Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 2 Kislev, 5785

Today’s Torah portion focuses on Jacob with Rachel and Leah.

As I read what I wrote a year ago, I am connecting it with this idea of Hospitality. I read in this morning’s passage from Mark Nepo’s Book of Awakening, this idea.

“At Heart, hospitality is a helping across a threshold.” – Ivan Illich

Mark Nepo goes on to give examples of this – using Virgil guiding Dante in “Divine Comedy” and Aaron guiding Moses off Mt. Sinai.

This idea of spiritual hospitality culminates in this quote from Mark Nepo; Spiritual Hospitality is “helping kindred spirits further into their living.”

He goes on to expand – “Truly, the most we can ask of others is for their guidance and comfort on the way – without imposition, design, or thought of reward.” 

We can allow others to “help us manifest who we are in the world, for friends to bring us to thresholds of realness, for loved ones to encourage us to cross barriers of our own making into moments of full aliveness.” 

What I realize, as I read these thoughts- Laban was hoping Jacob would get STUCK and not grow. It was the opposite of hospitality.

Who are we in the world? Who do we support to be their authentic selves and live lives of fullness? And? Who do we allow into our lives to help and support us do the same?

I am ALSO reflecting on how Rachel AND Leah both gave their maidservants to Jacob as wives. Jacob had four wives. Were they trying to support Jacob living his most authentic life? He was, after all, designed to become the father of our (Jewish) people and these sons were the ancestors of these tribes.

I can see this as both/and.  It seems the children could have been part of keeping Jacob “stuck” in the land. Hashem is the one who did this – he opened Leah’s womb because He saw “Leah was hated.”

Where are we stuck? Are we alone? Are we allowing others to come into our lives to help us cross a threshold so that we can live more fuller lives? Who are we allowing to be hospitable to us?

Because I will confess. It is a lot easier to be hospitality to someone else than to allow someone to provide me hospitality.

And. My soul feels deeply connected with the idea of “helping kindred spirits further into their living”  and “providing guidance and comfort on the way – without imposition, design, or thought of reward” and “help others manifest who they are in the world,” and “bring friends to thresholds of realness,” and to walk with others as they “cross barriers of their own making into moments of full aliveness.”

And? I struggle to allow others to do this for me. I teach others NOT to do this for me.

These are my thoughts – what are yours?

Here are my thoughts from last year:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 8 Kislev, 5784
Parsha Vayeitzei (Genesis 28:10 – 32:3)
Third Portion: Genesis 29:18 – 30:13

We have now entered the second quarter of the moon cycle of Kislev – as the light of the moon moves towards fullness, AND we approach the American holiday of Thanksgiving – may our gratitude light the way this week as we reach the fullness of Kislev!  Let’s dig into today’s portion!

We left yesterday with Laban asking Jacob what his wages would be for working for Laban.  The Torah tells us about Laban’s daughters – one was Tender, one had beautiful features and a beautiful complexion. 

It is interesting the Torah is THAT specific. It doesn’t say “Rachel was beautiful” it said her features and complexion were beautiful.  It really does cause us to pause and consider “what is beauty?” Doesn’t it? Because I will be honest, at this point in my life – I find tenderness much more beautiful than anything else. So what does Jacob choose?

18And Jacob loved Rachel, and he said, “I will work for you seven years for Rachel, your younger daughter.”

19And Laban said, “It is better that I give her to you than I should give her to another man. Stay with me.”

From past commentary – you can see – Laban’s plan was to have Rachel distract Jacob from his spiritual growth and development. We KNOW Laban knew the tradition of marrying off your older daughter FIRST.  So the request to marry Rachel was unique.

And again – keep in mind – Jacob has had a one track mind since seeing Rachel – he ignored tradition.  He didn’t follow any of the customs.

This all sounds super romantic on one level, doesn’t it?  Jacob throws tradition out for a woman! It’s like straight out of a hallmark movie! 

So let’s keep going:

20So Jacob worked for Rachel seven years, but they appeared to him like a few days because of his love for her.

21And Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife, for my days are completed, that I may come to her.”

22So Laban gathered all the people of the place, and he made a feast.

Yay! It’s beautiful! Rachel was so loved by Jacob the time went quickly. It came time for the wedding.

And….

