Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 18 Cheshvan, 5785

Today’s portion is all about finding a wife for Isaac. Abraham’s servant went to look.

Isaac had a dad who was petitioning Hashem on his behalf.

That is the role of fatherhood.

As a dad? That is something that resonates for me. And? As an orphan since I was 15 (when my father passed physically and my mom struggled emotionally to provide for me) there is something that stirs within me to be there for my own kids.

How am I petitioning for my own kids? Especially as they reach teenage years and it seems that part of the journey for our children? Something within them that almost DESIRES to be an orphan. To go our own way and NOT have parents.

It’s an odd juxtaposition isn’t it?

I wonder if the collective trauma we navigate is this drive for hyper independence from a place of survival – to not “need” anyone in our lives because it feels “weak” to rely on someone when we are trying to survive. To, in a sense, orphan ourselves – detach from having anyone emotionally or physically care or provide for us – nurture us – take care of us.

When (I must confess) there is something deep within me? That just wants to be taken care of.

How do we balance this drive and desire? To both be taken care of and take care of others?

In a moment? We judge.

But if we look over the long haul – we both want family and we want to be left alone. As I contemplate – it feels quite confusing at times.

And? Life seems to be about learning – how can I navigate these seemingly alternate perspectives? Clarity comes in balance. To receive the value of family and belonging when we are immersed in it – and building resilience for when we are estranged from it and it is no where to be found.

What are your thoughts?

Here are my thoughts from last year:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 23 Cheshvan, 5784
Parsha Hayyei Sarah: (Genesis 23:1 -25:18)
Third Portion: Genesis 24:10 – 24:26

Today we see Abraham’s servant work to fulfill his mission. His promise. He has what he needs; he now moves.  Let’s look at the beginning of today’s portion (Genesis 24:10-14)

10And the servant took ten camels of his master’s camels, and he went, and all the best of his master was in his hand; and he arose, and he went to Aram naharaim, to the city of Nahor.

11And he made the camels kneel outside the city beside the well of water, at eventide, at the time the maidens go out to draw water.

12And he said, “O Lord, the God of my master Abraham, please cause to happen to me today, and perform loving kindness with my master, Abraham.

13Behold, I am standing by the water fountain, and the daughters of the people of the city are coming out to draw water.

14And it will be, [that] the maiden to whom I will say, ‘Lower your pitcher and I will drink,’ and she will say, ‘Drink, and I will also water your camels,’ her have You designated for Your servant, for Isaac, and through her may I know that You have performed loving kindness with my master.”

Here we see the servant’s orientation.  He isn’t worried about time. He isn’t worried about direction. He trusts.  He is focused on the moment.

What is interesting – he is approaching Hashem – not on his OWN behalf – but on behalf of Abraham.  In a sense, he was co-creating a reality with Abraham and Hashem:

12And he said, “O Lord, the God of my master Abraham, please cause to happen to me today, and perform loving kindness with my master, Abraham.

He is petitioning Hashem to act on his behalf today WITH Abraham. 

Full stop.

Why?

Why is the servant asking Hashem to co-create WITH Abraham?   There seems to be a triad here – the servant, Hashem, and Abraham?  Perform loving kindness WITH my master, Abraham. 

How often do I approach Hashem and ask HIM to co-create with SOMEONE? For the purpose of loving kindness?

And get this.  The servant asks SPECIFICALLY what he needs to see to know Hashem is co-creating:

14And it will be, [that] the maiden to whom I will say, ‘Lower your pitcher and I will drink,’ and she will say, ‘Drink, and I will also water your camels,’ her have You designated for Your servant, for Isaac, and through her may I know that You have performed loving kindness with my master.”

And he had not yet finished petitioning Hashem when….

15Now he had not yet finished speaking, and behold, Rebecca came out, who had been born to Bethuel the son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham’s brother, and her pitcher was on her shoulder.

16Now the maiden was of very comely appearance, a virgin, and no man had been intimate with her, and she went down to the fountain, and she filled her pitcher and went up.

17And the servant ran toward her, and he said, “Please let me sip a little water from your pitcher.”

18And she said, “Drink, my lord.” And she hastened and lowered her pitcher to her hand, and she gave him to drink.

19And she finished giving him to drink, and she said, “I will also draw for your camels, until they will have finished drinking.”

20And she hastened, and she emptied her pitcher into the trough, and she ran again to the well to draw water, and she drew for all his camels.

Um. That’s a pretty specific answer to his request for a sign of loving kindness. And it happened quickly. The servant must have been elated!  Um. No.

