornness of this people, to their wickedness, or to their sin.

28Lest [the people of] the land from which you brought us out will say, ‘Because of the Lord’s inability to bring them to the land about which He spoke to them, and because of His hatred toward them, He has brought them out to slay them in the desert.’

29But they are Your people and Your inheritance, which You brought out with Your great strength and with Your outstretched arm.”

Moses reminds us – we are Hashem’s people. We are Hashem’s inheritance. Hashem brought us out with HIS great strength and with HIS outstretched arm.

This is why we win.  We don’t deserve it. And. Hashem wants what is best for us.

These are my thoughts. What about you?

Here are my thoughts from the last two years:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 14 Av, 5783

What an amazing day!  Tonight is the full moon for the month of Av.  A good friend encouraged me last night to get out and see it.  And I am so glad they did. We are coming to another “super moon” tonight. When sundown hits – and the 15 of Av begins?  The tragedy and mourning from the past first half of the month is finally over!  And.  We are 45 days from Rosh Hashanah.  This article from Chabad gives us a good overview of the significance of the day for further reading:   ARTICLE HERE

The idea is tonight at sundown until Wednesday at Sundown, we will meet the loves of our lives. Whether that is true or not? Only Hashem knows. But may you enjoy a small holiday in the midst of our calendar!

Let’s dig into Torah!

The theme here is self-righteous.  And today I want to be a little vulnerable and share what I am learning about self-righteousness.

I have shared prior about discovering and falling in love with who I was, who I am, and who I will be.  I am learning that if I spend too much time loving who I was? That becomes self righteousness.  That becomes “stuckness.”

Many of you know I’ve lost 100 pounds. But if emotionally, I am still dragging those pounds with me? I am still going to be emotionally heavy.  The more I FOCUS on losing the 100 pounds? The more it is still there. I am just saying – it was mine – I lost it. Likely some day I will get it back.  I keep dragging it with me into this moment.  Today? Those 100 pounds don’t exist. They are not there. So turning attention to them makes them real. That is self-righteousness.  That SOMEHOW we get stuck that we DESERVE this moment because of our past. Something we’ve DONE.

The truth is? The work is done. Hashem within us guided us to the work. We just need to go into the moment and take care of the moment. Without the weight of what got us there. Without the judgment of what we have yet to accomplish.

I’ve also dragged behind me three and a half years of weekly therapy. I am stuck on the past therapy I’ve done.  I have unpacked so much emotional baggage – but instead of leaving it behind me – i repack my bags – bring them with me.  “Look at how self aware I am! Here’s my bag of emotional garbage! Let me explain all of it to you!” That’s not healing. It’s a STAGE of healing.  But it isn’t healing.

I am not free in this moment because of what I DID.

I am not free in this moment because of what I WILL DO.

I am free in this moment because I AM.

You see? Each moment is the promised land. Each moment is the land of freedom. Each moment is the land of milk and honey.

And we still have doubts.  This morning I have been wrestling with apprehension.  My food coach (thanks Noom) hit me square in the heart when she said “Why is it you feel this compelling need to ‘read the room’ or ‘get a pulse’ before deciding where you are going to go? Why are you looking for permission to go?”  It’s because I am apprehensive. I don’t want to travel alone. I want company to come with me. I’m not assured to believe people will join me if I just decide on my own. It’s my ego. It’s my doubt. Yes! I got myself here. But can I keep doing it? How do I keep going?

And with these doubts?  The Torah addresses it.  Moses brings up our past.  He is saying “Oh, you want to talk about all this work you’ve done? You want to talk about the 100 pounds you’ve lost? The Three and a half years of therapy?  Let’s ALSO talk about what you did at Mt. Sinai. The Golden Calf.”

And we are once again in a place of lack. AND.  Assuredness.  Even WITH the golden calf – Hashem brings us to the promised land. Even WITH the debacle with the spies – Hashem brings us to the promised land.

My therapy and weight loss – though to be commended – are golden calves in this moment. I’m holding onto them.

In this moment – I can choose peace. I can choose harmony. I can choose love. Not because I’ve earned it.  But because I am.

What are we dragging behind us into all of our moments? What can we let go of and leave behind to just be.  Our Ego struggles to let it go. Our Ego WANTS to get the credit for being aware of what is in our bag that led us into the land.  But Moses is warning us.

Don’t let your ego think you earned your right to be free in this moment. Just be free in the moment.

And there you have it. Today’s Torah Thought.

Thank you to those who helped me get to this moment to help me understand this.  I am grateful for the journey. I am grateful for the moment.

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 19 Av, 5782

As we continue today, Moses is warning us not to become self-righteous. He has told the people God’s already done the work; you just need to go in and take care of it.

But he warns us. Don’t say in our hearts when we achieve freedom; “God has brought me to possess this land because of my righteousness.”

It isn’t because of our righteousness we achieve victory. “It is not because of your righteousness or the integrity of your heart that you are coming to possess their land, but rather it is because of the wickedness of these nations that God is driving them out from before you…IN ORDER TO keep the word which God swore to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

Moses concludes by saying “You must realize God is not giving you this land as a possession because of your righteousness, for you are a tiff necked people.”

We are not being led to freedom and liberation because we are righteous. We are being led to the promised land of liberation because that is what Hashem promised our ancestors. This is crucial.

And in case we have any doubts? Moses reminds us of the Golden Calf.

How did Moses restore harmony with the anger God was navigating towards us?

Moses took the calf and burned it up. He crushed it. He grinded it well. Until it was fine dust. Then Moses cast its dust into the Brook that descends the mountain.

Moses took all of the crap; the sins, he ground it up into fine dust. He cast it into the Brook, and that restored harmony.

Moses mentions that since the Golden Calf, they provoked God’s anger more. Moses intervened with God on behalf of the people. He went back up on the mountain for forty days and forty nights. He reminds God that we are an inheritance. He does not write us out of our inheritance.

All of this is an external battle. But what if all of this conflict is ALSO within us? What if on our journey to liberation, we have within us Moses who is able to connect with Hashem and petition Him on our behalf? That for the sake of harmony. We can take our shame and guilt, and crush it up into a fine powder, cast it into the Brook inside our hearts and have it be washed away? We might experience inner harmony, no?

But yet we hold on to our golden calves. We protect them. We don’t want them burnt or destroyed. We are afraid that if we crush up these calves we’ve built to survive the loneliness of Moses’ departure for 40 days and 40 nights (40 years?) we will die. So we build walls around them. When all Moses wants to do is burn up the golden calf, crush it into a fine powder and then cast it into the Brook; washing it away so that we can be free to receive the gift of entrance into the promised land inside our hearts.

This is true freedom. This is true liberation.

What do you think?