23And it came to pass in the evening that Laban took his daughter Leah, and he brought her to him, and he came to her.

24And Laban gave Zilpah his maidservant to his daughter Leah as a maidservant.

25And it came to pass in the morning, and behold she was Leah! So he said to Laban, “What is this that you have done to me? Did I not work with you for Rachel? Why have you deceived me?”

Jacob. Um. Maybe you aren’t living a life of clarity here? Where is the personal responsibility? Should you have KNOWN Leah wasn’t Rachel?

Because let me be clear. “He brought her to him, and he came to her” is a euphemism.  They had sex.

Ok. I’ll confess I am judging Jacob a smidge here.  MAYBE more than a smidge.  But I am super curious about a lot:

• Why did Jacob rush at the well? Why didn’t he just let things unfold?
• Why did Jacob ignore tradition when he would have knows Leah needed to marry before Rachel?
• Why did Jacob choose 7 years to work for Rachel?
• Why did Jacob choose physical beauty and ignore Leah’s tenderness?
• How is it possible Jacob slept with Leah and didn’t know it was Rachel?

I am stuck on that last one. It is certainly possible in Jewish tradition – there are certain marriage rituals that could cause part of this.  But I want to go back to something we read yesterday:

(29:17) Leah’s eyes were tender, but Rachel had beautiful features and a beautiful complexion.

I am wondering if our brains read this and we infer something that may not be true.  I wonder if reading this, we read “Rachel had beautiful features and a beautiful complexion but Leah did not.”

That is not what the Torah says. The contrast here could have been more about Leah.  Leah seems to be the subject of the verse – Leah had tender eyes.  We know the eyes are the window to the soul.  Maybe the Torah is telling us (in this verse) Leah was the fullness of beauty, but Rachel’s beauty was only surface?

Again – I am not desiring to judge Rachel here. I am curious though about this verse. It seems to be a crucial piece of the puzzle here. How we see Leah and Rachel – changes how we read today’s portion, doesn’t it? Maybe even the rest of the Torah? It almost seems like a fulcrum.

As I reflect back on my commentary from the past two years. As I reflect back on my thoughts prior to digging into the Torah; I can see how my views on Leah and Rachel shift all the time. I soften on Rachel – I judge Rachel – I feel sorry for Leah – I judge Jacob. Those thoughts seem to shift every cycle. And THAT is a curious thing for me. This verse may be more important than we realize:     

(29:17) Leah’s eyes were tender, but Rachel had beautiful features and a beautiful complexion.

There are a few ways to read this:

1. Leah had personality, but Rachel was beautiful
   1. Leah was ugly and got by on her personality, Rachel got by on her looks but had an ugly personality
2. Leah had the fullness of beauty but Rachel only had beauty that was skin deep
3. Leah and Rachel BOTH had the fullness of beauty – but the Torah wants us to focus on Leah’s tenderness and Rachel’s physical features

And what I realize comes back to my communication background.  Inference vs Insinuation.

This verse begs us to infer. What we infer is connected to where WE are.

We are on a journey to spiritual freedom and liberation. That has been what we have been focused on. Anything that pulls us away from that? Leads us to slavery. And maybe this is the point.

As we reach the light of Kislev. Where are we on our spiritual journey? How do we view Rachel and Leah? How are those interconnected? What does our inferences about Rachel and Leah say about our spirituality? How will this impact our spiritual journey the rest of this Torah cycle? 

This seems to be a good place to reflect (in my opinion).  Jacob couldn’t tell Leah and Rachel apart. That seems crucial to me.  There is freedom in choosing Leah and Rachel.

And. I realize – in this portion – we have another choice. We can read this verse:

(29:17) Leah’s eyes were tender, but Rachel had beautiful features and a beautiful complexion.

From three vantage points:

• Are we Jacob choosing between Leah and Rachel?
• Are we Leah wanting Jacob to choose us?
• Are we Rachel knowing Jacob WILL choose us?

And maybe we are all three at the same time?  Because this is the context for that verse: 

(29:15) And Laban said to Jacob, “Because you are my kinsman, should you work for me gratis? Tell me what your wages shall be.”

The context for all of this?  What will our wages be? In this moment. What is our purpose? What do we want Hashem to compensate us with?

