Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 5 Tevet, 5784
Parsha Va-Yiggash (Genesis 44:18 – 47:27)
First Portion: Genesis 44:18 – 44:30

Good morning! Today is a new week with a new Parsha.  This week we are studying “Va-Yiggash” which means “And he approached.”

The context this week is coming out of last week’s parsha which was “at the end.”  And we discussed how every ending is ALSO a beginning.

The Book of Genesis is ALSO coming to an end.  We have two more Parshas to cover. It is interesting we finished “at the end” last week – with two to go.  Genesis is the book that is all about beginnings.  I would imagine that maybe these next two parshas might be critical.

With all of this – let’s “approach” Va-Yiggash!

The context here was the cliffhanger from last week.  Judah said to Joseph – “what can I say? The Universe has judged us”  Joseph’s response was to release all the brothers and hold Benjamin.  What happens next?

18Then Judah approached him and said, “Please, my lord, let now your servant speak something into my lord’s ears, and let not your wrath be kindled against your servant, for you are like Pharaoh.

Judah steps up and speaks boldly here. He equates Joseph as Pharaoh (he doesn’t know it’s his brother) and lays out their situation.

19My lord asked his servants, saying, ‘Have you a father or a brother?’

20And we said to my lord, ‘We have an old father and a young child of his old age, and his brother is dead, and he is left alone of his mother, and his father loves him.’

21And you said to your servants, ‘Bring him down to me, and I will set my eye[s] upon him.’

22And we said to my lord, ‘The boy cannot leave his father, for if he leaves his father, he will die.’

23And you said to your servants, ‘If your youngest brother does not come down with you, you will not see my face again.’

Judah goes back to their first meeting.  He lays out that he heard CLEARLY Joseph. He understood EVERYTHING that was asked of him.  This was not a miscommunication.  He continues and shares what happened when they left him:

24And it came to pass when we went up to your servant, my father, and we told him the words of my lord,

25that our father said, ‘Go back, buy us a little food.’

26But we said, ‘We cannot go down; [only] if our youngest brother is with us will we go down, for we cannot see the man’s face if our youngest brother is not with us.’

27And your servant, my father, said to us, ‘You know that my wife bore me two [children].

28The one went away from me, and I said, “He has surely been torn to pieces, and I have not seen him since.”

29Now if you take this one too away from me, and misfortune befalls him, you will bring down my hoary head in misery to the grave.’

Judah basically explains that if Benjamin doesn’t return with the brothers, his father will die.

And the portion ends curiously.  Mid-thought. Mid-sentence. Judah is speaking, and it’s like it just cuts off:

30And now, when I come to your servant, my father, and the boy is not with us [since] his soul is attached to his (the boy’s) soul,

Judah acknowledges – Benjamins soul is attached to Jacob’s soul.

This is the end. And. It is a beginning.

This is the beginning of the idea of soul attachment.  And I think this is the takeaway today.  The Torah is now approaching this idea of soul attachments.

It starts with parent/child.

And. I want to share something I read yesterday about parent/child relationships.  I think it is relevant:

And then this – about healthy relationships with our kids:

From the book “Growing yourself up” by Dr. Jenny Brown.  She explores healthy family systems dynamics as a child and how they manifest as an adult.  There is a chapter on how this manifests as adult parents with their own children. A “soul attachment.”  Think about this. If my soul is attached to my parents, and my children’s soul is attached to me – this is not JUST about my relationship with my children – it is ALSO about my relationship to my parents.  Dr. Brown writes about healthy and mature connections between parents/children and out-of proportion connections.  I found this super helpful – not just in considering my relationships with my kids – but also with friends:

Healthy, mature connection:

When part of a healthy and mature connection with our children each person:

• enjoys both time together and time apart;
• treats each other with warmth and respect;
• displays acts of kindness and affection;
• tolerates the other being upset with them;
• is able to have disagreements without breaking the relationship:
• takes responsibility for their actions;
• responds thoughtfully.

Out-of-proportion connection

Conversely, in an exaggerated connection, or fusion, each person may:

• feel uncomfortable with separation;
• need the other to be happy with them all the time;
• expect the other to make them feel good;
• stay silent on their view because of fear of conflict;
• mind-read or speak for the other;
• think more about the relationship than their own responsibilities;
• respond anxiously

This is my takeaway today.  What are your thoughts?

Here are my thoughts from the past two years:

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for 1 Tevet, 5783

It’s Rosh Chodesh Tevet! A new month. A time to set intentions.

Also; for those who celebrate, Merry Christmas! May we all find peace within our hearts. Freedom and liberation within. And May that generate the peace on earth all of us desire. True Tikkun. This is what Tevet will be for us. Daily choices to find peace within.

Todays Parsha and portion are connected to being a father for me. It’s interesting where I was at a year ago. A lot has transpired as the father of six daughters.

I recently watched the movie Avatar: The way of the water. I know most reviews have this movie being “meh” despite the visual spectacle it is.

