Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 20 Tevet, 5785

Good morning! As we continue our journey into Chaos and repair, we are starting to move towards order. In about 10 days, we will hit the new moon and a new cycle – that will be much more ordered.  Don’t get too excited, because the energy from the new moon to the full moon? Harsh.

And then? The holy day for the trees (Tu B’Shevat) will happen, and we will be rooted in loving kindness.

Its a process for us all. We need to go down to go up – like a check mark.  Or a sling shot.

Just trust the process, and we will navigate it.

And today’s portion – which is the family tree of Israel teaches us the impact of trusting the process.  It will impact the generations to come.  It is our legacy.

Legacy is crucial to the work we do. The life we live.  I love this definition of legacy:

Are we leaving a legacy of devotion? Or a legacy of co-dependence?

This idea of devotion is interesting isn’t it?

Are we DEVOTED to ourselves? Or are we trying to SAVE ourselves? That is likely where this all begins.

What is the legacy we are leaving?

What can being devoted to ourselves look like?

• Tenderness when we struggle
• Holding safe space for our feelings of anger, fear, and sadness
• Beginning again when we feel like we missed the mark on being devoted to ourselves
• Self-Care as critical and not selfish.

What does it look like to be co-dependent?

• The drive to fix ourselves
• The need to be better
• Being frustrated with ourselves when we mess up
• Working harder and suffering in order to strengthen ourselves

Which do we want for ourselves?  Where are we in this moment?

Can we move in the direction of devotion to ourselves?

What are your thoughts?

Here are my thoughts from last year:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 27 Tevet 5784
Parsha Va-‘Era’: (Exodus 6:2 – 9:35)
Second Portion: Exodus 6:14b -6:28

Good morning!  So life is so fascinating.  As I read my thoughts from the past two years, this jumps out at me from a year ago:

And just like that, I love how Hashem teaches. If you read my Torah thought from earlier, that I had missed from yesterday, I felt a little bad for missing a day with my Torah thoughts because of distraction.

Today’s portion and my thoughts from a year ago almost seem to say “it’s ok.”

And you know what is interesting? YESTERDAY I made a mistake with my Torah thoughts. And I didn’t. Because I think my mistake unlocked this from two years ago:

We start with Reuben, Israel’s firstborn. Then we go to Simeon. Then Levi. Hold up. What happened to the other tribes?

I’ll confess. This passage seems so out of place and confusing.

First of all it’s disruptive to the narrative when God was speaking to Moses; and it jumps right back there.

Second it’s odd that the portion yesterday ended with the launch point for todays portion.

Third- only three tribes are mentioned. Why?

This passage has confused me prior. I think I now understand. I want to go back to my thoughts from yesterday:

And – this is interesting, right? This seems like a good place to end the portion today. And. It’s not. We go HALFWAY into the next verse:

 14These [following] are the heads of the fathers’ houses: The sons of Reuben, Israel’s firstborn: Enoch, Pallu, Hezron, and Karmi, these are the families of Reuben.

 Reuben.  We end with Reuben. I go back to the blessing Jacob gave to Reuben in Genesis 49:3-4

 3Reuben, you are my firstborn, my strength and the first of my might. [You should have been] superior in rank and superior in power.

 4[You have] the restlessness of water; [therefore,] you shall not have superiority, for you ascended upon your father’s couch; then you profaned [Him Who] ascended upon my bed.

 I wrote this in response:

Reuben is the oldest. He is strong. He is Jacob’s strength.  He should be at the top.  However. He is restless. Like water. 

 Strength and power? If it is combined with restlessness? We have an agitated, active heart, don’t we? Power with agitation and being active can do a LOT of damage. 

 The takeaway? If we are feeling restless? We need to repair this. We aren’t broken – but the restlessness – if repressed and not dealt with? Can cause damage. Lean into feeling restless if that is how we are feeling in a given moment.

 So – I think? Hashem is telling us the plan. He is going to deal with Israel’s agitated, active heart. Because Reuben? Represents entropy.

 The rise from an agitated, active heart to a peaceful active heart? This is the journey from entropy to beauty.

And. I. Appeared.

This is the journey. This is just the beginning.

Of the Exodus.

These are my thoughts. What are yours?

So today? We actually START with Rueben.  Let’s dig in:

14bthe sons of Reuben, Israel’s firstborn: Enoch, Pallu, Hezron, and Karmi, these are the families of Reuben.

15And the sons of Simeon: Jemuel and Jamin and Ohad and Jachin and Zohar and Saul, the son of the Canaanitess, these are the families of Simeon.

16And these are the names of Levi’s sons after their generations: Gershon, Kehath, and Merari, and the years of Levi’s life were one hundred thirty seven years.

So – here we are. Only Reuben, Simeon, and Levi are mentioned. We will dig into the sons of Levi in a minute. But let’s just reflect on what I wrote about these three sons when they were blessed by their father. We already read about Reuben and what I took away yesterday. Here’s Simeon and Levi:

 5Simeon and Levi are brothers; stolen instruments are their weapons.

