9 Kislev, 5785 - Tikkun Olam 47

on December 10, 2024

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 9 Kislev, 5785

As we continue our journey of discovering our bliss, and then protecting it. The portion today challenges us on the idea of accuracy.

How often do we associate bliss with accuracy? And how often does accuracy betray us?

I quoted Mark Nepo a year ago, and feel it is crucial to this discussion:

Devotion

Sincerity is that which
flows out of your
genuine innermost self.
Without this, honesty
is mistaken and insuffi-
cient. It is like trying to
move in a boat without an
oar.

- Mochimasa Hikita

It is one thing to see accurately. It is another to allow yourself to feel what you see with sincerity. And still another to allow your actions in the world to be formed by both honest seeing and sincere feeling.

Does our bliss come from accuracy? Or from sincerity? Do we protect our bliss by acting in the world shaped by honest and accurate observations AND sincere feelings? That is where the magic likely occurs.

Accuracy is so important we measure our feelings against it, don’t we. “It doesn’t feel ‘right'” Or “This feels ‘wrong.'”

We judge our feelings as accurate or inaccurate. Instead of observing our feelings through the lens of sincerity. How strongly do I feel the feeling? How sincere is that feeling within me?

Integrating both accuracy AND sincerity, and aligning those when they are not aligned is one way we protect our internal bliss.

And when we engage with others? When their reality is so different than our own? The idea of accuracy is tough to measure. ESPECIALLY when we are discussing a past event or moment between us. The reason for this? How the information gets stored in our minds.

It can be confusing as I remember an incident vividly in a way that is accurate to me. I interpreted words in such a way that what was going through my head and heart was accurate for me. I don’t hold space that the other person, who was in the exact same moment with me in the past, may be experiencing that moment very differently than I. Their head and heart may have taken DIFFERENT messages and meanings than I did.

Then we battle over whose picture was accurate. And we fight for our affirmation of our reality, instead of accepting in full sincerity – we see the moment differently – and what is more accurate? They sincerely have a different recounting of the experience than I do.

And that messes with our bliss, doesn’t it?

Here was the takeaway from last year:

The path to freedom is not rejecting sincerity for accuracy. Accuracy can be a safe harbor – but it can also be a prison. Remain curious and work towards sincere feeling and honest seeing. THIS is the harmony of Kislev (in my opinion).

I would also add, sincerity can be a prison – because if it ignores the concept of accuracy (and different realities for different people)? That will ALSO lock us in.

Like all things, we need balance. If we are someone who prioritizes accuracy? Let’s shift a bit to sincerity. If we are focused on our own sincerity? Let’s open a channel to accuracy, and realizing accuracy is a matter of perspective. Two things can be different and still be accurate.

What are your thoughts?

Here are my thoughts from last year:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 15 Kislev, 5784
Parsha Va-Yishlah (Genesis 32:4 – 36:43)
Third Portion: 32:31- 33:5

Good morning – as things come into the light of the full moon and we turn towards the next moon cycle. Something for me has been coming to light lately and I think today’s portion is codifying it (Genesis 32:31-33):

31And Jacob named the place Peniel, for [he said,] “I saw an angel face to face, and my soul was saved.”

32And the sun rose for him when he passed Penuel, and he was limping on his thigh.

33Therefore, the children of Israel may not eat the displaced tendon, which is on the socket of the hip, until this day, for he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip, in the hip sinew.

I wrote about this prior – the name of the place. Peniel/Penuel. There is some good commentary as to why Jacob changed the name – or why the Torah changed the name.

I think we sometimes (I sometimes) get too focused on accuracy. Could the Torah be challenging us on this idea of accuracy? I read this morning in Mark Nepo’s Book of Awakening:

Devotion

Sincerity is that which
flows out of your
genuine innermost self.
Without this, honesty
is mistaken and insuffi-
cient. It is like trying to
move in a boat without an
oar.

- Mochimasa Hikita

I love this idea of honest seeing AND sincere feeling. Sometimes those conflict. If we feel one way and see a different way – how do we remain devoted to ourselves? “Sincerity flows from the genuineness of self. Without sincerity, honesty is mistaken as insufficient.”

We need to see honestly AND feel sincerely.

My takeaway from this section of the Torah – is how hyperfocused I can get on being accurate. On being “right.” I withhold my feelings (like Jacob wrestling with the angel) until I can find accuracy on what feeling is “right” or “apropos” for the situation.

If I feel insecure (as an example) – instead of allowing myself to feel this – I try to go back and see if maybe I wasn’t accurately accounting the incident that connected me to my feeling of insecurity. But what I have missed? Validating the feeling within me – rejecting it instead – and telling myself that feeling wasn’t appropriate. Owning my feelings of insecurity is sincere. It’s devotion. To myself. It’s saying “ hey – I understand your feeling right now – and that is what matters.” Instead of “hey – why are you feeling insecure? You probably misunderstood what happened – otherwise you wouldn’t be feeling insecure. Let’s go back and figure out what really happened – because that will fix the issue of insecurity.”

