Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 28 Cheshvan, 5785

Good morning! I hope for those who celebrate, you had an amazing thanksgiving. The energies around us are shifting significantly.

We have entered into a period of time of getting ready for the new moon of Kislev – where things will come “to light.”  I wrote this last year:

What “mistakes” have we made in our past that we are avoiding bringing to the light of Kislev out of guilt, shame, and fear? And, by doing so? Are we “missing out” on the opportunity of blessing? What blocks have we set up in our lives to prevent us from going back to moments of our past because we are afraid of how they may impact our present and future? How are we like Esau here?

In addition, we have entered a period of time where we are meant to dig into the shadow of inertia.  Momentum. We can explore where the momentum of our lives has been headed, and we can become determined to shift that momentum.  How?  The answer is in today’s portion, in verse 27:40:

40And you shall live by your sword, and you shall serve your brother, and it will be, when you grieve, that you will break his yoke off your neck.”

This was Isaac speaking to Esau who had sold his birthright. If we want to shift the momentum? We need to grieve. I wrote this a year ago:

Grief is the mechanism Esau’s birthright would be healed. Just like the blessing Isaac gave Jacob – was a healing of the curse from Adam and Chavah; It was a blessing of healing – Isaac afforded Esau the SAME opportunity. Healing. Grief over the past – that will heal Esau. That will be Esau’s blessing.  Jacob will no longer be sovereign over Esau.

And? What is one of the first stages of grief? Anger.

When we get clarity on the momentum of our past, and we find ourselves in this moment, and we are angry? It is the starting point for a shift of momentum. We can trigger the gift of determination within us.

Anger is safe because it is the beginning of grief. Grief is what stops our momentum and shifts us to determination. When we hold on to our grief? We hold on to our momentum. We avoid feeling angry because it feels so unsafe – and? In our trauma, we hold onto anger because it connects us to our past. We wish our past were different -and the anger keeps us back there.

Isaac is wise here. Grief will lift the burden of war. Grief will shift the momentum. And that? Starts with anger.

What are we angry with? Where are we keeping anger at bay within us? Esau got angry. He started on his path of reconciliation and healing (which we will see later in the Torah).

Isaac was the miracle child. Sarah had no eggs within her. Hashem planted a supernatural egg that was fertilized by Abraham’s seed. Sarah provided the womb to manifest the energy between Hashem and Abraham into Isaac. Isaac bore two sons – twins. We have tracked Jacob and his journey in the Torah – Esau barely gets a mention.

I believe that might be? Because Esau finds healing. He got angry. He grieved his mistakes. He built a family (we are going to read more about the reuniting of Esau and Jacob and what turns out to be the biggest ghosting in the Torah perpetrated by Jacob).

Can we let ourselves be angry to start the grieving process? This will shift our momentum. When we are afraid of anger? We are afraid of grief. We are stuck in the past and trapped in a prison of the past.

Anger is valid. Anger is safe. How we NAVIGATE anger is dangerous.

Anger is clarity.

Anger leads to healing. To grief.

Anger does NOT equal abuse.

And? Anger is not wicked. We’ve labeled anger as wicked because it has power to heal and grieve. Anger is ugly. When we invalidate anger, THAT is wicked. THAT is ugly.

And yes, I am continuing our theme from watching the movie wicked.

Here are my thoughts from last year:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 4 Kislev, 5784
Parsha Toledot: (Genesis 25:19- 28:9)
Sixth Portion: Genesis 27:28 -28:4

Ok – let’s dig in.  The context here is Isaac is about to bless Jacob (Genesis 27:28-29)

28And may the Lord give you of the dew of the heavens and [of] the fatness of the earth and an abundance of grain and wine.

29Nations shall serve you and kingdoms shall bow down to you; you shall be a master over your brothers, and your mother’s sons shall bow down to you. Those who curse you shall be cursed, and those who bless you shall be blessed.”

I absolutely LOVE that the Zohar connects this blessing with the healing of the curse that was put upon Adam and Chavah for the tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. It was the antithesis of the curse.  Jacob was the healing of the wounds from Adam and Chavah – he was free to go out into the world! 

Let’s keep going:

30And it came to pass, when Isaac had finished blessing Jacob, and it came to pass Jacob had just left his father Isaac’s presence, that his brother Esau came from his hunt.

