Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 5 Kislev, 5785

As I reflect on today’s portion – we are getting ready to GOOOOOOO!

I encourage you to START with reading last year’s commentary. The idea of gluttony and narcissism all embedded into it.

And. How does gluttony connect with keeping us stuck and unwilling to move and change?

Once you are done reading, or if you choose not to read (which is totally ok) – these are the reflection questions I have this morning regarding how to determine our true values:

• What makes me angry or emotionally agitated? How does that communicate to me my values?
• Do I see my kids as independent human beings with their own sovereignty, agency, and decision making capabilities? Or do I see them as property for my benefit?
• Do I intentionally communicate with others and remind them of the POWER I have and could use but choose not to?
• What, if taken away from me, would I hyper focus on and how does that communicate my values?

Here are my thoughts from last year:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 11 Kislev, 5784
Parsha Vayeitzei (Genesis 28:10 – 32:3)
Sixth Portion: Genesis 31:17 – 31:43

Good morning – as we are all recovering from the gluttony of Thanksgiving (I am saying this tongue in cheek) it’s time to detoxify with today’s Torah portion heading into Shabbat!  This entire week has been preparation for departing Laban’s land.  Jacob, Leah, and Rachel are all on the same page. They are ready to GO!  Let’s dig in:

(31:17)So Jacob rose, and he lifted up his sons and his wives upon the camels.

18And he led all his livestock and all his possessions that he had acquired, the purchase of his acquisition, which he had acquired in Padan aram, to come to Isaac his father, to the land of Canaan.

19Now Laban had gone to shear his sheep, and [meanwhile] Rachel stole her father’s teraphim.

20And Jacob concealed from Laban the Aramean by not telling him that he was fleeing.

21So he and all that were his fled, and he arose and crossed the river, and he directed his face toward Mount Gilead.

He was going home.  Rachel stealing her father’s idol (teraphim) is interesting here. There is some commentary below that offers us an alternative possibility of Rachel’s motives here.  I encourage you to read that. The Torah pointing this out, however, is really interesting! 

The curious question for me is this; Why did Jacob conceal from Laban he was leaving? Was it fear? What was he afraid of? Was it strategy? Was it because of Rachel and Leah? Just something I reflect on.  It seems curious. If Hashem said “it’s time to go” why not just go back to Laban and say – “it’s time to go?”  Let’s keep going:

22On the third day, Laban was informed that Jacob had fled.

23So he took his kinsmen with him, and he pursued him seven days’ journey, and he overtook him at Mount Gilead.

24And God came to Laban the Aramean in a dream of the night, and He said to him, “Beware lest you speak with Jacob either good or evil.”

25And Laban overtook Jacob, and Jacob pitched his tent on the mountain, and Laban pitched with his kinsmen on Mount Gilead.

Laban takes off (seems a little foreshadowing of Pharaoh and the Israelites fleeing Egypt, doesn’t it?)  and overtakes them.

26And Laban said to Jacob, “What have you done, that you concealed from me, and led away my daughters like prisoners of war?

27Why have you fled secretly, and concealed from me, and not told me? I would have sent you away with joy and with songs, and with drum and with harp.

28And you did not allow me to kiss my sons and daughters. Now, you have acted foolishly.

29I have the power to inflict harm upon you, but the God of your father spoke to me last night, saying, ‘Beware of speaking with Jacob either good or bad.’

30But now, you have gone away, for you longed for your father’s house, [but]why have you stolen my gods?”

So in reading my commentary from two years ago?  I may have been in a very judgy place to call Laban a narcissistic abuser.  I’ll own that.  It’s hard NOT to read these verses in a way that is kind to Laban.

However, I CAN put myself into Laban’s shoes to a degree and see how I might react in certain situations and have a smidge of empathy for him. 

We’ve been talking about worth. Value. Laban has ALSO made his choice on what he values. This engagement with Jacob is a reflection on those values. It is hard to read exactly what Laban values – because we KNOW based on yesterday’s portion? Laban was angry with Jacob’s acquired wealth. Today Laban SAYS he values his daughters – and assumes Jacob stole his daughters from him. He doesn’t consider his daughters WANTED to go. He seems to definitely value POWER as he basically tells Jacob “I could harm you, but Hashem told me not to” – he has the POWER to harm Jacob AND hear from Jacob’s God. Laban also values his idols.

To recap:

• We know Laban values wealth because he got angry at Jacob for acquiring wealth from him
• Laban may value his daughters – but more as property than as independent human beings
• Laban seems to value POWER because he made comments as such
• Laban values his idols.

For me? I want to reflect on the Laban within:

• What makes me angry or emotionally agitated? How does that communicate to me my values?
• Do I see my kids as independent human beings with their own sovereignty, agency, and decision making capabilities? Or do I see them as property for my benefit?
• Do I intentionally communicate with others and remind them of the POWER I have and could use but choose not to? 
• What, if taken away from me, would I hyper focus on and how does that communicate my values?

These questions really spark some self-reflection.  And I love that!  Let’s keep going!

31And Jacob replied, and he said to Laban, “Because I was afraid, because I said, ‘Lest you steal your daughters from me.’

32The one with whom you find your gods shall not live. In the presence of our brothers, recognize for yourself what is with me, and take [it] for yourself.” For Jacob did not know that Rachel had stolen them.

33So Laban entered Jacob’s tent and Leah’s tent and the tent[s] of the two handmaids, but he did not find [them]; and he had come out of Leah’s tent and entered Rachel’s tent.

34But Rachel had taken the teraphim and placed them into the camel saddle and sat upon them; so Laban felt about the entire tent but did not find [them].

35And she said to her father, “Let my lord not be annoyed, for I cannot rise before you, for the way of women is upon me.” So he searched, but did not find the teraphim.

36And Jacob was annoyed, and he quarreled with Laban, and he said to Laban, “What is my transgression? What is my sin, that you have pursued me?

37For you have felt about all my things. What have you found of all the utensils of your house? Put it here, in the presence of my kinsmen and your kinsmen, and let them decide between the two of us.

38Already twenty years have I been with you, and your ewes and she goats have not aborted, neither have I eaten the rams of your flocks.

39I have not brought home to you anything torn [by other animals]; I would suffer its loss; from my hand you would demand it, what was stolen by day and what was stolen at night.

40I was [in the field] by day when the heat consumed me, and the frost at night, and my sleep wandered from my eyes.

41This is twenty years that I have spent in your house. I served you fourteen years for your two daughters and six years for your animals, and you changed my wages ten times.

42Had not the God of my father, the God of Abraham and the Fear of Isaac, been for me, you would now have sent me away empty handed. God has seen my affliction and the toil of my hands, and He reproved [you] last night.”

So Jacob stands up to Laban.  And – we see – Jacob spent 20 years in servitude for his choice to hyperfocus on Rachel.  That was the wage he paid to be married to Rachel. Again – what would life have looked like if Jacob let things play out and ended up with Leah?  Just something hypothetical to think about. 

And we close today’s portion with Laban’s answer:

43And Laban answered and said to Jacob, “The daughters are my daughters, and the sons are my sons, and the animals are my animals, and all that you see is mine. Now, what would I do to these daughters of mine today, or to their children, whom they have borne?

We are in the middle of a conflict!  We will have to wait for Shabbat to find out what happens to close today’s portion.

What are YOUR thoughts?