Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 4 Kislev, 5784
Parsha Toledot: (Genesis 25:19- 28:9)
Sixth Portion: Genesis 27:28 -28:4

So today’s portion is longer, and I wrote a lot of commentary about it two years ago. I encourage you to start there and then come back.  Not needed – but still.

Ok – let’s dig in.  The context here is Isaac is about to bless Jacob (Genesis 27:28-29)

28And may the Lord give you of the dew of the heavens and [of] the fatness of the earth and an abundance of grain and wine.

29Nations shall serve you and kingdoms shall bow down to you; you shall be a master over your brothers, and your mother’s sons shall bow down to you. Those who curse you shall be cursed, and those who bless you shall be blessed.”

I absolutely LOVE that the Zohar connects this blessing with the healing of the curse that was put upon Adam and Chavah for the tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. It was the antithesis of the curse (see commentary below for more).  Jacob was the healing of the wounds – he was free to go out into the world!

Let’s keep going:

30And it came to pass, when Isaac had finished blessing Jacob, and it came to pass Jacob had just left his father Isaac’s presence, that his brother Esau came from his hunt.

31And he too had made tasty foods, and he brought [them] to his father, and he said to his father, “Let my father arise and eat of the game of his son, so that your soul will bless me. “

32And his father Isaac said to him, “Who are you?” And he said, “I am your son, your firstborn, Esau.”

33And Isaac shuddered a great shudder, and he said, “Who then is the one who hunted game and brought it to me, and I ate of everything while you had not yet come, and I blessed him? He, too, shall be blessed.”

34When Esau heard his father’s words, he cried out a great and bitter cry, and he said to his father, “Bless me too, O my father!”

35And he said, “Your brother came with cunning and took your blessing.”

36And he said, “Is it for this reason that he was named Jacob? For he has deceived me twice; he took my birthright, and behold, now he has taken my blessing.” And he said, “Have you not reserved a blessing for me?”

Esau tells on himself here. Esau does not connect his past with his present.  He doesn’t see how giving away his birthright is DIRECTLY connected to removing his blessing. Imagine if Esau came to a point in his life where he recognized this sooner?  Let’s imagine:

What if 10 years before the scene of Isaac and Esau in verses 30-36 (and the recognition of the wrong blessing), Esau had an epiphany? What if he REALIZED selling his blessing to Jacob was going to negatively impact his future?  And what if he spent 10 years dealing with that “mistake” and worked to restore his blessing?

Esau could have gone to his father – “Dad, I made a terrible mistake. I sold my blessing to Jacob. What do I do?”

Esau and his father could have worked on a way to buy the blessing back.  And the scene would have/could have played out much differently, right?

But that’s not how it played out.

Now you may be thinking – “Tyler, why bring this up – it didn’t happen?”

And here is why:

What “mistakes” have we made in our past that we are avoiding bringing to the light of Kislev out of guilt, shame, and fear? And, by doing so? Are we “missing out” on the opportunity of blessing? What blocks have we set up in our lives to prevent us from going back to moments of our past because we are afraid of how they may impact our present and future? How are we like Esau here?

It is not too late for us. We are not destined to be Esau. We do not need to be afraid.

Even if. Even if we sold our birthright 10, 20, 30 years ago because we did something we horribly regret. Or. Someone did something TO us. It’s not too late.

Just something to chew on here as we explore the Torah.  Let’s keep going and see how the reality played out for Esau:

37And Isaac answered and said to Esau, “Behold, I made him a master over you, and I gave him all his brothers as servants, and I have sustained him with corn and wine; so for you then, what shall I do, my son?”

38And Esau said to his father, “Have you [but] one blessing, my father? Bless me too, my father.” And Esau raised his voice and wept.

39And his father Isaac answered and said to him, “Behold, your dwelling place shall be the fat places of the earth and of the dew of the heaven from above.

40And you shall live by your sword, and you shall serve your brother, and it will be, when you grieve, that you will break his yoke off your neck.”

