Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 30 Av, 5783

Good morning! Today is the last day of this moon cycle.  We are now finishing out the month of Av.  At sundown tonight, we start the last moon cycle of the spiritual year.  This is a major time of introspection.

Today’s portion really has two pieces – discussing the Umim and Thumim – which seem to contradict the idea of divination – but don’t.  And the idea of murder and “cities of refuge.”

Something I am reflecting on.  Divination.  The idea we can “know” the future is a problem in the Torah.  But asking Hashem for answers to big questions and asking Him for signs? That is kosher.  Chabad calls this a “decision of national significance.”  These are decisions that have to be made in a moment.  We can consult Hashem.  But what we WON’T know?  The outcome.

A friend and I were talking about the difference between the Optimist and the Pessimist.  The issue with both is they are grounded in a future.  Both sides of the coin look at the future and judge whether it will be positive or negative.  We often associate the idea of Optimism as seeing the “glass half full” and the Pessimist seeing the “glass half empty.”  But I am not sure that accurate reflects this idea.

If you search the definitions – both are connected to the future and outcomes.

In a moment – any given moment – we can choose hope. Hope is different (in my opinion) – we can HOPE for a future and recognize we may be disappointed.  But hope creates space for a different outcome than one we desired.  Hope is a moment by moment process.  We talk about “losing hope” or “having hope.”

If we are struggling with hope – we can consult Hashem.  If we become too cynical (and those of you who know me know I can be QUITE cynical) we can consult Hashem and find Hope.

I’d argue the space between cynicism and hope is the space created with spiritual liberation.  As we become more spiritually free, we are less tied to outcomes. We all know. The Torah is going to start over.  We are going to go back to Genesis.  And we are going to end up in Egypt again. And we will be freed from Egypt after our suffering. And we will have an opportunity.  And that opportunity will be dashed because we listened to the 10 cynical spies, and not the 2 spies who trusted Hashem.  And we will wander in the desert for 40 years. And we will see parts of us die out. And the few parts that have hope? They get to go into the promised land. And then we start over. Again. And Again.

The real journey is to accept this reality.  The ride of our lifetime. And continue to choose hope in every moment.  To let go of the guilt and shame. The feelings of inadequacy. And. STOP MURDERING OURSELVES.

Because that is how I think these concepts are connected.  We have opportunity to find hope. We have opportunity to be cynical. We have agency. And we can choose to TREAT OURSELVES with disdain – and we are offered an opportunity.

The opportunity is embedded in this:

Moses finishes up the passage today with discussing the “cities of refuge.” These cities are established to protect murderers. But there are conditions:

1. 1. Unintentional blows where it was an immediate response and reaction. There was no hate towards the person the day or two prior.
   2. Accidental death because of a foreign object (like an axe handle flying off and hitting someone)

#1?  Our opportunity is to focus on the day or two prior.  Are we choosing hatred of ourselves? Because in this moment we don’t have to choose that.  But if we continue to?  If we do something unintentional as a reaction that really kills us? We aren’t protected.  So we must. In each moment. Choose Love.  Because that is the ONLY choice we have.

#2? We literally have no control over that happening.  If we are going about our life, and an accident happens – a TRUE accident – something we can’t really explain?  And that accident causes pain or harm?  We are free and protected in those moments.

So where are we today?  Are we grounded in this love? Do we look in the mirror and think to ourselves -“I love you?” Or do we instead look ourselves in the mirror and say “I am inadequate and unworthy of love?”  Or do we AVOID looking in the mirror all together because we ALREADY KNOW the answer to this question.  Because (in my opinion) Hashem wants us to look in the mirror and just be honest. If what is real for you is “I am inadequate and unworthy of love” then you at least understand your need.  The healing in front of you. Because “I am inadequate and unworthy of love” is a VALID feeling.  Feeling inadequate and unworthy is NOT something to be ashamed about (spoiler alert – most of us feel this with you).  But DISTRACTING OURSELVES? We cannot heal these wounds and feelings if we avoid looking.

Those are my thoughts today.  I’d love yours!

Here is my commentary from a year ago….

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 5 Elul, 5782

Another day of introspection- I hope you are able to go within to find our true liberation from slavery!

Yesterday we spoke against fortune telling. And we juxtaposed that with the idea of prophecy.

Today Moses continues with this:

“While these nations listen to diviners of fortuitous tunes and stick diviners, God has not given you things like these – but rather genuine prophets and the Urim and Thummim.

What is the Urim and Thummin? I’m attaching an article for us – https://www.chabad.org/…/What-Were-the-Urim-and-Thummim…

So it was basically a reading oracle. They would see answers to big questions in it. So – we need to be careful- there is obviously a place and a continuum here. And I’d argue; unless we’ve been introspective, we should always err on the side of caution.

Moses does tell us that Hashem has given us prophets: they will be from among our brothers. God will put words into their mouths, and will tell people what God commands them to.

So here’s the interesting piece. If a prophet speaks and people do not listen to Hashem’s voice? There will be consequences – and the Torah seems to indicate the consequence being “death from heaven.” So. What is this death from heaven?

I’m going to speculate here. Purely speculation. I wonder if “death from heaven” is the natural consequence of not listening to a prophet. In order to “die from heaven” you must be “living from heaven.” And if you are living connected to heaven, and someone speaks words from Hashem, and you choose not to listen? Then it would be natural for us to be cut off from that flow of energy from heaven, would it not? So this tells me; we need to keep our ears open.

Now. This can get confusing. Because Moses anticipates what we are all wondering – how will we know if someone is truly a prophet and speaking Hashem’s words?? Moses answers us:

If the prophet (claims to) speak in the name of God, and the thing does not occur and (you see that it will) never come about, then it is a declaration which God did not say. The prophet has spoken it (to deceive you) intentionally. Do not be afraid of him.

So it’s interesting here. Two things will tell us someone isn’t a prophet.

1. The thing they spoke never occurs
2. We see that it will never come about

That’s how we know.

Moses finishes up the passage today with discussing the “cities of refuge.” These cities are established to protect murderers. But there are conditions:

1. Unintentional blows where it was an immediate response and reaction. There was no hate towards the person the day or two prior.
2. Accidental death because of a foreign object (like an axe handle flying off and hitting someone)

God makes it clear the signage to these three cities should be made clear.

And if someone is trying to flee to a city of refuge, and the avenger of blood pursues the killer and catches up with him and kills him, he can flee. However, this is why God said to separate three cities; so it would be close for people to flee to.

Moses also tells the people; as you expand your cities keep adding three more cities of refuge.

And what about someone who murders intentionally and flees to the cities? Moses makes it clear:

1. Elders should send representatives to the cities and take him from there. And allow him to die by the “avenger of blood.”
2. Do not have pity on him

Now what is my takeaway here? For me, it’s the reason we should not hate others. Stewing hate in our hearts opens us up to being guilty of intentional murder, even if an ”accident” happens. I think this is an indication that our hearts and souls are powerful – and what we think and feel has a real impact on the world around us. If we choose hate and anger, we will attract hate and anger. If we choose love, kindness, and patience, that is what we will attract.

Thoughts?