Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 8 Kislev, 5785

Good morning! As we engage a new work week, we are heading into a full moon where the light of harmony and beauty will shine upon us!

This week, we are entering a period where we are digging into the shadow of pride – so if you are discovering opportunities where your pride is getting in the way? You aren’t alone.

The goal of this shadow? Learning how to be artful for the purpose of becoming invisible.

Sit with that. If you are like me? You don’t WANT to be invisible. (Well, some of us do).

Because if you are like me? You just want to be noticed. To be recognized.

Invisibility seems counter to the desire to be seen, understood, and recognized.

All of this goes back to our “natural” state.

If we see our natural state as bliss, and wanting to protect that bliss, the idea of invisibility? Seems a little more palpable, doesn’t it.  We often discuss “staying under the radar” so you don’t bring chaos or trauma into our lives – especially in our work spaces.

Why would anyone want to “stay under the radar?”

Bliss.

No – if our internal state is misery, and we are looking for comfort? We don’t WANT to be invisible, right? We want the comfort of being NOTICED. To be seen.

Something I have been reflecting on.

Those of us working more in the direction of invisibility? When we encounter others who are ALSO working in the direction of invisibility?  When I connect with THOSE VERSIONS OF US? It’s magic.

Can we be curious about our motivations to “be seen” by others?

This is a beautiful landscape for our Torah portion today. Jacob is getting ready to meet Esau again. Jacob was not THRILLED to be meeting Esau – he likely wanted to remain invisible.

And, his fear seemed to motivate him to want to appease his brother Esau. After all, Jacob put a ruse on with their dad.

We’ve discussed anger a lot. When someone is in a state of bliss, and another comes in and disrupts that bliss? It would generate anger, wouldn’t it? The question is – where is the SOURCE of that anger – towards the person disrupting the natural state of bliss, or inward because we did not protect our own natural state?

Something to reflect on.

And the story today is beautiful – because Jacob sent the gifts ahead of him.  And he was left behind.

And Hashem met him there. He sent an angel. To wrestle with Jacob.

And Jacob was given a new name – he went from Jacob to Israel – from “Trickster” to “Fighter.”

It’s a beautiful transition from misery to bliss. Jacob had to manipulate to soothe his misery. He was hurt by Hashem – his hip was touched and wounded. And was given a new name – “fighter.”

You see, as children of Israel, we have a legacy of conflict.  The question is are skillful warriors, or peaceful warriors? Are we fighting to avoid navigating internal misery? Or are we fighting to protect our bliss?

This is a major shift for us.

How would we know the difference?

For me? It’s my mind. If I am trying to strategize ways to fight and “win?” I am likely fighting to avoid misery. If I am in touch with my internal identity of bliss? My mind can much more easily find ways to protect that.

I heard this recently – our mind is not the boss. It is an employee.

Are we artful in how we use our mind to protect our bliss (and become invisible) or do we use our mind to try and “fix” our misery and charge forwards hoping to scare others away from messing with us?

This is a subtle shift for sure.

Where are we?

Who are we?

Sanctuary worth protecting? Or a black hole within that we don’t want anyone to approach – for THEIR safety as well as ours?

Because in protecting my bliss? I can then discern who in my life is safe to allow access to that bliss.

Thoughts?

Here are my thoughts from last year:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 14 Kislev, 5784
Parsha Va-Yishlah (Genesis 32:4 – 36:43)
Second Portion: 32:14 – 32:30

 Good morning! It’s Monday, and we are coming off a short week. It has been quite challenging this morning getting up and running. Let’s dig into the Torah! 

We left off yesterday with a new lesson.  Sadness and Grief being healing. And how we resist those.

Jacob left off yesterday’s portion turning to Hashem. And that is where we pick up:

14So he lodged there on that night, and he took from what came into his hand a gift for his brother Esau:

15Two hundred she goats and twenty he goats, two hundred ewes and twenty rams,

16Thirty nursing camels with their young, forty cows and ten bulls, twenty she donkeys and ten he donkeys.

17And he gave into the hands of his servants each herd individually, and he said to his servants, “Pass on ahead of me and make a space between one herd and another herd.”