Isaac tells Esau – not much I can do. Jacob will be master over you. The past has come back to rear it’s head for Esau.  And. Isaac is wise here. He is compassionate. Esau still has a chance, doesn’t he?  The blessing Isaac gave him is an opportunity:

39And his father Isaac answered and said to him, “Behold, your dwelling place shall be the fat places of the earth and of the dew of the heaven from above.

40And you shall live by your sword, and you shall serve your brother, and it will be, when you grieve, that you will break his yoke off your neck.”

Dwelling in the fat places of the earth in the dew from above doesn’t seem bad, does it? Esau will still have it good.  It’s just that Jacob is going to be his master.

Esau will be at war, but will serve Jacob. Jacob’s blessing will be on Esau, won’t it? If I serve someone who is blessed, I would therefor be blessed.

And Isaac tells Esau what he needs to do – to remove the curse – Jacob’s power over Esau.

Grief.

Grief is the mechanism Esau’s birthright would be healed. Just like the blessing Isaac gave Jacob – was a healing of the curse from Adam and Chavah; It was a blessing of healing – Isaac afforded Esau the SAME opportunity. Healing. Grief over the past – that will heal Esau. That will be Esau’s blessing.  Jacob will no longer be sovereign over Esau.

How does Esau respond to this blessing?

41And Esau hated Jacob because of the blessing that his father had blessed him, and Esau said to himself, “Let the days of mourning for my father draw near, I will then kill my brother Jacob. “

Well. We know one thing for sure. Esau was no longer in denial over his grief.

He was angry. Anger is one of the stages we go through with grief.

And we can take the lesson from this that Esau reacted “wrong” or poorly. But that goes against what we’ve been learning about spiritual liberation, doesn’t it? Curiosity. Be curious.  What does the Torah want us to get from Esau’s response.

My opinion? Anger is valid. It’s human. And we often avoid that when it comes to our feelings, don’t we?

The issue with Esau wasn’t that he felt angry. It was directing his anger outward instead of feeling the anger within. He was ACTING on his anger. Instead of recognizing his grief.

Rebecca was told of Esau’s words. And I don’t believe she was afraid – she was acting wisely. Because she knew it was NOT good for Esau’s grief process for him to ACTUALLY kill Jacob. So she takes action from her strength:

42And Rebecca was told of the words of Esau, her elder son, and she sent and called Jacob, her younger son, and she said to him, “Behold, your brother Esau regrets [his relationship] to you [and wishes] to kill you.

43And now, my son, hearken to my voice, and arise, flee to my brother Laban, to Haran.

44And you shall dwell with him for a few days until your brother’s wrath has subsided.

45Until your brother’s rage subsides from you, and he forgets what you did to him, and I will send and bring you from there. Why should I be bereft of both of you on one day?”

Rebecca AFFIRMS this message, doesn’t she?  She knows the anger is temporary. She knows the blessing for Esau comes through grief.  She sends Jacob away – she doesn’t want to engage with Esau and his anger. She doesn’t CONFRONT Esau. She provides Esau SPACE to process his grief.

The Torah seems to now transition and concludes today’s portion still focused on Rebecca (Genesis 27:46- 28:4)

46And Rebecca said to Isaac, “I am disgusted with my life because of the daughters of Heth. If Jacob takes a wife of the daughters of Heth like these, from the daughters of the land, of what use is life to me?”

1And Isaac called Jacob and blessed him, and he commanded him and said to him, “You shall not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan.

2Arise, go to Padan aram, to the house of Bethuel, your mother’s father, and take yourself from there a wife of the daughters of Laban, your mother’s brother.

3And may the Almighty God bless you and make you fruitful and multiply you, and you shall become an assembly of peoples.

4And may He give you the blessing of Abraham, to you and to your seed with you, that you may inherit the land of your sojournings, which God gave to Abraham.”

Rebecca is concerned about Esau and his marriages. Or is she? She had this plan all along. She “manipulated” Isaac to sending Jacob away. Why?