• Are we Jacob choosing between tenderness or physical beauty?
• Are we Leah asking to be compensated with recognition of our tenderness?
• Are we Rachel asking to be compensated for our physical beauty (or Material things)?

If you have to choose how the rest of the year will go- until the next Rosh Hashanah, the next Yom Kippur – what would you want? Because THIS may be the gift of Hanukkah.  The miracle is – we get to choose our gift!  What would you choose?

Let’s keep going:

26And Laban said, “It is not done so in our place to give the younger one before the firstborn.

27Complete the [wedding] week of this one, and we will give you this one too, for the work that you will render me for another seven years.”

28And Jacob did so, and he completed the week of this one, and he gave his daughter Rachel to him as a wife.

29And Laban gave his daughter Rachel his maidservant Bilhah, for a maidservant.

30And he came also to Rachel, and he also loved Rachel more than Leah; and he worked with him yet another seven years.

Jacob made his choice. And then doubled down on it. He worked 14 years a slave just for Rachel’s physical beauty.  And Hashem saw it:

31And the Lord saw that Leah was hated, so He opened her womb; but Rachel was barren.

We know – Jacob hated Leah. And THAT was a problem.  Jacob HATED tenderness. That was a problem. And Hashem loved Leah – and opened her womb – which meant she was barren before. He EXPANDED Leah.  Leah was seen.  Hashem was watching. Children are crucial in Jewish tradition. They pass on the ancestry. And Hashem was about to bless Leah in a big way. AND. The naming of children is also crucial in Jewish tradition, and we are going to get an insight into Leah and Rachel in how they named their kids:

32And Leah conceived and bore a son, and she named him Reuben, for she said, “Because the Lord has seen my affliction, for now my husband will love me.”

33And she conceived again and bore a son, and she said, “Since the Lord has heard that I am hated, He gave me this one too.” So she named him Simeon.

34And she conceived again and bore a son, and she said, “Now this time my husband will be attached to me, for I have borne him three sons; therefore, He named him Levi.

35And she conceived again and bore a son, and she said, “This time, I will thank the Lord!” Therefore, she named him Judah, and [then] she stopped bearing.

Now – we see – all Leah wanted was Jacob to love her. She KNEW Hashem loved her. She probably believed Hashem wanted JACOB to love her too.

And again – it is interesting how Levi got named. Hashem named Levi. He heard Leah – and he attached Jacob and Leah together.

Leah named her kids with gratitude. A desire to be loved by her husband. She was tender.  Now the Torah switches (Genesis 30:1-2)

1And Rachel saw that she had not borne [any children] to Jacob, and Rachel envied her sister, and she said to Jacob, “Give me children, and if not, I am dead.”

2And Jacob became angry with Rachel, and he said, “Am I instead of God, Who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb?”

Rachel was kind of a drama queen, wasn’t she? Sorry – that’s judgment. But we do see – Rachel envied. We never see those words written about Leah – she wasn’t envious of Rachel.  She just wanted her husband to love her.

We see Jacob become angry with Rachel. Why? Shouldn’t “Love conquer all?” How can one be angry AND love someone? I mean this was a framework I probably have held onto for a long time. And yet – Jacob was angry with Rachel because she was somehow blaming Jacob for not giving her a son. She saw herself as a victim – and Jacob was the villain.

Jacob directed Rachel back to Hashem – if Hashem wanted Rachel to have children, she would. He basically told Rachel to work it out with God.  So what did Rachel do?

3So she said, “Here is my maidservant Bilhah; come to her, and she will bear [children] on my knees, so that I, too, will be built up from her.”

4So she gave him her maidservant Bilhah for a wife, and Jacob came to her.

5And Bilhah conceived, and she bore Jacob a son.

Um. Okaaaay? So. Did Jacob not question this tactic? Rachel wasn’t enough – so she gave Jacob another woman to bear him a son. Like dude – you are ALREADY navigating two women? You want to bring in a third?

I do see- Jacob may have trusted this was the solution worked out between Hashem and Rachel. And maybe it was? The Torah isn’t clear on this.  But Rachel kind of does what Sarah did with Abraham.  And. We see the frame of mind she was in:

6And Rachel said, “God has judged me, and He has also hearkened to my voice and has given me a son”; so she named him Dan.

7And Bilhah, Rachel’s maidservant, conceived again and bore Jacob a second son.

