Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 23 Iyar, 5783.  38th Day of the Omer

What a blessing for us to be able to move to another book of the Torah.  As we leave Leviticus, we turn to the book of Numbers.  A major theme will emerge around “counting.”  The real question for us to consider is; “Do we count?”  Or “Do we matter?”  This book (in my opinion) answers the question in the affirmative.  We do, in fact, matter to Hashem.  We have worth. We have value.

Let’s start with the Omer though.

Today’s theme is “Tiferet of Yesod” or “Compassion of Bonding” from Chabad:

Bonding needs to be not only loving but also compassionate, feeling your friend’s pain and empathizing with him. Is my bonding conditional? Do I withdraw when I am uncomfortable with my friend’s troubles?

Exercise for the day: Offer help and support in dealing with an ordeal of someone you have bonded with.

I like this idea of the compassion of bonding because it ties with being “counted.”  You count when I am willing to walk with you through uncomfortable troubles.  To show courteous goodwill (grace) to you.  And – internally.  Do we count within?  Do we matter to ourselves?

Let’s dig into the first portion of Numbers!

Today’s portion is “Be-midbar” which means “in the desert.”  Which is even  more interesting considering that when we are “in a desert” is when it may mean the most to matter (and be counted).  I love this:

“The Torah was given in a barren desert, teaching you to be open-minded yet not influenced by your surroundings when studying it.”

Our surroundings aren’t as relevant as what is in our hearts and minds.  We can drink in a barren desert.  We count. We matter.  When we look externally, we will likely struggle.  But when we have compassion and bonding within?  We come alive!

The Torah was given in three settings (see last year’s commentary for more on this) – fire, water, desert.  This seems relevant to what we have been studying:

Rabbi Meir Shapira wrote:

“If you are too harsh on yourself with the trait of humility you might become depressed which is highly inadvisable. The Torah tells you always to be joyous: “the Divine spirit does not rest upon a depressed person” (Babylonian Talmud, Shabbat 30b). That is why the verse concludes, “in the Tent of Meeting (mo’ed)”-put yourself in the tent of the moed (lit. “holiday”) a continual festive spirit.” (End quote)

Now. I have been learning a lot about sadness.  And the difference between being sad, and being depressed. One is a feel. I feel sad.  The other? It’s an identity.  I am sad.  There is a tremendous nuance there.

This is not to say to someone who is struggling with depression (I have been diagnosed with agitated depression myself) to just “be happy.”  We can no easier switch our identity from sad to happy as we could change the color of our skin. We may be able to cover up our identity as sad, but it would just be a mask to cover the true way we see ourselves.

It always comes back to compassion.  And this census is grounded in compassion.  The Jews mattered to Hashem.  all of them. ALL of them. were worth counting.

You are worth counting.

We are worth counting.

This is what numbers is about.

What are your thoughts?

My commentary from a year ago:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 28 Iyar, 5782

Today is the 43rd day of the Omer

This last week of counting the Omer is all about dignity. As we spent last week developing bonds, this week is all about the idea of “being worthy of honor and respect.” This is the definition of dignity.

And it’s interesting, right? As we form and develop bonds and attachment with others, how do we not lose ourselves and instead remain worthy of honor and respect? This starts within (I believe). We have to feel we are worthy of honor and respect before we honor and respect others. And where does our sense of worth and honor come from?

The Torah is teaching us our worth and honor comes from Hashem. If we try and place our worth in how others see us or judge us, we will lose every time. Because I know my judgments aren’t accurate (some, most?) all of the time. I think we all know our judgements aren’t always accurate. No one in our sphere accurately judges all of the time. Yet, when we are judged by those around us, we ASSUME their judgment is accurate? That’s messed up. Our brains are setting ourselves up for failure.

We have to have a strong source for our worth and honor. As we’ve been studying Torah; we need to recognize that we all have a source inside of us for that worth and honor. I know my source isn’t always Hashem. That’s the journey I am on.

And the entire reason we count the Omer is to connect us to Shavuot – many believe that is the day God gave Moses the Torah. The themes of the past seven weeks have been leading us to Torah. Consider this. Study of the Torah leads us back to the Torah! It’s an unending source of energy!

Let’s focus on dignity and we study a new chapter of Torah this week!

I want to let the above thoughts sit. We will dig into the first two passages in Numbers (and the Parsha Be-Midbar) tomorrow. It is the study of how Hashem incredibly took 70 people into Egypt and made them into an incredible nation.

What are your thoughts on dignity? Let me know!

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 29 Iyar, 5782

Today is the 44th day of the Omer!

Yesterday we started a new book of the Torah, and a new Portion, Be-Midbar. This means “in the desert.” It is interested in our Torah journey from slavery to freedom, our stop today after Leviticus is in the desert. Often times the journey to freedom can feel like a let down after you get there. And the desert can come. The Torah brings comfort that Hashem understands Freedom is a moment by moment thing. And although the Jews were free from slavery in Egypt, they were living in the desert.

I love the intro from the Chumash I am reading;

“The Torah was given in a barren desert, teaching you to be open-minded yet not influenced by your surroundings when studying it.”

This is wise advice.

