Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 27 Nisan, 5783. The 12th Day of the Omer.
Today is ALSO the last day of the 51st year of my life (according to the Hebrew Calendar) as at sundown tonight, I will begin my 52nd year. Again, how we measure time is so interesting. Especially given that we are currently compelled to measure time via the Omer these weeks.
Today’s theme is “Chod of Gevurah” or Humility of Discipline (or judgment)
From Chabad on the 12th day of the Omer:
The results of discipline and might without humility are obvious. The greatest catastrophes have occurred as a result of people sitting in arrogant judgement of others. Am I arrogant in the name of justice (what I consider as just)? Do I ever think that I sit on a higher pedestal and bestow judgement on my subjects below? What about my children? Students?
A judge has to be the most humble of creatures, recognizing that he sits in judgement not by his own merit but only because G‑d gave the right to judge His children.
Exercise for the day: Don’t judge anyone unless you are doing so selflessly with no personal bias.
This is excellent to take with us as we move into our day!
Let’s dig into the portion.
My big takeaway as i read it this year is around shame. “So often we want to keep our impurities and misfortunes to ourselves. Out of Shame. The Torah tells us to share it.”
We don’t talk about shame a lot. Brene Brown has done amazing work opening up venues for discussion around guilt and shame. I have discovered in my own life, the repressed guilt and shame festers inside of me. And – it is one of the major causes (for me) to deceive myself and others. Because I want to keep this hidden from myself, because I am too afraid to face it, I in turn find ways to hide it from others. Deceit is one major way that happens.
Self-deceit is the root. I repress and deceive myself to my own reality. As my eyes are opened, and I can look upon my own guilt and shame without malevolence towards myself. Without regret. Without judgment. But instead get curious about it. Bring compassion to it. Kindness. That will in turn begin to heal it.
And. This is not to say we shouldn’t feel guilty about how we’ve hurt others. What this IS to say is that the choices I have made in the past are over. I have no control anymore of those choices. Just the ones I make now. In this moment.
I can choose to ask for forgiveness of myself in this moment. Once I have forgiven myself (i think – this is a working theory here), I then can ask others to forgive me. Someone else’s forgiveness of my actions won’t heal the internalized guilt and shame. At least not based on anything I have experienced. I may be wrong on this. I am open to others thinking and feelings on the matter.
If i feel shame. And someone says “i forgive you.” I know i hold onto the shame. Because I haven’t forgiven myself.
It all starts within. Once I forgive myself. And I let go of guilt and shame. Then when someone forgives me? Our relationship can be fully restored. Until then, it’s just going to continue to be one sided.
Thoughts?
Below is the commentary I wrote a year ago on this portion:
Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 29 Adar II, 5782
Today is the last day of the month of Adar; hopefully Mazal has reigned supreme in your life these past two months!
Let’s dig in;
The Torah is now going to bless baldness!
We start todays portion; if a man loses hair on the back of his head, he is bald, he is ritually pure!!!
Likewise if he loses his hair on the front of his head, he is bald and his is ritually pure.
Nachmanides writes this was to establish that losing hair was not a sign of Tzara’at – it was natural baldness. That is a critical piece to remember.
Now, if a bald person develops a streaked red and white lesion on the back or front bald spot, the priest should examine it. If it’s there, and it looks like Tzara’at – then the priest should declare the person spiritually impure.
So now we’ve established all the the ways a priest determines a Tzara’at. The question is how were people dealt with who HAD it.
The Torah continues:
- the garments of the person should be torn
- his hair should be grown long
- he should wear a cloak down to his mustache like a mourner
- he should call out “I’m ritually impure!”
Let’s stop. This seems really harsh.
But Maimonides and the Talmud remind us;
An impure person has to make the public aware of their impurity in order for the public to know the person could negatively impact them. AND; by sharing our misfortunes (and maladies) with others, we have the added benefit of other people praying for our well being.
So often we want to keep our impurities and misfortunes to ourselves. Out of shame. The Torah tells us to share it.
This concludes learning what happens when our bodies develop a lesion.
The portion today closes with what happens if a garment develops a lesion. Yes; it’s not just people. Garments become struck with Tzara’at. Consider it like mildew or mold.
The process is very similar – the person shows the priest the garment – the priest examines it, and the garment is quarantined for 7 days.
After 7 days if the lesion has spread its a “piercing Tzara’at” and the garment needs to be burned.
If it doesn’t spread, then it should be cleaned and quarantined for another 7 days.
This is where the portion ends.
When we think of clothing or garments, there is a literal translation; but we can also picture a garment like our attitudes – we can put on an attitude – we wear our attitudes about what is happening – that we have no control of (we wear literal garments to protect us from the weather and elements we have no control over). If our attitude has a lesion, we have the opportunity to clean it and see if it spreads.
Just something I’m reflecting on. What are your thoughts?
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