Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 19 Tevet, 5785

Good morning! It is a new week – and we are circling out of Tevet – and a lot of friends have commented lately on feeling “restless.” A lot of the chaos around us is causing impatience.  I wrote this a year ago

The takeaway? If we are feeling restless? We need to repair this. We aren’t broken – but the restlessness – if repressed and not dealt with? Can cause damage. Lean into feeling restless if that is how we are feeling in a given moment.

I am also digging deep into the idea of devotion.  I think I have been restless and struggled with this idea of devotion – connecting it to co-dependency.  Have I allowed people in my life who might be devoted to me, but I rejected them because it felt suffocating or co-dependent?  As I dig into this, I found the following definition:

“Devotion is a feeling of strong love, affection, or admiration for someone or something, while codependency is a relationship dynamic where one person feels the need to “save” another person”

That is a really nuanced shift, isn’t it? I know within me, I am devoted. I don’t feel the need to save someone. I can offer advice or insights, while at the same time trusting the other person to do their own work.

When people show me devotion, do I mistake this for someone trying to “save” me?  How would I know the difference?

This is where my current restlessness lay.

Thoughts?

Here are my thoughts from last year:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 26 Tevet 5784
Parsha Va-‘Era’: (Exodus 6:2 – 9:35)
First Portion: Exodus 6:2 – 6:13a

Good morning! We are starting a new week. A new opportunity. And – this week? We start a new moon cycle – the Jewish month of Shevat.

This is a great time to set intents for this cycle. We are leaving chaos and repair of Tevet and moving into Shevat – which has more order.

You can read more here – but Shevat is about “taste.” Taste and see. We are meant to have the experiences we will have – From Chabad:

According to the Sefer Yetzirah, the sense connected with Shevat is ‘Le’itah’, taste. “Tamu ure’u ki tov Hashem,” ‘Taste and see that G‑d is good.’ (Ps. 34:9) Reb Elimelech of Lizhensk interprets this verse: ‘Taste and see that all goodness is in fact G‑d.’ In this state of consciousness, the pleasant tastes of food are no longer mundane, they are holy in themselves.

The goal of this next moon cycle is to EXPERIENCE.  There is more order to it – the first 14 days of the cycle will be grounded in “harshness” – we then go into Tu B’Shevat – which is the new year from trees. The harshness will ground us. Root us. For the blessings to come in the second half of the moon cycle after the full moon. We will taste and see!

More to come – but for now, let’s dig into Va-‘Era’! 

Va- ‘Era’ means “And I Appeared.” Hashem is showing up. I believe this week we are going to both SEE Hashem show up AND EXPERIENCE the impact of it!

Let’s dig in!

This is the context for today’s portion:  Moses was being challenged by the leaders of Israel – Dryness and Pain of the dessert vs. the pain of slavery. Moses went to God, and his response at the end of the last parsha was “watch me work.”  It wasn’t going to be something the family of Israel would choose. It would be something thrust on them by Pharoah. Let’s dig in:

2God spoke to Moses, and He said to him, “I am the Lord.

3I appeared to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob with [the name] Almighty God, but [with] My name YHWH, I did not become known to them.

Hashem says – “Moses. You gotta trust me here. This isn’t my first rodeo. And. This is different. I have shifted. I appeared to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob with one name. But – with a different name, I did NOT become known to them.

Remember – “I will be who I will be.” That is the new name. Hashem isn’t coming to save us as “I will be who you want me to be.”  He is coming to save us as HE IS. It’s up to us to receive it – or resist it.

Let’s keep going:

4And also, I established My covenant with them to give them the land of Canaan, the land of their sojournings in which they sojourned.

5And also, I heard the moans of the children of Israel, whom the Egyptians are holding in bondage, and I remembered My covenant.

So – Hashem tells Moses – “I have shifted AND I am STILL keeping my covenant with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. I am of my word. It is because of the moans of the children of Israel – I remembered my covenant.”

A few things I take away.

Hashem DOES change. We often see Hashem has stagnant – unchanging. Almost statuesque.  But Hashem changes. Shifts. And I think sometimes we miss it. We see Hashem as the ark. The rescue. The safety. But we miss his shift – we need him to tell us to come out of the Ark.

He tells Moses – the tears – the cries – they matter to Him. We OFTEN hold back our emotions and feelings – we judge them. But Hashem is clearly telling us –  He hears them.

Dry. Pain.

Grief.

Tears.

