Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 1 Av, 5783

A new moon. A new month.  It is time to practice our eyes (spiritually) seeing in the darkness.  And today’s portion is going to get us off on the right foot.

Today’s passage is all about suffering. If you read my commentary below, I don’t need to restate what was shared a year ago.  I encourage you to stop here, jump down and read that and then come back.

Ok. Now. With all of this in mind. All of this experience? I am learning this morning – it is all within.

You see, I have internal thoughts. I don’t believe I am alone.  My consciousness can talk to me and help me feel safe. My consciousness can ALSO talk to me and create a sense of danger.  A new friend really helped codify this for me.

When we experience external stimulus – for example – someone giving us a compliment.  Our brain can process that in a way that helps us feel safe – OR – our brain can process that in a manner that produces feelings of danger and suffering.  But we have a choice if we can get some distance between the external stimulus and our response.

In the past, when people gave me compliments? I defaulted to “meh. they don’t really know what a worthless piece of crap I am.  If they knew, they wouldn’t compliment me.  They’d know my only motive for doing that is survival.”

Then I started learning about self compassion.  And the pendulum swung the opposite way; “damn straight I deserve that compliment!  They noticed THAT, but then they ignore THIS part of what I did. What is wrong with them?”

Then.  I began to question my reality. “Was that compliment even real? Did they have some agenda? Are they trying to get something from  me?”

Today? The truth is – all of that internal self talk.  All of the feelings I am feeling.  The emotions?  Are completely connected.  And I have the power internally to move forward.

I can approach my emotions and feelings with awareness and compassion for myself.  I can ACCEPT that all of those thoughts can exist at the same time. AND I can choose to bring back within the power of self-compassion.  It is often EASIER to have compassion for others – but when we apply that to ourselves – when we pay OURSELVES a compliment? The secret is – the same thoughts that flow within me are the same that come from internal sources.

So – a quick activity for you (if you dare).  Take a moment. Look in a mirror. And say out loud; “I am safe in this moment.” And then listen. What thoughts and words and sentences do you hear within?  What is hiding behind “the waterfall of your mind?” (Dan Harris quote).

This is the work (in my opinion) Moses was teaching us as we enter the promised land. Joseph felt safe in prison. He was free. Liberated. The Israelites wandering in the desert were safe, yet they felt imprisoned.  They felt suffering.

One last quote to close us. “We seek assurances from life that confirm the unconfirmable: that we are solid separate, permanent and continuous.”  Ngakpa Chogyam.  In this seeking of assurances, we build for ourselves a place of safety. That ends up being our prison.

May we all live freely as we approach the darkness this month over the next 9 days. May we have eyes to see in the darkness!

Let me know YOUR thoughts!

This is my commentary from a year ago:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 6 Av, 5782

Good morning! Another day closer to Tisha B’Av. What is nice this year is we get a day of rest before fasting and focusing on the darkness of the day; while at the same time turning our gaze forward to the full moon on the 15 of Av.

Let’s dig into the Torah!

We are in the middle of Moses rebuking the people about the spies. The portion today starts with a reminder that the children, who the people (at the time) were worried about being taken as captives if they went into the land after the spies returned will actually be the ones to enter the land. Moses says something interesting – “your children who do not yet know the difference between good and evil…”

Moses is telling us that children aren’t responsible for knowing good and evil. They get to go into the promised land. The parents did not.

Moses said (I’m paraphrasing) “at the time you recognized your error and decided to fight on your own, even though the decision was made…I warned you that God told you not to fight because he wasn’t going to be with you. You didn’t listen and you got destroyed!”

So. The key here isn’t “doing the right thing.” The key here is listening to Hashem. There may have been a decision He wanted us to make; but once we make a different choice, there are new decisions to be made. We cannot go back in time to undo a decision.

That kind of regret is crucial towards our destruction and keeping us stuck.

Yesterday I read this quote that I think is appropriate; “The prerequisite to true freedom is to decide that you do not want to suffer anymore.” This was from the book “The Untethered Soul.”

The book goes on to say this: “This is what he (the Buddha when saying ‘all life is suffering’) is referring to; people do not understand how much they are suffering because they have never experienced what it is like not to suffer.”

Moses was calling out that the Jews suffering was because they didn’t listen. Moses was their guide. They suffered because that was their mentality as slaves. They saw that as normal and natural. They didn’t have their minds free at the time, despite their bodies being free.

Living in slavery does something to your mind. Growing up believing you aren’t free makes it difficult to truly find liberation. You may leave your prison; but your mind still acts like it is stuck. That is what the Torah journey is teaching us. The story doesn’t end when we leave Egypt.

The story of Joseph being put in prison after the incident with Potiphar’s wife teaches us that even with our body in prison, our soul and mind can be free. The story of the Jews wandering the desert teaches us that we can live free physically but have our heart and soul still be enslaved. That is the critical takeaway here.

Consider marriage and divorce. One can be free of their spouse physically because they are separated or divorced. But their minds and souls can live lives as if they were still trapped. Likewise, people can live imprisoned in a marriage and have their souls and emotions be free.

The hardest part is living in a marriage where you feel you are completely imprisoned- heart, body, and soul. That’s where the Israelites called to Hashem and begged to be set free. And that is when Moses came along to free them.

And that is the lesson of todays portion.

What will it take for you (us) to truly be free?