I experience this with my kids. At times, they want to go back to the past to determine what accurately happened to determine if their own feelings are valid or not. It’s a great strategy and coping mechanism. I see this with friends – I do this myself. We rehash the past to get to a place to figure out whether our feelings are valid. And this is a good strategy. Our brains can do a lot to convince us of things that may or may not be accurate.

Until we run into someone who has a different reality or perspective on what happened. Then we are left in a tough situation. “What REALLY happened?” Which is ignoring the very real feeling in the current moment to go “back in time” and figure out what really happened.

This is a takeaway for me from the name change – that has no real explanation in the Torah. It seems “inaccurate.”

Let’s keep going on the portion:

1Jacob lifted his eyes and saw, and behold, Esau was coming, and with him were four hundred men; so he divided the children with Leah and with Rachel and with the two maidservants.

2And he placed the maidservants and their children first and Leah and her children after, and Rachel and her Joseph last.

3And he went ahead of them and prostrated himself to the ground seven times, until he came close to his brother.

4And Esau ran toward him and embraced him, and he fell on his neck and kissed him, and they wept.

5And he lifted his eyes and saw the women and the children, and he said, “Who are these to you?” And he said, “The children with whom God has favored your servant.”

Interesting. Jacob was super worried about Esau and what he might do to him and his family. The Torah commentaries try to paint Jacob as being accurate. But what if we can validate Jacob’s sincere fear of facing Esau – and the courage he had to face Esau AND AT THE SAME TIME acknowledge MAYBE Esau had already let go and had forgiven Jacob, because (as Isaac blessed him) Esau had SINCERELY grieved? Both of those realities could be true at the same time.

We can argue and debate on which is accurate. Was Jacob WRONG to be afraid of Esau because Esau had already forgiven him? Or was Jacob RIGHT because Esau really hadn’t.

That’s not the point (in my opinion). I think the point is – right/wrong are judgments. Curiosity dictates looking at the Torah (and our lives) in a way that asks questions and allows for multiple realities.

And with this, I think we have a new lesson to add:

The Path of Ascension begins with curiosity and not judgement
If someone’s curiosity causes doubt and defensiveness, be curious about our own doubt and defensiveness and NOT their motives for curiosity.
The tree of life is within us. Choose life within with curiosity and not judgment
Learn to balance the comfort of stumbling, with the challenge of pushing ourselves towards spiritual growth.
Let go of a stable life. Freedom is accepting “what is” as a blessing. We can’t control what happens. We can only navigate it with bitterness or flow.
Freedom requires balance – emotions vs intellect, humility vs confidence, thinking as an individual while staying meaningfully connected to others.
Freedom comes from expansion and not contraction – but contraction is important to the process of expansion
To live free, we must circumcise the foreskin of past trauma and feel the pain of healing so that our higher selves can appear to us, and we can co-create miraculous NEW life for us and others.
To be free, we must understand what love requires vs the world around us. 10%. Just start there. Freedom is seeing the 10% and moving to 11%. Not being trapped by the daunting 90% we feel guilt and shame about. The 90% is slavery. The 10% is freedom.
Receive the Universe. Don’t Resist it. This is the path to freedom and liberation.
We must be vulnerable and ask for the Universe to provide. And. We don’t need to ask because the Universe knows. This is freedom.
We must accept and receive our role in co-creating moments with Hashem.
As we experience wells of living water in our life – the path to slavery is arguing and harassment. Make space. For ourselves and others. This is spiritual liberation and freedom. Allowing and making space. Spreading out. Not contraction.
When we take in stories and data – we need to be careful not to bring our own bias and trauma into how the data gets stored into our hearts and minds. Those who are “not us” are part of the human experience and have their own experiences. Be curious about what we are INFERRING versus what we believe the other person is INSINUATING. This is the path to freedom – especially in communication!
The path to freedom involves free choice as to what we desire and will focus on. What are we working towards? Be mindful of our wages. This is the path to freedom and will impact how we communicate – both as a sender of communication and receiver of communication. We will infer and insinuate based on our wages.
The path to freedom involves grief. Allowing ourselves to feel sadness – maybe other feelings we’ve judged as negative? Avoiding and repressing our feelings leads to war and conflict. Being aware of our feelings leads to freedom and joy. This is the path to spiritual liberation. We can receive Isaac’s blessing and grieve to take the yoke off our back.

Today we add:

What is our takeaway?

Where are we focused more on accuracy than sincerity? Within our own experiences? The experiences of others?

What is accurate? In the example of Jacob and Esau, is it possible Jacob was “right” to be afraid even though Esau had forgiven him? In our own lives, where are we trying to figure out whether we are “right” or “wrong” when instead we could be validating how we feel?

Those are my thoughts. What are yours?

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