Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 7 Kislev, 5875

Today is a new week, with a new portion! Last week we studied Va-Yetze means “He departed.”  This week, we are studying Ya-Yishlah which means “and He sent.”

On this journey, we are all about leaving – departing. And then receiving those who are sent into our lives to support us on our journey….home.

This morning I was contemplating the difference between pleasure and bliss.

I read this quote from Mark Nepo’s “Book of Awakening.”  And today he quoted Kabir:

Take a pitcher full of water and set it down in the water – now it has water inside and water out-side. We mustn’t give it a name, lest silly people start talking again about the body and the soul.

And I am starting to understand (at least for myself) that the natural state of our soul? Bliss.

And we come into this world, where our minds and body experience this world, and we see the trauma around us, and we begin to believe our natural state of our soul is NOT bliss. It’s misery. And we adapt.

Our minds learn. Our minds observe. And we see misery. Suffering. We experience this. And we begin to fully believe bliss is not our natural state. We become parents who raise children who ignore the bliss of our children and instead try to build resilience and hardness to protect them from the misery of the world.

What if…

What if we shifted? What if we believed our natural state was bliss? And our body and mind – instead of chasing pleasure in the name of comfort, chose instead to protect the bliss within us – and not define THAT as selfishness?

Because we judge. If I see someone protecting their peace? Their bliss? It gets “labeled” as “selfish.”

Because that perpetuates the trauma in the system.

What if, the creativity of our mind – because lets face it – our minds are POWERFUL agents that can convince us of pretty much anything – what if the creativity of our minds are DESIGNED TO PROTECT OUR BLISS instead of finding creative ways to comfort our misery and suffering?

What is our natural state?  The natural state of our soul?

Are we chasing pleasure to comfort our misery (I know I have for a long time)?

Can we shift to protect our bliss? And demonstrate to others that protecting our bliss is the natural state of things?

Because one of us in our bliss is amazing. But when two or more of us get together in our bliss? That can change our natural world, couldn’t it?

Remember Jacob’s blessing to Esau:

“And you shall live by your sword, and you shall serve your brother, and it will be, when you grieve, that you will break his yoke off your neck.”

I am curious. What do you think?

Here are my thoughts from last year:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 13 Kislev, 5784
Parsha Va-Yishlah (Genesis 32:4 – 36:43)
First Portion: 32:4 – 32:13

It’s a new week! And we are reaching the light of the full moon of Kislev where we will see the beauty in things we may not have seen in the past, as diversity comes together in harmony! 

This week’s portion, Ya-Yishlah means “and he sent.”  It is interesting, isn’t it that last week’s portion, Va-Yetze means “and he departed” – coming out of Toledot – which means “Descendants.”

It would appear – we are making our journey descending into Egypt. Jacob departed. And this week we are going to discover after he left Laban, how he was going to approach Esau.  Remembering – all of this stemmed from the conflict between Esau and Jacob.

Resetting the conflict; Esau sold his birthright to Jacob. Esau was jealous and angry over the blessing Isaac gave to Jacob. And remembering, Isaac gave Esau a blessing too –  here is the blessing Isaac gave Esau:

(Genesis 27:39)And his father Isaac answered and said to him, “Behold, your dwelling place shall be the fat places of the earth and of the dew of the heaven from above.

40And you shall live by your sword, and you shall serve your brother, and it will be, when you grieve, that you will break his yoke off your neck.”

Isaac prescribed a blessing for Esau. If Esau grieved, Jacob’s yoke would be off his back. I feel this is important context to today’s portion, especially given the commentary from the past two years – which involves conflict, and how we navigate conflict. Let’s dig in:

4Jacob sent angels ahead of him to his brother Esau, to the land of Seir, the field of Edom.

5And he commanded them, saying, “So shall you say to my master to Esau, ‘Thus said your servant Jacob, “I have sojourned with Laban, and I have tarried until now.

