Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 18 Cheshvan, 5784
Parsha Va-Yera’: (Genesis 18:1-22:24) 
Fifth Portion: Genesis 21:5 – 21:21

Good morning! I am excited to dig into this passage as we have the miracle birth of Isaac playing itself out.  We just read about his circumcision yesterday, and today we start with:

5And Abraham was a hundred years old, when his son Isaac was born to him.

6And Sarah said, “God has made joy for me; whoever hears will rejoice over me.”

7And she said, “Who would have said to Abraham that Sarah would nurse children, for I have borne a son to his old age!”

8And the child grew and was weaned, and Abraham made a great feast on the day that Isaac was weaned.

This was truly a miracle. And. I reflect on; as I read this – where do I attribute judgment? Because it is hard to ground myself in the passage and not focus on Abraham and Sarah – and miss Hashem’s role in this.  Sarah gives credit to Hashem.  “God has made”  God CREATED.  She knows – she did not create Isaac. She knows Hashem provided the egg. Abraham provided the seed. And. God CHOSE Sarah.  She played a part.  In a sense, she co-created with Hashem and Abraham Isaac. She was the vessel that carried Isaac until birth. Hashem chose Sarah – she was not a bystander in this. So she got to experience the miracle of Hashem giving her the egg AND participate in Isaac’s birth process.  Her body fed Isaac in the womb. She birthed Isaac.

And when Isaac weaned – meaning he no longer relied on Sarah for life, Abraham threw a party.

Let’s take this into our learning. We’ve discussed the need to circumcise our past. To let it go. The healing process can take various amounts of time. But the goal is weaning.

If rely on the past – the foreskin we circumcised – to give us life? We won’t truly live. We must wean ourselves from the environment in which we are birthed in this moment. For some of us – it could be weaning ourselves off the emotional trauma created by a parent. Or a partner. Or a co-worker. Or a boss. That trauma has fed us and sustained us for 49 years (in my case).  It’s been 2 years since I was able to truly circumcise my heart and allow the healing process to begin.  I am coming to the place of weaning myself from the mother trauma I was being nourished by.  And I don’t say this to say my “mother trauma” is necessarily a literal mother trauma – although in my case it is.  For others their father could have created their “mother trauma” or their spouse, or their boss.

Regardless of this “mother trauma” our emotional rebirth can heal this mother trauma (even after 99 years) and bring JOY to the source of the mother trauma. But that’s another Torah thought for another day.

For today, before jumping into Ishmael, consider what your “mother trauma” is. What is it you’ve not been weaned off of? What circumcision do you need to have to remove the emotional foreskin holding you back from being vulnerable and intimate with yourself? And. The one you discover in THIS moment? May only lead you to a deeper “mother trauma” in the next.  This is a never ending cycle here, my friends. I don’t say this so we lose hope – I say this because this is likely the cycle of life – our purpose – our mission. To heal and be healed. To love and be loved.  That is freedom and liberation!

Ok – let’s close with the story of Ishmael:

9And Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, whom she had borne to Abraham, making merry.

10And Sarah said to Abraham, “Drive out this handmaid and her son, for the son of this handmaid shall not inherit with my son, with Isaac.”

11But the matter greatly displeased Abraham, concerning his son.

12And God said to Abraham, “Be not displeased concerning the lad and concerning your handmaid; whatever Sarah tells you, hearken to her voice, for in Isaac will be called your seed.

13But also the son of the handmaid I will make into a nation, because he is your seed.”

14And Abraham arose early in the morning, and he took bread and a leather pouch of water, and he gave [them] to Hagar, he placed [them] on her shoulder, and the child, and he sent her away; and she went and wandered in the desert of Beer sheba.

Sarah recognized her “mother trauma” to a degree.  She knew she didn’t trust Hashem and gave Hagar to Abraham to birth Ishmael instead of waiting for Hashem to do his work – and she needed to let go of that trauma.

Ishmael is not “a mistake” either. It would be easy for us to jump to the place of seeing Ishmael as “a mistake.” But he isn’t. If he were, Hashem would have treated him very differently as a teenage boy. Ishmael is LOVED by Hashem.  He was born of Sarah’s fear. His “mother wound” was very different. Let’s see how Hashem cares for Ishmael:

15And the water was depleted from the leather pouch, and she cast the child under one of the bushes.

16And she went and sat down from afar, at about the distance of two bowshots, for she said, “Let me not see the child’s death.” And she sat from afar, and she raised her voice and wept.

17And God heard the lad’s voice, and an angel of God called to Hagar from heaven, and said to her, “What is troubling you, Hagar? Fear not, for God has heard the lad’s voice in the place where he is.

18Rise, pick up the lad and grasp your hand upon him, for I shall make him into a great nation.”

19And God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water, and she went and filled the pouch with water and gave the lad to drink.

20And God was with the lad, and he grew, and he dwelt in the desert, and he became an archer.

21And he dwelt in the desert of Paran, and his mother took for him a wife from the land of Egypt.

Hashem allows Ishmael to come of the brink of death.  In a sense, Abraham sacrificed Ishmael before he tried to sacrifice Isaac (which we are about to see in the Torah tomorrow, I believe).  Unlike the ram provided for Isaac, water was provided for Ishmael.