In addition, the introduction talks about individuality – which is interesting given that we begin our journey with a counting of the Jewish people. These seems counter intuitive; but the Idea of a census is that each individual matters in a community. Let’s dig in!

The start of the book is all about the census. God speaks to Moses and tells him to take the sum of the entire congregation and make a head count of each person’s half shekel donation, and keeping a count of the names. This was all those from 20 and upwards. Hashem tells Moses that each trine should have a senior person to help count.

Imagine being called out by God to be the leader of your people. He knows us well enough to tell Moses who to choose. Their purpose was to help verify their family members. The first portion (from yesterday) ends with Moses counting them.

There is a lot of good stuff written about this passage:

In reference the Torah being given in the Sinai desert:

Rabbi Menachem Mendel Morgensztern writes:

“The giving of the Torah in the desert teaches us a valuable lesson about how to approach Torah study. Even if you have studied extensively, you have hardly begun to master the Torah’s infinite wisdom. Your attempts have been as successful as cultivating a desert”

Rabbi Samuel Borenstein writes:

“Torah was given in three settings: fire, water, and desert. How do we know in fire? “The whole of Mount Sinai smoked, because God had descended upon it in fire” (Exodus 19:18).

How do we know in water? “The earth trembled and the heavens dropped, the clouds also dropped water .. before God, the God of Israel” (Judges 5:4-5).

And how do we know in the desert? “God spoke to Moses in the Sinai Desert.”

Why was the Torah given in these three settings? Just as these three are freely available for all the inhabitants of the earth, so too, words of Torah are freely available, as the verse states, “let everyone who is thirsty come to the water” (Isaiah 55:1; Numbers Rabbah).

The three settings in which the Torah was given-fire, water and desert- hint to the best way to study Torah: with fiery passion; with cognitive focus (cool water being symbolic of objective analysis); and a willingness to desert some of the pleasures of this world.” (End quote)

Rabbi Meir Shapira adds;

“The three settings allude to the range of different times and conditions, whether as individuals or collectively, that we are to uphold the Torah. In fire- Abraham leapt into the fiery furnace for his faith; this is the devotion of the individual. In water-Nahshon, followed by the children of Israel, leapt into the Sea of Reeds, representing collective commitment. In the desert–the children of Israel followed God for forty years, representing sustained faithfulness.”

Finally Rabbi Elimelech of Lyzhansk writes:

“The Torah was given at Sinai to teach you to be humble- God rejected the high mountains and chose Sinai, the lowest of all (Midrash Tehillim).

If you are too harsh on yourself with the trait of humility you might become depressed which is highly inadvisable. The Torah tells you always to be joyous: “the Divine spirit does not rest upon a depressed person” (Babylonian Talmud, Shabbat 30b). That is why the verse concludes, “in the Tent of Meeting (mo’ed)”-put yourself in the tent of the moed (lit. “holiday”) a continual festive spirit.” (End quote)

Wow! Some great thoughts about the desert where they were gathered!

Next, Rabbi Schneerson write about the census itself:

“Because the people are precious to Him. He counts them all the time. When they left Egypt, He counted them (Exodus 12:37). When they sinned with the Calf, He counted them to know the number of the survivors (Exodus 32:28). And when He rested His Presence among them, He counted them: On the first of Nisan, the Tabernacle was erected, and on the first of Iyyar (when this verse was said), He counted them (Rashi, 1)” century).

The Book of Numbers acquired its name from the census which takes place here at the opening of the Book (see Babylonian Talmud, Yoma 68b).

When a group of people are counted, everybody is equal. No person is counted twice, how-

ever important he or she may be, and even the most insignificant person is counted once.

What, then, are we actually counting? It is not our personalities, our talents, our wealth, our

knowledge or our esteem; rather, we are counting our very identities. When we are counted, says Hasidic thought, the “nucleus” of our identities (possessed by all of us equally) is stimulated and brought to the surface.

This “nucleus” of identity is responsible for the remarkable display of courage among count-

less Jewish people who, throughout history, were threatened with death if they refused to renounce their Judaism. For a person who had dedicated his life to the practice of Judaism, one

can understand that he might sacrifice his life because Judaism is his raison d’être. But logic

would dictate that another person, less committed to Jewish practice, would be willing to “tolerate” a momentary lapse in observance to save his life. And even a very pious person might argue that he would later mend this temporary lapse with repentance.

In fact, however, history has shown that countless Jews, from a broad cross-spectrum of

backgrounds, gave up their lives rather than transgress. Why? Because their Jewish “nucleus” is always alive; as Rashi writes, “He counts them all the time. And when this Godly spark comes to the surface, any Jew will naturally feel that his Jewish identity is so important that he is not willing to compromise it, even for a moment.” (End quote)

Wow. That is a powerful thought of our identity.

I often reflect on the question; are we souls that are wearing a human body like clothes, or are we bodies that happen to have a soul within us? This fundamental question of how we see ourselves is crucial to our Jewish journey. There is no judgment in the question. If we feel judged by the question, we should ask ourselves “why?” Why does that feel judgmental? Are we recognizing one has more value than the other? Does that create internal conflict? Or are we feeling completely at peace with our perspective of ourselves?