Taste and See. 

Hashem sees and hears (tastes?) our grief. Witness in our lives how he will heal it. And now that he is finished telling Moses – “look you gotta trust me” He gives Moses a direction, purpose, and mission:

6Therefore, say to the children of Israel, ‘I am the Lord, and I will take you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians, and I will save you from their labor, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with great judgments.

7And I will take you to Me as a people, and I will be a God to you, and you will know that I am the Lord your God, Who has brought you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians.

8I will bring you to the land, concerning which I raised My hand to give to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, and I will give it to you as a heritage; I am the Lord.’ “

Hashem tells Moses to go and give a message to the people.

• I am God.
• I will take you out of slavery
• I will redeem you
• I will take you to Me as a people.
• I will be Love to you (my paraphrase)
• You will know I am Love. That freed you from slavery.
• You are free.

Moses goes and does this – and it does not land:

9Moses spoke thus to the children of Israel, but they did not hearken to Moses because of [their] shortness of breath and because of [their] hard labor.

They were exhausted as slaves. They were drained. They could not receive.  Hashem stepped in.

10The Lord spoke to Moses, saying,

11″Come, speak to Pharaoh, the king of Egypt, and he will let the children of Israel out of his land.”

Hashem recognizes the people will not free themselves. They are too enmeshed with the slavery. It’s too real for them. So – Moses is going to Pharaoh now instead. Hashem is forcing the hand here.

What is our takeaway?

Sometimes we are so enmeshed in our stuck-ness. Our slavery. Our bondage. That we need to be forced out. Into the wilderness. Sometimes against our wishes in a moment. This feels like a betrayal.  Because we are now CHOOSING to remain slaves. And. We desire freedom and liberation. Hashem speaks to our DESIRES and not our Momentary WISHES.

And? Moses pushes back:

12But Moses spoke before the Lord, saying, “Behold, the children of Israel did not hearken to me. How then will Pharaoh hearken to me, seeing that I am of closed lips?”

It’s interesting and curious here – Moses spoke to the PEOPLE it would seem – but would not speak to Pharaoh. Moses felt like he did not have an external voice. He could speak within.

How often do we feel like we have a voice within us – and we keep that voice locked within us and don’t share it out? What if that voice within – that sometimes listens, sometimes does not – is MEANT to be shared externally? What if that is what we are called to do?

Because what if – we get focused on outcomes. Moses here was solely focused on the outcome – “Pharoah isn’t going to listen to me because Israel didn’t listen to me – and I have no voice with Pharaoh.”

How often do we do this? Focus on outcomes and miss the moment.  Take burdens on that are not ours to take? Let’s finish this out:

13So the Lord spoke to Moses and to Aaron, and He commanded them concerning the children of Israel and concerning Pharaoh, the king of Egypt, to let the children of Israel out of the land of Egypt.

Hashem doesn’t get angry here. He just gathers Moses and Aaron to Him – and laid out the plan.

And – this is interesting, right? This seems like a good place to end the portion today. And. It’s not. We go HALFWAY into the next verse:

14These [following] are the heads of the fathers’ houses: The sons of Reuben, Israel’s firstborn: Enoch, Pallu, Hezron, and Karmi, these are the families of Reuben.

Reuben.  We end with Reuben. I go back to the blessing Jacob gave to Reuben in Genesis 49:3-4

3Reuben, you are my firstborn, my strength and the first of my might. [You should have been] superior in rank and superior in power.

4[You have] the restlessness of water; [therefore,] you shall not have superiority, for you ascended upon your father’s couch; then you profaned [Him Who] ascended upon my bed.

I wrote this in response:

Reuben is the oldest. He is strong. He is Jacob’s strength.  He should be at the top.  However. He is restless. Like water. 

Strength and power? If it is combined with restlessness? We have an agitated, active heart, don’t we? Power with agitation and being active can do a LOT of damage. 

The takeaway? If we are feeling restless? We need to repair this. We aren’t broken – but the restlessness – if repressed and not dealt with? Can cause damage. Lean into feeling restless if that is how we are feeling in a given moment.

So – I think? Hashem is telling us the plan. He is going to deal with Israel’s agitated, active heart. Because Reuben? Represents entropy.

The rise from an agitated, active heart to a peaceful active heart? This is the journey from entropy to beauty.

And. I. Appeared.

This is the journey. This is just the beginning.

Of the Exodus.

These are my thoughts. What are yours?