Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 21 Shevat, 5785

Good morning! We are still navigating the Parsha – and learning about ways to connect with Hashem – and what is important to him.

As we journey towards the new moon, we are in a space where we are getting ready for the month of Adar.  Adar is a time to CELEBRATE!  The next weeks will be time for us to “gather our gratitude” and have some FUN!

In the meantime, we are digging into some energies around this idea of powerlessness and victimhood. Where are the core beliefs in us that connect us to our victimhood? Things we feel powerless to ever change about ourselves? Or others?

Can we examine these beliefs and dig into them and see if these beliefs may be able to shift to move to a place where we have more freedom?

I’ll share.

Yesterday in therapy, we discussed one of the deepest beliefs I have, that I did not realize was there.

It is the belief that I will never have the deepest and truest longing of my heart.

You see, it is the wound of trying to convince my mom (and my dad) that I was worth loving. That I was worthy of the devotion that was withheld from me as a child. I was worthy of the honor that was withheld from me (and even worse I did not deserve the dishonor thrust upon me).  I know; given both my parents have passed, there is no way for that little boy within me to get what he wants.

And he’s mad about that.

He’s sad about that.

And he really hasn’t really let that go.

And it impacts the adult world I find myself in.

Because the connection I desire? It’s transactional. Because I want my connections to do what I can’t do for myself. Meet the deepest longing of my heart.

And this is not fair.

So now I am reflecting on – how can I honor this deep longing (trying to convince my mom I am worthy of her love) AND at the same time, shift my beliefs about the longings within me?

I know I long to be seen.  My true heart.

I know I long to be fulfilled.

I know I long to be devoted and devoted to.

I know I long to be honored.

And?

I am seen. I just don’t “see” it within me.

I am fulfilled. I just don’t “see” it within me.

I am devoted.

I am honored.

The key isn’t the longings. It’s seeing. Its sight. Its vision.

Because this core belief that I cannot have the deepest desire of my heart? It’s a belief that I can shift if I want.

Shifting our beliefs is something we have the power to do.

What do you think?

Here are my thoughts from last year:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 28 Shevat 5784
Parsha Mishpatim: (Exodus 21:1 – 24:18)
Fourth Portion: Exodus 22:27  – 23:5

Good morning! We are now halfway through the week, and we are setting our sight on the new moon of Adar I on Friday night.  As we come out of this cycle of order – with half harshness, half blessing and loving kindness, it is time to take stock on what we want to celebrate over the next two moon cycles? It may be celebrating growth and development! It may be celebrating abundance coming into our lives! Whatever it is, set some intents for the cycle!

Today, we dig into more of the laws. The idea here is to remember – these are “rules” to follow or be condemned – these are more “ways to connect” with Hashem and the Universe.

As I reflect on these – I am internalizing – we are being taught how Hashem is treating us. We often hear “treat others how we want to be treated” – so these laws? These are ways Hashem is treating US. Will we receive it?  Let’s dig in:

27You shall not curse a judge, neither shall you curse a prince among your people.

Judges are important to Hashem. He knows we will have conflicts here on earth. We are compelled to trust the judge as Hashem can sway the hearts of Judges. 

It is easy to trust a judge when they judge according to what we want. And it is tough to trust a judge (and not curse them) when they judge against our desires. The question remains – did a judge come into a position without Hashem allowing it?

Let’s take this to the supreme court.  In America, no one seems happy right now with the supreme court. There is division. There seems to be manipulation. The question is; why did Hashem allow this? What are we supposed to be learning from this?

My takeaway? We are being shown a mirror of the collective trauma of our country.  We are NOT United anymore. The question is – how do we, as a people, respond. Do we try to help our side “win?” Or do we reflect on ways WE are divided within ourselves and the ways WE are divided between ourselves and others?

This is an important takeaway.  And princes?  That refers to government. How deep are we divided? And how do I reflect that division within myself?  Let’s keep going:

28Your fullness offering and your heave offering you shall not delay; the firstborn of your sons you shall give Me.

29So shall you do with your cattle and with your sheep: seven days it shall be with its mother, on the eighth day you may give it to Me.

30And you shall be holy people to Me, and flesh torn in the field you shall not eat; you shall throw it to the dog[s].

Interesting. What does “the firstborn of your sons you shall give Me” mean? Hashem does NOT want us to sacrifice our children. But what SACRIFICES are we willing to make FOR our children? That may be something to consider. Maybe we are being asked to SACRIFICE more for our first born?

That would make some sense. As the parent of six children? I KNOW I really learned a lot with our first born. There is no rule book. We made a lot of mistakes. And. That really impacted our firstborn. We are now working to help them navigate the trauma caused by our fumbling through this idea of being a parent. I am having to sacrifice a ton. And. There is healing. After being out of her life for a year; we have re-established a healthy relationship – where I can own the mistakes I made and the impact on her – and work to move forward in health. Let’s keep going;

23:1You shall not accept a false report; do not place your hand with a wicked person to be a false witness.

2You shall not follow the majority for evil, and you shall not respond concerning a lawsuit to follow many to pervert [justice].

3Neither shall you glorify a poor man in his lawsuit.

This is interesting.  Again, it would seem Hashem cares about justice and conflict. And – how we might be swayed by the “majority.”

What is interesting to me is that last one; “Neither shall you glorify a poor man in his lawsuit.”

I wonder if it comes down to DIGNITY. We’ve been looking at this Exodus process, right? We started with Grief. We moved to Anxiety. We are now focused on Dignity it would seem.

And a lot of this is surrounding conflict, isn’t it? I am wondering how grief creates conflict; anxiety extends conflict, and dignity begins to heal conflict. Thoughts?

Let’s close it out:

4If you come upon your enemy’s bull or his stray donkey, you shall surely return it to him.

5If you see your enemy’s donkey lying under its burden would you refrain from helping him? You shall surely help along with him.

So again  – the universe is saying – compassion for our enemy? Is the key to handling conflict.

Grief

Anxiety

Dignity

Compassion

You want to navigate conflict? This is how we do it.

What are your thoughts?