6And I have acquired oxen and donkeys, flocks, manservants, and maidservants, and I have sent to tell [this] to my master, to find favor in your eyes.’ “

7The angels returned to Jacob, saying, “We came to your brother, to Esau, and he is also coming toward you, and four hundred men are with him.”

Now let’s stop here.  Jacob’s strategy to handle the conflict between Esau and him? Was to sent messengers to tell him “I have presents for you that I want to give you.”

This seems like a wise strategy in dealing with conflict – extend an olive branch. 

Let’s look at verse 7:

7The angels returned to Jacob, saying, “We came to your brother, to Esau, and he is also coming toward you, and four hundred men are with him.”

How do we read this verse? What tone do we read? It’s unclear as to Esau’s motives. Has Esau received the gift and is coming in joy to reconcile? Or is Esau ANGRY still at Jacob, because Jacob is throwing his blessing (from Isaac) in Esau’s face? I mean, from Esau’s perspective – if you were angry and jealous over the blessing your dad gave your younger brother, and he sent you the RESULTS of that blessing? That might feel like Jacob threw it in his face.

But let’s really sit with verse 7. There is nothing in that line that indicates WHY the men were coming. Our heart is what drives how we read those words. That is something to really reflect on.

How did Jacob receive it?

8Jacob became very frightened and was distressed; so he divided the people who were with him and the flocks and the cattle and the camels into two camps.

9And he said, “If Esau comes to one camp and strikes it down, the remaining camp will escape.”

He saw Esau being angry.  Now – he may have had more context than us. However, the Torah could have ALSO said in verse 7 – “Esau was still angry.” And the Torah does not. That is important to consider here.

Jacob was scared. And to close out our portion; in his fear, Jacob turned to Hashem:

10And Jacob said, “O God of my father Abraham and God of my father Isaac, the Lord, Who said to me, ‘Return to your land and to your birthplace, and I will do good to you.’

11I have become small from all the kindnesses and from all the truth that You have rendered Your servant, for with my staff I crossed this Jordan, and now I have become two camps.

12Now deliver me from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau, for I am afraid of him, lest he come and strike me, [and strike] a mother with children.

13And You said, ‘I will surely do good with you, and I will make your seed [as numerous] as the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted because of multitude.'”

This is an interesting response. And two years ago I wrote this and it seems apropos:

When we are navigating conflict, how much time do we spend in our own anxieties and fears? How much time do we spend strategizing? How much time do we spend in prayer?

This year, when approaching this portion, I am focused on Esau. His blessing. To receive his blessing, Esau needed to grieve. In today’s portion, we do not get an answer to this question it would seem.  Had Esau grieved while Jacob was gone?

One of the things I have been reflecting on in my own journey is grief. Loss. And this morning I had some epiphanies around sadness.

I wrote this today and shared it with a few people I know:

TIL (Today I Learned): I’ve tried to avoid sadness.

I’m allowing myself to feel sadness this morning. I realize I’ve repressed it. From eight years old (when I remember this feeling last) until recently; I’ve avoided the feeling of sadness.

When meditating upon sadness, it feels like gravity has doubled on my body. It’s weighty. Like pressure on my shoulders. It can come on suddenly like a hammer on my chest on my bed. Or it can come on slowly building without me even realizing it.

In the past – analyzing the cause of sadness has been my strategy. If I can figure out what is causing my sadness, I can survive it – push it away. Another strategy was avoiding other people’s sadness; or trying to fix their sadness as if it is something to be fixed.

For the first time in my life; I’m grateful for the feeling of sadness this morning. Why I’m sad isn’t important. Just allowing myself to experience the sadness is something new for me.

And don’t worry; I’m still in weekly therapy and will discuss this with my therapist.

And. I feel the need to write that because I’m realizing how much as a society we react to sadness as something that needs to be fixed.

I am starting to wonder if depression is the feeling of trying to avoid sadness and not being able to.

