Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 18 Iyar, 5783.  Lag B’Omer (33rd day)

As a math guy, today is really interesting to me.  I have noticed that because of the Lap Year last year, where we had an extra month, the Omer counts have been out of sync.  Today, on Lag B’Omer, of COURSE the counts sync up!  The portion we read this year on Lag B’Omer, is the same as the one we read last year.  That feels important.

Before we dig into the portion, let’s look at today’s theme of the Omer. Lag B’Omer.  The 33rd day.  The reason this is special is because of “double humility.”  We study “Hod of Hod” or “Humility of Humility.”  And Chabad takes an interesting approach here for us to start:

Examine the humility of humility. Everyone has humility and modesty in their hearts, the question is the measure and manner in which one consciously feels it? Am I afraid to be too humble? Do I mask and protect my modesty with aggressive behavior? Learn to cultivate your humility by interacting with people who are more refined than yourself, evoking in you modesty and humility that motivates you to grow.

Humility must also be examined for its genuineness. Is my humility humble? Or is it yet another expression of arrogance? Do I take too much pride in my humility? Do I flaunt it? Is it self-serving? Is my humility part of a crusade or is it genuine? Do I have expectations due to my humility?

Exercise for the day: Be humble just for its own sake.

So the first humility is about modesty and consciousness.  How conscious are we of the modesty and humility inside us?  Are we afraid of our humility? Do we mask our humility?  This assumes it’s there.  I wonder if shame and guilt are wounded humility?  The shame and guilt put up walls to our own humility.  Fear. Fear of being hurt.  We can’t be humble because we are scared so we cover it up.

The second part is more about our ego.  Is our humility connected to ego?  Do we act in ways where we need credit for our humility?  Again, I wonder about the connection to guilt and shame?  How do guilt and shame connect to our humility? Do they put up shielding against our humility?

What do you think?

And. Of COURSE it connects to our portion today.  When we look at the impact of the jubilee – the releasing.  I think about the releasing of guilt and shame.  The opportunity to explore our humility.

Here’s the quote from last year that seems salient:

“I’m chewing on this. I think as I reflect on myself – there are parts of me that are undeveloped – and those can be given away or sold to others and I can redeem them and they are mine.

But when I’ve developed myself; and then give myself away (or sell myself to someone in a relationship) it will be impossible to redeem myself. I just think in terms of relationships.

If you are aware of what is happening, it’s sold forever. If you are unaware (undeveloped) there can be restoration.”

Yes. I am quoting myself.

It’s about accountability.

I know people who struggle with regret. Their past. Myself included.  Things I did that i was unaware of. But I am now aware.  Today’s portion is about accountability.  If we are unaware – there can be restoration.  If we are aware, what we give away is gone forever.

We often feel shame and guilt over decisions we made with the best information we had at the time.  Sometimes because we were trying to survive (most times?).  We reacted to our pain. We struggled and were selfish. We did things we are not proud of.

I would argue, most of us, in those moments, if we could go back and make a different choice, would likely make a different choice if it would protect us from the guilt and shame we are feeling today.  We fail to recognize in those moments, those decisions needed to happen because they have led us to the current moment, which is where we live.  This is our reality. How we navigate THIS moment is what matters.  We are called to release the past.  This is the idea of jubilee.  Release the past.

Can we let go of our guilt and shame to get to the heart of our humility? Humility is what is real. It is what will guide us in this moment. It is the calling of love in our souls.  Today is the day to release the walls of guilt and shame and focus in our humility.  What do you think?

Here is my commentary from a year ago:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 18 Iyar, 5782

Today is the 33rd day of the Omer! It’s Lag B’Omer!!!

Today is supposed to be a break from the solemn time between Passover and Shavuot- May today be a joyous celebration for us all on our continued journeys of freedom and liberation!

Let’s dig into the Torah!

Today’s portion is about commerce and the impact of the jubilee.

Yesterday we talked about redemption of property when someone becomes destitute, and needs to sell their hereditary land.

Today’s portion tells us there is a difference between hereditary land and hereditary land with property on it (in a walled city).

Hereditary land may not be redeemed within two years of its sale.

However, if someone Sells hereditary land with property on it in a walled city, it may be redeemed until one year after its sale. If the house is not redeemed by the seller within that first year, the purchases keeps the land forever – even beyond the jubilee!

I’m chewing on this. I think as I reflect on myself – there are parts of me that are undeveloped – and those can be given away or sold to others and I can redeem them and they are mine.

But when I’ve developed myself; and then give myself away (or sell myself to someone in a relationship) it will be impossible to redeem myself. I just think in terms of relationships.

If you are aware of what is happening, it’s sold forever. If you are unaware (undeveloped) there can be restoration.

Curious as to what others think about this.

Then we discover – if there is property on land that is not surrounded by a wall; it can be redeemed in the jubilee.

I would like then to work we are doing on ourselves to develop ourselves; but we haven’t quite had the opportunity to build the wall of protection. It’s still in its infancy.

Next we jump into priestly cities – cities given to the Levites.

Basically Levites forever have a right of redemption forever. And it will always return during a jubilee year.

So priestly work can forever be redeemed. We can always come back and do the work!

Finally, todays portion ends with discussion around taking interest.

If a person among us becomes needy, and their hand is wavering, we should support them before they become completely destitute. Even if they are a convert or a resident non-Jewish alien. The ONLY time we are not called to support someone is if they worship idols.

We should not take interest because this is a “double sin.” The Torah says this will be difficult, but we need to trust Hashem.

We are called not to lend money with interest – nor lend food with interest. As children of Hashem- we are called to serve and love others. With no expectation of gain on our part!

What are your thoughts on today portion?