Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 6 Elul, 5784
Parsha Ki Tetze’– “If you go out”: (Deuteronomy 21:10 – 25:19)
Second Portion: Deuteronomy 21:2 – 22:7

Good morning! As we start the work week, we are focusing on “If you go out.” If we leave the comfort and safety of our sanctuary, of our safe space? This is how Moses is telling us to live. The commentary over the past two years has been really interesting, and this year? I am going to try to drill down even more. There four key parts seem to be:

• Guilt and shame
• Compassion
• Balance
• Letting go of outcomes and control

Almost like a ladder – navigating our guilt and shame, moving to a place of compassion, learning to balance compassion for ourselves and for others, and then learning to let go of outcomes and control? Seems like a recipe for love to me.  We can get stuck in any one of those places on the journey. And? The Universe seems to bring us back to the place where we are confronted with a choice – stay stuck or move forward.

Let’s dig in:

22If a man commits a sin for which he is sentenced to death, and he is put to death, you shall [then] hang him on a pole.

23But you shall not leave his body on the pole overnight. Rather, you shall bury him on that [same] day, for a hanging [human corpse] is a blasphemy of God, and you shall not defile your land, which the Lord, your God, is giving you as an inheritance.

So again, we have the idea of exposing our guilt and shame – but not for too long. The idea that we can expose our “sin” – our guilt and shame – the things we are afraid will kill us (we all have these inner parts of us, right?)  We are called to bring those to light. And? They get put to rest after being exposed.

22:1You shall not see your brother’s ox or sheep straying, and ignore them. [Rather,] you shall return them to your brother.

2But if your brother is not near you, or if you do not know him, you shall bring it into your house, and it shall be with you until your brother seeks it out, whereupon you shall return it to him.

3So shall you do with his donkey, and so shall you do with his garment, and so shall you do with any lost article of your brother which he has lost and you have found. You shall not ignore [it].

4You shall not see your brother’s donkey or his ox fallen [under its load] on the road, and ignore them. [Rather,] you shall pick up [the load] with him.

This is the idea of compassion. Having compassion on another – how much MORE compassion should we have on ourselves? Can we love ourselves when OUR donkey falls into a ditch? Can we ALLOW ourselves support when we need it? It is a mitzvah (good deed) for someone to assist us in our struggle. If all of us stopped letting others see our struggle? There would be no opportunities for blessing.

So when we ALLOW others to support us? They get blessing as well. We don’t have to be ashamed. We can expose ourselves and allow others to support us. That allows THEM the opportunity to be supported when they need it!

5A man’s attire shall not be on a woman, nor may a man wear a woman’s garment because whoever does these [things] is an abomination to the Lord, your God.

I am thinking more about this. I keep coming back to the idea of balance and harmony. We need to balance support for others with the care of ourselves.

There are other arguments to be made for sure, from an intellectual perspective. One thing I am reflecting on is the word “attire.” One of the definitions of attire is “fine or formal clothing.”

I wonder if this passage may ALSO relate to sovereignty and royalty. My royalty shall not be given to a woman. Nor shall a woman’s royalty be given to a man. We are to be sovereign within ourselves.

As I reflect more on this? It makes more sense to me. Because giving my royalty away to another? Leads to guilt and shame. And this journey and process starts all over.

6If a bird’s nest chances before you on the road, on any tree, or on the ground, and [it contains] fledglings or eggs, if the mother is sitting upon the fledglings or upon the eggs, you shall not take the mother upon the young.

7You shall send away the mother, and [then] you may take the young for yourself, in order that it should be good for you, and you should lengthen your days.

We close with the idea of letting things unfold naturally. And? The idea that life unfolds. We can let it unfold.

The mother is the manifester of the eggs.  We don’t take the womb away – we can have the creation – not the creator.

These are my thoughts. What about you? What are yours?

Here are my thoughts from the past two years:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 4 Elul, 5783

Good morning! Let’s dig right in.  There are a few key themes in today’s portion:

• A man committing a sin that leads to death
• Taking care of one another; not turning a blind eye
• Gender and clothing – a man’s clothes should not be worn by a woman, and vice versa
• Leaving a bird nest alone – letting the eggs hatch without involvement

I think the commentary from a year ago is good – but I think I want to expand on some things and look at today’s portion with a lens pulled out a bit.  As I look at the themes; I begin to see a picture emerging:

A man committing a sin that leads to death

To me, this is something we need to look within us.  It all starts with what we need to let go of within us.  When we feel stuck, this is where we need to start.

