Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 28 Sivan, 5784
Parsha Korach: (Numbers 16:1 – 18:32)
Fifth Portion: Numbers 17:16 – 17:24

Good morning! Today, in America, we are celebrating “Independence Day.” It evokes many different feelings for our community and culture, and we should remain curious about those feelings and not judge them.  America as an idea, entity, country – so many variables to look at.

The goal for me? To look within. What I love about today’s portion is reading my thoughts the past two years.  Today’s portion is short – and – it is FULL of LIFE!

So remember – we’ve been battling over “who is in charge” of the Children of Israel. There was no question, Moses was “in charge.” However, Aaron was appointed High Priest.  The spiritual authority for the people was already chosen. And Korach came for it. And died. Along with those who sided with him.

You would think after the traumas of watching the ground swallow up those connected to Korach, and fire consume those who stood with him, the people would listen to Moses and Aaron.  And they didn’t. They complained.

And Hashem was going to wipe them all out – but Moses and Aaron interceded. A plague hit the camp. And Moses and Aaron ended it (thanks to Hashem).  So much death and destruction because of the battle over who was in charge spiritually.

Let’s take this within us. What battles are going on inside of us? Who is winning the battle for spiritual guidance within? Are we at war? Who is the High Priest within you? If you still don’t know, Hashem understands. How much destruction took place for the children of Israel, and they still did not know.

Hashem had one more “trick” up His “sleeve.” Let’s dig in:

16The Lord spoke to Moses saying:

17Speak to the children of Israel and take from them a staff for each father’s house from all the chieftains according to their fathers’ houses; [a total of] twelve staffs, and inscribe each man’s name on his staff.

18Inscribe Aaron’s name on the staff of Levi, for there is [only] one staff for the head of their fathers’ house.

19You shall place the staffs in the Tent of Meeting before the [Ark of] the Testimony where I commune with you.

A staff is dead wood. Each tribe was going to bring “dead wood” from their family to represent them to the tent.

20The staff of the man whom I will choose will blossom, and I will calm down [turning away] from Myself the complaints of the children of Israel which they are complaining against you.

Hashem changed tactics. Instead of using destruction to show who was “in charge” – he revealed who was the High Priest in terms of life from death.  The tree died, and Hashem was going to choose one dead piece of wood to bring life to. That was who was priest over the children of Israel.

I am reflecting on this.  How much do we live our lives within to “avoid” death – to “avoid punishment” or to “avoid destruction?”  How much of our spiritual lives are grounded in fear? Is this working for us?

Hashem sees that. And will accommodate that.  And. He gives us another way.  “I will calm down….the complaints.” How? By blossoming LIFE from Death.

If we can accept that we are (within us) already dead wood? And we can bring that dead wood to Hashem? He can bring us LIFE! We can choose to see the LIFE within us. We can choose LIFE within -it’s there.  We have shielded it and kept it from blossoming.

Let’s see what happens:

21Moses spoke to the children of Israel, and all their chieftains gave him a staff for each chieftain according to their fathers’ houses, [a total of] twelve staffs, and Aaron’s staff was amidst their staffs.

22Moses placed the staffs before the Lord in the Tent of the Testimony.

They did as Moses asked. Everyone brought dead wood – a staff representing their family.

23And on the following day Moses came to the Tent of Testimony, and behold, Aaron’s staff for the house of Levi had blossomed! It gave forth blossoms, sprouted buds, and produced ripe almonds.

And? Aaron’s staff produced fruit. Blossomed. A day later. It was super natural.

My takeway? If we expect signs of destruction? We will receive signs of destruction. We we bring humbly our death within? Hashem can create life supernaturally!  This is the healing.

Mark Nepo writes “We chase what we think we lack, only to find, humbly, it was within us all along.”

I love this quote. If we think we lack love, we will chase love. If we think we lack wealth, we will chase wealth. If we think we lack safety, we will chase safety.

And when we do? Hashem (the Universe) is going to frustrate that for us. We will not find it – because it’s not there.  Hashem desires life. He desires to show us love within us. Wealth within. Safety within. It is a choice.

