Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 23 Tevet, 5785

From a year ago:

• How often are we hardening our hearts just to protect our story?
• What is my story? What do I need to release and let go of?
• Where are we stuck? Where do we need to let go of the stories we are telling ourselves about those around us; the stories we tell ourselves about our “enemies” to keep them enemies. The stories we tell ourselves about our “friends” to keep them our friends? The stories we tell ourselves about our lovers to keep them our lovers?
• Safety is in the keeping of the story.

Can we step into the unknown – a story where we don’t KNOW the outcome? Where we feel unsafe, but in a way that feels safe?

What would it take to create a level of safety that allows us to embrace the feeling of unsafe?

What is happening to us right now around us? Is designed to push us to examine our stories, and the parts of what we tell ourselves that feel safe, but are actually steeped in survival comfort.

And I get it. We are surviving. It feels like we need to live on an Ark. Like Noah.

And for some of us? That may be what is needed.

For others? Maybe this is an opportunity to come out of the Ark we have built. To step into our power.

It is harsh when we need repair.  Because we don’t want to admit there are parts of us we pretend are whole, when they are not.

I was discussing this with a group last night.  These are the pertinent questions:

Do we feel safe?
Do we feel seen?
Do we feel productive?
Do we feel full?

On a scale of 1-10, how would you answer this?

And? If you are scoring low? How can you move the needle in a small direction?

I shared a few days ago – when we feel overwhelmed, powerless, helpless – and we see the daunting mountain in front of us? We can freeze in the face of that sense of powerlessness – or – we can look down at our feet and decide in the next 30 seconds, which foot should i take a step forward with, AND in what direction should I step?  If the goal is the mountain top? That’s really the only move to make.

How do we apply this?

If you answer 1 for “Do I feel safe?” – the mountain in front may feel daunting to get to a 10. What can we do to look down at our “feet” or our “heart” to move from a 1 to a 2.   That’s it.  That’s the move. That’s the power.

What small thing can you do in this moment to feel safe within yourself? What boundary can you set for yourself with others that will create that safety for you?

Likewise – if you don’t feel full? What small thing can you do in this moment to feel more full?

As we leave the land of slavery. As we navigate this book of Exodus – and look for our freedom and liberation?  Pharaoh around us may make it more challenging. And? We still have power.

What are your thoughts?

Here are my thoughts from last year:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 1 Shevat 5784
Parsha Va-‘Era’: (Exodus 6:2 – 9:35)
Fifth Portion: Exodus 8:7 – 8:18

Good morning! It is a new moon – we are entering into the month of Shevat! A year ago, I wrote about this journey into Shevat (I’ve updated and added to it), and believe it is crucial for us in the next few weeks:

Something I’ve been reflecting on this week, coming out of a meditation circle I was a part. How often are we hardening our hearts just to protect our story?

What I mean by this is; our brain has created frameworks and realities that are lodged in our brain. (My therapist calls these “cognitive blocks”). We react and are emotionally activated when these stories come into doubt.

Pharoah in the Torah was protecting “his story.” History. Hashem was moving in a way to challenge that story, and instead of letting go of his story, and releasing his cognitive blocks, Pharaoh kept hardening his heart. Pharoah was stuck.

Where are we stuck? Where do we need to let go of the stories we are telling ourselves about those around us; the stories we tell ourselves about our “enemies” to keep them enemies. The stories we tell ourselves about our “friends” to keep them our friends? The stories we tell ourselves about our lovers to keep them our lovers?

This idea of “keep” is crucial.  We long to keep. To be safe. We have adapted and survived and feel safe – when we feel unsafe, we run to the last moment we felt safe in – where our story was protected – no matter the pain.  We’d rather feel safe in the trauma and pain, than be refreshed by the change around us – ESPECIALLY if that change is towards health.

We tell ourselves stories. And then harden our hearts and get stuck because we can’t release and let go of the story we tell ourselves – despite the evidence in front of us to the contrary.

This “stuckness” is crucial to explore in the next few days; because I believe when the new moon strikes, the harshness that comes from the beginning of Shevat is designed to challenge these stories to help us release and let go.

Shevat has a fulcrum point. Tu B’Shevat. It’s the “new year for trees.” Spiritually, when we reach Tu B’Shevat, we have the opportunity to release the tree that grew the year before, and plant a new one. The harshness of the beginning of Shevat is designed to help us take down that tree and put up a new one.

How will we respond? Will we release the stories we’ve been protecting? Or will we hold onto them in the storm?

Because once the tree is planted on Tu B’Shevat? The second half of Shevat is all about kindness. It will water the tree planted on that day.

I cannot say this enough to those who are reading. We have just come out of a moon cycle that was all about chaos and repair. The goal of the last cycle is to move us towards releasing these cognitive blocks that have kept us stuck on the journey we are on.

The next two weeks – the first two weeks of Shevat? Are going to be HARSH.  The Hebrew word is “Din.” But the HARSHNESS has a soul. It has a purpose. The soil has been repaired in the chaos. How does one repair soil? You have to dig it up and move it all around. Aerate it.  The goal here is ALWAYS Repair.

The soil is now ready for a new tree to grow – and the old tree is in the way.  So the harshness of the next two weeks are about uprooting and removing the tree that has been stuck from moving us forward on our path.