In the month of Elul, it is interesting how many people I’ve come across who share they feel “stuck.”  Just stagnant.  And what a great time for us to feel stuck – because we are in a position to explore why we are stuck, and realize the “sin” (those beliefs, values, and places within us that cause us to be disconnected to our higher purpose) is what is likely causing us to be stuck.

The goal for this moon cycle – the intent – is for us to explore within; the “sin” (belief) that has led us to feel stuck.  How can we let it go.  And once we do?  We move to the next step.

Taking care of one another; not turning a blind eye

I share this often with those I connect with and work with.  We hear the cliché – “put your own oxygen mask on BEFORE helping others put on theirs.”  It’s hard to accept this.  ESPECIALLY when we don’t feel worthy because….you guessed it….we know we’ve “committed a sin that leads to death!” But once we are able to take care of our own selves – to provide self compassion, self empathy. To really love what matters to us?  We can now turn our attention to others.  And really ask ourselves:

What matters to them?  Beyond the words they are saying? What matters?  Are they missing connection, play, friendship, creativity, joy, agency, autonomy in their lives?  Maybe they aren’t missing these – but have the intent to focus on one.  How can we support them?  How can we open our eyes to see what they may want or need in a moment?  Our purpose is to care for others.  Once we are able to learn to care for ourselves, and figure out what we want or need in a moment, and then see those around us, and what they need?  We move to the next step.

Gender and clothing – a man’s clothes should not be worn by a woman, and vice versa

I see this as learning BALANCE.  Harmony. Because it would be REALLY easy to get lost in the first or second step above.  To go back and forth between ourselves and others.  But I think this section may really just be about balance.  How do we find a middle ground? Where we can juggle putting our own oxygen mask on AND provide for others.

I may be creating an “apologetic” for this text, but ok.  And at the same time – balance is something I think most of us are working on.  Being more centered. Purposeful. Steadfast.  And once we are working on balance? Then it’s time to move to the last step:

Leaving a bird nest alone – letting the eggs hatch without involvement

This is probably the most difficult challenge. Letting things go and form on their own.  So often we want to get ahead of the timeline.  Move forward as quickly as we can.  Run a sprint instead of a marathon.  But we need to sit back and let things go naturally, organically.  Trusting each moment is perfect as it is – and not resisting it!

Those are my thoughts on todays passage.  The TL:DR version:

• Take care of ourselves first.  Take care of our needs first.
• Be aware of what matters to others and work to meet their needs.
• Find balance in the two.
• Let things play themselves out.  Be in the moment and trust it is perfect. Receive and don’t resist.

What do you think?

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 9 Elul, 5782

Hope you are enjoying your day so far. Given the day off, I chose to sleep in, and spend time taking care of me! I made myself a gourmet healthy breakfast (because I’m worth cooking a gourmet breakfast for!), did some reading and listening to some inspirational videos, and meditated!

Let’s dig in!

We start with a harsh reality of a man committing a sin which requires them to be sentenced to death.

After the stoning to death occurs, they are to be hung on a gallows; the gallows wasn’t to cause the death; it was designed to display the death. That was something I had never considered before.

However, the corpse was not supposed to be there overnight. Because this is all not in line with the design and purpose of God’s creation. Because we are created in the image of God, it is a problem to leave to corpse overnight.

My thoughts on this go back internally. If we see something within us – where we mess up, where we feel guilt or shame; we CAN put those things to death. We can let them go. And if we need to display them for the day, we can do that too; as a reminder of our intention to change and go in a different direction.

Let me say that again.

If we see something within us – where we mess up, where we feel guilt or shame; we CAN put those things to death. We can let them go. And if we need to display them for the day, we can do that too; as a reminder of our intention to change and go in a different direction.

We must be doing this as we seek liberation and freedom. But the Torah reminds us; when night comes, we are to bury that – outside of ourselves. And move forward in our lives in freedom!! We do NOT have to hold on to our guilt. Our shame. We can bury those and be free.