However. As a dad; the movie struck me in a way I cannot explain. Without spoilers, this movie is about fatherhood; and feeling powerless to protect your own family. It’s about the bonds between the masculine and feminine. It’s about strength. It’s about courage.

There is so much there. And I reflect on being a parent is a choice. There is free will sovereignty to be a parent. Many parents choose their own selfishness and desire over what is best for their children.

Other parents abandon their children completely.

And. There is sovereign choice for children. Jacobs children forced his hand in sending Benjamin with them to buy grain.

Children choose their parents at some point. They can write off their parents and have the sovereignty to do so. However. The bond between a parent and child is really only broken when both parties release that and make that choice.

How much of our collective trauma is around this idea? Parents not choosing their children and children holding on to one day something changes and they parent can provide what the child needs?

Children not being able to release the pain caused by the wounds of their parents, which are present because of their own wounds from the parent’s parents?

This cycle repeats itself. Because we hold on.

We don’t let go of the souls of our children and parents. I am a child of parents who I struggle to love and let go of the pain of my childhood. I hold onto the souls of them; who are both departed. And it is healing.

I hope this makes sense. The soul bond between parent and child cannot be broken. Marriage? We see plenty of examples of how that soul bond gets broken. But the co-creation of humans requires soul bonds that cannot be broken.

And that includes the soul bonds of the co-creators of the human. Because the Neshama in a child is always going to be connected to the Neshama of their parents. Even when they release it and choose to attach their soul to adopted parents who have chosen to attach their souls to an adopted child.

What do you think?

Tyler’s Torah Thoughts for Tevet 1, 5782

It is the new month (Rosh Chodesh) and a time for reflection! I’m excited to dig into this week’s Parsha!

This week we are studying “Va-Yiggash” which means “And he approached.” This is because the story of Joseph comes to a crescendo as the story has been left off with Joseph’s plot against Benjamin to check his brothers’ hearts!

One of the principles this week is around Speaking for Justice. “Judah wasn’t in physical danger, but he knew that Benjamin’s loss would destroy his father. Standing up for justice and people who are wronged is important even if you are not the one directly impacted!” This was written in the Torah I’m reading.

Another concept this week we will be exploring is reconciliation. We see Joseph reconciled with his brothers – truly reconciled as Joseph has forgiven and is truly restored.

Todays Portion starts with Judah approaching “him.”

Rabbi Judah Aryeh Lieb Alter of Gur writes “Whom does the word ‘him’ refer to? There are many different layers of meaning here. It refers to Joseph, to Judah’s own self – Judah confronted himself- and also to God.”

Rabbi Schneerson adds to this; “These words describe an occurrence which took place in three different worlds;

1. 1. The perceived reality – Judah was approaching the viceroy of Egypt, who was capable of deciding the future of Judah and his family
   2. The reality – the viceroy of Egypt was none other than Joseph
   3. The mystical reality – Judah approaching Joseph represents man approaching God in prayer

Rabbi Schneerson continues: “All the interpretations to any given verse must be connected. In our case, the perceived reality is that we are in exile, subjugated to other nations. In truth, the Jewish people are impervious to exile and they have the ability to rise above it- rather like the ‘reality’ in our Torah portion that Joseph, a Jew, was the ruler of Egypt. How do we muster the strength and the courage to lift ourselves from the perceived reality to reality? The answer is: the mystical reality.

Rabbi Schneerson concludes; “in our case, When we approach God in prayer, it reveals our inner bond with the Almighty, which gives us the ability to rise above the challenges of exile – and to succeed!”

Wow. Just one small phrase- and so much to pull from.

Judah speaks and confronts Joseph – basically telling him they’ve been honest from the very beginning, doing everything he asked. He retells the journey of what led them to bring Benjamin to Joseph.

The portion closes out mid sentence- which is really interesting to me. Here’s the line;

“so, if I’ll come back now to your servant, my father, and the boy (Benjamin) isn’t with us, being that his soul is attached to the boy’s soul……”

This is a cliffhanger for sure. Why does Hashem want us to pause here?

Here’s my thought; As a father, I often don’t consider how my soul is attached to my children’s souls. I often see us as wholly separate human beings, failing to recognize the deeper soul level of our relationship.

Hashem has put each of our families neshama’s in us for a purpose. The mother of my children’s Neshama and my Neshama are connected with Eliana’s, Samara’s, Johana’s, Natana’s, Talyah’s, and Aviyah’s neshamas. All of us together make a whole. If one of those children were to be taken away……

I reflect on this often, but not often enough. Do I look at my children on just the perceived reality, the actual reality, or do I bring in the mystical reality of our roles as parents? Do I approach Hashem as a father of six daughters; or just as a child by myself? If I’m honest, my approaches to Hashem are often individual. They aren’t deeper with my kids. I think that is what I am taking out of today’s portion.

What about you?