Being grateful for appropriate sadness? That actually feels kind of good. My body is saying thank you to me (in meditation) for finally recognizing the experience we are having.

I think I have rejected my sadness – and when the feeling of sadness comes on? I get angry at it.  At the source of the sadness.

How does this relate to the Torah portion?

Esau may have felt sad over selling his birthright. Instead of grieving that decision and feeling his sadness, he got angry. Angry at Jacob for “stealing” his birthright.  The story Esau told himself to avoid his sadness? “Jacob is a conniver and is out to hurt me!” Instead of “I am feeling sad and regret the decision I made to sell Jacob my birthright.  I need to embrace this sadness and accept the reality I now find myself in – and trust things will work out for me.” 

In the moment when this all went down? Isaac was incredibly wise to connect Esau’s blessing and Jacob’s power to grief. Isaac must have realized –

40And you shall live by your sword, and you shall serve your brother, and it will be, when you grieve, that you will break his yoke off your neck.”

The way Esau framed what happened would control his life. Isaac saw Esau choosing anger – conflict – battle. And in doing so – he was serving his brother Jacob. Jacob would have power over Esau as long as Esau painted a picture that the loss of blessing was on Jacob – and Esau refuses to be sad.

But. If Esau grieved? Jacob’s yoke would be off his neck.

How do we grieve? Do we avoid and fight the sadness? Do we wage conflicts because of this? Do we fight others instead of allowing ourselves to feel the sadness of the moment? This is the lesson (in my opinion) from today’s portion.  So let’s add to our learning:

• The Path of Ascension begins with curiosity and not judgement
• If someone’s curiosity causes doubt and defensiveness, be curious about our own doubt and defensiveness and NOT their motives for curiosity.
• The tree of life is within us. Choose life within with curiosity and not judgment
• Learn to balance the comfort of stumbling, with the challenge of pushing ourselves towards spiritual growth.
• Let go of a stable life. Freedom is accepting “what is” as a blessing. We can’t control what happens. We can only navigate it with bitterness or flow.
• Freedom requires balance – emotions vs intellect, humility vs confidence, thinking as an individual while staying meaningfully connected to others.
• Freedom comes from expansion and not contraction – but contraction is important to the process of expansion
• To live free, we must circumcise the foreskin of past trauma and feel the pain of healing so that our higher selves can appear to us, and we can co-create miraculous NEW life for us and others.
• To be free, we must understand what love requires vs the world around us. 10%.  Just start there. Freedom is seeing the 10% and moving to 11%. Not being trapped by the daunting 90% we feel guilt and shame about.  The 90% is slavery. The 10% is freedom.
• Receive the Universe. Don’t Resist it. This is the path to freedom and liberation.
• We must be vulnerable and ask for the Universe to provide. And. We don’t need to ask because the Universe knows. This is freedom.
• We must accept and receive our role in co-creating moments with Hashem.
• As we experience wells of living water in our life – the path to slavery is arguing and harassment. Make space. For ourselves and others. This is spiritual liberation and freedom.  Allowing and making space.  Spreading out.  Not contraction.
• When we take in stories and data – we need to be careful not to bring our own bias and trauma into how the data gets stored into our hearts and minds. Those who are “not us” are part of the human experience and have their own experiences. Be curious about what we are INFERRING versus what we believe the other person is INSINUATING. This is the path to freedom – especially in communication!
• The path to freedom involves free choice as to what we desire and will focus on. What are we working towards? Be mindful of our wages. This is the path to freedom and will impact how we communicate – both as a sender of communication and receiver of communication. We will infer and insinuate based on our wages.

Today we learn:

The path to freedom involves grief. Allowing ourselves to feel sadness – maybe other feelings we’ve judged as negative? Avoiding and repressing our feelings leads to war and conflict. Being aware of our feelings leads to freedom and joy. This is the path to spiritual liberation.  We can receive Isaac’s blessing and grieve to take the yoke off our back.

Those are my thoughts. What are yours?