Today, my mantra is “I am choosing not to chase. I am choosing to attract.”

I am bringing myself – my dead wood, and seeing the beauty within me – like Aaron’s staff. And receiving the attraction from Hashem – to give me peace, joy, wealth – because that is my heart.

And? What happens next?

24Moses took out all the staffs from before the Lord, to the children of Israel; they saw and they took, each man his staff.

The lesson ends and Moses gives back the staffs to others.  We can sit here and judge the other tribes – or we can be curious – might within each of those tribes have 12 leaders – who have 1 staff that could blossom? Where is their life within?

These are my takeaways today.  What are yours?

Here are my thoughts from the past two years:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 3 Tamuz, 5783

I am very excited for today’s Torah portion.  It is VERY short – but really deep.  The portion today focuses on getting a staff from each of the twelve tribes.  And one of the staffs blossoming to show the people who Hashem has chosen as the High Priest.  This is AFTER Korach’s rebellion and Hashem super naturally destroyed Korach and his followers.  Fear isn’t what was going to settle this.  Life was.

Miraculously, Aaron’s staff bloomed. It produced almonds.  The people knew with this new life, Aaron was chosen.  Did this mean the other 11 tribes weren’t as “valuable?”  No.  It was for a certain role that Aaron was supposed to play FOR the people.  This happened FOR Israel – not TO Israel.

What is the takeaway here?  Well for me – one of the major things I am reflecting on is a concept my therapist shared yesterday.

A lot of focus is on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  And this is a real thing.  We don’t spend a lot of time focusing on Post Traumatic Growth.  Or Post Traumatic Resilience.  How do I connect this with the torah portion?

Well – from these dead branches – these staffs. Aaron’s blossomed.  There was growth.  We shouldn’t judge the other tribes because their rods did not blossom.  But maybe be curious as to the process?

All of us navigate trauma.  But have we been curious about how some seem to blossom from the trauma they go through while others get stuck in the trauma?  I haven’t paid much attention to this to be honest.  For 48 years (before starting my therapeutic relationship with my current therapist) I really used my trauma and past traumas as an excuse to avoid growth.  Especially in certain areas.  My fears of abandonment. My fears of rejection.

For the past three years, meeting weekly with my current therapist – I have begun the journey of healing.  Doing the dirty work of turning over the soil of trauma so that my dead branch can grow and have new life.  Or at least allow Hashem the opportunity to help me grow – because although I’d love to take full credit? I have to attribute this to Hashem and growing closer to the universe that has been created all around us – physically, emotionally, spiritually.

So today’s portion (for me) is all about taking our dead branch – and allowing it to blossom. To produce flowers. And almonds.  We don’t NEED to get stuck in our trauma.

AND. Let me be clear. We should NOT judge OTHERS in what they do with THEIR trauma.  The work is not external. It is always within.  We continually say here – “heal ourselves, heal the world.”  Tikkun Olam is doing the healing work within – NOT avoiding our healing journey by trying to heal others.

And one reason (I am still exploring and would LOVE thoughts on this from others) we should not judge others? Is the relationship between Trauma and Mental Health.  I can see parts of my journey where trauma has fueled my mental health struggles. I can ALSO see my mental health struggles fueling my trauma.

In my HEALING journey – healing unresolved trauma (like going back and working with my 5, 8, 14, 17, and 27 year old self) can improve my current mental health.  However, if my mental health had been DRIVING those traumas? That may be a bigger challenge.

I’m now reaching a point in my healing journey where my mental health DID create more of the trauma I experienced – this is deeper work to do.  And there are plenty of times I would rather AVOID and DISTRACT than deal with how my mental health issues impacted my trauma.

So we should not judge – ourselves OR others.  We should merely be curious about our own healing journey and the healing journey of others.  How fast, how deep, how wide the healing is? That is something to just be curious about.

Kindness. Compassion. Empathy. For ourselves FIRST. Then others.  That is the true path to healing.

Let me know what you think!!!

