Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 19 Sivan, 5784
Parsha Shelach-Lekha – “Send For Yourself”: (Numbers 13:1 – 15:41)
Third Portion: Numbers 14:8 – 14:25

Good morning! As we are discovering our world, and learning about courage, what has come up for you?

I am in a book club where we are reading Brene Brown’s “Gifts of Imperfection.” She is talking about shame. She says something profound (based on her research):

Here are three things that you need to know about shame:

1. 1. 1. We all have it. Shame is universal and one of the most primitive human emotions that we experience. The only people who don’t experience shame lack the capacity for empathy and human connection.
      2. We are all afraid to talk about shame.
      3. The less we talk about shame, the more control it has over our lives.

Shame is basically the fear of being unlovable – it’s the opposite of owning our story and feeling worthy. In fact, the definition of shame that I developed from my research is: “Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love, belonging, and connection.”

This is profound to me.  And to understand shame, she talks about the difference between guilt in shame:

Guilt: I did something bad

Shame: I am bad

And – she adds when we feel shame, there are three “moves” we tend to make when we experience shame:

We move AWAY from shame by withdrawing, hiding, silencing ourselves, and keeping secrets

We move TOWARDS shame by seeking to appease and please.

We move AGAINST shame by trying to gain power over others, by being aggressive, and by using shame to fight shame.

And the move to work on shame? Courage. It’s about courage. Courage to feel and lean into the shame – to be vulnerable. She offers four questions for reflection:

• Who do you become when you’re backed into that shame corner?
• How do you protect yourself?
• Who do you call to work through the “mean-nasties” or the “cry and hides” or the “people pleasing?”
• What is the most courageous thing you could do for yourself when you feel small and hurt?

These are critical courageous questions to ask ourselves in our shame.

What does this have to do with the Torah? Well, our first stop in the desert was about cravings. Addiction. The second was ego. Now we are here struggling to see courage. The spies were navigating this.  Caleb and Joshua were being courageous. This was their courageous thing when they may have been feeling small and hurt because the other spies didn’t see it the way they saw it:

8If the Lord desires us, He will bring us to this land and give it to us, a land flowing with milk and honey.

9But you shall not rebel against the Lord, and you will not fear the people of that land for they are [as] our bread. Their protection is removed from them, and the Lord is with us; do not fear them.”

They stood up to the people. Their reality was different. Their experience in the land they went into was different than the 10 other spies. This was courage.

10The entire congregation threatened to pelt them with stones, but the glory of the Lord appeared in the Tent of Meeting to all the children of Israel.

And as soon as people got angry and were ready to kill them? Hashem steps in. When we have courage? That’s when the universe shows up!

11The Lord said to Moses, “How long will this people provoke Me? How much longer will they not believe in Me after all the signs I have performed in their midst?

12I will strike them with a plague and annihilate them; then I will make you into a nation, greater and stronger than they.”

Hashem shares HIS shame here doesn’t he? He is vulnerable with Moses. He becomes aggressive in his shame. He calls Moses.

13Moses said to the Lord, “But the Egyptians will hear that You have brought this nation out from its midst with great power.

14They will say about the inhabitants of this land, who have heard that You, O Lord, are in the midst of this people; that You, the Lord, appear to them eye to eye and that Your cloud rests over them. And You go before them with a pillar of cloud by day and with a pillar of fire by night,

15and if You kill this nation like one man, the nations who have heard of Your reputation will say as follows:

16’Since the Lord lacked the ability to bring this nation to the Land which He swore to them, He slaughtered them in the desert.’

17Now, please, let the strength of the Lord be increased, as You spoke, saying.

18’The Lord is slow to anger and abundantly kind, forgiving iniquity and transgression, Who cleanses [some] and does not cleanse [others], Who visits the iniquities of parents on children, even to the third and fourth generations.’

19Please forgive the iniquity of this nation in accordance with your abounding kindness, as You have borne this people from Egypt until now.”

Moses is a trusted friend of Hashem here, isn’t he? He reminds Hashem of His purpose. And? Hashem hears Moses.

