Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 5 Elul, 5784
Parsha Ki Tetze’– “If you go out”: (Deuteronomy 21:10 – 25:19)
First Portion: Deuteronomy 21:10 – 21:21

Good morning! It is a new week, and we are rolling into Elul to reflect on our past with an eye towards our future. I wrote this a year ago, and it is really meaningful for me:

As I look ahead to 5784; this will be the year I am going to learn about how as I diamond I relate to the world around me; my relationship with food, my relationship with money, my relationship with my kids, my relationship with other human beings.  I need to reflect on how I want to spend the last day of 5874.

I would say upon reflection, I have really leaned into my relationship with the world around me with a lot of success. I have more room to grow for sure, and this is helpful clarity for 5875. Focusing on my relationship with food and money is where I want to dwell, so that as 5875 comes to a close a year from now? I am healthy financially and relationally with food.  I have built a strong solid foundation for these. I am excited to build on it.

Today we start a new Parsha – “If you go out” (Ki-Tetze’). The idea is if go out to war, these are things for us to consider when we are finished.

Let’s dig in. Moses is discussing what happens when we enter the promised land. We need to reflect on whether we are currently living in the promised land, or whether we are considering a future promised land. When Moses was speaking, he was discussing what should happen once the children of Israel crossed the Jordan river and were living in the land. Let’s dig in:

10If you go out to war against your enemies, and the Lord, your God, will deliver him into your hands, and you take his captives,

11and you see among the captives a beautiful woman and you desire her, you may take [her] for yourself as a wife.

12You shall bring her into your home, and she shall shave her head and let her nails grow.

13And she shall remove the garment of her captivity from upon herself, and stay in your house, and weep for her father and her mother for a full month. After that, you may be intimate with her and possess her, and she will be a wife for you.

This is a little rough, right? You shall “possess her.”

I am going to get a little R rated here.

So – this word “possess” in English has multiple meanings. And we are discussing a translation of the Torah which makes it a challenge.

One of the definitions of “posses” is intercourse. One of the phrases from Song of Solomon is “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.”

This idea of “you are mine” or “be my valentine” speaks to this idea of “possess.” I think it connects to “taking up space within.” Almost like a ghost possessing someone. It’s a knowledge. Inner.

The Torah seems to be saying before you know an enemies woman in the way of intercourse, there is a grieving process she needs to go through.

And? There is still some struggle because of the autonomy and sovereignty of a woman to make her OWN Decisions. What if the wife does not WANT or DESIRE to marry the man?

I am reflecting on this from a value standpoint.

Our current society centers around desire. Love = desire. In order to have desire? There has to be freedom and liberation.

If we were living back then, this value would come with us, no?

If I saw a captive woman and desired to marry her, but she did not want to marry me?  My values around marriage would likely come up. If I was good being married to someone who was OBLIGATED to be married to me? And she was ok meeting that obligation because her choices were a life on her own, or under the protection of the guy in Israel? She might see that transaction as beneficial.

It begs the question about marriage. Is marriage about desire? Or is it transactional? What are the values we bring to that?  These are all questions for discussion.

Let’s keep going:

14And it will be, if you do not desire her, then you shall send her away wherever she wishes, but you shall not sell her for money. You shall not keep her as a servant, because you have afflicted her.

So – this is interesting right? The Torah is clear here. He has afflicted her if he sends her away after shaving her head and letting her nails grow. After she has grieved, he is to send her wherever she wishes (I would assume he needs to pay for this) and not keep her as a servant or sell her for money.

That’s interesting right?

15If a man has two wives-one beloved and the other despised-and they bear him sons, the beloved one and the despised one, and the firstborn son is from the despised one.

16Then it will be, on the day he [the husband] bequeaths his property to his sons, that he will not be able to give the son of the beloved [wife] birthright precedence over the son of the despised [wife]-the [real] firstborn son.

17Rather, he must acknowledge the firstborn, the son of the despised [wife] and give him a double share in all that he possesses, because he [this firstborn son] is the first of his strength, then he has the birthright entitlement.

Um. Yeah. The Torah allows for polygamy. And? The marriage isn’t relevant as to who the first born son is.

I am reflecting on the idea of a man being married to someone he despised. He didn’t get to just “walk away.” He kept the marriage.

Not sure what to tell you. Something has shifted with our values today than in the Torah. That’s something to reflect on and discuss. I am curious as to what people think.

18If a man has a wayward and rebellious son, who does not obey his father or his mother, and they chasten him, and [he still] does not listen to them,

19his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city, and to the gate of his place.

20And they shall say to the elders of his city, “This son of ours is wayward and rebellious; he does not obey us; [he is] a glutton and a guzzler.”

21And all the men of his city shall pelt him to death with stones, and he shall die. So shall you clear out the evil from among you, and all Israel will listen and fear.

Um. Wow. That is ALSO rough. And? I am reflecting on what it would take for a mom and dad to take their wayward son out to the elders to be pelted to death. I’d think there would be some motivation to make it work as much as possible.

A lot to reflect on today.

Part of me wonders if all of this is motivation to avoid war, and live in Harmony. That would seem to be a good takeaway for us, no?

I am curious to your thoughts.