For those of you who look at astrology; think about this.  Isaac was sacrificed but a fire sign (ram) was provided for him instead.  Ishmael was sacrificed but a water sign was provided for him instead. Water and Fire don’t mix well.  And. They can mix very well (as Disney’s recent movie Elemental demonstrates).

We see harmony and balance here, don’t we? Yet – we judge. The children of Isaac and the children of Ishmael are doing battle around the world currently. It feels very unsafe. Because both Isaac and Ishmael and their generations – may still be holding on to the collective “mother wound” created in the forest and desert when Isaac and Ishmael were almost sacrificed.  A near death experience would create trauma.  When Ishmael was left to die in the desert, he likely felt abandoned and rejected by his dad Abraham. That trauma would have stuck with him – even until today.  We will explore Isaac’s possible trauma tomorrow – but I am curious what we will find!

These are my thoughts – I am curious about yours!

Here is my commentary from two years ago as last year (on this day) I was serving my last day in Facebook jail:

Heshvan 15, 5782

Torah thoughts:

Todays portion focuses on the Birth of Isaac.

Sarah rejoiced – “God has made me happy! Whoever hears will be happy for me! How awesome is God who said to Abraham that Sarah would nurse children, for I have borne a son in his old age.”

I’m reflecting on this. it seems a little condescending at first; but then it also glorifies Hashem’s greatness. I think the idea of it (in my opinion) is to be more instructive than anything else.

How often do we rejoice for the blessings of others? How often, instead, do we get jealous? Like what about a woman unable to conceive? Are they going to be happy about Sarah becoming a mother to Isaac?

What about me? When I see Hashem blessing others, what is my response? The end of this line gives us some indication of hope; “for I have borne a son in his old age.”

I like this line for two reasons.

First, as a man, I’ll own that there is a bit of an ego stroke as Sarah acknowledges this is a team thing. She gave birth to Isaac in Abraham’s old age. She didn’t focus on just herself. It could have easily said “I have borne a son in my old age.” But she brings Abraham into this process; a unity in the family. I’m curious as to others opinions here, especially those who are not dudes.

Second, there is hope that regardless of what we are trying to birth; whether it is a character trait we’ve been trying to develop our entire life, a relationship we’ve been trying to nurture; the fruit can bear even in old age. We do not need to lose hope!

Next in the passage we see Abraham throwing a party for Isaac after he weaned (at twenty four months).

Then we turn back to Ishmael. It is important to remember that Ishmael by this time is already (at least) a teenager. He was circumcised at 13 years old. This happened before Isaac was born. Isaac is now 2. So at minimum, Ishmael is 15- but likely even older.

Sarah becomes upset over Ishmael’s idol worship. She tells Abraham to send Ishmael away- because (it seems like) she is concerned about the impact that will have on Isaac.

Abraham is also upset over the idol worshipping. And then Hashem jumps in;

“do not be disturbed about the boy and about your handmaid. Whatever Sarah tells you, listen to her prophetic voice, because your true descendants will be through Isaac. I will also make the son of your handmaid into a nation, because he is your physical descendant.”

My reaction to this is Hashem telling Abraham to listen to Sarah. If I’m honest; this is a lesson Hashem tried to teach me on my honeymoon with my ex-wife (I ended up in a Fijian hospital because I didn’t). I am only now catching the critical nature of listening to my ex at the time and paying close attention to people’s “prophetic voice.” It’s been a journey to get there, but listening to those who Hashem has put in our lives is crucial.  They can offer voices we don’t want to hear.

Abraham then gave Hagar food and water and sent her on her way. They wandered the desert.

Hagar became distraught when it seemed Ishmael became Ill and started drinking a lot of water. Remember. Ishmael isn’t a baby at this point (which I think I always had in my mind he was).

When the water ran out, Ishmael was almost dead. Hagar became so distraught she left him to die under one of the bushes. Hagar went far away from him so she wouldn’t experience him dying.

But Hashem was merciful. An Angel spoke to Hagar; and encouraged her; and tells her not to worry. The angel told Hagar that Ishmael would become a great nation.

It says “God opened her eyes” and she saw a well of water. She filled the empty pouch with water and gave Ishmael the pouch to drink.

Next the Torah says “God was with the boy.” Think about this. Hashem is with Ishmael. There is something (I think) we miss when it comes to those not in the bloodline of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.

I grew up conflicted about being Jewish in many ways. It felt “superior” to say we were God’s chosen people. It made me feel awkward and wanting to run away from the idea that we were “special” because of the choice Hashem made. But in reality, what were we chosen for? Maybe the choice isn’t about being “special.” Hashem is with others too. If He can be with Ishmael, He can be with our non-Jewish friends too, can’t He? There is a lot there to chew on.

Looking at this story with Ishmael being a teenager (as opposed to a baby) makes for a very different read in my book. We know Ishmael was at least 13 because Abraham circumcised him when he was 13. It makes this all the more compelling that Ishmael had to be aware of Hashem’s presence in his life.

What are your thoughts? What are your takeaways? I’m curious!