18And he commanded the first one, saying, “When my brother Esau meets you, and asks you, saying, ‘To whom do you belong, and where are you going, and for whom are these before you?’

19You shall say, ‘[I belong] to your servant Jacob; it is a gift sent to my master, to Esau, and behold, he himself is behind us.'”

20And he commanded also the second one, also the third one, also all those who followed the herds, saying, “In this manner shall you speak to Esau when you meet him.

21And you shall say, ‘Also, behold, your servant Jacob is behind us.’ ” For he said, “I will appease his anger with the gift that is going before me, and afterwards I will see his face, perhaps he will favor me.”

22So the gift passed on before him, and he lodged that night in the camp.

So – what is interesting to me?  The Torah does not record Jacob hearing from Hashem on what to do here.  It would have been easier had the Torah said “after Jacob spoke to Hashem, Hashem told him not to worry – and here is what you should do…”

That is NOT what happened. It would seem Jacob consulted Hashem, but still could not accept the sadness and grief.  He saw this as a conflict and a battle. He believed Esau was angry. This was the safer choice, to be honest.  Protect himself.  He gave a gift to appease anger.

I’m reflecting on this. Can a material gift be given that would appease anger?

I’m thinking about times I am most angry. For me, a physical gift doesn’t impact the emotional anger – unless there is a monetary connection to the source of hurt that led to the anger.

Jacob seems to not be holding space that after all of this time, Esau may have grown as a person; developed.  Jacob believes – without any indication from Hashem or seeing Esau himself – that Esau has been stuck in the past and hasn’t moved on. 

I’m super curious about this.  Let’s keep going:

23And he arose during that night, and he took his two wives and his two maidservants and his eleven children, and he crossed the ford of [the] Jabbok.

24And he took them and brought them across the stream, and he took across what was his.

So Jacob gives the gifts a head start – then later takes his family across behind the gifts.  And then…

25And Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until the break of dawn.

26When he saw that he could not prevail against him, he touched the socket of his hip, and the socket of Jacob’s hip became dislocated as he wrestled with him.

27And he (the angel) said, “Let me go, for dawn is breaking,” but he (Jacob) said, “I will not let you go unless you have blessed me.”

A lot has been written about this – and I would encourage you to read the commentary I wrote below two years ago on some of the ideas.

Jacob is just looking for a blessing. 

And I connect all of this. Jacob consulted Hashem. And maybe what was concerning for Jacob was he wasn’t hearing anything back? He just wanted to receive assurances on how to proceed in reconciling with Esau? He was looking for direction. He felt alone and isolated.

Jacob was going to fight until he got a blessing.  Let’s keep going and close out the portion:

28So he said to him, “What is your name?” and he said, “Jacob.”

29And he said, “Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, because you have commanding power with [an angel of] God and with men, and you have prevailed.”

30And Jacob asked and said, “Now tell me your name,” and he said, “Why is it that you ask for my name?” And he blessed him there.

The Angel changed his name from “Trickery” (Jacob) to “Fighter of God” (Israel).

Now. “Fighter of God” can be read a few different ways, can’t it?

• Jacob fights WITH God
• Jacob fights FOR God
• Jacob fights BELONGING TO God

And; as Jews – the nation of Israel – it’s all of those things, right?

We are BLESSED to fight with God – and not be judged for it

We are BLESSED to fight for God – and not be judged for it

We are BLESSED to fight belonging to God – and not be judged for it.

And. We decide.  When we fight – when we have conflict – which of these we will choose to identify as.

And – one more thing. Our soul? Our Neshama? It is our purpose. It is Hashem in us. So we can choose also -the following:

• To fight WITH God for PURPOSE
• To fight FOR God WITH PURPOSE
• To fight BELONGING TO God with and for PURPOSE

We are safe to have conflict with Hashem.  This is the lesson of Jacob. Hashem doesn’t judge us for fighting WITH Him, FOR Him, BELONGING TO Him.

So here is my takeaway as we navigate conflict with others:

• Are these others SAFE to have a conflict with us for their purpose?
• Are these others SAFE to have a conflict for us with purpose?

Conflict is human. And – we avoid it. We are scared of it.  This seems to be something to Torah wants us to chew on for our freedom and liberation. 

What are your thoughts?