31And he too had made tasty foods, and he brought [them] to his father, and he said to his father, “Let my father arise and eat of the game of his son, so that your soul will bless me. “

32And his father Isaac said to him, “Who are you?” And he said, “I am your son, your firstborn, Esau.”

33And Isaac shuddered a great shudder, and he said, “Who then is the one who hunted game and brought it to me, and I ate of everything while you had not yet come, and I blessed him? He, too, shall be blessed.”

34When Esau heard his father’s words, he cried out a great and bitter cry, and he said to his father, “Bless me too, O my father!”

35And he said, “Your brother came with cunning and took your blessing.”

36And he said, “Is it for this reason that he was named Jacob? For he has deceived me twice; he took my birthright, and behold, now he has taken my blessing.” And he said, “Have you not reserved a blessing for me?”

Esau tells on himself here. Esau does not connect his past with his present.  He doesn’t see how giving away his birthright is DIRECTLY connected to removing his blessing. Imagine if Esau came to a point in his life where he recognized this sooner?  Let’s imagine:

What if 10 years before the scene of Isaac and Esau in verses 30-36 (and the recognition of the wrong blessing), Esau had an epiphany? What if he REALIZED selling his blessing to Jacob was going to negatively impact his future?  And what if he spent 10 years dealing with that “mistake” and worked to restore his blessing?

Esau could have gone to his father – “Dad, I made a terrible mistake. I sold my blessing to Jacob. What do I do?”  

Esau and his father could have worked on a way to buy the blessing back.  And the scene would have/could have played out much differently, right?

But that’s not how it played out.

Now you may be thinking – “Tyler, why bring this up – it didn’t happen?”

And here is why:

What “mistakes” have we made in our past that we are avoiding bringing to the light of Kislev out of guilt, shame, and fear? And, by doing so? Are we “missing out” on the opportunity of blessing? What blocks have we set up in our lives to prevent us from going back to moments of our past because we are afraid of how they may impact our present and future? How are we like Esau here?

It is not too late for us. We are not destined to be Esau. We do not need to be afraid.

Even if. Even if we sold our birthright 10, 20, 30 years ago because we did something we horribly regret. Or. Someone did something TO us. It’s not too late.

Just something to chew on here as we explore the Torah.  Let’s keep going and see how the reality played out for Esau:

37And Isaac answered and said to Esau, “Behold, I made him a master over you, and I gave him all his brothers as servants, and I have sustained him with corn and wine; so for you then, what shall I do, my son?”

38And Esau said to his father, “Have you [but] one blessing, my father? Bless me too, my father.” And Esau raised his voice and wept.

39And his father Isaac answered and said to him, “Behold, your dwelling place shall be the fat places of the earth and of the dew of the heaven from above.

40And you shall live by your sword, and you shall serve your brother, and it will be, when you grieve, that you will break his yoke off your neck.”

Isaac tells Esau – not much I can do. Jacob will be master over you. The past has come back to rear it’s head for Esau.  And. Isaac is wise here. He is compassionate. Esau still has a chance, doesn’t he?  The blessing Isaac gave him is an opportunity:

39And his father Isaac answered and said to him, “Behold, your dwelling place shall be the fat places of the earth and of the dew of the heaven from above.

40And you shall live by your sword, and you shall serve your brother, and it will be, when you grieve, that you will break his yoke off your neck.”

Dwelling in the fat places of the earth in the dew from above doesn’t seem bad, does it? Esau will still have it good.  It’s just that Jacob is going to be his master.

Esau will be at war, but will serve Jacob. Jacob’s blessing will be on Esau, won’t it? If I serve someone who is blessed, I would therefor be blessed.

And Isaac tells Esau what he needs to do – to remove the curse – Jacob’s power over Esau. 

Grief.

Grief is the mechanism Esau’s birthright would be healed. Just like the blessing Isaac gave Jacob – was a healing of the curse from Adam and Chavah; It was a blessing of healing – Isaac afforded Esau the SAME opportunity. Healing. Grief over the past – that will heal Esau. That will be Esau’s blessing.  Jacob will no longer be sovereign over Esau.

How does Esau respond to this blessing?