20And the Lord said, “I have forgiven them in accordance with your word.

Hashem forgives. He releases. He lets go. And…

21However, as surely as I live, and as the glory of the Lord fills the earth…

22that all the people who perceived My glory, and the signs that I performed in Egypt and in the desert, yet they have tested me these ten times and not listened to My voice,

23if they will see the Land that I swore to their fathers, and all who provoked Me will not see it.

There are consequences. He forgives, and He also does NOT people please, right? It’s like Hashem is reading Brene Brown!  Not really.

24But as for My servant Caleb, since he was possessed by another spirit, and he followed Me, I will bring him to the land to which he came, and his descendants will drive it[s inhabitants] out.

25The Amalekites and the Canaanites dwell in the valley. Tomorrow, turn back and journey into the desert toward the Red Sea.”

Hashem sees Caleb stood by Him. Trusted Him. Caleb gets to go into the promised land. Caleb had courage. We are not “punished” in our shame. We just don’t receive the joy that comes with being resilient in our shame!

These are my thoughts. What are yours?

Here are my thoughts from the past two years:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 24 Sivan, 5783

In reading our portion today, some things stick out to me.

First – aligning with Hashem.  Caleb and Joshua were able to align with what Hashem was doing – they saw Hashem being able to work things out naturally.  They received the data they collected and trusted that Hashem was working this out FOR THEM.  The other spies believed Hashem was testing them – and they weren’t ready for it.  They couldn’t survive in the land. It was too much.

The truth here seems both/and.  Yes – on their own, it would have been daunting for the Israelites to enter the land. With Hashem’s help they would have built confidence in themselves AND in Hashem’s guidance.  But instead? The people trusted their eyes and ears – and didn’t factor into how Hashem may have wanted to use this for their good.

It’s a tough thing, right?  To think that Hashem is always working things out.  That things happen “For us” and not “to us.” Bad things happen to good people.  How is that “for us?”  That is the mystery we may not be able to understand.

And let’s be clear – telling someone – “hey that bad thing that just happened to you? That didn’t happen “to you” it happened “for you.”  That would NOT be compassionate and kind.

And today’s portion addresses that.  Moses ASKS Hashem to remember his kindness.  To not be angry with the people.

I have to wonder – is Moses the ONLY thing that stopped Hashem from being Angry? Or was that happening “for Moses.”  Did Hashem share his anger with Moses for the benefit of Moses? Was it to remind Moses that Hashem IS kind? He IS Compassionate?

I have to believe Hashem knew what was going to happen before it did because Hashem exists outside of time and space as we understand it.  So He knew.  By intervening and sharing His anger with Moses – and having it be recorded in the Torah – that is “for us.”

What can we learn here?  Anger is a valid emotion. How we navigate our anger is important.  Do we repress our anger? Or do we communicate our anger?  Hashem communicates His anger. Why don’t we?

Just my thoughts today.  What about you?

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 22 Sivan, 5782

Today portion begins with Joshua and Caleb addressing the congregation of Israel after the other spies gave their bad report.

They ended yesterday’s portion telling us that the land was very good. Today, they start with the phrase; “If God desires us, He will bring us to this land and give it to us.”

Rabbi Schneerson had something interesting to say about this:

The spies suffered from binary logic-they believed in God, and in the power of Divine intervention, but they imagined that life is guided either by the laws of nature or by God’s direct mediation. They could not conceive of the scenario where God’s supernatural providence would extend through the veil of nature.

When the people would settle in the land of Israel the miracles which had sustained them until now were going to cease. The manna would no longer fall, and Miriam’s well would no longer produce water, meaning that the people would be forced to seek their sustenance through natural means. Then, the spies argued, they would be helpless. For these miracles had only proven that God could provide assistance by breaking nature; they had no evidence that God’s providence would extend within nature.

They concluded, it is “A land that consumes its inhabitants” (v. 32), as if to say, “When we will be preoccupied with earning a living through natural means, our ability to worship God will be completely consumed!”