8And Rachel said, “[With] divine bonds I have been joined to my sister; I have also prevailed”; so she named him Naftali.

Rachel is basically saying “God judged me harshly AND has also heard my voice and provided a way for me to have a son.” Then the second kid Rachel names “I have prevailed.”  Um. Not pretty.  Sorry – I know I am judging here. And that is the path to slavery. It is difficult to remain curious about this. And I think I am reflecting on how there are parts within me that relate to Rachel. 

I have jumped ahead of Hashem and taken matters into my own hands instead of trusting.

I have declared victory prematurely.

If I judge Rachel – I judge myself. I need to continue to hold that space. AND reflect on what the Torah is trying to teach and tell us.  Let’s keep going:

9When Leah saw that she had stopped bearing [children], she took her maidservant Zilpah, and gave her to Jacob for a wife.

10And Zilpah, Leah’s maidservant, bore Jacob a son.

11And Leah said, “Luck has come”; so she named him Gad.

12And Zilpah, Leah’s maidservant, bore Jacob a second son.

13And Leah said, “Because of my good fortune, for women have declared me fortunate”; so she named him Asher.

 Leah reacts to what is happening.  She gives Jacob Zilpah. And. There is something I think I have missed.

(30:4) So she (Rachel) gave him her maidservant Bilhah for a wife, and Jacob came to her.

(30:9) When Leah saw that she had stopped bearing [children], she took her maidservant Zilpah, and gave her to Jacob for a wife.

Rachel and Leah BOTH gave Jacob more wives. He had four wives. I didn’t realize this. And this isn’t something JACOB was initiating, was it? He initiated with Rachel. He was hyper focused on Rachel. That was what he chose. Laban and Rachel gave Leah to Jacob as a wife. Rachel gave Bilhah to Jacob as a wife. Leah gave Zilpah to Jacob as a wife. That’s how this all unfolded.

And. At each point – Jacob could have stopped. “No thank you. I don’t want another wife.”

But let me close with this. We see more about Leah and her personality – she names the two kids born by Zilpah: Luck and Fortune. Her attitude seems to be more in line with Hashem.

This is where we stop today. Which again is interesting.

I think I am ready to add to our learning. Here’s what we have so far:

• The Path of Ascension begins with curiosity and not judgement
• If someone’s curiosity causes doubt and defensiveness, be curious about our own doubt and defensiveness and NOT their motives for curiosity.
• The tree of life is within us. Choose life within with curiosity and not judgment
• Learn to balance the comfort of stumbling, with the challenge of pushing ourselves towards spiritual growth.
• Let go of a stable life. Freedom is accepting “what is” as a blessing. We can’t control what happens. We can only navigate it with bitterness or flow.
• Freedom requires balance – emotions vs intellect, humility vs confidence, thinking as an individual while staying meaningfully connected to others.
• Freedom comes from expansion and not contraction – but contraction is important to the process of expansion
• To live free, we must circumcise the foreskin of past trauma and feel the pain of healing so that our higher selves can appear to us, and we can co-create miraculous NEW life for us and others.
• To be free, we must understand what love requires vs the world around us. 10%.  Just start there. Freedom is seeing the 10% and moving to 11%. Not being trapped by the daunting 90% we feel guilt and shame about.  The 90% is slavery. The 10% is freedom.
• Receive the Universe. Don’t Resist it. This is the path to freedom and liberation.
• We must be vulnerable and ask for the Universe to provide. And. We don’t need to ask because the Universe knows. This is freedom.
• We must accept and receive our role in co-creating moments with Hashem.
• As we experience wells of living water in our life – the path to slavery is arguing and harassment. Make space. For ourselves and others. This is spiritual liberation and freedom.  Allowing and making space.  Spreading out.  Not contraction.
• When we take in stories and data – we need to be careful not to bring our own bias and trauma into how the data gets stored into our hearts and minds. Those who are “not us” are part of the human experience and have their own experiences. Be curious about what we are INFERRING versus what we believe the other person is INSINUATING. This is the path to freedom – especially in communication!

It would seem – this is what we are learning:

The path to freedom involves free choice as to what we desire and will focus on. What are we working towards? Be mindful of our wages. This is the path to freedom and will impact how we communicate – both as a sender of communication and receiver of communication. We will infer and insinuate based on our wages.