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 1 Tamuz, 5782

We have a new month today! The month of Tamuz. This is a month of paradox. It is the month we were supposed to receive the blessings of the Torah, but because Moses was on the mountain “too long” (not really) the Children of Israel became inpatient and made the golden calf. This creates a tough month ahead for us; as Kabbalah teaches (see the article); it is a month for us to ”see in the dark.” To find goodness within the darkness. This is not to say we won’t see ”revealed good” this month; it’s to say we will need to look hard for it.

I’m reflecting on this concept. One of the ways I have learned to “see in the dark” has been my amazing support network. Not all of us may have that kind of network of care and support. I would offer to you that if you need help “seeing in the darkness” reach out to me privately! I’m here for you, and you’d be helping me live out my purpose. It’s a win/win. Asking for help is tough; but when the darkness comes, it’s our best option! Here’s the article:

https://www.chabad.org/…/Tammuz-the-Month-of-Darkness…

Ok. Let’s dig into today’s portion:

Yesterday we read about the plague, God’s anger and Aaron following Moses. The portion ended with Aaron going back to Moses at the tent of Meeting.

Today we start with God speaking to Moses; he gave Moses a new mitzvah; “speak to the children of Israel and take from them a staff for each paternal house from all the leaders according to their paternal houses – twelve staffs. Inscribe each man’s name on his staff. Inscribe Aaron’s name on Levi’s staff, because there is only one staff for The head of each paternal house (and the priests are from the tribe of Levi). Place the staffs in the Tent of meeting before the Ark of Testimony where I arrange meetings with you.”

Let’s stop for a moment. This is fascinating. The context of this is about leadership. Korah and his followers just suffered because he didn’t accept the leadership of Moses. A plague befell the people. Aaron healed the plague. But people may have still been afraid. Here Moses was carving the leadership of each tribe onto a staff and putting them in the tent. It was going to be confirmed who each leader of each tribe was.

Now, God told Moses why the staffs were to be collected;

“The staff of the man whom I will choose will blossom. I will thus rid myself of the complaints of the children of Israel, which they are directing at you.”

God knew that despite what had already happened, people would STILL doubt.

Moses went to the children of Israel, the leaders each gave Moses a staff for a total of 12. Aarons staff was in the middle. Moses placed the staffs before God in the Tent of Testimony.

The next day, Moses went to the tent, and miraculously Aaron’s staff BLOSSOMED! The Torah emphasizes this by stating it twice. And not only did it blossom, it produced fruit: ripe almonds. In one day.

Moses took all the staffs out and showed the children of Israel. They saw what happened and each man took his staff back. And that is where the portion ends.

So Rabbi Moses Feinstein writes:

“Usually trees do not bear fruit until after the blossoms are long gone, yet here the staff produced fruit while the blossoms were still on it. This miracle hints at the degree to which God cherishes man’s effort.

The fruit symbolizes our achievements; the blossoms, our effort. Usually most attention is paid to achievements. Aaron’s staff, with the blossoms and fruit remaining together, teaches us that when we perform commandments and study Torah, the blossoms- the effort and sweat that we put in -are not forgotten.”

As we enter the month ahead, I think this is an important lesson and tool on our tool belt. The blossoms of effort this month, the sweat (physical and emotional) will not be forgotten by Hashem. I find tremendous comfort in that. How about you?

Next question. Aaron took his rod because it blossomed – but why did the other leaders take their staffs? Why not just leave them?

Rabbi Hayyim Meir Jehiel Shapiro writes this:

“Aaron took his rod because it had “blossomed, started to produce fruit and developed ripe almonds” (v. 23).

But why did the leaders retrieve their rods?

The leaders took their rods to show everyone that they had not budded, publicly proclaiming that Aaron was chosen, and not them. This is the way honest and humble people behave.”

I’m chewing and reflecting on how ”honest and humble people behave.” That’s where my brain goes to. Are we acting in a manner that is consistent with honesty and humility? Or are we being deceitful and cocky? As we enter the month ahead, I think we will be able to “see in the dark” if we continue to work to live our lives in honesty and humility.

What are your thoughts? Such a great portion today!