Joshua and Caleb responded, “If God desires us, He will bring us to this land” God is not bound by any limitation whatsoever. His providence will extend to us within the confines of nature, God will help us every single day, not with earth-shattering miracles, but with “small miracles” that do not overtly break the natural order. (End quote)

How often do we share this binary thinking that the spies had, and believe it is either/or and not Both/and when it comes to Hashem? God can provide super naturally AND use nature to provide. Caleb and Joshua were right on the money – “if God desires us.”

Caleb and Joshua continue:

Do not rebel against God; then you will not fear the people of the land. God is with us, do not be afraid.

And, at that point the congregation threatens to pelt Caleb and Joshua with stones.

What happens? The cloud comes down. God literally intervenes.

I don’t know about you; if someone said “God is with us and do not be afraid” and my response was to pick up stones to throw and try and kill the persons saying that, and THEN a strange cloud falls upon us? That might make me think twice.

God then shares his frustration with Moses.

Full. Stop.

God shares his heart with Moses. The actual Torah line says this; “God said to Moses, “How long will this people provoke me? How much longer will they refuse to believe in Me after all the miraculous signs I have performed in their midst? I’m going to strike them with a plague and eliminate them and then I’ll make from you a greater and stronger nation than them.”

Wow. First; could you imagine being so close with God that he communicates His frustrations WITH YOU?

And second, he is offering to wipe everyone out and start over.

And Moses seems to have the cooler head here. Because he basically tells God – “that’s a bad idea dude.”

He argues to God that:

The Egyptians are going to hear the Jewish people all died in the desert; what will they think about you?

People are going to hear that God couldn’t protect the Jewish people. The nations are going to say “God lacked the ability to bring this nation to the land which He swore to them.”

Moses also reminds God to be true to Himself; “slow to anger, abundant in loving kindness, forgiving intentional sin and rebellion, absolving those who repent, and not absolving those who do not.”

God then confirms; ”I have forgiven them because of your words.” However, there are still consequences. The people will not get to see the land that God swore to their fathers. All those who provoked God will not see it.”

Let’s stop here again, before we close.

God is clear. He forgives them. But. That doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences for their actions.

For us; how do we see and teach about forgiveness? Do we recognize that we can forgive each other AND still hold people accountable for their actions? I feel like one way people are supposed to forgive us to stop the consequences of a behavior. “I forgive you, so you won’t be held accountable.” That is not the way of Hashem. We can forgive AND still hold people accountable.

What do you think?

Some interesting thoughts again from Rabbi Schneerson:

Man cannot be expected to suddenly leave a mentality of slavery, from working with bricks and straw, and at the spur of the moment, wage war with giants. It was therefore part of the Divine plan to make the Jewish people wander in the desert until they had developed a good degree of courage, for that is the inevitable effect of a difficult, nomadic existence. Also, a new generation of people would now be born who had not known any slavery (Maimonides, 12” century).

God does not issue a punishment to take revenge on the sinner. Rather, the “punishment is a form of spiritual “medicine” aimed at correcting the spiritual deficiency caused by a sin.

With this in mind, the “punishment” given to the Jewish people here is difficult to understand. Their sin was their unwillingness to enter the land, because they desired to remain in the desert where they could serve God without distraction- and yet, their punishment was to receive what they wanted: to remain in the desert (for forty years)! How would this “correct” their sin of not wanting to enter the land?

The sin of the spies was not that they were too spiritual, but that they were not spiritual enough. To be involved with the physical world and remain spiritually attuned demands the highest degree of attachment to God. So when the generation showed that they were lacking this level of dedication, they were given forty more years of unrestricted Divine worship, enabling them to reach the level where they would be ready to engage in the world. (End quote)

I’m reflecting on the mentality here – of a “mentality of slavery.” What things in our lives are we looking for freedom from, that have us trapped because of our mentality?

Ok. Jumping back into the Torah:

God then closes this portion singling out Caleb – and saying he will get to go into the land. And caleb’s descendants will be the one to drive the inhabitants out.

God tells Moses if they try to go into the land now, they will all die. So He tells them it’s time to turn around into the desert.

What do you think about today’s portion?