 6Let my soul not enter their counsel; my honor, you shall not join their assembly, for in their wrath they killed a man, and with their will they hamstrung a bull.

 7Cursed be their wrath for it is mighty, and their anger because it is harsh. I will separate them throughout Jacob, and I will scatter them throughout Israel.

 Simeon and Levi are treated here as a unity. A partnership.  “Stolen instruments are their weapons.”  Simeon and Levi take. That is their struggle. They don’t give. They take. Jacob tells us – don’t listen to those who take. That is the way to murder.  Jacob does NOT curse them.  He curses their wrath.  It’s almost a double negative, isn’t it?  Cursing wrath?  If they do not get a handle on it? They will be separated and scattered.  Once again, we see an agitated, active heart – navigating anger and wrath. Not. Good.

 Wrath and anger? We need to repair this.  We aren’t broken – but the anger and wrath – if it is not dealt with? Can cause EVEN MORE damage. 

 The takeaway? If we are feeling angry? If we are feeling wrathful?  We need to repair this. We aren’t broken – but the anger and wrath – if repressed and not dealt with? Can cause damage. Lean into feeling anger and wrath if that is how we are feeling in a given moment.

 My initial takeaway? An agitated active heart is restless, angry, wrathful. And this may be a continuum.

From Yesterday’s portion:

13So the Lord spoke to Moses and to Aaron, and He commanded them concerning the children of Israel and concerning Pharaoh, the king of Egypt, to let the children of Israel out of the land of Egypt.

14aThese [following] are the heads of the fathers’ houses:

So in a sense. Yesterday’s portion ended – with “these are the heads of the fathers’ houses.”  It is as if the Torah is telling us – “This is the “head” of why we need to lead Israel out of Egypt: restlessness, anger, wrath.” 

Here’s my takeaway:

If we get so comfortable repressing our restlessness, anger, and wrath? We will end up slaves to it. The purpose of slavery in the Torah seems to be teaching us how these feelings are a part of the human experience – and need to be seen in order to grieve and heal towards freedom and liberation.

We have a choice. Stay comfortable in our restlessness, anger, and wrath – OR – travel outside our comfort to a dry and painful place – and fill that dry and painful place with TEARS. It is ALWAYS a choice. AND. Hashem loves us to the point he may push us to that place LOUDLY. Because he LOVES us. And WANTS us to make that choice on our own.

This is the lesson.

Let’s keep going:

17The sons of Gershon: Libni and Shimei to their families.

18And the sons of Kehath were Amram, Izhar, Hebron, and Uzziel, and the years of Kehath’s life were one hundred thirty three years.

19And the sons of Merari were Mahli and Mushi; these are the families of the Levites according to their generations.

20Amram took Jochebed, his aunt, as his wife, and she bore him Aaron and Moses, and the years of Amram’s life were one hundred thirty seven years.

21And the sons of Izhar were Korah and Nepheg and Zichri.

22And the sons of Uzziel were Mishael, Elzaphan, and Sithri.

23Aaron took to himself for a wife, Elisheba, the daughter of Amminadab, the sister of Nahshon, and she bore him Nadab and Abihu, Eleazar and Ithamar.

24And the sons of Korah were Assir, Elkanah and Abiasaph; these are the families of the Korahites.

25Eleazar, the son of Aaron, took himself [one] of the daughters of Putiel to himself as a wife, and she bore him Phinehas; these are the heads of the fathers’ [houses] of the Levites according to their families.

26That is Aaron and Moses, to whom the Lord said, “Take the children of Israel out of the land of Egypt with their legions.”

27They are the ones who spoke to Pharaoh, the king of Egypt, to let the children of Israel out of Egypt; they are Moses and Aaron.

I’m getting chills reading this. Why is this passage here? It always confused me. Why list a family tree in the middle of Exodus? Why trace the lineage of Jacob to Moses and Aaron?

Because our choice to stay comfortable in our restlessness, anger, and wrath or travel outside our comfort zone to a dry and painful place? IMPACTS THE GENERATIONS TO COME.

Full. Stop.

Rueben, Simeon and Levi – represent restlessness, anger, wrath. I would posit – restlessness is separated from anger/wrath which is connected in the Torah. Allowing ourselves to move from restlessness into anger/wrath is one step. But if we don’t navigate these feelings? They will lead us DIRECTLY to Egypt/Slavery.

And. That will impact our children. Generations. Generational Trauma.

This is big.

How do we heal generational trauma? We must choose to be uncomfortable. To go to a dry and painful place. To grieve. To cry. To heal. This is the path to freedom.

And now – how beautiful – this is how today’s portion ends:

28Now it came to pass on the day that the Lord spoke to Moses in the land of Egypt,

I believe the Torah is affirming this message to us. We are Moses. Hashem is speaking to US.

Allow ourselves to feel anger and wrath. We will heal. Going to a dry and painful place and getting out of our trauma comfort? That’s the path forward.

What are your thoughts?