21And the man was astonished at her, standing silent, [waiting] to know whether the Lord had caused his way to prosper or not.

Um. He was in shock. Disbelief. And he STILL doubted; “waiting to know whether the Lord had caused his way to prosper or not.”

Because there was data he was still missing. He made a promise to Abraham.  And the question remained; what is SHE is not willing to co-create this with Hashem and Abraham?  The servant knew Abraham had absolved him of his oath at that point. So he kept going. He didn’t run home to Abraham.  He didn’t get ahead of himself.  Let’s finish this.

22Now it came about, when the camels had finished drinking, [that] the man took a golden nose ring, weighing half [a shekel], and two bracelets for her hands, weighing ten gold [shekels].

23And he said, “Whose daughter are you? Please tell me. Is there place for us for lodging in your father’s house?”

24And she said to him, “I am the daughter of Bethuel, the son of Milcah, whom she bore to Nahor.”

25And she said to him, “Both straw and fodder are plentiful with us; [there is] also a place to lodge.”

26And the man kneeled and prostrated himself to the Lord.

He knew. At THAT point he knew.  He had experienced the sign of Hashem – but until she communicated that she was a willing co-creator of this reality, he didn’t know.  He was experiencing a reality in which himself, Abraham, and Hashem AND Rebecca were co-creating this reality all together.  He knew.  But as we will see – he wasn’t finished.

Remember – we are still in the “Life of Sarah.”  That is the name of this week’s portion. This is the unfolding of the result of Sarah’s life. Her legacy.

If we reflect on Sarah’s life – we see. She was always a willing co-creator with Hashem and Abraham.  She trusted. And that legacy continues to unfold.

My takeaway?

There are times we are called to be Abraham – and make a request of Hashem to co-create a reality for something important to us – in Abraham’s case it was finding a wife for Isaac. He made the request to Hashem and then requested his servant to swear.  That’s all he could do.  He saw someone who could help him co-create with Hashem a wife for Isaac.

What is something you are requesting of Hashem right now?  Who do you need to assist you in co-creating your desire and request? Are you willing to be vulnerable and ask them to put their hand under your thigh?  Do you trust Hashem?

There are times we are called to be the servant – and have requests made of us to co-create with someone we care about AND Hashem. 

Is there someone who needs your help co-creating a reality with Hashem? Are you willing to petition Hashem for a sign to help meet a need so you can actively co-create with the person you care about and desire to serve?

There are times we are called to be Rebecca – and just live our life as we normally would. To be kind. Compassionate. Generous. And be open. Open to hearing someone – even a stranger – approach you with an opportunity to co-create something incredible for someone that stranger cares about DEEPLY.  And if it aligns with your values – continue to live your values; kindness, compassionate, generous.

Where are you in this moment? Who do WE most relate to here?  Is there an action you need to take?  Is there nothing you need to do because you just need to be?

Hashem stands ready to co-create. What purpose as he given you in this legacy of Sarah?  Let’s add to our learning:

Let’s add to our learning:

• The Path of Ascension begins with curiosity and not judgement
• If someone’s curiosity causes doubt and defensiveness, be curious about our own doubt and defensiveness and NOT their motives for curiosity.
• The tree of life is within us. Choose life within with curiosity and not judgment
• Learn to balance the comfort of stumbling, with the challenge of pushing ourselves towards spiritual growth.
• Let go of a stable life. Freedom is accepting “what is” as a blessing. We can’t control what happens. We can only navigate it with bitterness or flow.
• Freedom requires balance – emotions vs intellect, humility vs confidence, thinking as an individual while staying meaningfully connected to others.
• Freedom comes from expansion and not contraction – but contraction is important to the process of expansion
• To live free, we must circumcise the foreskin of past trauma and feel the pain of healing so that our higher selves can appear to us, and we can co-create miraculous NEW life for us and others.
• To be free, we must understand what love requires vs the world around us. 10%.  Just start there. Freedom is seeing the 10% and moving to 11%. Not being trapped by the daunting 90% we feel guilt and shame about.  The 90% is slavery. The 10% is freedom.
• Receive the Universe. Don’t Resist it. This is the path to freedom and liberation.
• We must be vulnerable and ask for the Universe to provide. And. We don’t need to ask because the Universe knows. This is freedom.

Today’s lesson:

We must accept and receive our role in co-creating moments with Hashem.  Are we the one asking? Are we the one being asked? Who are we asking to co-create with us? Who is asking us to co-create with them? THIS is the life of Sarah – and THIS is freedom and liberation.