Rebecca knew if she sent Jacob away, Isaac would be devastated. She was protecting Isaac’s dignity.  He “blessed” the wrong person. She was working behind the scenes to smooth it all out – because she knew this was all ordained by Hashem.  She trusted.  All of this was happening FOR their family – not TO their family.

So what is our takeaway?

What are we holding onto in our past we need to grieve over? What, for the next 10 years could we work to reconcile emotionally over selling our past birthright?

What IS our birthright? Is our birthright suffering? Sometimes as a Jew it seems that way.  No. Our birthright is BLESSING.  When we read the Torah, we often “put ourselves” into the characters we relate to.  We don’t consider MAYBE we are NOT Jacob in this story – maybe we are Esau.

What is something in our past we need to grieve over, but we haven’t allowed ourself to? Maybe it was the selling of a birthright and self-betrayal in order to try and make someone ELSE happy? Maybe it was survival – and we betrayed our morals and values in order to emotionally survive trauma?

We can receive Isaac’s blessing.

39And his father Isaac answered and said to him, “Behold, your dwelling place shall be the fat places of the earth and of the dew of the heaven from above.

40And you shall live by your sword, and you shall serve your brother, and it will be, when you grieve, that you will break his yoke off your neck.”

For me? I live in the fat places of the earth and receive the dew from Heaven above. I live in America.

I am at war within most of the time.

I serve others because I do not believe I am worthy of serving myself.

And my path forward?  Grief. Allow myself to grieve.

Those are MY thoughts – what are yours?

Here is my commentary from the past two years:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 1 Kislev, 5783

Today is rosh chosesh! Last night was the new moon. We are entering into Kislev and that means HANUKAH! This month is about beauty and harmony, and bringing everything together in unity. Today is a good day to set our intentions for the new moon cycle. What do you want to grow in over this cycle?

Reading my thoughts from a year ago, I’m blown away. I think I was on the edge of something when it comes to internal blessings. We are just so centered in yearning for the blessing of others, when inside us, we have all the blessing we need.

This is an internal battle. And waging the internal war can produce harmony within that can resonate beyond us. Instead of searching for something we have, we can explore within to uncover that beauty inside.

As we enter into this new month. As we prepare for Shabbat. May we all find joy within, and May THAT be a blessing we cannot lose. And. Share with others

Torah Thoughts for Rosh Chodesh! Kislev 1, 5782:

This portion of Toledot is longer; so bear with me.

We start the portion with Isaac’s blessing to Esau, which ended up onto Jacob;

“And may the Almighty give you (repeatedly) from the dew of the skies and from the fatness of the earth an abundance of grain and wine. Nations will serve you; kingdoms will bow down to you. You will be a master over your brothers, and your mother’s sons will bow down to you. Those who curse you will be cursed, and those who bless you will be blessed.”

Wow. What a blessing from a father to a son.

The Zohar connects this to Adam and Eve and the curse Hashem laid upon them;

1. ”The ground will be cursed because of you” becomes a blessing “from the fatness of the earth.”
2. “You will toil to eat from it” becomes a blessing “from the dew of the skies.”
3. “Thorns and thistles will grow (with) your (crops)” but now, “an abundance of grain and wine.”
4. “With the sweat of your face will you eat bread” becomes “nations will serve you.”

I love this connection as it further demonstrates Hashem’s desire for healing. We often associate the Torah with Hashem’s condemnation, his harshness, and his cosmic hammer at the ready. But as we continue to dig into the Torah we see a kind, compassionate and loving God.

This is a game changer for me, to be honest.

What are your thoughts on this?

After Isaac blesses Jacob (thinking he’s Esau) like the plot of a situation comedy (ok maybe that’s a stretch) here comes Esau himself in to get his father’s blessing.

Isaac was “bewildered” at first because he thought he had sinned and did something wrong, but according to Rashi, once Esau’s bitterness confessed that this was the “second time” Jacob deceived him, and Isaac heard Esau confess Jacob “took” his birthright, Isaac knew he blessed the correct son.

