Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 27 Iyar, 5783. 41st Day of the Omer
Today’s Omer theme is “Bonding of Bonding.” Or “Yesod of Yesod.”
From Chabad:
Examine the bonding aspect of bonding. The forms it takes and its level of expression. Every person needs and has the capacity to bond with other people, with significant undertakings and with meaningful experiences.
Do I have difficulty bonding? Is the difficulty in all areas or only in certain ones? Do I bond easily with my job, but have trouble bonding with people? Or vice versa? Do I have problems bonding with special events in my life? Examine the reasons for not bonding. Is it because I am too critical and find fault in everything as an excuse for not bonding? Am I too locked in my own ways? Is my not bonding a result of discomfort with vulnerability? Have I been hurt in my past bonding experiences? Has my trust been abused? Is my fear of bonding a result of the deficient bonding I experienced as a child? To cultivate your capacity to bond, even if you have valid reasons to distrust, you must remember that G‑d gave you a Divine soul that is nurturing and loving and you must learn to recognize the voice within, which will allow you to experience other people’s souls and hearts. Then you can slowly drop your defenses when you recognize someone or something you can truly trust.
For bonding to be possible it must embody the other six aspects of bonding. Successful bonding must also include actualizing the bond in constructive deeds.
One additional point: Bonding breeds bonding. When you bond in one area of your life, it helps you bond in other areas.
Exercise for the day: Begin bonding with a new person or experience you love by committing designated time each day or week to spend together constructively.
And yet. This is what we do often. This is what I do often. I look to my bonds and bonding as a reliable source of happiness, well-being, and security. My relationship with friends and loved ones. With my kids.
What is stable and permanent? Nothing. All we have is the moment. What is stable and solid in this moment? My feet touching the ground. My butt in my chair. My breathing. That’s solid. In this moment.
My bonds with others? They are both permanent and impermanent at the same time.
My mom and dad are both passed on. It’s been a long time. My dad died 36 years ago. My mom 16 years ago. Those bonds (for better or worse) don’t REALLY exist anymore. And yet they do.
I go back to what Chabad said this morning:
Examine the reasons for not bonding. Is it because I am too critical and find fault in everything as an excuse for not bonding? Am I too locked in my own ways? Is my not bonding a result of discomfort with vulnerability? Have I been hurt in my past bonding experiences? Has my trust been abused? Is my fear of bonding a result of the deficient bonding I experienced as a child?
If I am honest? Some of these questions impact how I navigate these bonds. I cling to the bonding with my children – and grieve the lost when they reject the desire to spend time with me. Why? The answer to the questions of being hurt in my past bonding experiences drives this more than I would want it to. This is why our internal healing is so important.
If the bonds aren’t as “real” in a given moment, I question whether it’s my fault. What am I doing wrong? Instead of recognizing that bonds come and go like waves – they come in and feel real and then release and retreat. They aren’t permanent.
I connect this with today’s torah portion because of the two types of trees. The Cedar is a strong but bears no fruit. The palm is not as strong, but produces fruit. Our bonds come and go like waves because these bonds should produce fruit. AND when those bonds may not be producing fruit? They still exist. It’s how conscious we are to these bonds.
What are your thoughts?
My Commentary from a year ago:
Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 2 Sivan, 5782 (June 1, 2022)
Today is the 46th day of the Omer.
Todays portion continues the journey of discussing where the Israelites were at. After going through all the tribes and where they were camped, todays portion starts with the descendants of Aaron. We are reminded that two of Aaron’s sons died with no children left behind.
This is the Segway into talking about the tribe of Levi.
The Torah tells us: God spoke to Moses saying “draw the tribe of Levi close and stand them before Aaron the priest.”
Rabbi Israel Ba’al Shem Tov wrote this around the idea of drawing the tribe of Levi close:
“Thus it is written, “The righteous man flourishes like a palm tree. He grows tall like a cedar in Lebanon” (Psalms 92:13; Numbers Rabbah)
A person could be righteous in one of two ways:
- A cedar is strong, tall and beautiful, but it bears no fruit. This corresponds to a person who studies Torah and observes commandments primarily for his own personal spiritual growth. or
- A palm tree- not as tall and strong as the cedar, but which bears sweet, delicious fruit -is analogous to a person who is willing to sacrifice some of the time which he could have used for his own personal spiritual growth, for the sake of helping others.
This second type of person brings much healing to the world, and his reward is doubled and
redoubled, far beyond the first type. Make sure that your “tree” of spiritual growth always bears some fruit!” (End quote).
The idea that studying Torah is good, but studying Torah and serving others is better? That’s the point here!
We learn more about the Levites and why God separated them in the rest of the portion:
We learn their purpose:
- Taking charge of some of Aaron’s duties
- Taking charge of some of the duties of the entire community
- Guarding the tabernacle by standing in front of the tent of meeting
- guarding the vessels of the tent of meeting
The Levites were given to Aaron and his sons to safeguard their priesthood.
God then tells us why He chose the Levites:
Since the firstborn of Israel worshiped the golden calf, instead of taking the first born of every womb, Hashem instead took the Levites to be His.
If we want to know why Hashem would take the first born, He tells us too; because since the day He struck the firstborn of all of the Egyptians, He took every first born to be Holy to Hashem.
Some interesting thoughts and power here! What are your thoughts?
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