Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 26 Tammuz, 5784
Parsha Mattot – Massei: (Numbers 30:2 – 36:13)
Fifth Portion: Numbers 33:50 – 34:15

Good morning! As we approach the new moon of Av, we are entering into some deep shadow work. Can we remain in our hearts and feel the moment and what it calls for? We are in mourning. We are safe. How can we unfold each moment as if it is a new one.  Trusting it all to go as it should.

As we’ve been discussing. Where are we stuck and camping?  Craving? Ego? Fear? Grief?

We left off yesterday with the Children of Israel camped at the river across from Jordan.  We had discussed denial and courage. What are we in denial about when it comes to our grief? What are we needing courage for?

Let’s dig in!

50The Lord spoke to Moses in the plains of Moab by the Jordan at Jericho, saying:

51Speak to the children of Israel and say to them: When you cross the Jordan into the land of Canaan,

52you shall drive out all the inhabitants of the land from before you, destroy all their temples, destroy their molten idols, and demolish their high places.

53You shall clear out the Land and settle in it, for I have given you the Land to occupy it.

54You shall give the Land as an inheritance to your families by lot; to the large, you shall give a larger inheritance and to the small you shall give a smaller inheritance; wherever the lot falls shall be his; according to the tribes of your fathers, you shall inherit.

Hashem is talking to Moses.  Telling them what is to occur. They will cross over and take the land.

55But if you do not drive out the inhabitants of the Land from before you, then those whom you leave over will be as spikes in your eyes and thorns in your sides, and they will harass you in the land in which you settle.

56And it will be that what I had intended to do to them, I will do to you.

This is fascinating. If I am hearing this – originally was like – cool – this is going to happen. And now? Moses is saying – but if you don’t? Here is what is going to happen.

So what is Hashem’s role in this? Isn’t victory predicated on Hashem?

Yes.

And. We have a part to play, and I think the Torah is highlighting this for us.  What is our role to play here?

In our current situation? What are we being asked to do? What can’t we do?

Hashem is saying in this passage – the choice to drive out the inhabitants? Its on the Children of Israel.

Something I am reflecting on lately. Our beliefs drive our story and reality. If I believe I am “working on” healing – then guess what? It will feel like work.  If I believe I am healing? Every moment will be healing. It’s a matter of framework.

If they believed they were going to drive out the inhabitants? They would. It’s pretty simple. And – immensely challenging. Because these beliefs have a source in our past.  Let’s keep going:

34:1The Lord spoke to Moses, saying:

2Command the children of Israel and say to them, When you arrive in the land of Canaan, this is the land which shall fall to you as an inheritance, the land of Canaan according to its borders.

So right here. Hashem tells the children of Israel – “when you arrive.”  Not “if” but “when.” So Hashem is saying this is a choice – and He is telling us He will back us.  So when we choose to drive the inhabitants out, He has our back!.

3Your southernmost corner shall be from the desert of Zin along Edom, and the southern border shall be from the edge of the Sea of Salt [the Dead Sea] to the east.

4The border then turns south of Maaleh Akrabim [elevation of Akrabim], passing toward Zin, and its ends shall be to the south of Kadesh barnea. Then it shall extend to Hazar addar and continue toward Azmon.

5The border then turns from Azmon to the stream of Egypt, and its ends shall be to the sea.

6The western border: it shall be for you the Great [Mediterranean] Sea and the border this shall be your western border.

7This shall be your northern border: From the Great [Mediterranean] Sea turn yourselves toward Mount Hor.

8From Mount Hor turn to the entrance of Hamath, and the ends of the border shall be toward Zedad.

9The border shall then extend to Ziphron, and its ends shall be Hazar enan; this shall be your northern border.

10You shall then turn yourselves toward the eastern border, from Hazar enan to Shepham.

11The border descends from Shepham toward Riblah, to the east of Ain. Then the border descends and hits the eastern shore of Lake Kinnereth.

12The border then continues down along the Jordan, and its ends is the Sea of Salt [the Dead Sea]; this shall be your Land according to its borders around.

And Hashem gives us the parameters. The “sandbox” to play in so to speak.  These are boundaries. Which are difficult for us to receive.

13Moses commanded the children of Israel saying, “This is the Land which you are to apportion for inheritance through lot, that the Lord has commanded to give to the nine and a half tribes.

14For the tribe of Reuben’s descendants according to their fathers’ house, and the tribe of Gad’s descendants according to their fathers’ house, and half the tribe of Manasseh have already received their inheritance.

15The two and a half tribes have received their inheritance on this side of the Jordan, near Jericho in the east, toward the sunrise.”

This is nicely laid out for us!

As I am reflecting on this closing of the book of numbers – we have only a few days left.  Sunday night? Is the new moon. Saturday? We finish the book of numbers. So the message to me is – make these moments count.

Here are my thoughts from last year:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 24 Tamuz, 5783

Today’s Torah portion is really interesting.  It juxtaposes entering the promised land – a land of freedom and liberation – and the idea of boundaries and driving out those who would not respect those boundaries.

A lot of this from a literal perspective seems harsh.  Hashem is basically telling Moses we will be colonizing the promised land.  Many have used these passages to justify the colonization of groups of people from a place of injustice (cough cough looking at you America).

But I am reflecting more on the internal colonization that needs to happen within each of us.  If we want to live freely – we cannot create chaos.  We need to have boundaries and borders within that we will not cross.  We need to trust ourselves despite what others externally to us may see.

It is difficult to not take personally when someone reacts negatively to a value within us that creates an emotional reaction in them.  It’s like their joy and happiness is based on us capitulating our values, and aligning ourselves with theirs.

This is not to say we can’t understand and have compassion when we are on an adventure (in terms of a relationship, friendship, etc) where we go too far out of our comfort zone – and have to communicate the need to pull back.  We should be in friendships that provide safety for that to happen – without feeling like we will be judged.  We need to own our feelings – create space for those feelings, and then decide how to proceed.

Who we align our energy with is our choice.  this gets back to sovereignty.

There are places within each of us that remain unexplored. As we dig into this – and we become more self aware – the risk of realizing we are beyond our comfort zone is great.  The risk of needing to let go of relationships and friendships that once we aligned that are no longer aligned? Significant.

But all of that creates NEW space for NEW relationships to enter into our lives – that are meaningful. Built on trust and are significant.

I have shared this before – but I want to share it again.  It is adapted from the book “Your Awesome Self” by Shterna Ginsberg:

My mission:

I want to..

1. Love people without worshipping them or being defined by them
2. Respect people without fearing them
3. Give of myself to others with full-fledged generosity and without needing anything in return.
4. Express my interests or needs with honesty and without expectations
5. Receive goodness from others with sincere appreciation and without anxiety
6. Receive unpleasant feedback from others with curiosity and without drama
7. Accept others who may need space on their journey

What I realize is I still have much work to do on this mission.   Especially number 6.  I realize I need to be in the right emotional space to receive unpleasant feedback from someone. I can’t feel like I am drowning emotionally and then someone drops a boulder on me of unpleasant feedback.  This requires me to do my own emotional work to figure out the capacity I have to receive this feedback.  I need to do a better job establishing boundaries for MYSELF to protect my emotional space.

Only then can I be free.

What are you thoughts?