Then on Tu B’Shevat? We will be planting NEW Spiritual Trees that will root and grow – and be a part of our journey towards freedom and liberation.

And. That tree we planted a year ago on Tu B’Shevat? That may be the exact tree we may need to let go of.  Because what guided us last year? May not be what guides us moving forward. We are always growing. We are always planting. We are always sowing.

Ok. Let’s dig in:

Here’s the context. Yesterday? We left off mid sentence.

6And he [Pharaoh] said, “For tomorrow.” And he [Moses] said, “As you say, in order that you should know that there is none like the Lord, our God.

Moses had asked Pharaoh when he wanted the frogs to be removed? And Pharoah said “Tomorrow.” And Moses left us off yesterday with telling us “As you say, in order you should know that there is none like the Lord, our God…..”

Full stop.

What plague in our life are we asking to be removed? What are we wanting to release that we just can’t.

Instead of struggling and suffering to remove the plague on our own? Why not ASK to have it removed for us – and ask for a time frame?

When can we release this plague? When do we want the King of The Universe to fix it?

And – THIS is related to the tree – when do we want to the tree removed? Are we bound to have it fully removed on Tu B’Shevat? Or can we have it removed TODAY so the soil can REST (or be tilled) before the planting on Tu B’Shevat?

This is more context before digging in.  Moses continues and tells Pharaoh:

7And the frogs will depart from you and from your houses and from your servants and from your people; only in the Nile will they remain.”

8And Moses and Aaron went away from Pharaoh, and Moses cried out to the Lord concerning the frogs that He had brought upon Pharaoh.

9And the Lord did according to Moses’ word, and the frogs died from the houses, from the courtyards, and from the fields.

10They gathered them into many heaps, and the land stank.

Moses told Pharaoh the frogs would be removed. He seemed to have confidence – and yet? He cried to the Lord.

That is interesting to me!

Why did Moses cry to Hashem when he knew Hashem was going to do this? Did he doubt?

I am not sure. I am reflecting on that.  I don’t have good answers, and that’s ok.  Maybe you do? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Let’s keep going:

11When Pharaoh saw that there was relief, he hardened his heart, and he did not hearken to them, as the Lord had spoken.

Full stop.

My first instinct is to judge Pharaoh. But that is not the point of the Torah.  We started this journey in Genesis with “be curious – don’t judge” as the first path to Spiritual Freedom and Liberation.

My reflection is on me being Pharaoh. Why? Why is he hardening his heart? How am I like Pharaoh? Why do I harden my heart?  ESPECIALLY when we get the relief we ask for?

We ask the Universe to remove the plague – we get relief, and then we harden our hearts.

This time is about softening our hearts.  Let’s keep going…

12The Lord said to Moses, “Say to Aaron, ‘Stretch forth your staff and strike the dust of the earth, and it shall become lice throughout the entire land of Egypt.’ “

13They did so, and Aaron stretched forth his hand with his staff and struck the dust of the earth, and the lice were upon man and beast; all the dust of the earth became lice throughout the entire land of Egypt.

What is interesting here is that they didn’t even approach Pharoah.  They just brought lice.  I’m reflecting on this.  Why?

Because Hashem knew….Pharoah would know. Hashem didn’t need to speak words to Pharaoh any more.

It just unfolded. I imagine Pharaoh seeing the lice – and just knowing. And wondering why Moses and Aaron had not telegraphed this. So what did Pharaoh do? He summoned his necromancers:

14And the necromancers did likewise with their secret rites to bring out the lice, but they could not, and the lice were upon man and beast.

15So the necromancers said to Pharaoh, “It is the finger of God,” but Pharaoh’s heart remained steadfast, and he did not hearken to them, as the Lord had spoken.

The necromancers could not create the lice. And again – it is fascinating – Pharoah didn’t say “hey necromancers – can you get rid of the frogs? Can you get rid of the lice?” He had them try to re-create the co-creation Moses, Aaron and Hashem were doing. Until the lice? He was able to re-create. Now? No chance.

What does this mean for us?

Power.

When we feel powerless. What is our reaction/response? Is it to create power to demonstrate we have it? Or is it to utilize the power we have to heal. To remove. To respond?

Especially when that power comes externally. We want to match that power – INSTEAD of seeing the impact it has on our emotional trauma – and working within to heal. To remove the frogs. To remove the lice.

That’s the work. Let’s keep going:

16And the Lord said to Moses, “Arise early in the morning and stand before Pharaoh, behold, he is going out to the water, and you shall say to him, ‘So said the Lord, “Let My people go out and serve Me.

17For if you do not let My people go, behold, I will incite against you and against your servants and against your people and in your houses a mixture of noxious creatures, and the houses of Egypt will be filled with the mixture of noxious creatures, as well as the land upon which they are.

18And I will separate on that day the land of Goshen, upon which My people stand, that there will be no mixture of noxious creatures there, in order that you know that I am the Lord in the midst of the earth.

So- we are now back to Moses and Aaron approaching Pharaoh.  Pharaoh must have accepted this power was not his. He was likely feeling powerless.

And what do Moses and Aaron do? They not only telegraph what would happen to Pharoah, they ADDED – not only does Hashem have the power – he has the power to PROTECT.

Hashem has the power.

I’m chewing on this. I’m reflecting. I’m at a crossroads. Things have shifted.

More to come.