41And Esau hated Jacob because of the blessing that his father had blessed him, and Esau said to himself, “Let the days of mourning for my father draw near, I will then kill my brother Jacob. “

Well. We know one thing for sure. Esau was no longer in denial over his grief.

He was angry. Anger is one of the stages we go through with grief.

And we can take the lesson from this that Esau reacted “wrong” or poorly. But that goes against what we’ve been learning about spiritual liberation, doesn’t it? Curiosity. Be curious.  What does the Torah want us to get from Esau’s response.

My opinion? Anger is valid. It’s human. And we often avoid that when it comes to our feelings, don’t we?

The issue with Esau wasn’t that he felt angry. It was directing his anger outward instead of feeling the anger within. He was ACTING on his anger. Instead of recognizing his grief.

Rebecca was told of Esau’s words. And I don’t believe she was afraid – she was acting wisely. Because she knew it was NOT good for Esau’s grief process for him to ACTUALLY kill Jacob. So she takes action from her strength:

42And Rebecca was told of the words of Esau, her elder son, and she sent and called Jacob, her younger son, and she said to him, “Behold, your brother Esau regrets [his relationship] to you [and wishes] to kill you.

43And now, my son, hearken to my voice, and arise, flee to my brother Laban, to Haran.

44And you shall dwell with him for a few days until your brother’s wrath has subsided.

45Until your brother’s rage subsides from you, and he forgets what you did to him, and I will send and bring you from there. Why should I be bereft of both of you on one day?”

Rebecca AFFIRMS this message, doesn’t she?  She knows the anger is temporary. She knows the blessing for Esau comes through grief.  She sends Jacob away – she doesn’t want to engage with Esau and his anger. She doesn’t CONFRONT Esau. She provides Esau SPACE to process his grief.

The Torah seems to now transition and concludes today’s portion still focused on Rebecca (Genesis 27:46- 28:4)

46And Rebecca said to Isaac, “I am disgusted with my life because of the daughters of Heth. If Jacob takes a wife of the daughters of Heth like these, from the daughters of the land, of what use is life to me?”

1And Isaac called Jacob and blessed him, and he commanded him and said to him, “You shall not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan.

2Arise, go to Padan aram, to the house of Bethuel, your mother’s father, and take yourself from there a wife of the daughters of Laban, your mother’s brother.

3And may the Almighty God bless you and make you fruitful and multiply you, and you shall become an assembly of peoples.

4And may He give you the blessing of Abraham, to you and to your seed with you, that you may inherit the land of your sojournings, which God gave to Abraham.”

Rebecca is concerned about Esau and his marriages. Or is she? She had this plan all along. She “manipulated” Isaac to sending Jacob away. Why?

Rebecca knew if she sent Jacob away, Isaac would be devastated. She was protecting Isaac’s dignity.  He “blessed” the wrong person. She was working behind the scenes to smooth it all out – because she knew this was all ordained by Hashem.  She trusted.  All of this was happening FOR their family – not TO their family.

So what is our takeaway?

What are we holding onto in our past we need to grieve over? What, for the next 10 years could we work to reconcile emotionally over selling our past birthright?

What IS our birthright? Is our birthright suffering? Sometimes as a Jew it seems that way.  No. Our birthright is BLESSING.  When we read the Torah, we often “put ourselves” into the characters we relate to.  We don’t consider MAYBE we are NOT Jacob in this story – maybe we are Esau. 

What is something in our past we need to grieve over, but we haven’t allowed ourself to? Maybe it was the selling of a birthright and self-betrayal in order to try and make someone ELSE happy? Maybe it was survival – and we betrayed our morals and values in order to emotionally survive trauma? 

We can receive Isaac’s blessing.

39And his father Isaac answered and said to him, “Behold, your dwelling place shall be the fat places of the earth and of the dew of the heaven from above.

40And you shall live by your sword, and you shall serve your brother, and it will be, when you grieve, that you will break his yoke off your neck.”

For me? I live in the fat places of the earth and receive the dew from Heaven above. I live in America.

I am at war within most of the time.

I serve others because I do not believe I am worthy of serving myself.

And my path forward?  Grief. Allow myself to grieve.

Those are MY thoughts – what are yours?