Here are my thoughts from the past two years:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 3 Elul, 5783

Wow.  I am reading my commentary from a year ago, and I think it really needs to stand on it’s own.  I wrote this in my journal yesterday:

5782 was the year I realized I saw myself as coal, rocks. And in that year, I was able to see myself as a diamond.  I spent the last day of 5782 mining diamonds.

5783 is the year I embraced who I was as a diamond.

As I look ahead to 5784; this will be the year I am going to learn about how as I diamond I relate to the world around me; my relationship with food, my relationship with money, my relationship with my kids, my relationship with other human beings.  I need to reflect on how I want to spend the last day of 5874.

Given this context, I really just want to share last year’s commentary:

My commentary from a year ago:

 Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 8 Elul, 5782

Good morning! As we begin a new week, we are one step closer to Rosh Hashanah. Introspection is key as we enter this joyous time.

This weeks Parsha is Ki Tetze’ – which means “if you go out.”

And I’m reflecting on how we can take this to mean moving from internal introspection and moving outward to engage the world.

The Chumash I’m reading has this quote to center us for the week:

From your soul’s heavenly abode, “you go out (ki tetze’) to war,” entering a body that struggles with powerful urges. But your soul never forgets-it retains its strength and sense of mission. Meditate on this truth, and you will be victorious.”

This completely reflects the war within each and every one of us. Liberation begins with the battle inside. “Free your mind, and the rest will follow” comes to mind as well.

Moses continues his last lecture and starts with what is to be done with female captives of war.

I am extrapolating from this; and I am merely speculating –

Inside of each and every one of us is the divine masculine and divine feminine. Our inner souls battle for war/power. Often times, in our society, we keep our feminine captive. Maybe Moses will give us an idea on how to free our inner feminine soul (listen up my dudes!)

Moses says – if you go to war and Hashem delivers them into your hand, and you see among the captives a beautiful woman and you desire her…

Stop. Ok. If we look at this externally, that sounds rough given our current beliefs around power dynamics. But what if we look within us?

What if we are talking about battling the war within. And when we look inside and we see a Victory, and we discover the beautiful divine feminine within us, maybe this is our prescription on how to navigate it:

1. You may take her for yourself as a wife (even if she is married)

Ok. If our inner divine feminine is connected to something or someone, we can unite the inner feminine with our inner masculine and be in harmony.

2. We should bring her into our home (our hearts, maybe?) shave her head, let her nails grow and remove from herself the attractive clothing in which she was captured.

Ok. Maybe we need to remove any attachments we discover our inner divine feminine is connected to. So that they may be free within us.

3. She should stay in our house so we see her at her worst and weep for her father and mother for a full month.

Ok. Maybe we should reflect internally for a month – grieving the loss of the attachments our inner feminine was connected to?

4. After that, we may come to her and be intimate with her and she will be our wife.

Ok. Maybe. If we still desire her after that month. And we want the internal relationship with our feminine – we can be internally intimate with ourselves – and unite our divine masculine and our divine feminine in harmony.

5. If after we come to this spiritual place inside, we decide we don’t want to pursue this inner relationship, we are called to send our inner divine feminine on her way. And we can choose to live separate internally. But we must realize, we have afflicted the divine feminine at this point and that affliction is in our soul.

Ok. That is an interesting intellectual processing of the passage. I’m not saying “this is true” I’m saying “what if?” I’d be curious to your thoughts!

And it’s interesting. Moses moves from the feminine here into the masculine.

He talks about the rights of the firstborn son.

Maybe we have choices inside of us about which divine feminine (or masculine?) we will connect with? Again, purely speculative.

Moses said – if a man has two wives; one we love and one we hate, and both wives bear sons, the first born son is the first born son; regardless of which wife bore him the son.

So if we are double minded, we are still connected to the fruit of the first born fruits of our spirit – they receive a double portion.

Next, I think Moses may be alluding to the fruit of the Union between the masculine and feminine within us. It’s all about the rebellious son.

If the son is rebellious and doesn’t listen to his parents, they are supposed to take him in front of the elders. But here’s the catch. They are to go to the elders and say “He does not listen to our voice!”

If our feminine and masculine parts of our souls are not in harmony speaking with one voice? That is not what we are talking about here.

Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch writes this:

The precept of the “rebellious son” applies only if his father and mother speak in the same voice (Babylonian Talmud, Sanhedrin 71a). Both parents must take an active role in educating their child, and they must speak to him in the same voice. That is, they must relate to the child with an equal sense of seriousness, and most importantly, both parents must convey to him the same message and value system.

Only if the parents have met these criteria are they not to blame if their child becomes rebellious. But if the parents have not worked together harmoniously in bringing up their child, then the fact that the child has become unruly may not reflect his innate depravity, but rather a dysfunctional upbringing. If these factors would change, the child might improve.”

So this is how the portion today ends. In a literal sense this may be true; but I think in a spiritual sense, if your inner masculine and inner feminine are not speaking with the same voice, there is hope here. What fruit we bear may not reflect our innate depravity upon which we may feel guilt and shame. It may be the result of a lack of inner harmony and how we have raised ourselves. If instead we do the work to get our inner feminine and inner masculine voices on the same page, we may see different results! Maybe?

I’m curious to your thoughts!