Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 20 Cheshvan, 5785

Wow. Today’s portion on Divine providence and “drying out?” Really hits home.

We are in a major energetic shift right now. Most of you know the Pluto shifting from Capricorn into Aquarius energetic shift. It’s been in Capricorn for 16 years – and Pluto is the planet (yes I said it – it’s a planet) that is dedicated to change.

The energy right now is clarifying what we must let go of in order to move forward.

The idea of “drying out” from our last chapter of our life – Capricorn is an earth sign, and Aquarius and air sign – the idea of getting dirty the last 16 years and now airing and drying out is going to create a lot of exposure.

And? There is another shift tonight as we move from the shadows of compromise – which leads to the gift of competence and the prize of bounteousness – we shift tonight into the shadow of force.

When we are “forcing things” and trying to control them? We end up in a weaker space than if we see those forces moving upon us and allow that energy to bring us strength. To trust the storm – to trust the suffering – to trust the force – and move us into a stronger place. This will bring us into our Majesty.

We see in the Torah portion – Abraham and his servant did not FORCE it.  Laban was trying to force things here. Creating all sorts of trouble for Abraham’s servant. And? Instead of fighting it? The servant went with it. Trust it – knowing that Hashem was a part of it – and was going to bring everything to light.

In the end? As much as there was divine providence? Rebecca had agency. She got to choose in the end. That is a beautiful idea.

How does divine providence work AT THE SAME TIME we get to have agency? This passage today shows us how.

These are my thoughts. What are yours?

Here are my thoughts from last year:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 25 Cheshvan, 5784
Parsha Hayyei Sarah: (Genesis 23:1 -25:18)
Fifth Portion: Genesis 24:53 – 24:67

So in reflecting back over this portion the past two years, I am struck by new learning about divine providence. A year ago, I created a math problem to convince me I had commissioned the correct artist for my painting. In a sense, I created my own divine providence. Reflecting on the process, the commission was NOT really what I wanted.

And. Reflecting on this? Maybe it actually was.  It wasn’t what I had envisioned.  But the rendering may have been important for me to consider.  As I look back on it today (I am not going to share because although the artist did a BEAUTIFUL job, it just wasn’t what I had envisioned) what I noticed is my vision had life to it.  The rendering seemed hollow. I convinced myself I was making the right decision (using math) to commission an art project seeking life – and found only a hallow shell.  

Before I go further, let’s dig into to the portion:

53And the servant took out silver articles and golden articles and garments, and he gave [them] to Rebecca, and he gave delicacies to her brother and to her mother.

54And they ate and drank, he and the men who were with him, and they lodged, and they arose in the morning, and he said, “Send me away to my master.”

55And her brother and her mother said, “Let the maiden stay with us a year or ten [months]; afterwards she will go.”

56But he said to them, “Do not delay me, since the Lord has made my way prosper. Send me away, and I will go to my master.”

57And they said, “Let us call the maiden and ask her.”

Looking back at the reflection two years ago, I see it now.  The servant and Rebecca were co-creating a reality with Abraham and Hashem – and it APPEARED Laban and Bethuel were too.  But we see – they may not have been. We don’t KNOW for sure. But it’s clear.  They weren’t as on board as Abraham and his servant were in this moment.

Contextually, we know where Laban ends up – and I wonder if this moment stuck with him.  And that is where Rachel and Leah and their engagement with Jacob is rooted in.  But that’s for a different day.

Let’s keep going:

58And they summoned Rebecca, and they said to her, “Will you go with this man?” And she said, “I will go.”

59So they sent away Rebecca their sister and her nurse and Abraham’s servant and his men.

60And they blessed Rebecca and said to her, “Our sister, may you become thousands of myriads, and may your seed inherit the cities of their enemies.”

61And Rebecca and her maidens arose and rode on the camels, and they followed the man; and the servant took Rebecca and left.