Esau asked his dad if there was any blessing left for him. “Haven’t you just one blessing, my father? Bless me too, my father.” Esau raised his voice and wept.

I want to stop here. Because I think there is something critical for us to chew on. As much as we (in modern times) don’t want to acknowledge or admit it, the blessing of a parent is crucial to our lives. Jacob and Esau, as brothers competed all the time for Isaac’s blessing. And I see this with my daughters; all of them compete for blessings from their mother and myself. So I turn inwards; how much of what drives me is to “earn” a blessing from my parents? Who are both deceased.

Yet there is something internal that is driving me to want to make them happy and accept me. To hear “I’m proud of you!” To lay a hand on me and bless me even though they cannot. It’s hard to admit, because I didn’t have the greatest relationship with my parents. And my brother and I competed for this blessing for a long time and we drifted apart because of it.

Today, I seek out blessing from Hashem when my spirit is in the right place. I also sought out blessing from my ex-wife. I now  recognize the wounds created because I didn’t accept the blessing within. I Have also sought out blessing from bosses and supervisors, who weren’t capable (nor were they appropriate people) to truly receive a blessing from. I lived much of my life seeking out blessings from people because the blessings of my parents weren’t there.

I am also reflecting on the immense pressure that put on other humans who could not bless me the way I wanted or (dare I say?) needed.

I feel like we don’t talk about this enough. The concept of “blessing.” Like it’s something we avoid because I think deep down we feel lacking. I could be completely wrong here; maybe I’m an outlier. Maybe others have the blessing; or aren’t seeking it out. I don’t know.

And to be clear; this is different (somehow) than being blessed. My life has tremendous blessing to it; an amazing wife. Six amazing children. An incredible Jewish community. Provision for everything we’ve needed.

Hmmmmm. Now that I think about it; it’s not very different. Because all of those things mentioned come from Hashem. So maybe I’m driven to find something I already have? That’s interesting.

Maybe that’s the internal conflict that exists in us; we are seeking out things we already have? I don’t know. I‘M thinking my thoughts on this come from a place of incredible privilege. Sorry for processing out loud. If you have thoughts I’d love to hear them!

Ok. Back to the Torah. Isaac does end up with a consolation blessing for Esau; but it’s really not a blessing per se; just an acknowledgment of reality. He is basically telling Esau he will get things, but it’s because he’s serving Jacob.

Well, Esau didn’t take to kindly to this – he planned to kill Jacob after his father passed.

We shift back to Rebekah (have i mentioned what a badass woman she is?) Who hears from Hashem what Esau is plotting to do. She sends Jacob to her original home with her brother Laban until Esau chills out. She tells Jacob, when things calm down, she will call for him.

Now, Rebekah must sense that doing this would grieve Isaac, so she hatches a plan so that Isaac thinks this is HIS idea. She goes to Isaac and shares concern about who Jacob will marry. Esau has already taken an idol worshipping wife. Rebekah shares this concern with Isaac who then asks Jacob to him.

We end this portion with Isaac once AGAIN blessing Jacob. He tells Jacob to go to Laban to find a wife. He places this blessing on Jacob; “May God almighty bless you, make you fruitful and multiply, and you will become an assembly of nations. May He give you the blessing of Abraham – to you, and to your seed with you – that you will inherit the land in which you wandered, which God gave to Abraham.”

Whew. There is a lot there. But again, what stands out to me is Rebekah. She is maintaining Isaac’s dignity. She is seeing the path Hashem has laid out and is actively engaging with it, and is a part of it.

How often do we think we know Hashem’s plan and just sit back letting him work it out? The Torah is pretty clear; Hashem works things out, for sure! But He also has important roles for each of us to play! How often are we just “waiting for God to act” and are unwilling to do what we are called to do? That’s what I’m reflecting on this morning!

Whew. This is a lot. Be on the lookout for some major news from the Millers in the next week! Big changes are coming (no we are not pregnant or moving; so don’t stress).

What are your thoughts? How has this passage impacted you?