What do you think?

We move from this to Moses talking about taking care of one another.

We shouldn’t stand by idly watching an ox or sheep straying. We should not turn a blind eye. We should return those to our brother.

But if we don’t know who they belong to, or the person lives too far away? We should hold onto them; they can remain with us until the person seeks it out; then we should return it.

We should do that with their donkey, with their clothes, with ANY lost property. Do not turn a blind eye.

If we see a donkey or ox struggling or fallen under a load: we should pick up the load with them. We are called to help.

Ok. The next part is going to be controversial. And at the same time, I think I understand it differently than how it has commonly been interpreted and translated.

Here’s the Torah translation:

• An article of men’s clothing may not be worn by a woman
• A man may not wear an article of women’s clothing

Now. Yes. In our current culture this passage creates a LOT of cognitive dissonance.

Here are some thoughts in how I process the dissonance:

1. We can just ignore this passage. Which creates MORE dissonance for me, to be honest.
2. We can remember the context of the passage. Moses was giving His last lecture – he was telling the Israelites how to live in the promised land. There is a literal meaning here; and we don’t know WHY this was said. However, as I look around our world, and specifically my life, this is what I see:
   1. I am NOT living in the promised land.
   2. Who decides TODAY what “gender” an article of clothing belongs to? Our society today really blurs the line of women and male clothing.
   3. Men back then wore robes that look a lot like dresses today.
3. Let’s assume we are supposed to take this literally. Is it possible; if a woman wears an article of clothing, it then becomes “hers” so from a creative standpoint after that a man wearing it is a problem? Is the key word here “worn?” Once someone wears an item of clothing it becomes connected to either the masculine or feminine?

So those are some questions and thoughts. I have been learning about the inner divine feminine and the inner divine masculine. Is this passage alluding to how within us, these are completely separated and yet in a perfect Union together? How do we create internal harmony with our inner feminine and inner masculine- both the divine pieces of this and the shadow pieces of this? Something I’m reflecting on.

I’d be curious to your thoughts!

Finally, Moses tells us about encountering a bird’s nest in the street. Or on a tree. Or on the ground. Where there are chicks or eggs and the mother Is sitting on the chicks or eggs.

Moses tells us to be careful. Do not take the mother from the young. And then turns around and tells us to send away the mother and then we may take the young for ourselves.

If we do this, we will live a long time!

Rabbi Bachya Ben Asher writes this:

“Taking both the mother bird and the chicks before they have a chance to grow up and procreate is symbolic of exterminating an entire species. Although God permits the consumption of animals for the benefit of man, He wants us to consider the myriad species that He has preserved by Divine Providence since the beginning of creation. That is why the reward for fulfilling this precept is the assurance of your own continuity, “you will live a long time” and merit progeny, as hinted in the words, “the young for yourself” (Midrash Tanhuma; Rabbi Aaron ha-Levi (Hinnukh), 13th century).

When the mother bird is sent away, she is extremely pained and worried about the destruction of her nest and the fate of her offspring, so much so that she wishes to take her own life. Seeing her unbearable anguish, God’s mercy is aroused and He showers her, along with anyone else that might be suffering, with compassion and benevolence. Thus, fulfillment of this precept is ‘for your own benefit,” for it serves to arouse God’s mercy on all of creation.” (end quote)

The image I get here is of thoughts and ideas and creativity. This is purely me. But I would imagine the eggs are ideas we have that may not be hatched yet. If we get an idea, we should allow the mother to help hatch the eggs before we release them.

The image I get is the mother represents someone else who we’ve “co-created” ideas with. There might be a tendency to cling to that other person AND the ideas we’ve generated together. But is Hashem telling us that the creation (ideas) hatching is the key focus and not the co-creator (person) we hatched the ideas from? How often do we try to “cling” to Both. We can release the mother from the young and then focus on the young created.

We must always remember to give credit. We cannot “steal” ideas or eggs from a mother. Remember, we are not forcing the mother to leave. You can’t MAKE a mother bird leave. But if the mother wants to leave we should let her go.

I don’t know. This needs some flushing out.

What are your thoughts?