We see clearly Rebecca was on board.  Laban and Bethuel? We don’t REALLY know their motives – they may have blessed her for their own reasons.  But I find myself asking – does it matter? 

And now we are at the point I am going to make some connections.

First. Back to the beginning.  The commission.  Doing math to convince myself of divine providence. 

Divine providence? Doesn’t require math. Doesn’t require calculation. Doesn’t require anxiety about “missing it.”  Divine providence IS clarity. It can’t be explained any other way.  You know.

Another story.  In the latest chapter of my life, which I believe is soon coming to a close – I have written about and shared my journey with plants.  I was NEVER able to grow plants.  I killed cactus.  I’m not kidding. 

But in this chapter, I have taken an Avocado pit and from that, I have grown a tree.  I took mustard seed and have grown mustard greens. I have kept a cactus alive.

But for the past month, I have a TON of gnats. They are ALL over the house. I have been focused on the gnats. Flypaper. Plug solutions. But I haven’t considered the SOURCE of the gnats.

I read something that these particular flies MAY be happening because the soil for my plants is too moist. I water almost every day (don’t worry – not the cactus). 

A good friend gave me a “Christmas Cactus” on Monday.  I asked her about caring for it.  She mentioned watering it once a week.  A Christmas cactus looks more like a plant than a cactus.

In this moment, I am realizing. I am doing math to try and make the gnats divine providence, instead of focusing on letting the soil dry out because this moment, this chapter of my life is all about fertilizer.

I’m tired of smelling the fertilizer, and I have mistakenly believed by watering the soil more, it will take the smell away (I am now speaking metaphorically for those not following my brain).  And although it takes the smell away, I now have pests in my life. I’m resisting the idea that I don’t need to do anything in order to grow.  I just need to dry out. By drying out, the pests will go away.  At least, I think this is what I am learning.  We will see next year whether there is a new lesson to come from this.

Because looking back to my commentary a year ago.  I was wrong. And I was right. At the same time. We can call it “Schrödinger’s Commentary.” It wasn’t divine providence. At it was.

So what’s the takeaway here?

Today’s Torah portion is about divine providence. When it hits us – we can recognize it like Rebecca and fully submit to it. Or we can get distracted by the gnats (because there isn’t a sign like Abraham’s servant saw) and try to figure out what they mean to FEEL like it’s divine providence. 

We need to wait. Allow Divine Providence to come to us. And if we see fertilizer in our life (because it smells like crap) to just let it “dry out” and play out.

To close – the friend who gave me a Christmas Cactus – also talked about their fertilizer moments.  And also had the experience of flies. And cicadas.  As a child at JCC summer camp, I remember how COOL I thought the Cicada shells on the trees were.  And immediately realized. I’m not allowing my shell to dry out so I can move on – I’m trying to keep my shell moist because I don’t want to become a shell. And yet – that’s what can happen.  I get too focused on the shell, and I become the shell.  I need to let go – let the shell dry out, allow it to be left behind.

And. There is something beautiful about my desire to keep my shell moist, right?  That despite the smell of crap – I LOVE this chapter of my life so much I want to hold onto it. I am not willing to allow the page to turn and move forward. I am focused on a lot of things to keep me in this chapter. I need to move forward. Stop focusing on the gnats, allow the smell of crap to enter my being – feel it, sense it, be it. And then when Hashem and I are ready? He will intervene so I can leave my shell behind. Until then? My job is just to remain focused on me – and not the gnats. Let the soil dry out. Let the shell dry out. Leave it behind.

For us? Here are some questions for us to take away:

• What are the “pests” in our lives we are focused on that are distracting us from the moment? From our current reality?
• What are we “watering too much” in our lives that these pests are showing up?
• As we enter a new moon next week – what intents can we set for the month of Kislev (Chanukkah coming y’all – the Festival of LIGHTS!) that relate to what we need to STOP watering and start allowing?

There is more to this portion – but for now, this feels like the right takeway.  I think I am being called to stop watering this fifth portion, and allow the rest to dry out.